Letting Go of You (Anchored Hearts #2) (6 page)

“Shit…”  I pulled away from her mouth and slammed into her a few more times, as she quaked around me and then
I shot into her.

~<>~<>~<>~

“This is a joke right?”  She stood with her hands on her hips in her foyer, glaring at me like I’d grown a second head. 

“This is no joke.  Your car is in the shop, you were attacked last night.  Smith or I will take you where you need to go
and we’ll be hiring Ryan to help out.”

“I was
nearly
attacked.”

“Do you think I give a flying fuck how
nearly
you were attacked?  Someone is out to hurt you and I will not let that happen.  I’ll shackle you to me if I have to so I know you’re safe.”

She put her hands up in defense.  “
Who’s Ryan?”

“He works security for Smith and will be one of your bodyguards.”

Rolling her eyes she replied, “Ok, I get it.  Can we try to keep it discreet at least?”

“Nobody is going to care how you show up to work, just that you show up.  Let’s go.”

She stomped, huffed and puffed her way to the truck.  I left Smith to go through her place to check for any bugs or any places that might be vulnerable to break-ins.  Though, she wouldn’t be staying at her place alone, probably ever, again.   I had made arrangements to hire Ryan and would hire more armed guards if need be.

When I picked her up from work
that night she climbed in and said, “We can skip the concert tonight if you want.”  I’d totally forgotten about it.  “You forgot.  It’s ok.  I did too until I looked at my calendar today.”

“No, we’re going.  We could both use a night out together.”  I squeezed her hand asking, “Do you have the tickets?”

“They’re at my place.”

We swung by her place, fed the cat, and grabbed the tickets.  She changed her clothes and then we left.

The show was at a very small and personable theatre.  “Wow, I didn’t realize how small this place was.”

“Should be a great show.”  She nodded in agreement.

She blushed when he came out on stage.  It was charming.  We were only a couple rows back and he put on a great show.  Of course the only song I recognized was
Wicked Game
, but she knew
most of them.  When we were leaving she had a huge smile on her face once more.

“Did you enjoy it?”

“Yes!  Thank you for insisting we go.”

Cassidy stayed with me that night.  Smith hadn’t found anything to be suspicious of
at her place, but I knew we could keep a closer eye on her at the hotel. 

The next day was the Benedict/
Whitford family Christmas party.  I was looking forward to the carefree time with family.  We all needed to relax and unwind.  I knew enough to understand that this would be my mother’s last Christmas.   I was going to make the most of it. 

We pulled up to my parent’s house as Cal and Jane were unloading gifts from their cars.  We all made our way inside, looking over the gifts we all carried.  Calvin took the bundle of gifts from Jane and placed them under the tree.  I took the opportunity to chat with Jane.  She rejected a call as I approached her.  Something was off with her.

“You doing okay?  You seem nervous.  Who’s calling?”

“Me, no I’m fine.  Just a recruiter I can’t get to leave me alone.  I need to pull my resume from their job site.”  She flashed me her carefree smile and I knew she was lying.  “What about you?  How you doing?  Your mom seems to be in good spirits.”

“Yes, she’s doing okay.”  I know my smile dropped as I couldn’t help to think about it being the last Christmas with mom and all the previous ones we had spent together. 

“I’m sorry, James.”  Jane rubbed my arm, trying to console me.

“It’s alright.  I want to focus on happy times today.”  I was determined to create memories today, not focus on old ones.

Cal
walked over to us then and asked if everything was ok. Jane didn’t hesitate with her response. “Yes, today is a happy day!”

Jane left Calvin and me to our small talk.  “So, SWAT?  How’s that going?

C
hapter
6
~
F
amily

~ CASSIDY ~

I was in the family room staring out the patio doors, reflecting on the chaos of the past few days when Jane broke me from my trance.  “Hey, you okay?”

I knew that my expression gave me away.  I hated that I couldn’t hide my emotions well.
  “I made a mistake.  I’m an idiot.”

“What are you talking about?  You’re not an idiot.”

I sighed, saying, “After finding out that you two moved in together, I may have ‘suggested’ to James that he should move in with me.”  I ran my fingers through my hair, trying to release some of the tension coursing through me before I continued.  “He didn’t take that very well.  I don’t know what I was thinking.”

“You were thinking that you love him and want to spend every waking moment with him.” 
Jane rubbed my back reassuring me, “He loves you.  Give him time.  He’s very used to his independence.”  I tried smiling at her as James walked in to tell us lunch was ready. 

The enormous spread we found waiting for us was amazing.  Everything you could think of was being served. 
Turkey, ham, casseroles and way too much of everything else was spread across the table.  It was only a sheer few minutes before the teasing from our parents began.  Cal and I had grown accustomed to it at my birthday lunch back in November.

“So, who’s going to pop the question first?” 
Dear Lord.
  J.J. started off as the heavy hitter.

Our
Dads were amused and Cal started choking on his water.  Dad began smacking Cal’s back and then said, “I’m guessing it’s not going to be
my
boy.”

