Letters to Katie (17 page)
“I only took a small piece.” Her mother picked up her plate and walked to the table.
She put her finger to her lips. “Don’t tell your
daed
.”
“He won’t care if you have a snack,
Mamm
.” Her mother was still as thin as she was when she married. Katherine’s father had
said as much when her mother had complained about one of her dresses being a little
tight. But in Katherine’s eyes, and obviously her father’s, her mother’s figure was
perfect.
“I don’t mean that.”
Mamm
sat down. “If he knows there’s cake left, he’ll want some. That
mann
needs to watch his waistline.”
Katherine smiled. Unlike her mother, her father had plumped up a little over the years.
“Don’t get me wrong. I love him as he is. I just want him to be healthy.” She looked
at the cake in front of her. Then she pushed it away. “I should probably set an example,
then.”
Katherine pushed the plate back in front of her mom. “A small slice won’t hurt. Let
me get a piece, and I’ll join you.”
Moments later they were both eating cake and drinking milk.
The gas lamp in the kitchen hissed, casting the room in a low, yellowish glow. “We
haven’t done this in years,”
Mamm
said.
“What?”
“Have milk and cake together. Or milk and cookies. Or milk—”
“And whoopee pies.”
Mamm
smiled. “You did love whoopee pies.”
“I still do.” She took a sip of milk. “I just don’t eat them very often.”
“It’s nice to see you eating now.” Her smile faded. “I’ve been a little worried about
you lately, Katherine. The headaches, and you haven’t had much of an appetite. And
you’ve been very secretive. You never did tell me about the friend you helped a couple
days ago.” She set down her fork. “Is there anything you want to talk about?”
“There’s
nix
to talk about.”
It was a small lie. All right, a big one. There was plenty she could talk about, but
not with her mother. Lately she hadn’t even talked with God. Why should she, when
He never answered her prayers about Johnny? Or maybe His silence had been her answer,
and she hadn’t been able to accept it. Until Isaac showed up.
“Does this have anything to do with Johnny Mullet?”
Heat crept up Katherine’s neck. She couldn’t outright lie to her mother. Yet embarrassment
kept her from saying anything. “There’s nothing going on,
Mamm
. I just helped a friend. That’s it.” Katherine ran her finger against the edge of
the table, not looking at her mother.
Mamm
sighed. “I suppose it’s none of my business. You’re a
grown woman now. You have a right to your own life. To your own secrets.”
“That’s not what I meant—”
“I’m not upset, Katherine. Every woman has a right to keep a few things to herself.
I just hope that whatever you’ve been doing doesn’t have anything to do with Johnny.
Because that’s one person in your life you’ve never been secretive about.” She picked
up her fork again. “I know you care about Johnny. But he’s only managed to make you
miserable.”
“That’s not true.”
“Isn’t it? What has he done lately to make you happy?”
Katherine couldn’t reply. If anything, Johnny made her feel worse about herself. Like
a fool. She looked away.
“You’ve wasted enough time and energy on that
mann
, Katherine. Please tell me you’ve finally come to the point of letting him
geh
.”
“I—”
She tried, but the words wouldn’t come. Inside, she’d given up on Johnny. To say it
out loud, however, would make it
real
. But wasn’t that what she was trying to do? As difficult as it was, she needed to
admit that Johnny was out of her life. For good.
Her mother let out a long breath and leaned back against her chair. “You don’t know
how long I’ve been praying for you.” She smiled. “To move on with your life. Find
a
mann
who deserves you. One who appreciates you for the special woman you are.”
Katherine’s eyes burned as the full realization of Johnny’s rejection went through
her. He didn’t care. He didn’t appreciate her. He never had.
“Ya,”
she said, swallowing the tears that threatened to fall. “You’re right.”
Excitement sparkled in
Mamm’s
eyes. “I was talking with Sarah Detweiler the other day. She said that her sister’s
gross-sohn
just turned twenty. He lives in another district, but she was telling me about him.
He’s a nice
yung mann
. Has his own business.”
“Mamm—”
“I’m sure Sarah would be happy to introduce you.”
Katherine looked at her slice of cake. She’d only taken one bite. The ache in her
neck returned. Should she tell
Mamm
about Isaac? Even if she wanted to, she couldn’t bring herself to mention his name.
“You don’t have to meet him right now.” Her mother stood up and took her empty plate
to the sink. “How about next week?” She turned and smiled. “But I don’t want to put
any pressure on you.”
Right. No pressure
. “I’ll think about it.”
Mamm
walked over to her and kissed the top of her head. “
Gut
. Your
daed
and I just want you to be happy,
dochder
. When you put Johnny behind you, I believe you will be.”
Her mother left, but Katherine didn’t move. She just sat there, staring at the cake
in front of her.
She’d wasted years believing Johnny was the man for her, that they would be happy
together. Praying, hoping, longing, imagining. Now she knew that wasn’t going to happen.
And her heart was in more turmoil than ever.
After saying good-bye to Laura, Sawyer had made his way slowly home, his heart heavy.
Not just with missing Laura, but also knowing his grandmother was at home, waiting
for him. It was late, well past sundown. Perhaps she’d decided to go to bed. Even
better, maybe she’d decided to go back to New York.
