KATE GOSSELIN: HOW SHE FOOLED THE WORLD - THE RISE AND FALL OF A REALITY TV QUEEN (95 page)

CRUISE CONTROL

Just sit right back and you’ll hear a tale, a tale of a fateful trip … Actually, no you won’t because this floating, would-be disaster never got the chance to leave port, as many suspected from the day it was announced. It is impossible to imagine anyone, anywhere, ever thinking there would be enough people on
Earth foolish enough to spend their hard-earned money to go on The Kate Gosselin Celebrity Cruise – especially in August during hurricane season. But here was the pitch, in black and white:

Sail with Kate!

Join reality star KATE GOSSELIN on a spectacular ship

Join reality TV star Kate Gosselin, full time mother (of Eight) and author of several books including her latest, I just Want You To Know, Letters To My Kids On Love, Faith and Family, aboard the Allure of the Seas, the newest ship in Royal Caribbean’s awe-inspiring Oasis class.

Highlights & Extras

• Private Events and Highlights
  
• Please check back often as more details become available.
  
• Meet Kate Gosselin at our private welcome cocktail party
  
• A commemorative personalized gift from Kate (one per family)
  
• Capture your memories onboard with a personal photo with Kate Gosselin
  
• Join Kate for a private BBQ on deck with a fabulous band
  
• Join Kate for a morning brunch
  
• Fun fun family games with Kate and staff
  
• Charity dinner with Kate (optional)
  
• Got questions for Kate? Attend her Q & A session
  
• Check out Kate's latest book and bring it onboard for a book signing
  
• Doesn't Kate always have the best ideas! Learn a new craft from the professional herself
  
• Let's explore! Shore excursion with Kate
  
• Let's talk about our fabulous cruise experience! Private group farewell dinner
  

Events subject to change.

This cruise had nothing to do with Kate wanting to meet or please her fans. Kate wouldn’t give her fans the time of day if there wasn’t something in it for her. No, this cruise was just one more shameless attempt for Kate to make money by taking advantage of her fans, and for her manager, Julie May, to earn a commission. This was obvious because of the extremely inflated price of the “Sail with Kate!” cruise and because they scheduled it during hurricane season, which meant they could make the greatest profit since there would normally be plenty of cabins available to sell.

Kate is uncomfortable around people in general, and her “annoying” fans in particular. She had to change her tune, though, to seem warm, welcoming and excited as she tried to convince her “followers” to plunk down their hard-earned money to cruise with her. These are some of her tweets about the cruise:

Here’s a big announcement that will have an Allure for you and your kids
http://t.co/KbJBKi0c
Come hang out! Can’t wait to meet you!

I would love to have a chance to meet you. . We are gonna have SO much F.U.N.
http://t.co/KbJBKi0c

Hey guys, have you booked your cruise with me yet? I cannot wait to get crazy and have fun with YOU!
http://t.co/KbJBKi0c

I can’t wait to meet you all!Pls don’t miss it! I’m getting all teary eyed hoping2meet so many of u in 1 place!
http://t.co/KbJBKi0c

That sure sounds like a person who really, really, really wants to meet her fans, doesn’t it? But was she being truthful? Read on, then you make the call.

In January of 2012, Kate was in Los Angeles doing an interview at The Grove, whatever that is. There was video footage of her and Steve Neild outside after her interview ended, and she was surrounded by her “fans.” You know, the ones who she says over and over and over that she would loooooove to meet.

So there was Kate, at ten o’clock in the morning, standing up on a platform being interviewed, all dressed up in a shiny silver mini-dress right out of Star Trek Deep Space Nine, smiling and surrounded by her adoring fans and curious onlookers. Yet the moment the interview ended, the fake smile left Kate’s face and she stepped down from the platform to get the Hell out of there and away from her admiring fans (or “friends” as she likes to call them on Twitter) as fast as she could. Steve, bodyguard/road manager extraordinaire, had the presence of mind to make her come back for a minute to interact with some of the people who had waited patiently for a chance to see her. Google “Kate Gosselin at The Grove.” If you watch and listen to the clip closely, you will hear Kate say to Steve, “That wasn’t part of it.”

“That,” meaning interacting with her fans, might not have been “part of it,” but it sure as heck is something that a person in Kate’s position should be smart enough to do if she is serious about maintaining the false appearance that she gives a crap about her fans.

Kate pitched the cruise on Twitter relentlessly. She didn’t provide any helpful details about it, she just begged and cajoled and gushed over her fans to try to convince them to pony up the big bucks for the cruise. It’s disgusting that Kate was on Twitter badgering her fans who couldn’t afford to go on her cruise, to go on her cruise, just 2 months before she wrote a blog where she told people how they could save money by taking a staycation. As usual, Kate’s tweets are in bold.

xxxxx @Kateplusmy8 we r planning Disney cruise for ths summr. Maybe I change it 2 ths one :)

seriously, Sarah? Please DO!!!!

you signing up? I’ll die if so!!! Say yes! And bring the tweenie…:)

xxxxx @Kateplusmy8 So happy for you! I’d love 2 go-have to wait and see…

omg!!!!! Say yes… to the cruise! :)

ours is outta ft Lauderdale… Do it do it do it! ;)

xxxxx @Kateplusmy8 OMGosh!!! I cannot believe it. I am so excited and pray I can do this. May have to sell an organ, but by golly I want to go! :)

I’ll cry tears of joy if you can do it and especially if you bring all your organs (and pianos!) along lol!

