Kindled (Book 3 The Kindred Series) (40 page)

   But they had come back for her
. They had given her another shot, and they had deposited
her
in her room once more, where Julian had been waiting for her. She had no idea what they were looking for with all of these tests and tortures, no idea what they were trying to do t
o
her, what they wanted to prove. And she couldn’t even begin to imagine. She only knew that it could not be good.

   She also wondered how much longer they were going to keep
them
both
alive. Once they were done with their tests, and knew whatever it was they w
anted to know
, she would be of no use to
them
,
and neither would Julian. Cassie shuddered to think that they might destroy him before her, leaving her completely alone
in this hell
.

   She knew she could not survive that. She would snap completely
i
f
she was left alone. H
er sanity
would
shred
, leaving her a shell of the person she had once been
. She was beginning to wonder if that was what they truly wanted from her after all.
If they just wanted to see her a huddled mess, unable to think or act coherently anymore.

   “I’m fine,” she whispered
, trying hard not to think about what they intended for them
.

   “Why don’t you tell me about when you used to ride,” he suggested softly.

   Cassie thought back to he
r
early
years
,
when
s
he had been obsessed with horses
,
and riding. She had taken lessons nearly every day, preferring to be on a horse than solid ground. They were the happiest times of her life, but she
’
d given up riding when Luther had arrived
and
inform
ed
her of
her Hunter legacy
.

  
There had been no room for riding after that,
no time for anything other than training and fighting. S
he had lost a large part of herself when Luther had told her about the blood and death that would fill her life from that moment on.
Part of that
loss
had been her love
of
riding
,
and the sense of freedom
that
it had given her.
After Luther had arrived,
she had never known freedom again.

   She hadn’t thought about riding in a long time, had almost completely forgotten about it
.
I
t seemed like a life time
ago
now
.
She had been a
completely different person
then
.
That
Cassie had been hopeful and bright and full of life.
This
Cassie was beaten, nearly broken, and barely clinging to her sanity
.

   She didn’t want to recall that time of her life, or that Cassie. It wasn’t comforting to her right now.

   “
No,
I don’t want to talk about that,
not tonight. Let’s talk about you tonight.”

   Julian looked at her in surprise, but he seemed to sense
her morose and sad thoughts
. “What do you want
to know?”

  
She was silent for a moment, there was so much that she wanted to know about him and his life. But she didn
’
t want to hear about Devon, not here, not now. She didn’t think she’d be able
to tolerate thoughts of Devon right now, not after today anyway.
“
How did you become
a vampire
?” she asked quietly.

  
He turned toward her, his eyes dark and withdrawn, tired. It was obvious that the daily grind was starting to wear on h
im
too
.
He was silent for a
long
moment
before he finally answered
. “
I fell in love with the wrong woman
,” he a
dmitted
.

   Cassie’s eyebrows shot up, her mouth parted slightly in surprise
.
Julian, in love?
It seemed impossible, and yet…

   She had gotten to know him well since they had been locked in here
.
Y
es
,
he was a murderer and he was vicious and cruel, but there was still a good man underneath it all.
A good, caring man.
One she had never expected to find.
One she had ne
ver imagined could
exist
, and yet one that she had actually come to care for and trust
.
One that she relied on to help her
stay
alive
,
and sane.

  
“W
ho was she?” Cassie inquired
.

   He turned away from her, his jaw clenched as a muscle jumped in his cheek. For a moment she was afraid that he was not going to continue, that he would not talk about it with her. “She was everything,” he said softly.
“Smart, sophisticated, and so very beautiful.”
He looked
back at her, his eyes narrowed
slightly as he surveyed her.
There was a keen appreciation in his gaze that rattled her slightly.
“Almost as beautiful as you.”
   Cassie’s mouth
dropped
, her eyes widen
ed
in shock.
Julian
thought
she
was beautiful?
Cassie
was discomfited by
his words
, but
she was
even more discomfited by the fact that the knowledge caused a strange thrill to run through her.
She was oddly pleased by the notion.
Cassie
turned away from him
as she
tr
ied
to ignore the strange turning in her stomach. What the hell was the matter with her? Had she already lost her mind
?
Was
this some sort of strange dream world
that her shattered mind had created
?

   “What was her name?” she asked softly, trying to divert herself from her troubling thoughts and feelings.