Wishful thinking.
He pushed back his yellow hat and scratched his head. He had no idea what he was going
to do about her. She had shown up in his life four months ago, making demands, telling
him he had to abandon the life he had lived the past several years in Middlefield—even
the life he’d lived with his parents before their deaths—and accept her values, and
especially her money. She’d been genuinely shocked that he’d refused.
If she had bothered to find out anything about him, instead of expecting him to jump
at her command, she would have known that he wouldn’t have been tempted by her money
and her power, or by the opportunity to take over her company and settle in New York
City.
And yet here she was again, with her expensive clothes and snooty attitude, looking
down with contempt on the adoptive parents who had loved him as if he were their own.
He gripped the reins until his hands ached. Where did she get the nerve, when she’d
never done anything for him?
He released the reins, trying to push the anger and resentment from his heart. If
he was going to join the church, he needed to be clear of these negative emotions
he held against Cora. Even though he’d claimed he’d forgiven her, he knew he had a
lot more work to do in that department.
He wished she would just stay in New York and leave him alone. Forgiveness was a whole
lot easier long distance.
He reached the house and put up the horse, giving him a little extra hay. He was beat,
and it didn’t help to be thinking about Laura, how much he’d miss her. It amazed him
how deeply he’d fallen in love with her in such a short time. The sooner they were
together, the better.
“How nice of you to keep me waiting.”
Sawyer halted halfway to the stairs. He peered into the living room and made out Cora’s
slim shape. She was still wearing the white leather jacket she had on earlier, and
she glowed like a ghost in the darkness.
“What are you doing sitting here in the dark?”
A pause. “I couldn’t find the lights. There are no switches in this house, in case
you haven’t noticed.”
He went to the end table and lit the gas lamp. “You could have asked my parents.”
He saw her bristle at the word
parents
, but he didn’t care. That’s what
Anna and Lukas Byler were to him—parents, and much more of a family to him than Cora
would ever be.
“I didn’t want to bother them.”
She glanced away as she spoke, and Sawyer realized her lie.
She was too proud to ask his parents where the lights were. A simple question, yet
one that would make a woman like Cora Easley feel like a fool. Maybe he understood
his grandmother better than he thought.
He eased down onto the couch opposite her. “You didn’t have to wait up for me.”
“You didn’t give me much choice.”
“Why didn’t you go to bed? We could have talked in the morning.”
“Oh no.” She wagged her finger in his face. “I know the insane time you people get
up. You would have been long gone to work. I know from experience that I couldn’t
talk to you there. And you would have found another reason to avoid me after you finished
working.” She leaned back and crossed her thin arms. “I’m no fool, Sawyer.”
“As you’ve said many times.” He leaned back against the cushions of the couch. “Okay.
I’m here. You have my attention. What do you want to talk about?”
“As if you don’t know.” She sniffed, peering at him. “I suppose the first thing I
should find out is if you really plan to marry her.”
“Straight to the point, as usual.” Sawyer crossed one foot over the opposite knee.
“Yes. I’m going to marry her. I already told you that.”
She frowned. “When?”
“After I join the church.”
“Join what church?”
“The Amish church.”
“I don’t understand. Why do you have to join a church to get married?”
“It’s the Amish way.” He wasn’t ready to explain everything to her. Or rather, he
didn’t want to. She didn’t respect the Amish way of life; how could he expect her
to appreciate their faith? How could she possibly understand that the church wasn’t
a building, but an all-encompassing lifestyle?
“The Amish way.” She waved her hand. “I suppose a New York wedding is out of the question.”
She uncrossed her arms and put her hands in her lap. Sawyer thought he saw her hands
tremble, but she quickly clasped them together.
“We’re getting married here. In the Amish church. During an Amish ceremony.”
“Can I at least plan a reception at my penthouse? It will be small. Your . . .
family
. . . will be invited, of course.”
“This isn’t a typical wedding. After the ceremony there will be a community meal.
That’s it. Nothing fancy or expensive. Definitely nothing involving the penthouse.”
“So you would deny me the chance to celebrate my only grandson’s nuptials?” Her thin
eyebrows angled downward.
“I never said that. You’re welcome to attend the wedding. It will be at Adam and Emma
Otto’s house.”
“But you won’t come to New York. That’s hardly fair.”
“That’s how it has to be.”
“I don’t see why you’re being so stubborn. About everything.”
He could see the hurt in her eyes and realized he owed her an explanation. “When I
join the church, I’m making a promise. Not just to serve God, but to live by the
Ordnung
.”
“The Ord what?”
“The
Ordnung
is a set of rules we—the Amish—abide by. I’ve been following some of them since the
Bylers adopted me, but they never forced me to go all in with their lifestyle. They
let me make the decision.”
“So the rules forbid your grandmother to have a wedding reception?”
“Yes. The district will hold the reception.” He leaned forward. “I don’t know why
you don’t understand this. Can you imagine introducing me and Laura to your friends?”
“I would explain the situation.”
“How would you possibly explain it, when half of what I’m saying doesn’t make sense
to you?”
“Then wait.” Cora’s voice sharpened. “Postpone the ceremony. Let me get to know you
and Laura better.”