“Yeah, she’s like the Energizer bunny. I don’t know w
here she gets all that energy.”
“She must have a caffeine drip or something,” he said and we both began to laugh. “Where’s Alex?” he asked
, looking around.
“He just went to the bathroo
m. He’ll be back in a minute.”
He nodded and got himself a drink. We stood in silence as the music continued to pound and Mandy continued to go crazy on the dance floor. A few moments later, the music began to fade and was replaced with a slow song.
Mandy came bounding over to us.
“Hey guys! I’m running to the bathroom. Be right back,” she said and was gone a second later.
“Seriously…she’s too much,” I chuckled.
“Yeah, she is,” he said and then looked around the gym until his eyes finally landed on me. “
Wanna dance?”
“Um…ye
ah…sure,” I replied hesitantly.
“Whoa…try and curb your enthusias
m a bit,” he said with a laugh.
“I’m sorry
, Jesse. I’d love to dance with you,” I said, laying the sarcasm on thick.
He smiled at me and took my hand as he led me to the dance floor. We found a spot near the back that wasn’t too crowded and Jesse put his arms around my waist. He seemed nervous at first as he rested his hands on my hips, but once I wrapped my arms around his neck, he seemed to relax a little.
“I’m not a very good dancer,” he said with a shy smile as we swayed back and forth to the beat.
“Neither am I, and don’t worry, you’re doing fine,” I said
, giving him a reassuring smile.
“You look really pretty
tonight,” he said a few moments later. Per my usual reaction, my cheeks flushed at his compliment. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to embarrass you.”
“No, no…you didn’t. Thank you. You look very handsome tonight. I’m not used to this sophisticated version of you. You almost look presentable.”
“Um…I think that was a compliment?” he said scratching his head.
“It was.”
“Would I fit in in Boston?” he asked, raising his nose in the air like a stuck up aristocrat.
“Maybe.”
“Well, it’s a start,” he said, suddenly grabbing my hand and spinning me like you’d see in an old movie, before pulling me back to him and holding me close for a moment.
“Nice move
. And you said you can’t dance.”
“Well, I try,” he said and then dipped me, causing me to burst out laughing. “You liked that?” he asked when he pulled me up again and we both started laughing.
“Mind if I cut in?” Alex’s voice broke in causing our laughter to stop. His voice was short and crisp and he wasn’t looking at me, but at Jesse, and he didn’t look happy.
“Yeah, sure,” Jesse said
, letting go of me and stepping back. “Thanks for the dance, Riley.” He winked at me and then walked away.
“I leave you alone for five minutes and you run of
f with another guy,” he said and I couldn’t tell if he was being serious or not.
“We were only dancing,” I said
, trying not to sound too defensive.
“Maybe that’s what you thought, but it
was more than dancing to him.”
“No,
it wasn’t. He’s my friend.”
“I don’t
like the way he looks at you.”
“He doesn’t look at me
in any way,” I said, wondering if my glare looked as harsh as it felt.
“You’re so naïve
, Riley. You’re completely blind to the fact that your good friend, Jesse is totally in love with you,” he said, cracking a smile and then wrapping his arms around me as we started to dance.
“You’re wrong. We’re just friends. And anyway, it doesn’t matter because I’m in love with you,” I said and then felt myself freeze, realizing what had just slipped out of my mouth. My aptit
ude for blushing didn’t fail me as I felt my face burning.
“Excuse me?” he asked
, smiling down at me.
“Nothing,” I said
, praying he really hadn’t heard me.
“Did y
ou say you’re in love with me?”
“No, I didn’t sa
y that.”
“Okay, we’ll pretend you didn’t say you love me,” he said
, leaning in and kissing my cheek, before whispering in my ear. “But I know what I heard and I feel the same way.”
I felt my heart start to p
ound and I pulled back to look up at him. He was smiling and I suddenly didn’t feel so stupid for what I had just said.
“Hey, you
wanna get outta here?” he asked with a grin.
“Yeah, let’s go,” I agreed
quickly and we left the dance floor and headed towards the door, but not before Mandy stopped us. She and Jesse were standing with Holly and Brandon.
“Are you guys le
aving?” she called out to us.
I took Alex’s hand
and led him over to my friends.
“Yeah,
we’re taking off,” I told her.
“We’re gonna leave here
in a few also. We’re all going to Jesse’s house to play pool and hang out. You guys wanna come?” she asked excitedly.
I turned to Alex and I could tell
by his eyes the answer was no.
“No th
anks,” Alex said. “We’re just gonna head back to my place. We’ll catch you later though, okay?”
“Yeah, okay,” she said with the usual giggly voice she o
ften used when talking to Alex.
“Bye
, guys,” I said, smiling over to my friends and giving them a little wave. “See you on Monday.”
