He said a silent thank you to Logan for pulling Sarah into his little group, nerds or not. It might be her salvation. If this was the old Sarah beginning to emerge, he could be sure in no time they would be the coolest group in school. His daughter had a way of organizing everybody.
"Hi, kids. What's up?"
"Hi, Mr. Martin," they chorused.
Sarah explained. "They all stopped in to see Logan when they got back from the animal shelter, so I asked them over."
"Animal shelter?"
"They volunteer on weekends to help at the Humane Society kennels."
"Great." He wanted to know more about this bunch. "Honey, I have to change my clothes. I'm wet from my swim trunks, but I'll be back in a minute."
"You were swimming in the lake, sir?" Logan asked.
"My dad took Lindsay Keith, who's helping us with the perfume, on a picnic on a pontoon boat. How was it, Dad?"
He saw five expectant faces with knowing, amused expressions, waiting for his answer.
Heck, they'd already decided 'how it was.'
Everything else in this town was public knowledge, why not his sex life?
He felt his face getting hot.
Get a grip, man. You're thirty-five years old and you're blushing because someone wants to know how your date went?
"Just great," he managed, and entered the house, but not before he heard, "Your Dad's crushing on Miss Keith?" and the answer, "Major, but it's OK. I really like her." He fled upstairs.
When he returned, considerably calmer than he had been, with his own can of pop, he joined the group by pulling up a chair and sitting down. "I didn't get a chance to get to know all of you yesterday."
The girl looked at him shyly and spoke first. "I'm Karen Coy. Sarah and I are in some of the same classes."
The Harry Potter look-alike spoke next. "I'm Anthony Green. Nobody ever calls me Tony."
David remembered him saying that yesterday. He wasn't sure if it was a complaint or a request.
"Anthony is going to be a famous author, like Stephen King," Karen added. She looked at Anthony adoringly—a look he returned in kind.
Aha. It's like that.
David turned to the boy with the red, buzz-cut hair, who had a large pile of cookies in front of him. He wondered where he put the food. He was shorter and thinner than Logan.
"Hi. Remember, I'm Dakota Standard? You know, named after the state?"
"Dakota's our Internet tycoon," Logan said. "He makes money selling stuff on eBay. He'll have his college tuition by the time he graduates high school."
"You're young to be an entrepreneur."
"Nah. It's easy. If somebody has something they want to get rid of, I buy it, and sell it online. I go with my mom to garage sales and find stuff there. I made a hundred bucks last week on some paintball guns."
"Anthony is his accountant," Karen said, with another fond look at Anthony.
Anthony responded. "Sarah was telling us about her perfume project for science class. Karen's doing a report on the effects of a bone meal diet on dogs with arthritis. Karen's going to be a veterinarian."
"Yeah," Dakota chimed in. "She's really good with animals. She gets to worm all the puppies."
Worm the puppies?
David was at a loss for words. He hadn't been around teenagers all that much, and certainly not those who actually did things.
Logan explained. "We all volunteer at the animal shelter on Saturdays. You can come too, Sarah. It'll look good on your resume when you apply for college."
Dakota looked up from his food long enough to say, "We hear the TAMs are giving Sarah grief. Logan told us."
Anthony looked thoughtful. "Be careful. I heard that Ashley's been in trouble with the police, but her parents have always been able to keep it quiet."
"Madonna called me last night and invited me to go shopping with them on Saturday," Sarah said, "but Logan thinks I shouldn't go." She glanced at him belligerently.
"They're up to something," Logan said. "I thought you were done with them."
They looked at her aghast.
"You're not going, are you?" Dakota asked.
"Well, Madonna said they were sorry, even Ashley."
"That's not like Ashley," Logan declared, "and you know Madonna never does anything without Ashley's approval."
"Sounds bogus to me," Dakota said.
Anthony's voice held a warning note. "In some cultures they're really nice to their sacrifices before they slit their throats."
Karen smiled, delighted. "Anthony, oh my, that's so gruesome." She turned to David. "Anthony is going to write horror stories. Sometimes he gets a little gross."
