Love Resisted (The Real Love Series) (16 page)

Panic began to set in as she closed her eyes and replayed the scene of him leaving her condo. The door slamming felt so final. She might not think she deserved him,
her outburst only confirmed it, but she wanted him. Having already admitted that to Gillian over a week ago, she was irritated for having to remind herself of just that. She needed to go to him, make sure he was okay, comfort him … apologize. She grabbed her keys, not caring that she was barefoot, and rushed out the door. Running the twenty yards from her place to his, she prayed he’d gone home. Allie had no idea what she was going to say, or do, but she needed to be with him.  

MIKE heard his door open and close quietly, but he didn’t look up; he knew it was Allie. He momentarily thought that he should’ve locked the door or gone somewhere else. Embarrassed at his behavior, he didn’t want to face her, knowing he
’d lost his temper. It was unavoidable. Having been called
fortunate
for watching his wife die was a new one for him, and it pushed him too far. Up until now, he had handled Allie with kid gloves, for fear of scaring her off, but enough was enough. He was tired of her hiding her feelings behind the excuse. Tired of her finding reasons why it was easier for him to deal with his grief. Yeah, he got it. He knew that losing a spouse was a big part of a person, but it shouldn’t be their identity.

He was glad that she didn’t back down when he raised his voice at her. He loved that about her, but right now, it was only fueling his frustration at how she always made it seem like things were easy for him. None of it was easy, and she needed to know that. Hopefully he’d made his point, because he felt crappier about yelling at her than about the topic. Thinking
for a moment that it was odd for him to feel that way, but he’d have to process that later.

Right now, he needed to apologize
, even if he didn’t want to face her. Sitting on his ottoman, elbows on knees, and head in hands, he took as deep a breath as he could. He could see Allie’s feet in front of him, her cute purple toenails staring up at him. As he went to lift his head, Allie dropped to her knees, startling him. When he lifted his eyes to hers, he could see she was crying, and he felt like an even bigger ass. He would’ve thought that he had blown any chance he had with her, if not for the fact she was there.

Lifting both of her hands to his face, she cradled his head in her hands and said, “Mike … I’m so sorry. Please forgive me for being su
ch a bitch. I’m so ashamed of what I said.”

Shaking her head, she dropped her eyes to the floor as more tears poured out. Allie had let her guard down completely in front of him. This was the woman he was trying to find. Even though he felt like an ass for acting the way he did, he’d finally achieved what he had been after. She was open, raw, and her resistance was nowhere in sight.

Quickly, he dropped to his knees in the small space between her and the ottoman, forcing it back as far as it could go. Wrapping his arms around her, he pulled her against his chest. The movement forced her to release the grip she had on his face, and he smiled when he felt them wrap around his body. Holding her snugly to him, he felt her sobbing against his chest, making him hold on tighter. “Shhh, Allie … It’s me who should be sorry. I never should’ve said what I said to you.”

He heard her sniffle hard as she lifted her head, quickly wiping at the tears that soaked her face. “Why would you be sorry? You were only saying the truth, what you went through, and I was a total bitch and called you
lucky
.” She sniffled again, and he watched as she lifted her shirt to wipe at her eyes and nose, before looking back at him. “That was a shitty thing for me to say, and you need to know that I didn’t mean it. I was being defensive and lashed out. I clearly have misplaced anger over what I went through, and I projected that onto you. And that wasn’t fair. I really don’t have a filter sometimes. I’m so sorry, Mike.”

Her pleading eyes, red-rimmed, puffy, and tear-soaked, were the most vibrant shade of hazel. Her makeup was completely gone and most likely smeared on both of their shirts, but this woman in front of him: she was the one. This was the elusive creature he had been hunting and had finally captured. This was the real Allie … now all he had to do was keep her.

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

MIKE couldn’t tear his gaze away from her face. The sadness he could see so profoundly, fueled his need to comfort her. Lifting his hand, he cupped her face and swiped at the newest tear to escape. She leaned into his hand, and closed her eyes as she said, “Forgive me, please.”

He leaned in and placed a gentle kiss on her lips. Pulling back, he smiled. “There’s nothing to forgive, Allie. I provoked you; I didn’t mean to, but I can see why you got defensive about it. It was my fault.”

She shook her head as she bit her lip. He could see the
emotions roll across her face with every expression, definitely thinking hard about something. Closing her eyes, she let go of her bottom lip and said, “It’s just that when I’m around you … I feel like I’m going crazy.” She opened her eyes and met his. “My emotions spiral out of control, and I can’t seem to rein them in. I could be completely fine, and then you wink at me, or smile, and it’s like an ignition. I try my hardest to fight it … but it’s just so hard to do.”

“Why do you have to fight it?”

“Because I’ve lost so much, I’m not sure I’d survive another loss like that … and it seems possible that you could cause that kind of pain.”

He couldn’t help his smile. If she believed that, then she was admitting there was a connection between them.

“I know what you mean, Allie. I fear that pain, too, but I can’t let go of the fact that I think you and I can really have something. And after all that pain, that darkness, I think we both deserve a little light in our life.” He paused and swept the hair out of her face before bringing his hand back around to cradle her face, adding, “I don’t know what the future holds. But I’m willing to take that risk and not let fear make the decision for me. Are you?”