Chapter Twenty-Three
“What’d you think of the dance?” Alex asked as he turned on the lights and tossed his keys onto the counter.
“I had a great time,” I said as he took my hand and led me into the living room.
“Me too.
Are you sure you were okay leaving early though?”
“Yeah.
A couple of hours was enough. I’m more interested in spending some quiet time with you.”
“Oh yeah?” he asked
, raising an eyebrow.
I nodded and he walked over and cupped my face as he stared into my eyes before leaning in and kissing me. As his lips moved slowly over mine, I felt the familiar stirrings in my stomach that I always got whenever he kissed me like this. He was slow and deliberate, as if he knew what he was doing to me, and then he pulled back a few seconds later.
“Let’s go upstairs,” he whispered.
We walked up the staircase and down the hall to his room. He turned on the light and just like every time I saw Alex’s room, I was impressed by how ornate it was. Maybe ornate wasn’t exactly the right word, but it was definitely the nicest room I’d ever seen. It was twice the size of my room in my grandma’s old farmhouse. It was even bigger than my parent’s master suite in our townhouse in Boston. The walls were painted dark blue with pristine white trim and crown molding. There was a large bed in the middle of the room underneath a picture window that was covered with a plaid comforter. A computer desk was against the right wall and a large white armoire was on the opposite one. I was impressed by how clean it was and how fresh it smelled.
“I swear, your room looks like it belongs in the pages of a magazine,” I said when we stepped inside.
“It’s alright.”
“C’mon. You know it’s more than alright. My room looks like a homeless shelter compared to this.”
“It’s the way my dad
shows his love. Always the best of everything,” he said, seeming distracted as he removed his suit jacket, draping it over the chair in the corner of the room. He loosened his collar before sitting down on the edge of the bed. “Come sit by me.” He patted the space next to him and I walked over and sat down beside him. He took my hand in his and began rubbing the back of it with his thumb. He then removed my corsage and placed it on the nightstand.
“I don’t want anything to happen to it,” he said
, rubbing the spot it had been, sending chills up my arm and he turned to face me, staring into my eyes. “I know you don’t believe me and I know your face is going to turn bright red when I say this, but you really are beautiful, especially tonight.”
Just as he said, my f
ace flushed and I looked away.
“Mind if I take your
hair down?” Before I could answer, he reached up and undid my barrette causing my hair to spill into a mass of curls down my back. He gently ran his hands through it for a moment and then leaned in and kissed my cheek softly. “I know you deny saying it earlier, but I know what I heard and I want to know if you meant it.”
I pau
sed, unsure really what to say.
“I don’t know
,” I said quietly as I searched my heart and mind trying to decipher my feelings for him.
“Well, you said it
, so part of you must love me.”
“I…I think I might love you
. I know I’ve never felt this way about anyone else.”
“Then you must love me,” he said
, swooping in quickly and kissing me deeply before pulling back. “I know I love you.”
My heart started racing as the words left his lips.
I know I love you.
They sounded like a song and without any words, he kissed me again. He started slowly, moving his lips gently over mine. His breath began to quicken and his hands got lost in my hair. I eagerly kissed him back and when he laid me back on the bed, I didn’t object.
“Are you okay?” his husk
y whisper asked between kisses.
“Yes,” I said breathlessly as he made his way down t
he deep neckline of my dress.
His hand moved slowly down my side and I felt him carefully pulling at the hem of my dress, forcing it to climb up my leg until I felt his warm palm on my thigh, causing me
to tense up.
“I want to show you how much I love you
, Riley,” he whispered in my ear as his hand continued to inch higher. “Please…let me show you.”
My heart was racing and my mind was swimming. The entire world d
isappeared and I heard the word, “
Yes,”
escape from my lips.
C
hapter Twenty-Four
I hardly slept that night, but when the light peeked in through my window in the morning, I was in no rush to go downstairs. Would my mom know? Would I look different? Would she be able to tell her little girl wasn’t a little girl anymore just by looking at me or could I hide it from her?
As I lay in bed, staring at the ceiling, I knew I felt different. It was like yesterday, my mind still had an innocence I hadn’t even been aware of. But, this morning that innocence was gone.
I was still trying to wrap my head around what had happened with Alex. I hadn’t planned for it to happen, but it had and I couldn’t stop thinking about it. I always wondered how it would happen. Who would it be with and how would it feel? I’d always known it would be with
someone I loved and I’d convinced myself I was in love with Alex and I still felt that way, except I knew what we’d done had changed everything. Our playful, fun relationship had taken a very serious turn, and after that turn I knew there was no going back.
Even though I was alone, I felt myself b
lushing, thinking back on what we’d done. Alex now knew more about me than anyone on the planet. He’d been sweet and tender and understanding of my inexperience. He was so sure of himself and even though we hadn’t really talked about it, I knew it wasn’t his first time. But, it didn’t matter to me when it was happening. When I actually thought about it now though, with a clear head, it did bother me a little and I was curious who else he’d been with. And I wondered if it meant as much to him as it meant to me.