   “Victoria. Her name was Victoria and there wasn’t anything I wouldn’t do for her, including give up my life
,
my humanity.”

   “You can get your humanity back.”

   He snorted softly. “
It’s a little too late for that.
”

   She shook her head
, swallowing heavily as she
met
his intense stare once more
. “
No it’s not,
Devon changed.”

   “And you would like it if I was more like Devon?”

   There was a tight anger in his voice, a tension that alerted her to the fact that he was not
pleased
by the
notion.
She sighed softly, hating the anguish and self loathing
that
wash
ed
off of him.
“No,” she said softly. “I like you just the way you are, but you have the choice to take y
our humanity back if you want it
.”

  
His nostrils flared slightly, his eyes perused her slowly. “I supp
ose you
’r
e right,” he said tersely
. “I could make that choice
if
I wanted too.”
   “But you don’t?”

   He shrugged. “I never had a reason to
,
before.”

  
Cassie remained silent, studying his hard profile, wishing that she could soothe the pain and tension she felt radiating from him.
Before what?
she
wondered, but
she
decided against
pursuing
that line of questioning. She wasn’t sure that she would like the answer
.
O
r
, if she was truly honest with herself,
she was frightened
that she may like
the answer
too much.
“What happened with Victoria?” she asked softly, wishing to change the topic.

   He shrugged negligently. “I fell in love, she changed me
, and I became a monster
.
I think
she did so
mainly
so she could
have a puppet to play with, a
puppet to
use as she wished.
She never loved me
,
and though she enjoyed playing with me
,
and toying with my emotions
, she quickly became bored with me
. I woke up one day and she was gone.”

   Cassie’s heart ached for him
, ached for the pain and misery and loss she sensed beneath his cavalier tone
. “I’m sorry.”

   He shrug
ged again
. “
It’s all good; I got over that bitch years ago.
Truth be told,
I didn’t think our kind was capable of love
,
until you and Devon. When I touched him and felt the vast amount of love he had for you, it fascinated me.”

   Cassie glanced guiltily away. Devon did love her, whole heartedly. He was probably going through hell right now trying to find her, probably nearly crazed with his
desperation to find her
. And she was sitting here
,
experiencing
odd feelings for one of
Devon’s
greatest enemies.
One of
her
greatest enemies.

  
Except he wasn’t her enemy anymore
, and at one time he had been Devon’s best friend
.
In here, Julian
had become her only sense of comfort, the only thing keeping her alive. In a strange way
he
had become one of her closest friends. They shared a common bond that no one else would understand
,
know about
, or experience
.
And she would never want them to
know
about it
,
or experience it
.
They were linked together by this awful experience, and they were the only
reason that the other was still alive. For although she had come closer to losing her mind th
e
n h
e had
, she knew that he was just barely clinging to his sanity and composure also.

  
“I wanted to destroy that love.”

   She looked sharply
back at him, her eyes narrowed
angrily.
“Why?” she demanded.

   He shrugged.
“Why should Devon get the happy ending that I had been denied?”

   Cassie’s mouth parted in surprise, her heart ached for the deeper well of pain she felt inside of him.
“And
how do you feel
now?”

  
A
musement
curved
his hard mouth
but it did not reach his eyes
.
He looked so much softer and younger and more approachable when he smiled like that.
“Now I don’t.”

   She was silent as she studied him.
“Why not?”

   He shrugged absently
as he
dropp
ed
his head to the
glass
.
“Because it would hurt
you
if I destroyed him.”
   The breath froze in her lungs, her heart pumped loudly in her chest. Confusion swirled through her as she tried to puzzle out his words
,
and how she felt about them. “Julian…”
   Her words faded away as he turned back to her, his eyes forceful and lost. “I know
how you feel about him princess
. I’ve touched you,
and I know the depth of your love for him, the purity of it. I expect nothing from you, and I won’t hurt you
.
E
ver.”

   Tears filled her eyes
and
slipp
ed
silently down her cheeks.
Though she was confused by her strange new feelings f
or him, she knew that he was
not
confused.
It was apparent that h
e cared for her deeply,
that he
may in fact be in love with her.
She ached for him
, ached for the feelings he had; feelings
she could not return. Not in the way that he wanted her to at least.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered.