Laugh or Death (Lexi Graves Mysteries Book 6) (13 page)

I printed out photos of the cabin,
panning out to show the area, and zooming in for detail. I added the pictures to my file, making notes of how far Nancy would have had to walk. When I finished, I zoomed in on the cabin again, then slowly panned out, searching for any neighboring dwellings. Leo previously told me there was nothing for miles and he was right. I had to wonder how much Leo and Nancy valued their privacy to choose to be so far away from anyone. Was it too quiet? I pondered, or did the isolation translate to clear night skies and fresh air? I could see the value in that; but I couldn't fathom what it would be like during a power outage, or if they ran out of gas, and how much planning it took to avoid running out of milk when the nearest store was miles away. Winter would probably have been worse if they got cut off, but maybe they didn't care. Maybe they relished the pioneer lifestyle. Not any more though. Leo was living out of a Montgomery hotel and Nancy was definitely hiding.

For the first time, I wondered how Leo
could afford to stay here. He dressed nicely, but not like he had lots of money, and he certainly didn't drive a fancy car. His declared career as a freelance photographer probably offered a moderate salary, but I had no clue regarding the value of his savings account. Perhaps he was burning through his savings to be here, or did he have an alternate source of income? It was something to look into, I decided, and made a note to ask Solomon.

"Back to basics," I muttered, staring at the photo. "If I can't find anything online, maybe I can find someone to talk to
."

"Hope so," said a voice behind me. "Talking to yourself is sad."

"Ha-ha, Flaherty. Where have you been? I haven't seen you in a while."

"Busy closing cases," Flaherty said, moving past me to drop into his desk chair. He dumped a satchel on his desk and slid down, clearly relaxed. "Two solved today. I look forward to my bonus
es. How're things going with you?"

"Slow."

"At least you look nice."

"Aww, thanks for noticing. Yes, I do." I flipped my file back to the beginning, starting with the first things
I learned about Nancy.

"Why are Fletch and Delgado running surveillance for you?"

"I spooked my target."

"Huh."

I looked up and found Flaherty staring at me. "Huh, what?"

"Rookie mistake."

"We all know surveillance is best performed in teams," I responded smartly. "Less chance of the target making the team."

Flaherty held his hands up. "I'm not criticizing."

"I'm stuck," I told him. After having a quick internal discussion over whether or not to tell him about the case, I figured he probably already knew. "I want to look into my missing woman's background, but at the time she disappeared, she had no family, friends, or a job."

"That's weird."

"I know, right? Who am I supposed to talk to, except her boyfriend?"

"The easiest thing to do would be to look for her past employment
records. She must have had a job recently."

"I can look through her bank records," I said, brightening. "I can find
her past employer."

"Get to it," said Flaherty. "You can thank me later."

"Thank you!"

I flipped through the file to the printout of Nancy's bank records.
Meantime, Flaherty was holed up with Solomon in his office behind the shut door. Going back two months in search of her last job, I found regular deposits from Greenacre Books and Cafe. It took me a couple of minutes to type the business name into a search engine and whittle down the resulting pages to find the correct one that gave me a phone number.

Placing the call, I held my breath, awaiting my next big break
, but it went straight to voicemail. I left a message with my name and phone number, explaining that I was looking for Nancy in regards to a case, and would appreciate talking to her boss. I added her place of employment to my file before continuing my search through her bank records for other deposits. Besides the ones from Greenacre Books, I couldn't find any.

Then I had
a good idea! I decided to take a trip and poke around her town. Maybe if I were armed with her photo, I could try any of the stores she visited from her past transactions, and find someone who knew more about her. Maybe she was friendly with store clerks? With that in mind, I knocked on Solomon's door and stuck my head inside. "I want to take a trip," I announced.

"Me too," said Solomon. "Have you closed the case?"

I shook my head and tried not to laugh. "No, I meant, I want to take a trip to Nancy's hometown, Greenacre. I found where she was formerly employed and left a message, but I thought it would be a good idea to poke around the town, and try to locate someone who knew her."

"Good idea."

"Flaherty inspired the idea," I admitted, giving credit where it was due as I nodded to my colleague, "He pointed out that it was weird she had no one; so I remembered her most recent job and got an employer. It got me thinking, she couldn't possibly have been a total hermit. She must have talked to someone, and been friendly with someone. The Nancy we know here made a friend. Pre-disappearance Nancy could have also had a friend Leo didn't know about."

"Good call. We'll go together."

"We might need to stay overnight. It's a long way for a day trip."

"Set it up. We can go day after tomorrow."

"What's happening tomorrow?"

"I have meetings all day with the risk management division. We could drive there tomorrow after work, stay over,
and be ready to start in the morning. Can you find a bed and breakfast?"

"That's one of my fortes."

"So long as it doesn't go missing," said Flaherty.

I stuck my tongue out at him, which was
puerile, but satisfying. "I'll get on that. Also... family dinner tonight so... where do I pick you up?"

"I'm the man. I do the picking up."

"That's nice of you, but..."

"Also, it's your family dinner
, so you will need wine and I will have to drive home."

"You win," I conceded as my cell phone began to ring. It was my sister
. With a small sigh, the size of which diminished, the nicer she got —
the Delgado effect,
our family called it — I answered.

Before I could speak, she started, "It's family dinner this evening and Antonio is doing surveillance for you. Stop it
! I want it to stop!"

"Uhh..."

"I mean it, Alexandra. He's family too and will miss dinner because he's doing surveillance for you. I baked a cake so we didn't have to suffer eating yours. Also, because you probably forgot. Are you missing dinner? No, I didn't think so!"

"I..." I
did forget to make the cake, but didn't appreciate her insult. So much for the Delgado effect.

"This is so typical of you!"

"But..."

"Do your own surveillance, but not tonight because of..."

"Family dinner, I know!"

"And no surveillance for Antonio! I got him a new tie."

"That's..."

"I mean it!" Serena said
before hanging up. I wasn't entirely sure what she meant: Delgado had to abandon his surveillance shift so he could have dinner with the Graves clan, or she bought him a new tie. All the same, Solomon and Flaherty were watching me expectantly.

"What are you doing later?" I asked Flaherty.

"Sounds like a favor for you," he replied.

"Please," said Solomon
, "do it for Delgado. Also, you're the only one who’s free."

"Not a problem, boss."

"Thank you," I said, hoping my appreciation was conveyed in my voice. If Flaherty could not have relieved Delgado of his duties, I would have never heard the end of it from Serena. Or my mother. Come to think of it, maybe I would have been better off taking over the Joelle surveillance.

Opening
my mouth to suggest that, Solomon interrupted me with, "Don't even think about it. I'll never hear the end of it. Your mother has my phone number."

"I'm going to head home after I book
our bed and breakfast," I said, closing the subject. "And thanks again."

I found an inn on the north side of town that had a nice website
and a series of pleasant pictures. It was a shame we were taking a work trip; otherwise, I'd have chosen the place as a perfect romantic getaway. As soon as I solved the case, at least, I had a romantic getaway to look forward to. With that finished, and time pressing, I headed home. I called Lily on the way to find out how her own surveillance was going.

"I watched the jackass all day
, and nothing. I don't think he even got out of bed," she said.

"Any visitors?"

"None. I gave up. I'm home. Should I wear my blue dress or the green one for dinner?"

"Either. They're both pretty."

"That's why I can't decide. I'm too good looking."

"First world problems, huh?"

"What are you wearing?"

I looked down. "Right now?"

"No. Later. Unless you're wearing the same thing?"

"Actually
, I have no idea, but I do know Serena bought Delgado a new tie and baked a cake for dessert."

"Wow."

"I know."

"She baked a cake?"

"I know!" I squeaked.

"Do you think it's edible?"

"Since it's Serena, she probably took a gourmet baking class, and it's got two tiers and is decorated perfectly."

"Now I can hardly wait. See you at six? We can throw
both of our cases in front of the family and get the diverse opinions of many detectives."

"I really don't need all that confusion now
; I have new leads."

"I do. I have no leads, just a hunch. Oh, and a potential lawsuit. The asshole might be suing me unless I give him compensation. I hate him."

"I hate him since you hate him and that's what best friends do. See you at six?"

"Sure will."

The phone rang again as I pulled onto my driveway, and the area code flashing up was Nancy's hometown. I parked, switched off the engine and answered.

"This is Abigail Harris from Greenacre Books and Cafe. I got a
message from you earlier today. I'm sorry I couldn't return your call until now."

"That's not a problem. I appreciate you calling me back."

"You asked about Nancy. Said it was something to do with a case. How can I help you?"

"That's right. I'm trying to find Nancy in relation to a missing persons case
, which is why I'm looking into her background. As she worked for you..."

"You're trying to find her?" Abigail interrupted.

"Yes, that's right, and I..."

"Well, I can tell you
exactly where she is."

"You can?" I could barely conceal my relief. Finally, my
big break! Someone who knew where Nancy was and had no problem telling me! I could almost taste the mojito waiting for me at the beach-side bar.

"Sure, she's at Resting Pines
Cemetery. She's been dead six months."

Chapter Twelve

"Smile!" My father blasted off a series of photographs on his new smartphone, capturing the entire family in various states of gurning. Looking down at the screen, he pulled a face, and yelled, "One more!"

"No more," sighed my nephew
, Sam, echoing the thoughts of the rest of the family. He definitely heard my thoughts.

"Just one..." started Dad.

"No!" chorused the family as we began to disperse from the side of the dining table where he had us all grouped for the past ten minutes to get his perfect shot.

"But..."

"No!" Jord grabbed Lily's arm, propelling her into the living room, while almost tripping over our niece, Chloe, in the process of escaping. I barely constrained the sigh of frustration as I realized Solomon and I were still trapped behind several relatives.

Solomon leaned forward to whisper into my ear. "If someone causes a diversion, we can run up the stairs and rappel out the rear bedroom window. We can be gone in three minutes."

"You sound like Lexi as a teenager," whispered Garrett. "I'll be the getaway driver."

"We came in Solomon's car," I whispered back.

"I don't mind making a solo escape."

"What about me?" whispered Garrett's wife.

"Oh, fine. You can come too."

"And the kids?" Traci continued.

"Don't push it, darling."

"We'll leave the kids," she decided. "It's every person for themselves."

"Pie is served," shouted someone. The ensuing mini stampede towards the kitchen provided our opportunity to exit. Solomon and I slid around the dining table and continued towards the living room. After a moment, I realized I was alone and Solomon was en route to the kitchen.

"Pie traitor," I said after him, then
added a little louder, "Cherry for me!"

"And my cake!" said Serena loudly.
"It has six layers!"

Even though cherry pie was forthcoming
, as long as the ten people in line before Solomon didn't finish it off, my spirits weren't lifted. Since our arrival, I'd been trying to corner Solomon all night to tell him of my shocking discovery that Nancy was laid to rest. For several months.

The person
we were searching for was not Nancy Grant.

To make matters worse, it looked like I
would be paying for our vacation. Not that I could even think of vacationing at a time like this. Not when I would likely have to admit Solomon was right, that there was something seriously strange about our case. Having to admit his hunch about Leo Chandler being a liar seemed to be playing out right in front of us, I should have ordered humble pie.

"Did I tell you about my new class at the adult ed center?" asked my mother
. She perched on the edge of the armchair I just dropped into.

"No, Mom."

"You'll be so pleased. I'm taking a spy class."

I looked up, blinking. "A what now?"

"Spy training. I'm going to learn how to be a spy. Isn't that great, Antonio?"

Delgado nodded. "That's great, Mrs. G." My newest niece, baby Victoria, reached a chubby hand upwards to stroke his cheek
before sliding her tiny fingers into his mouth. Unperturbed, he pretended to nibble them and she chuckled happily.

"Antonio thinks it's great," said Mom. "Class one is surveillance. We have to follow an unknowing subject without being caught
. We have to record all of our subject’s movements. Don't tell him, but tomorrow, I'm following your father." Behind her, my father stopped, his forkful of pie prevented from reaching his mouth. Then he sighed, shook his head, and carried on eating as my mother continued. "I bought a new notepad just for the project."

"What else does the class cover?" Delgado asked.

"Disguises, burn phones, gadgets, getaway driving - Daniel, can I borrow your..."

"No," said Daniel.

"Lexi..."

"No!" I said, my heart beating faster at the thought of
all the trauma my mom could put my VW through.

"Fine, I'll use my car
, but I don't think it's fast enough for getaway driving. There will be obstacles," said Mom. "I studied the example in the booklet."

"Pretend you're at the market on a Saturday afternoon," said Daniel. "It's very similar to advanced police driving training."

"Is that right? Huh." My mother nodded knowingly. "Let's see. What else does the training cover? Hand-to-hand combat, package drops and evading detection."

"Mom, what are you planning
to do with this after you finish the class?" It was dumb, I know, but I had to ask. Something compelled me. Something probably not very bright.

"I could become a private investigator!"

With a heavy sigh, Dad continued to panic-eat the rest of his pie.

"There are a lot of crimes to investigate
, you know."

"I think we have them covered, Mom," said Garrett, joining us. I looked past him hopefully, but there was no sign of Solomon or my pie. "And Lexi takes the ones we don't want."

"I even helped solve a crime," said Serena, turning to Delgado. He gave her such a look of utter adoration that I had to remind myself he once intimidated me. It was hard to be scared of a man with a toddler climbing over his shoulder, her frilly butt high in the air. "Remember, honey, when I told you about the time Lexi asked me about the notebook full of strange numbers? And how it led to busting a huge insurance fraud ring?"

"Yeah, you busted that one wide open," I snorted
, but Serena ignored me.

"I'm running surveillance right now," said Lily,
drawing my mother’s full attention on her. "I'm going to bust a punkass jerk for stealing from me."

"I could help you," said Mom. "I could be your getaway driver."

"I'm not getting away from anything or anyone. Mostly, I just sit still and watch. For hours."

"Who's watching Kyle now?" I wondered.

"Ruby."

"Then who's watching the bar?"

"Ohmygosh! The bar!" Lily's hands flew to her face and she dropped her jaw in mock horror before laughing. "The bar is covered."

"You should come to my class, Lily," said Mom, passing Lily a booklet. It had a spy in
a trench coat and hat on the front beneath the words,
Spy Training
. In smaller lettering, it said,
Taught by a CIA Operative
. I raised my eyebrows, but let it pass without comment.

"I think I will," said Lily. "I firmly believe in the value of a good disguise."

A plate with a slim slice of pie arrived in front of me. I looked at it with disappointment, then up at Solomon. "Is that all?"

"I had to pay Sam five bucks for th
e last slice."

Sam skidded into the room. In one hand
, he held a large slice of apple pie, and in the other was five dollars. "I don't like cherry pie," he said. "But I like green!"

"I stole your watch while you were driving the bargain," said Solomon, dangling a blue watch between his fingers. A few minutes earlier
, it was on Sam's wrist when he impressed us with the stopwatch function.

"Cool! Can you teach me that?" asked Sam, reaching for the watch, his eyes wide.

"No!" said his parents at the same time.

"I'm going to be a detective when I'm older," said Sam, grinning as Solomon dropped the watch into his palm. "Or a thief."

"Take the one with dental, son," said Garrett.

I tugged at Solomon's sleeve and just had time to whisper "I need to talk to you
," before my mother grabbed his other sleeve and asked him what kind of camera she should use for covert photography. thereby stamping
paid
on our discussion.

I ate my pie, all four pitiful forkfuls of it, and deposited the plate on the coffee table
. I looked around at the adults perched on every comfortable surface, and the kids huddled together on the floor with a large basket of Legos. It had been a while since we were all in the same room together. Even though it was a strain, being squeezed into a house that now burst at its proverbial seams, I wouldn't have missed it for the world. In that moment, my life seemed very complete.