I shook my head, trying to rid myself of the thoughts. What was done was done and there was nothing I could do about it. I was seventeen after all. In four mo
nths I’d be eighteen. It wasn’t like I was some junior high student losing her virginity, which unfortunately I had known a few in my life. I was practically an adult and I hadn’t done it with some random guy. I cared about Alex. We loved each other. It had to happen someday and I smiled as Alex’s face popped into head. I was glad it had been him.
****
I finally made my way downstairs around eleven o’clock, even though I’d been awake since eight. With each step, I felt my heart pound even harder, knowing my mom was waiting at the bottom.
“Hi,” I said when I walked into the living room. I was doing my best not to sound nervous, even though I totally was. My mom was folding laundry as she sat on the couch. I sat down beside her and took out a pair of my grandma’s jeans from the wicker basket to fold.
“Hi,” my mom said, looking over at me quizzically. I couldn’t tell if the look was because she knew what I’d done or because she couldn’t understand why I was helping to fold clothes, which I never ever did without being hounded about it.
“Did I wake you up when I got home last night?” I asked as I set the folded jeans on the coffee table and reached in and pulled out a pair of sweatpants.
“I was still awake,” she told me, which I figured was the case. I’d only asked because I was trying to make small-talk, which was obviously not the way to keep under my mom’s radar. While things had been better between us lately, we still weren’t back to our pre-move relationship, which meant I usually didn’t offer up a lot of conversation. For some reason though, I couldn’t stop talking. My mind was like a flowing stream of consciousness and I thought if I kept talking, she wouldn’t know what I’d done.
“Yeah, I thought you would be. I just wanted to make sure I hadn’t been too noisy because I was really trying to be quiet.”
“You were fine,” she said with that questionable look again that made me uncomfortable. “Did you have a good time last night?”
“Yes!” I said in a voice that I knew sounded way too perky the moment it came out. Even before our relationship had been strained, I’d never been described as perky, so I knew I had to tone it down. “Yea
h, it was a lot of fun.”
“I know Alex was keeping it a surprise, but what did you guys end up doing for dinner?” she asked and I was beginning to think she wasn’t too suspicious after all. I could tell she liked talking like this with me, especially since things had been…well, the way they’d been ever since we’d moved to
Carver.
“We actually had dinner at his house,” I said with a smile, thinking back to how innocently the evening had started.
“Really?” she asked and I could tell she was genuinely surprised.
“Yeah.
I was surprised too. His mom made lasagna, which we ate by candlelight.”
“That’s…really nice,” she said slowly, but then a grin spread across her face and then we were both smiling.
“Yeah, it was.”
“You really like Alex, don’t you?” she said, still holding onto the white blouse she’d picked out of the laundry basket a few minutes before, but had yet to fold.
“Yeah, I do.”
“You two are getti
ng pretty serious, aren’t you?”
“Yeah, we are,” I replied and then we were both quiet. I could tell she was thinking about something by the way her eyes drifted off to the corner of the room.
“I can tell Alex makes you happy, Ry,” she said and I interrupted her.
“He does,” I
said quietly.
“
You’ve only known each a couple of months. I hope things aren’t moving too fast.” I could tell she was treading lightly, not wanting to rock the boat, but there was definite apprehension in her voice.
“I know it hasn’t been that long,” I said
, careful not to snap, but then considered maybe I should. That would be a sure way not to blow my cover, considering I’d been snapping at my mom on a daily basis since we moved to Carver. “We just…we just really clicked,” I told her, keeping with the nice voice. “You know,” I continued with a slight laugh. “I am almost eighteen. It’s okay for me to like boys.”
“I know that
,” she said, laughing and gently slapping my arm.
“Then don’t worry
.”
“I
’m your mother, that’s my job.”
“Well, you don’t need to worry that much about Alex and me because everything is great,” I said positively.
“I just…it’s just…” she stuttered and again her eyes looked to the corner of the room while she thought. I rarely saw her flustered. She was my mom after all, my completely put together, all knowing mom. But, she seemed unsure of what to say now. “Riley…you changed…a lot…when we moved here. I knew you were mad. Mostly at me,” she added. “You were sad and angry and I knew you missed your friends and everything back in Boston. I just want to make sure this connection you have with Alex is genuine and not a result of the loneliness you felt after moving here.”
A couple of weeks ago, I would’ve been furious at her for making such a ridiculous suggestion, but I wasn’t mad. I knew she was just concerned and if she knew what I’d done last night, she’d freak.
“It’s not like that, Mom. He’s…he’s really great.”
She was quiet, but then gave me an unconvincing smile
.
“Just be careful,” she said
, touching my knee for a moment before finally folding the white blouse.