Letting Go of You (Anchored Hearts #2) (30 page)

The bar was getting crowded, but I finally got to the back hallway to find my rock. Instead, I found Paige pinned against the wall. Her leg was around Ryker’s waist. Her skirt rode high, and it looked as though his finger was in her thong. My eyes filled, and I couldn’t
move as Paige’s lips covered his. I wished I was near a ladies’ room, because I thought I was going to throw up.

Max walked out of the back and witnessed the scene. He shook his head and looked at me. With one look at my face, his fell. Max nudged Ryker as he walked by. Paige didn’t notice, but Ryker turned and looked right at me. Our eyes locked, and I thought I saw regret, but for what: the interruption or me? I couldn’t stop staring as he went back to work on Paige’s lips. Must have been for the interruption.

Max took my arm and led me away. “What are you doing back here? Is that your friend with Ryker? I thought I saw you come in with her.”

“Yeah, I guess she is. I was coming to find you to tell you that I’m going home.” Just then it dawned on me that Paige had driven me. I didn’t have a ride home.

Max sighed. “Are you okay? Why are you leaving?”

My eyes closed, and my lip trembled. I willed tears not to come. “I just can’t be here. I tried, I really did. Tonight was going to be my night, and now all of my plans are ruined. I just want to go home.” The throbbing in my eyes verged on painful, and I chastised myself for being so upset. I willed the tears to stay at bay.

He put his hand on the small of my back and walked me into what must have been a break room. There were lockers in it, and some guy in an apron was on the phone speaking in Spanish. That was good. At least he couldn’t understand us. Or maybe he would. I didn’t know, and I really didn’t care.

Max leaned up against a metal door. “Talk to me. What’s wrong?”

“I was going to tell him tonight.” My voice cracked, but I had managed to get it out.

“Tell who what?”

“Ryker. I was going to tell him how I felt about him, but then Paige happened. Now I can’t, and I won’t. Why, Max? What’s wrong with me?” A tear escaped, and I wiped it away.

“Faith, nothing is wrong with you. You know how he is. I tell you all the time, and you’ve seen it with your own eyes. Ryker doesn’t do relationships. He just does… women.”

“Yeah, I know. I just wanted to be that woman.”

Max hugged me. “I know you do, but you aren’t like that—unless something happened that I don’t know about.”

I shook my head. “No, I want him to be my first. That’s stupid, right?”

His arms loosened, and he rubbed my arms. “You like him that much? I mean, I knew you liked him, but all women like him.”

My voice was lost. I couldn’t tell him anymore. I loved Max, but I didn’t know if he would understand.

“Are you going to be okay?” he asked. “Want to hang with me until we go on? We aren’t playing long sets tonight, and I can cut them back.”

It sucked. All I wanted to do was hang out, listen to Raging Urge, and talk to Ryker. I should have known that bringing another woman was a bad idea. Not many women shy away from Ryker. The man made me crazy. “No, I’d rather go. I’m really sorry, but I had big hopes for tonight. I’ve been planning it for a while. I’m just tired now. Is your car here? Can I borrow it?” I thought about it and decided I probably shouldn’t drive. “Or do you have time to give me a ride?”

“I didn’t drive. Ryker picked me up. I assume your friend drove?”

I nodded as we walked back into the hallway of doom. Ryker and Paige were gone. I wished it had all been a bad dream, but it had been just my one of many “Ryker reality checks.”

Max said, “Why don’t you just stay and watch the set? We’ll take you home. It’s your birthday. I want to buy you a drink. Please?” Max broke out his puppy dog eyes, which would normally get me to do just about anything. Max offered me his hand, but I remained stock still.

“No way am I getting in a car with him. I’ll call a cab. I’m sorry, Max.” I kissed his cheek and grabbed my cell phone out of my purse. I googled Yellow Cab and called for a ride. Rochester, NY, wasn’t like NYC. Cabs didn’t just wait outside clubs for a fare.

“I wish you wouldn’t leave, but I understand.” Max kissed my forehead. “Call me tomorrow, okay?”

“Okay.” The look of disappointment on my friend’s face made me feel like shit. I’d let a non-friend ruin my night. Trying to assuage his feelings and my guilt, I agreed to watch them the next night instead.

As I crossed the planked floor toward my refuge, which was anywhere outside of that bar, I noticed couples everywhere. Paige and some other girls were at the frat table, and Mike seemed content with the blonde on his lap. Paige didn’t even notice me exit the bar. The bouncer opened the door, and I was finally out of that godforsaken place. I took a breath of relief until I saw Ryker alone on the sidewalk, smoking a cigarette. As soon as I saw him, I turned away but didn’t get too far.

“Where ya going, Dude?”

I glared daggers at him. “I’m leaving. Where’s your flavor of the night? Get tired of her already?” I knew where she was, but did he? Did he even care?

Ryker snickered. “Something like that. She really isn’t my type.”

Yeah, not his type, my ass! “Oh? You could have fooled me.” I turned and stared at the parking lot, willing my cab to appear.

“If you’re leaving, why are you just standing here?”

“I’m waiting for a cab.”

His voice became full of concern. “You called a cab? Are you drunk?”

“No, I’m not, although it would have been a nice way to celebrate tonight.”
Yes, it’s my birthday, asshole.
“Not that it’s any business of yours, but my ride was busy, so I called for a cab.”

“Shit, I forgot today’s your birthday.” He flicked his cigarette into the parking lot and turned toward me.

I averted my eyes and stared straight ahead.

His lips landed on my cheek. “Happy birthday.”

With wide eyes, I turned toward him and tried to contain my smile.

“Don’t get excited, Dude. It was just a birthday kiss.”

I faced forward again. “Of course. Why would you want to kiss me? I mean, I’m not your type. I’m just the girl who tags along with Max, right? Oh, and I’m a ‘dude.’ What if I told you I like you and I want to be with you?”
Holy shit! Did I just say that?

“You’re not just a girl who… I just… wait, you want me?” Ryker’s eyes became blank and devoid of any emotion.

“You just what? Don’t want me
that
way? I’m not hot like Paige or your other women? I’m just the woman who pals around with guys? Maybe you’re the one with the problem. Maybe you’re not as ‘good’ as you think you are, and that’s why Paige is off giving someone else a lap dance. Your little guy not satisfying enough?”

His eyebrows creased as Ryker took my chin between his thumb and forefinger and tilted my face up toward him. “I don’t want you. Is that clear enough?”

I felt my face heat up. Willing my tears to stay away, I just looked at him. My heart pounded before it shattered and splintered.

He pushed further. “And as far as my ‘little guy,’ it satisfies just fine. Don’t you worry about
me. If you doubt that, you can ask Paige. She danced on my ‘not-so-little guy’ like she was on a stripper pole.”

Again I was struck with nausea. Our eyes locked until I lowered mine to the ground. I was devastated. A car horn broke the agonizing silence. My head turned, pulling my chin out of his grasp, before I walked to the cab. I tried to hold my head high until the door closed and I told the driver to go. When we were out of sight, I gave the driver my address and tried not to sob.

I looked out the window and wondered what I’d done to him to deserve being treated like shit. Was I that horrible? My mind was playing back the evening like a re-run when we arrived at my parents’ house. I paid my fare and walked in the house.

As I made my way into my room, I felt alone. Not in the physical sense, but emotionally. Good
ol’ Faith, always the one to give people a chance. I thought I’d seen something in his eyes when he looked at me, but I realized I’d been wrong. For someone so smart, I sure was stupid.