Anthony grinned. "Well, I wanted to make the point that some people who pretend to be friends can do cruel things, and Ashley is one of those."
Sarah looked ready to argue. "Maybe it isn't the TAMs. Maybe they aren't the source of all the rumors. After all, they're my friends. I have to give them the benefit of the doubt, don't I?"
"Sarah," Logan said, "it's good that you're loyal to your friends, but don't take it too far. You should wonder about this sudden offer of friendship. Ashley's a plotter, and she can pull off some mean tricks."
She shook her head in denial. "You can think what you want. They were my friends when no one else would talk to me, and I owe them."
"Logan," Dakota said, shaking his head in disbelief, "You're right. She just doesn't see it. She needs all the help she can get."
Karen stood. "We have to be getting home. It's getting late. Sarah, you want to come with us downtown to the park tonight? The high school jazz band is giving a concert."
Sarah looked at David.
"Okay, but I want you home by the time I'm done at the Kensington—about ten o'clock."
"I'll make sure she's home by then, sir," Logan said.
"Bye. See you later." She watched them leave, then turned to David and asked, "So how was it really this afternoon. Did you and Lynn get along?"
"I screwed up again, but I'm not going to share it with you. Lynn would not like my discussing anything this personal." Memories of the afternoon came rushing back, overwhelming him with remorse.
"I'm afraid I'm going to lose her, Sarah, and four dozen roses won't fix it."
"Dad, I don't believe that. I think she likes you, or, at least she smiles when she mentions you, even if she doesn't know we're related."
"She knows you're my daughter. Caro Anson called her last night and told her. I really like her, Sarah. The more I'm with her, the more I want her to be part of our family."
"It's up to you, Dad. I like Lynn. Besides, if you find someone, I won't have to worry about you being alone when Logan and I go off to college."
He laughed. She was such a woman/child. "Yes, Mom. I'll call her after I get home tonight. I'm sure you'll be safe at the concert—it's such a small park—but be careful, and stay with Logan, OK?"
"Yes, Father," she said, mimicking his tone, "and I promise to be in bed when you get home."
~ * ~
When David returned to the house from the Kensington, about ten thirty that evening, he checked on Sarah, found her in bed, asleep, and went downstairs to his office to call Lynn.
All evening he'd been mulling over in his mind what he could say to Lynn to gain her forgiveness.
She answered on the second ring, a good sign. She must have been waiting for his call. He decided the up-front approach was best.
"Hi, it's me. I love you, Lynn. Talk to me. I'm so damn sorry about this afternoon. So sorry for stopping like I did, but I couldn't see any other way."
There was silence—too long. "What's wrong? Lynn?"
"David," her voice was flat—determined. "I don't think we should do this."
His heart sank. "This what?"
"You know."
"No, I don't. Why don't you explain it to me?"
"It's all too fast. I'm ashamed of the way I behaved today—like a love-starved spinster who's so pathetically grateful for any attention. I'm not that easy."
"Lynn, never would I think that. I loved your passion, knowing no man had ever seen or felt it before."
"Don't pity me."
"Pity? How could you think I pitied you?"
What can she be thinking?
"Talking about it only makes it worse. Don't call me. Leave me alone."
David was stunned; his hopes for their relationship fell into a heap of ashes. He tried again.
"Lynn, don't deny that there's something between us. You were there right along with me this afternoon, wanting me every bit as much as I wanted you."
"That's just it." He could hear tears catching in her throat. "When you kissed me, I behaved so shamelessly. You said a lot of things I took seriously, but you probably didn't mean it because when men want sex, they say things they don't mean."
I only wanted sex?
If that damn ex-husband of hers wasn't dead, he'd kill him now. "Lynn, I'm not some lecher who gets it on with any woman if I get a couple of quick feels and a kiss." He heard his voice ringing in his ears and figured he'd better calm down. "Every single thing I said to you, everything I felt for you was real. I didn't lie."
She gasped. "I never said that."
"Then what? Did you think I was lying when I said I wanted you?"
"Well, no," she said, her voice wavering with sorrow and self-doubt, "I mean not at that very moment. I just think you got carried away."
He took a deep breath. A spasm of fear shot through his gut. How could he get through to her? Forcing his voice to a gentler tone, he said, "Lynn, forget all the men you've known in the past. Believe me, sweetheart. I wanted you. It has me scared shitless. I've never wanted any woman like this, ever. I didn't think I could feel that kind of passion. The only reason I stopped loving you was because, like a stupid idiot, I didn't bring any protection with me, and I was afraid of getting you pregnant before you were ready. I'm in love with you. I want to have a life with you, a home and children, but only when you're ready."
Her voice was a whisper, as though she couldn't believe herself. "No man has ever said those things to me. Why you? You're handsome and smart. You can have any woman you want."
Frantic at the way this was falling apart, he pleaded, "Let me see you again. Think things over and let me take you to dinner Monday. We can work this out.
"I'm not giving up without talking to you again, Lynn. Let's wait a few days, so you can make up your mind when and where you'll see me again."
"I'll call you." She said it, but he wasn't sure she would.
She broke the connection, leaving David shaken. Somehow he'd find a way to work this out.
David looked up from the kitchen table and saw Sarah staring at him, worried. He had been too depressed this morning to have coffee at his usual place on the porch.
"Dad. You look awful. What's happened?"
Sarah poured a glass of orange juice and sat across from him. "Come on, Dad. Something's really wrong to make you look this way. You called Lynn last night, didn't you?"
David felt his daughter's concern, and allowed a wave of self-pity to engulf him. At least somebody liked him. The moment the thought found a voice, he stopped. Self-pity was something he deplored in other people and certainly couldn't tolerate in himself. "She's mad at me."
"Something you did?"
"Yeah, and something I said, too. It's nothing I should be discussing with you, Sarah. It's adult stuff."
"Oh, please," Sarah said, rolling her eyes. "As if I didn't know what goes on between men and women? Daddy, kids know a lot more than you give them credit for."
David relinquished the reticence he felt. Confiding in his fifteen-year-old daughter was not an ideal scenario, but he was out of options.
He stared into his cup as though to find the answer. Who did men talk to when they had woman trouble? Certainly he had no male acquaintances he could confide in without the risk of making a fool of himself.
"Sarah, tell me the truth, now. Was I a good husband to your mother? I mean, do you think she was happy?"
He felt the full force of Sarah's regard as she studied him.
"Daddy, you were a great husband and you are a great father. I was a real brat when you and Mom first got together. That was me, not you. Mom was real happy with you. She loved you, but I don't think it was the same with you two as it is with Logan and me. I mean, you got along, but Mom had been alone a long time and didn't need you the way I need Logan. He's closer to the way it is for me now. He's my best friend. I can tell him anything and he won't diss me."
She rose to put a piece of bread in the toaster and returned to her seat.
David said, "You're lucky to have that with Logan. It's unconditional love without judgment. Everybody wants it, but hardly anyone gets it."
"That's what you want with Lynn?"
He nodded. "Of course. I'm already in love with her. Trouble is, she doesn't trust me because men before have hurt her. She won't trust what she feels for me nor will she believe me when I tell her how I feel. She doesn't believe she is worthy of a man's love."
"I'm betting on you, Dad. When you get in the zone, you're hard to resist."
"Meaning? Doesn't anyone speak English anymore?"
She laughed. "What I mean is, you're a real cool guy with a killer smile. Chippendale material to the max. You can charm anyone. Remember, I've seen you in action. You'll get her back."
He gave her a weak smile to acknowledge her attempt to cheer him up. "That's not the issue with Lynn. She's afraid of me. She doesn't trust me to be able to make a commitment. She doesn't think she's lovable and doesn't trust me enough to believe me when I tell her she is."
"Is that because of the fights you've had so far?"
He was depressed thinking about it. "Yeah. At first I thought she was one of these women who only liked men with money."
"Lynn? Dad, how could you be such a dimwit? When Logan and I talked to her last week, she told us money didn't matter to her in a relationship because she had her own. She's really big on commitment, though."