ALLIE heard the question, and she knew what he was asking. Could she do it? She wasn’t sure, but in that moment, she wanted to try. Even though she had resisted him until now, she knew she didn’t have the strength to fight it anymore. She wasn’t sure she
’d be able to give him everything he asked of her, but she had to give it a shot.

He was on his knees in front of her, waiting for an answer. How could it be anything other than yes when her body craved his touch, his body called out to hers. She felt safe in his arms, only feared losing that touch. Just the thought brought a little bit of panic to the surface. She wasn’t sure how this man managed to slip past her guard, but she did know she was tired of fighting it. She was tired of hiding from the feelings.

Blinking back the fresh round of tears, she tried to focus through the haze as she stared at Mike and nodded. “I’m willing to take that risk. For you … I’ll try.”

His shoulders relaxed as he pressed his forehead against hers. She could feel his breath on her face, leaving a tingling sensation wherever it touched. “Those are the sweetest words I’ve ever heard, Allie.”

Lifting his head, he leaned in and pressed his lips against hers. The warmth of his touch and her need for him spiked, causing her to grip his back tighter. She let out a breathy moan as she leaned her body into his, a silent plea for more. Mike responded and slipped his hands into her hair, gripping it and taking control as his tongue glided across the seam of her lips, seeking entrance. There was no denying him, and she didn’t want to. Parting her lips, she sighed as his tongue sought out hers. The contact sent heat coursing through her body, spreading quickly and threatening to take her under.

He was demanding, taking what he wanted, giving what she needed, and stealing her breath in the process. It was intoxicating. Pressing her body harder against his, she could feel the tension radiating from him. He wanted more from her, but
she could tell he was holding back. Well, if she was going to jump, she needed him to let go, too. Slipping her hand from his back, up the tight space between their bodies, she managed to reach his neck.

Finding the hair at the back of his neck, she fisted her hand and tugged him away, breaking the kiss. But he didn’t go far, just moved his lips across her cheek and down to her neck, once again angling her head for his pursuit. Momentarily distracted by the sensations that were threating to consume her, she said his name on a sigh.

Tightening the grip on his hair, she said his name again. “Mike … let go.”

His body tensed in her embrace as he stopped the attention he was giving her neck. She lifted his head to meet his gaze and said, “You’re holding back on me. If I’m going to do this, I need you to let go. No holding back.”

She watched his eyes as they assessed what she was saying. Their short breaths mingled in the space between them, and she waited for him to respond. Then he nodded. “No holding back.”

Shifting back, he maneuvered himself from her grasp. She shifted back
too, resting on her legs, and looked up at him, trying to figure out what was going on. She didn’t need to wait long as he bent over and slipped his hands under her arms, lifting her up. Allie squealed when Mike lifted her all the way up his body, forcing her to wrap her legs around his waist. Once both her arms and legs were wrapped securely around his middle, she looked down at him. His answering smile was sexy and charming, and fueled the fire she thought was about to be extinguished.

“No more holding back,” he repeated as he turned and made his way up the stairs.

His hands cupped her ass, and hers shoved into his hair as she pressed her lips to his neck. A lick and a nibble had him squeezing his hands in response. She felt her back against the bedroom door as he used her body to open it, kicking it shut once they were inside. When they made it to the bed, he paused and slipped off his shoes before kneeling on the bed to lay them down. Still securely wrapped around him, she could feel the weight of his body press her into the mattress, allowing his denim-covered erection to rub in all the right places.

She gasped as he rocked against her core and latched onto her neck at the same time. The two sensations raced through her body and met somewhere in the middle, melting her a little more. He pushed again, adding a little rotation of his hips as she felt his teeth sink into her neck. Crying out, she began to pull on his shirt. She needed more contact; she needed to touch him.

Mike continued his assault on her body, preventing her from doing anything to him. He had her pinned beneath him, helpless to do anything but feel. Feel what he was doing to her, agony and ecstasy all rolled into one. All she could do was climb higher and higher as he unrelentingly moved against her. Her nerve endings were alive and awaiting his command, demanding she act on this. So when he pulled away, she tried to get at him. He stopped her, and taking both of her wrists, he lifted them above her head and held them there with one hand.

Stretching her body tighter as she cradled him between her legs, allowing the erection that was still hiding behind
his jeans, to apply more pressure to her over-sensitized body. Staring down at her, he rocked and rubbed and rotated those hips as she sustained her climb. There was nothing she could do but enjoy the ride.

MIKE watched Allie’s eyes glaze over as he relentlessly pursued what he wanted. He could care less if he was at risk of losing it in his jeans; he couldn’t stop. It was too damn hot seeing her like this. She was completely unguarded and open to him, in all ways. In this moment, she was his, and he wanted all of her. The grip her legs had around his waist got tighter, and he knew she was close. And he needed it.

