Love Me ~ Without Regret (21 page)

“Yes, ma’am, but if you two already know why do I have to go through the trouble of repeating the events?”

“Because we might know some things you don’t. And some you’re too stubborn to hear.” Margie tells me.

Wow, Margie has never stepped up and talked to me like this. “Excuse me? I’m not being stubborn. I believe in a family that’s all. I think Clay should be there for his child and I’m not going to be the one to stand in the way.”

“Is that all you believe in, Lizzie? What about love?” Margie asks.

“What does love have to do with anything?” I ask.

“Love is worth the risk. Things might not always be easy between the two of you, but you’re worth it. When you love someone, you don’t stop because things get hard, not even if there are fifty reasons why you should. You look for that one reason to hold on. Why do you need anything other than, you love him and he loves you? It’s that simple.” Margie tells me.

“This is coming from a woman who stayed with a man while he was cheating on her for… how many years? I don't mean you any disrespect, Margie, but do you guys even know what’s going on? Clay’s ex-girlfriend is about to have a baby. He clearly wants to be the father to the baby. He asked that girl to marry him. Where am I being stubborn might I ask?” I cross my arms, and my fake smile has cracked.

“So you have it all figured out, Baby? Did Clay tell you that he’s about to marry this girl?” Granny asks.

“He told me before we left for Nashville, he had asked her to marry him and she said no. She told him she was having an abortion. Then come to find out she’s still pregnant. When he saw her, he was furious and he went off with her, spent the entire night with her.” Now my lips are trembling, and my eyes are rimmed with tears that I’m trying to hold back.

“Then what did he tell you the next morning?” Margie asks.

“I don’t know,” I wail. I don’t want to talk about this right now.

“Don’t you think you should at least find out what happened before you make assumptions and marry Clay off to this other girl?” Granny says.

Bailey comes in the door, “Sorry I’m late.”

“Is this like one of those interventions?” I can’t believe this.

“Lizzie, I knew this was the only way to get you to listen. Will you please listen to what I have to say?” Bailey asks.

“You’ve gone too far, Bailey. Even for you this is too much.” I pace around the room.

“Let me ask you this, Lizzie. Are you running away from something you don't want? Or could you be running away from something you're afraid that you do want?” Bailey stands up, getting in my face. She stops my pacing, holding onto my arm with one hand, and propping the other one on her hip.

“Bailey, you have no idea what you're even talking about.”

“Then that makes two of us, Lizzie. If you had stopped for one minute and listened, you might have heard Clay say that Megan was giving the baby up for adoption without Clay’s knowledge. He stayed all night because he wasn’t sure what to do on such short notice, but since then he’s been at an attorney’s office fighting to get custody of his son and he isn’t leaving Tennessee until he can bring the baby home with him.” Bailey huffs.

“That sounds like a darn honorable young man to me, Lizzie,” Granny says.

“I didn’t know all of that,” I say quietly. “I need to go. I’ll see you guys later.” I walk over to Bailey and pull her in for our customary hug. “Thanks for setting me straight, Bay. I owe you one. Bye y’all, loves!”

My departure is sudden but if anyone in this world understands, my family does. I’m as lucky as a four-leaf clover to have them. I don’t know where I would be without Granny and Bailey in my life. Now, Margie is stepping in, too. I wish my own mom would participate that much, but I’m not complaining. I’m glad to have as many as people looking out for me as I do.

Even after all of that, all I want to do is go home and pull the cover over my head. Just a few more days.

Clay

I sleep a little better than I was expecting last night. GG insisted that I stay with her while I’m in town for all of these legal procedures. I didn’t put up a fuss. I like the mothering. It’s funny the things you take for granted. I never would have thought I would have missed her doting on me.

GG knows how to take care of you like no one else. She fixes a full spread for breakfast. With sawmill gravy and cathead biscuits, bacon, and eggs, I am in breakfast heaven. She even has chocolate milk. That’s what we all like to have when we come over her to spend the night in the past. She may be Michael’s GG but we all came over and she loved every minute of it.

I call Megan, to start with my intent on killing her with kindness to get what I want. “Hey, Megan. How are you feeling this morning?”

“I was asleep, Clay. What do you want now?” She says, yawning.

“I’m staying in town until my son is born. I want to go with you to the rest of your doctor’s visits.”

“Clay, I told you I’m giving him up for adoption.”

“See, the thing about that is I found out yesterday, you have to have the father’s consent to legally allow a baby to be adopted.” So much for killing her with kindness.

“But you have to be listed as the father and I didn’t list you.”

“Oh, I filed my claim for paternity. You’ll need a DNA test if you’re not sure I’m the father. I thought we were exclusive at that time, but maybe I was the only one being a stand up guy.” I say.

“I’m not a fucking whore, Clay,” she yells. Then she takes a deep breath. “Why are you doing all of this, Clay? He is going to a good home, where he will be loved beyond measure.”

“Because he’s my son, and I want to raise my child.”

“Still, Clay, you have severe depression running through your veins. Who’d want a kid to be around crazy people.”

Oh, I wish I could slap her. If she was here in front of me…
I swear
. “Megan, I’m going to tell you this once and you need to listen very close to what I say. If you ever fucking say another fucking word about my family being crazy, I’ll rip your fucking heart out of your chest with my bare hand.” I clench my jaw because she has gone too far with that comment. I need to hit something. I need to find a punching bag.

“Sorry, it’s not like I was saying you were the one that was crazy. I guess I need to get in touch with the adoption attorney and give him a heads up that you are fighting for custody.”