Everyone was giggling when Mrs.
Whirford broke through with her usual banter.  “This one here is getting long in the tooth.  Cal can come on home with me if Janey isn’t up for more than a test drive.”  Jane appeared mortified.  Her mom really knew how to get everyone riled up.  Even Jane’s Dad seemed unimpressed.  Everyone else was cracking up, besides Cal and Jane.

“Mother, that’s disgusting.  And he’s spoken for, so back off.  You had your chance at the auction.”  The snickers continued
as Jane defended Cal.

“Um, if I’m not mistaken, I spent all my money that night on James.”
  Oh no, their attention had shifted to us.

“Um, if
I’m
not mistaken, the money you spent that night was
mine.
”  James chimed in to set the record straight.

“Details, blah, blah, blah.  Cal, you just call me and I’ll take care of you.” 
Mrs. Whitford winked at my brother as Jane rolled her eyes.

“Sure thing, Beverly.”

“Cal, don’t encourage her.”  Jane elbowed him then.

“So James, when’s the wedding?”  And
here it went all eyes on us.

“Dad, knock it off.  It’s not funny.”
 

“It’s ok James, we’ve all heard the rumors that you’re a little gun-shy.  Cal and Jane are already living together.  What are you waiting for?” 
I saw James grip his napkin tightly at his aunt’s words.  He was upset.  I was starting to believe that James had no intention of making us permanent, even though I knew it was still early. 

James was silent a
nd I made the mistake of making eye contact with Jane.  After what I’d told her before our meal, she knew that moving in together was a sensitive topic.  Jane mouthed ‘sorry’ as the tears threatened to make their appearance in my eyes.  I shook my head at Jane before putting my fork and napkin down and excused myself.

I made my way to the hall bathroom on the other side of the family room and was closing the door when his foot stopped me from doing so. 
I didn’t even bother trying to stop him from coming in.  He stood near me, just hovering. 

“What?”  I snapped at him, not knowing what else to say.

“Why are you upset?”

“Really?  You’re going to ask me that?  I didn’t realize you were so dense.”  He was pursing his lips at me, thinking about his response.  “Please just leave me.  I’ll be out in a minute.”

“I’m not leaving you here to wallow.”

“How chivalrous of you?
”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

I glared at him as a tear spilled over onto my cheek.  “What is this to you?”  I motioned between our bodies. 

“What do you mean?”

“One minute you’re professing your love and the next you’re avoiding me.  I can’t make heads or tails of you.  Am I just a temporary thing, to keep you warm?”

He gripped my arms and lowered himself so his eyes were level with mine.  “Don’t say that.  You’re not temporary.  This is all new to me.  I know I love you and that’s all I’m focused on right now.  I don’t care to think about the future and what if.  The future is doomed for everyone.  Eventually everything dies.  I want what’s here and now.  And that’s you.”

Like an idiot I began crying, trying to push the words past my tongue.  “You’re not making any sense.  The future is doomed, but you want me and that’s all you’re focused on.  What am I supposed to take from that?”

“Cassidy, please don’t over analyze this
.  Us.  We’ve got a good thing going.  I love you.  I don’t know what else you want me to say.”

I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you.  I want to make babies with you and they’ll have my eyes and your hair.  Was that too much to ask for?  “I don’t know either.”

He wiped my tears away with his thumb before licking their saltiness off.  “My Blackbird.  You have such a big heart.  I don’t deserve it and I’m so worried I’m going to break it.”

Me too.  “Please don’t.
”  His arms were wrapped around me as he ran his hands up and down my sides.

“I’ll try.”

He pulled back and kissed me.  His lips were like my kryptonite.  The minute they touched my body I was a goner.  I’d do anything, say anything, and be anything he wanted me to be.  As long as his lips were on me, I would do his bidding.  Soon my leggings and panties were around my knees as he turned me away from him.  I heard his pants hit the floor as he pushed into me from behind, while yanking on my hair at the scalp.  Pushing my cowl neck sweater to the side, he began biting my neck and shoulder, which made goose bumps pop up all over my body.  I watched him in the mirror as his mouth traveled my neck and his hips pushed in and out.

“I love you, James.”  His eyes met mine in the mirror.

“Come for me, I’m close.”

“I’m not ready.”  He groaned before he left my body and turned me around.  Lifting me up on the counter he rubbed his dick all over my slit.  “Oh, God.”

“Remember, it’s James.”  I let out a small laugh before moaning again.  He was bringing me to the brink and knew it.  My body was stiffening as he continued rubbing himself on me.  “Cassidy…”

“I’m close
James.  Oh, right there, don’t stop.” 

His warmth burst on me as my orgasm claimed me.  His lips devoured my cries as he slipped into me
, not stopping until we were both shaking.  If anything was right and honest between us, it was this. 

Sex. 

Could I live with him being emotionally shut off from me if the sex was that amazing?  I wanted to believe that I could.  If things were the reverse, wouldn’t that be worse?  Bad sex and open communication.  I just didn’t know anymore. He didn’t want to look to the future.  What was I supposed to do with that?

We returned to
the dining room and Mrs. Whitford apologized to us.  We finished our meal with a few laughs and everything seemed right, if even for just a few hours.  After lunch we made our way to the family room to begin opening presents after James, Jane, Cal and I helped clear the table. 

~ JAMES ~

Jane was checking her phone and seemed perplexed.  I noticed that she left it on the kitchen counter before we headed to the living room for gifts.  I really need
ed to sit her down and figure out what was really going on.

Everyone
seemed pleased with their gifts.  I gave Cassidy a blue cashmere sweater which matched her eyes, and a couple of gift certificates.  I was planning to give her my
real
gift on Christmas morning.  I’d had a necklace designed for her.  I had yet to see the finished product, but would when I picked it up on Monday.  Mom had given me a photo album that was full of pictures from me growing up.  I managed to not cry, but it meant the world to me.  I didn’t realize she had so many pictures of me growing up. 

“Alright, I think that’s everything.” 
Dad was bagging up some of the stray wrapping paper as everyone was looking over their gifts and chatting.

Cal stood up then and asked for everyone’s attention.
  “I wanted to wait until Christmas, but with everyone we love here, together, I couldn’t wait.”  What was he doing?

I looked to Cassidy and she seemed to be in shock.  Aunt Bev was beside herself and Mom and Dad seemed surprised as well.

“Jane, I know it’s only been a short time, but when you know you know.”  Cal offered his hand to Jane and she reluctantly took it as he pulled her to her feet, in front of everyone.  “I love you.  No regrets.”  He pulled a box out of his pocket and opened it up before taking her left hand in his right.  “Jane Evalynn Whitford, will you make me the happiest man and marry me?” 

Calvin just put me in the doghouse without even knowing it.  These Charles’ sure liked to move fast, with the exception of their Dad.  I saw the fear and trepidation written all over Jane’s face. 
It wasn’t going to go well.

“Calvin, what are you doing?”  Jane tried to be discreet, but we were all so close together that it was inevitable to not hear her words.  “Cal, please, not here.  We have to talk.” 

I knew immediately, one hundred percent that something else was going on or had happened with Derek.  Jane was hiding something important from Calvin, and from all of us.  I momentarily thought about what it could be, but found myself being pulled out of the room by Cassidy.

Nobody spoke once we left the room.  I’m sure everyone, like me, was speechless and unsure of what to say.  A few mom
ents later I heard a door close and I peered into the room to see Jane alone as she dropped down to sit on the couch.

“Are you okay?”  I sat down next to her unsure of where things stood with her and Calvin.

“I just tore out his heart.  He doesn’t understand.  There are things I haven’t told anyone, not even him, which he needs to know.”

“What things?”  And why the fuck hadn’t she told me?

“Things that happened with Derek and the real reasons I came home.  Stop looking at me like that.  I can’t believe he proposed.”

“You didn’t have any idea?”
  I knew something was up with Derek.  Was she considering going back to him?  She shook her head in response to my question. 

“I have to get out of here.”

“Jane?”  She was in no condition to leave.

“Please, James.  Please make sure he’s ok.  I just need to be alone.  I need to figure out some things.  Please.”

“Ok.  I’ll go talk to him.  Please drive safe.”

“I will.”

We all sat or stood around in an uncomfortable silence for far too long.  Calvin was distraught as everyone tried to assure him everything would be alright.  With every minute that passed I grew more nervous and I could tell Cal was getting edgy too.  He jumped off the couch and I made my way over to him.

“Just save it.  I screwed up, I know.  It was too much, too fast.”

I put my hands up in defeat, “Chill out.  Jane just doesn’t like being the focus of everyone’s attention.  She also told me there are things that happened with Derek that she wants to discuss with you.  She loves you.  She said she’d be back.  Have you tried calling her?”

“Yeah.  She’s not answering.” 

I watched as he seemed to be processing some things before he decided to go after her.  I was becoming worried myself that no one had heard from her.  Cassidy tried to talk to him before he left, but it was futile.  A while later, after Aunt Bev and Uncle John said their goodbyes, I wandered to the kitchen in search of something when I spotted Jane’s cell on the kitchen counter.  No wonder she wasn’t answering her phone.  She didn’t have it with her.

No longer worried for her privacy, I checked her phone and found several missed calls and voicemails waiting for Jane.  She also had several text messages.  Pulling up her call log, I became infuriated when I saw over a dozen calls from a number I didn’t recognize.  The area code wasn’t a local one. 

“What are you doing?”  Cassidy came over and tried taking Jane’s phone from me.  “Stop going through her phone.”

“Something’s wrong.  Give me a minute.”

Cassidy just stood and watched as I scrolled through text after text from Derek.  He was hounding her and I didn’t need to listen to her voicemails to guess who they were all from.  It was then that my father walked into the room.  Cassidy told him what I was up to and he didn’t seem impressed.  I scrolled through her text messages again as Dad and Cassidy looked at me like I was a complete jerk.