“Give it to me, Allie,” he growled as he continued to rock, using a bit more force. Tightening his grip on her wrists elicited another gasp, so he rocked harder. The sexy little noises she made when he moved against her were intoxicating. He wanted inside of her, but wanted to watch her fall over the edge once first, and she was close. Lifting her shirt, he’d never been so thankful for tank tops with built in bras, because her beautiful breasts all but fell out for him. Taking one tight nipple in his mouth, he sucked. It only took a few hard tugs on her nipple before she was crying out underneath him. He could feel the heat between her legs against his body as she rode out the orgasm. Squeezing him with her legs as he slowed his motions, he released her breast from his lips.

Her legs relaxed
around him and he let go of her hands. Rising to his knees, he yanked his shirt over his head before jumping off the bed and getting rid of the rest of his clothes. Grabbing a condom, he made his way back to her. She was limply laying there with a satisfied smile on her face as he grabbed the waistband of her shorts and started to pull them down, placing kisses over her bellybutton, her hips, and then her legs as they went. She managed to get her top off by the time he made his journey back up her body. He smiled down at her as he took a moment to admire the body laid out before him; he made quick work of the condom, and said, “Damn, you are a beautiful sight, Allie Baxter.”

She rubbed her hands over her abdomen and then up to cup both of her breasts, her body writhing at the same time. “You’re not so bad yourself, Mike Lawson. Now get down here.”

“Yes ma’am,” he said as he positioned himself. He hitched one of her knees over his arm, sighing as the heat of her body engulfed his. He took a moment to absorb the pleasure that washed over him at the feeling of their joined bodies. When her body began to tighten around him, and squirm beneath him, he knew his time was up. Slowly, he slid out of her grip, then pushed back in. She gasped, he moaned.

Setting a steady rhythm, he proceeded to move his body over hers, demanding she give him everything. She did. Every sigh, every moan, every gasp was for him. It fueled his need to give to her, and demand more in return. He slid his arm under her other knee and spread her beneath him. He caught her gasp in his mouth as he rested his whole body against hers. Her hands flew to his shoulders and held on as he drove her body higher. When her hands made it into his hair, she gripped it impossibly hard as she brought his lips down to meet hers, making her own demands.

Picking up the pace, he thrust harder, demanding her release. Breaking away from the kiss, she dropped her head to the mattress and cried out as her body shook against his. Then her hands found his back, her nails digging in as she attempted to hold him against her as she called out his name. All of these sensations combined brought his release to the surface. Another demanding thrust deep in her body and he found it.

Collapsing on top of her, he fought to catch his breath as his body came down from the high he just experienced. Thoughts and concerns invaded his euphoric state as he worried that she was going to find an excuse to leave. He wanted her here, in his bed, all night. Lifting his head from her neck, he looked down and found her smiling at him. She reached up and swept his hair from his forehead, and he asked, “Stay with me tonight?”

He didn’t see any hesitation in her eyes when she smiled and answered, “I’ll try.”

And really, that was all he could ask of her. She answered honestly, and he was going to respect that and not pressure her, but he was going to make sure she knew how much he wanted her to be there. So he kissed her gently and said, “Try very hard, Allie ... please.” 

ALLIE opened her eyes and looked at Mike. His slow steady breaths indicated he was sleeping. Cautiously, she extracted her tired, but tightly strung body from his grip.
Easier said than done
, she thought as she attempted to lift his giant paws from her breast. His hold was remarkably strong for being so gentle at the same time. Once she was free from his arms, she worked on sliding her legs out of the tangled limbs at the end of the bed before rolling them cautiously to the floor.

Looking over her shoulder at the mountain of sleeping male behind her, she sighed.
Why was she trying to leave again?
The nagging guilt she had for enjoying the feel of Mike’s strong embrace was threatening to choke her, and there was panic hovering nearby. Allie quickly blinked back the tears that were threatening once again. Bending over, she found her clothes in a haphazard pile on the floor and made quick work of dressing. Standing up, she looked at Mike again and felt a whole other level of guilt now. Not the guilt for being with him, but for sneaking out on him in the middle of the night after telling him she would try.

Trying to strengthen her resolve, she told herself Mike was a big boy and could totally handle waking up alone. She nodded to herself and padded her way across the carpet to leave his bedroom. The little snick of the door opening felt like the slamming of cymbals announcing her escape, but with a quick check she saw that Mike was still sleeping soundly on the other side of the room. Making her way into the hall, she carefully closed the door behind her and finally exhaled.

Leaning her forehead against the door, she once again asked herself why? Her answer wasn’t the same as a few minutes ago. There was guilt still, but now it was over leaving instead of staying. Pulling her heavy head away from the door, she stared at it, like she could see Mike through it. She continued to stare as she took a step away from the door. Then another, and another. With every step away, the clenching sensation in heart tightened until she had to take a deep breath to try and relax it. Reaching up, she absentmindedly rubbed her chest as she took her eyes off of the door and began to make her way quietly down the stairs.

Once in the living area, she stood there and looked around, taking in all the items that made up Mike Lawson. For some reason, she couldn’t bring herself to continue her path and walk out that front door. Allie recalled the feeling of finally letting go and surrendering to the bliss of being in a man’s strong arms, releasing a contented sigh.