She is wading into deep water, but I need to get a hold of my temper before I do something I regret. I close my eyes for a split second, willing a lighthearted note into my voice, “I’m sure he’d appreciate the advance notice. So when’s your next checkup? You don’t mind if I tag along, do you? Also, what’s the due date? I’m so excited, aren’t you?” Well, I add that last part for spite. I can’t be nice a hundred percent of the time. Where would the fun be in that?

“I’ll tell you what, Clay, let me make a few calls and get back with you later, okay?” Megan hangs up without a goodbye.

My day would have been made knowing I got under Megan’s skin, if she would have left the crazy shit out of it. I bet she’s fuming as much as I am right now, though. Mission accomplished. One down and one to go.

Next is a text to Lizzie.

Clay: Hey, Babe, I was thinking about you. I love you and miss having you in my arms.

Bailey was going to talk to Lizzie this morning. I hope she had the chance and it all went well. Bailey is my shining star right now. She can do no wrong. I’m glad she’s gonna be part of my family soon. Cash is one lucky man.

Lizzie:  I’ve been thinking about you
, too. We’ll talk soon. I promise.

Clay:  I’ll take any little bit I can get
because you’re worth the wait. XOXO

We’re making progress and my mood lifts  considerably. I’ve always said that it’s the small things that count in life, and this tiny exchange between us makes a believer out of me. Grand gestures are nice and make great impressions, but the little things are how you determine someone’s feelings. The little things are going to show Lizzie that I’m a better man than the ones she’s previously had in her life.

twelve

Lizzie

I’ve been texting with Clay a little over the last couple of days. We’ve kept all conversations light and out of the danger zone. I do miss him, and the ranch isn’t the same without him being here. I decided to stay with Oakley while he is away because she only turned eighteen a few months back.

Sleeping in Clay’s bed each night makes me feel close to him. His scent lingers, making me want him and I wrap my body around his pillow. I'm laying here in Heaven while I'm putting myself through Hell. If I hear one more time how I need to make up my mind to just get better, I swear I will knock that person out, I don't care who it is. Nothing is worse than being at your lowest and having people say things to you they think are motivational.  They evidently haven't ever been destroyed.

Today I’m determined to get up, get dressed, and do something. I’ve wanted to get a tattoo for a long time, but I’ve been a chicken and worried what my Bible-thumping family would think. But now, I’ve gotten to the point in my life that I’m going to live for me. I’m going to do what makes me happy. I have my design all planned out and Ryder told me about this reputable place up in Huntsville. It’ll be an all-day process, but that’s just what I need today.

I pack a small book bag with a couple of snacks, water, headphones, and my iPad and leave right after Oakley leaves for school. It’s quite a drive to Huntsville from here. I’m so glad we’re on spring break at school. I won’t have to worry about doing schoolwork while I’m there.

Ryder is the one who told me about this place and set up my appointment for me. He has turned out to be a much better friend than Kane. Kane’s actions still surprise me, and I haven’t decided yet what or how to tell Clay. Maybe I should let it go and move on. Nothing really happened and there’s no need to ruin a friendship over that.

Pulling up in the parking lot of Bama Ink Authority, I am surprised. I expected to see some kind of outlaw culture place with garish exterior signage, but this place is really nice, more like an art studio and has the ambiance of an upscale beauty salon. I’m impressed.

“I have an appointment with Nate,” I tell the girl at the counter that looks like she stepped out of the 1950s.

“He is running a few minutes late. Have you picked out your design?” she asks.

“Yes, my friend dropped it by a couple of days ago.”

“If you will have a seat, he should be here any minute,” She sends a text from her phone.

I sit on a plush loveseat that is accompanied by a modern chrome end table. I pick up one of the tattoo magazines and leaf through it. I hear the soft bell alert of the door and glance up. Oh, Mi Gawd! I can’t believe my eyes. I know Nate.

“Nathanial? You’re my tattoo artist? I thought something like this would be beneath you. Did you finally get off your high horse?” I look him over. He looks so different than he did in high school. He’s really beefed up and is tatted up on every viewable surface.

He’ll purposely screw up a tattoo on me. “I should go. This is a mistake waiting to happen.” I pick up my bag.

“Wait, Lizzie.” He reaches out to halt me.

I pause, but only because I’m too fucking curious to hear what he could possibly say to me after he went all bitch crazy on me in high school. I hike my bag onto my shoulder and lift my chin.

“Wow, I really did a number on you.”

“You said you loved me then told me I was only good for a fuck,” I mutter between my teeth.

“Look, Lizzie.” He emits a huge sigh. “That was a long time ago when we were merely kids, too young to know better.”

“Is that your idea of an apology?”

“No, it isn’t.” He props his hands on his hips and looks beyond me for a second.

When his gaze returns to mine, I can see something of the boy I knew in high school, before he aired my dirty laundry in front of the whole school.

“I’m sorry I hurt you back in high school.” He holds up his hands. “But, I’m not that person anymore.”

I swallow, remembering how I pushed Clay away before hearing all the facts about him and Megan. Second chances are worth something, right?

“Come on back, Lizzie, and see why Ryder recommended me.”  He walks over to his station. “I’m going to wash up.” He pats the chair. “Come over here and make yourself comfortable.”

I walk over. I’m not a hundred percent sure if I’m comfortable with this, but I trust Ryder. I sit down and put on my headphones. Nothing says I have to talk to Nathanial. I trust Ryder, I trust Ryder.

Nathanial comes back drying his hands and smelling of antiseptic. He takes gloves from a box and puts them on his hands, making a pop. “Lizzie, why don’t you take off your earphones? We don’t have to be friends or anything, but I bet we can both be adult enough to have a business transaction.”