Shame it was about to get really difficult, just as soon as I could get
my moment alone with Solomon. It should have happened when he picked me up, but instead, he sent a text message saying to meet him at my parents. It could also have happened over dinner, except somehow, we were seated at opposite ends. Perhaps, I could have passed him a note, but this wasn't homeroom. Besides, the eight people separating us would all have read it. That was the thing with a huge Irish family like ours: there were no secrets.

"You two should go into business together," said Mom, making me blink. What did I miss? "You could be called the Two Graves Detective Agency!"

"Who? Dad and me?" I asked.

"No, you and Lily. But if you asked your dad, you could be the Three Graves Detective Agency."

"I go by Shuler-Graves," said Lily, "since I'm a modern woman."

I gave her an approving nod before turning back to my mother to ask, "You do remember
, Solomon is my boss, don't you?"

"Yes."

"And you're trying to poach me in front of him?"

"Ah," said Mom.

"I'm armed," said Solomon. We all looked at him. "Not really," he said. "And you can't have Lexi. She's working a big case."

"Maybe I'll start an agency," said Mom. Behind her
, my dad turned around and headed back to the kitchen.

"Maybe you should do a few field trips first," suggested Solomon
. Several heads shook and a couple of “shut ups!” ensued, but he carried on regardless.

"Get a feel for the work. It's not for everyone."

"That's a great idea. I have a field trip for my practical exam, and with the surveillance I plan to run on your father, I should get lots of valuable experience." A glass dropped in the kitchen.

"Good for you," said Solomon. "Lexi is still mine."

"I don't like a possessive man," said Mom, giving him a pointed look.

"Her job has a great incentive plan."

"Don't get fresh, young man! You keep your incentives to yourself."

"Mom!" I squeaked.

"I get the double entendres!" said Mom.

"That wasn't one!" I sighed
, putting my head into my hands. "He meant health insurance."

"It's hard to know with you young people."

Lily nudged me. "Your mom called us young."

"We are young!"

"I need a cigarette," said Garrett.

"Me too," said Daniel.

Jord frowned at both of them, then pointed his finger to each of our brothers in turn. "You quit, and you don't smoke."

"I'm starting," said Daniel. "I just decided."

"May as well join you," said Jord, following the two of them out the back of the house into the yard.

"I better check on your father," said Mom, rising. "I'll see if I can surprise him." She tiptoed towards the kitchen
, and for a moment, we all just watched her.

"Your mom's great," said Delgado.

"Serena will be just like her one day," I reminded him. Or rather, warned.

"And you?" Delgado wanted to know.

"Probably, but better dressed," I admitted, "and stealthier."

With my brothers and parents out of the way, I grabbed Solomon by the elbow and propelled him out of the living room. There were few places to escape to. If we went upstairs, my mother would probably follow us with milk and cookies
before reminding us to leave the door open. If we closed the door, she would probably have handed me a pregnancy test on the way out. If we stepped out front, the neighbors would call my mom and ask what we were doing. There was only one other option. I opened the sliding doors and we stepped out onto the patio. My brothers looked up guiltily from their huddle as I pushed the door shut again.

"I thought you were all smoking," I said. "But it looks like you're reading a florist catalog."

"We have wives," said Garrett. "We know what side our bread is buttered on. I smell of smoke, Traci gets mad and sprays everything I touch. I send her flowers for absolutely no reason, and she's happy. Very happy. What do you think of the carnations?" He held up the catalog.

"Very pretty," I said. "Now if you excuse us, we have things to discuss."

Daniel and Jord looked up. "Are you pregnant?" asked Daniel.

"No!"

"Don't touch our little sister," said Jord. "We're armed and we know you're not."

Solomon held his hands up. "I promise not to touch your sister."

"Oh, c'mon guys!" I half-yelled in exasperation. I grabbed Solomon's hand and dragged him to the end of the yard, our footsteps muffled by the sounds of my brothers’ snickering.