xxxxx @Kateplusmy8 Me too. I think it would be a blast. Gonna try and go.

yay! Please do! Omg I’m getting so excited- already!

xxxxx @Kateplusmy8 Kate…would U wheel around in wheelchair? LOL

I’ll wheel you anywhere u want to go… I’ll give the lights out man a break, no problem! Don’t let wheels stop u! Please?!

xxxxx @Kateplusmy8 Just read about your Cruise…then I got a text on my phone saying “Needs some extra funds for the New Year” …Sho-do!

oh Leigh we’d laugh til we cried… Get moving lady…;)

xxxxx @Kateplusmy8 just got brochure 4 “Katecruise” u r making it tough to say no! Thx 4 info!!!

please say yes, Rhonda! So want to meet you!!!;)

xxxxx @Kateplusmy8 Researching cruise,airfare,hotel w/DH this afternoon. Anything you can say to convince him to sign on? ;-)

puuuulllleeassse? I so wanna meet you! (for real!)

yay!!! This is so amazing… Getting to meet some great tweety friend! :) so so exciting!

ahhhhh! I’m so excited!!!!! Cannot wait to meet you!!! Who else is going??! Please tell!

xxxxx @Kateplusmy8 So adorbs..Every year me+a circle of friends take cruise every year+my bf for over 30yrs is a travel agent..very tempting.
.


DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT..Lolo

In these next tweets, rather than telling this very impressionable and fragile girl who has been idolizing Kate for many months, not to worry about missing the cruise because she’s doing the right thing by saving for college, Kate responds with only a sad face. What a perfect way to make this poor girl feel guilty and bad.

xxxxx @Kateplusmy8 I have to save up for college!

Sad face :(

In this next Twitter exchange, a woman tweets to Kate telling her that she can’t afford to go on Kate’s cruise because she is already going on a cruise one month before. Not seeming to consider this woman’s financial circumstances, Kate continues to beg her to go:

xxxxx @Kateplusmy8 I still want to go on cruise in August but since we are going to Alaska in July not sure finances can handle both

please please sign up! Dying to meet you!We will all have so much fun! Can’t wait!Will spend lotsa X w my friends! :)

Some of Kate’s followers finally dared to mention the expense of the trip, which by all accounts was priced much higher than it should have been. To give you an idea of how much higher, the exact same cruise without the Kate Gosselin events could be booked on
expedia.com
for $824 per person. The price range for the cruise including the “Sail With Kate” experience came in at a whopping $1,900 to $3,175 per person. But in her tweets, Kate denied all responsibility for the expense. The bold tweets are Kate’s answers to questions and comments about the cost of the cruise on Twitter:

xxxxx @Kateplusmy8 I’ve been unemployed for 2 years. OMG….who can AFFORD this? I’m soooooooo sad now……

xxxxx @Kateplusmy8 Not that many people can afford to join you. Why so expensive?

I have nothing to do with that… I’m just going to meet greet and have fun with everyone! :)

xxxxx @Kateplusmy8 Are you paying?

I so wish I could pay for all of you… I wish $ didn’t stop vacations/family memories. Don’t you?

xxxxx @Kateplusmy8 need to lower the prices.

I’m not in charge of that or it would be free for ALL! :)

The prices for celebrity events such as this are not arrived at arbitrarily. You can bet your bottom dollar that Kate’s manager, Julie May, negotiated and settled on Kate’s compensation for the cruise long before it was ever announced. And as Kate’s representative, Julie May would have been obligated to inform Kate about the negotiated price. That’s the way it works. There’s no way Kate’s manager would let a cruise line dictate dollar figures to her. So when Kate told her followers that she had nothing to do with the price of the cruise, she was telling them yet another BIG, FAT LIE.

For weeks, Kate avoided answering the many questions she received on Twitter regarding whether her kids were going on the cruise.

xxxxx @Kateplusmy8 are the kids going?! :)

xxxxx @Kateplusmy8 Your cruise sounds so fun…wish I could go! :( Are the kids going with? Your first cruise?

These tweets elicited no response from Kate, the ultimate responder to all tweets great and small. But rather than just saying “Nope. It’ll just be me. My kids won’t be joining us,” she kept hope alive that they were going. You could sense that it was only a matter of time until the kids were drawn into this lie and exploitation.

So after almost a month of shameless promotion and lies to try to get people to sign up, and despite all of Alice Travel’s marketing nonsense that people were going crazy for the Kate cruise, sales were dismal. The response was totally underwhelming. It was time to bring out the ace in the hole.

Believe it or not, even though she wishes it were not so, and often deludes herself into believing it’s not so, and tries her darndest to do things to make it not so, Kate Gosselin is smart enough to realize that the only reason anyone cares about her is because of her kids. So what to do? What to do? Oh, wait. She would do the same thing she always does to salvage a money-making plan:

Yep. It’s true! Mady and Cara are sailing too! Can’t wait to have a big girls week with our fans! Join US!

Alice Travel even revised the itinerary to add the very creepy sales pitch that said something like, “Watch Kate play with her children on the beach!” Nothing screams vacation fun like putting children on display like trained monkeys.

But not even dangling the kids as bait could save this stinker of a non-event. So after more than three months of guerilla marketing and promotion, and Kate’s shameless begging, the Kate portion of the cruise was quietly laid to rest. It was simply destined to fail, like everything else Kate Gosselin touches.

And after her hundreds and hundreds of tweets about the cruise, you are probably curious about how Kate notified her 90+ thousand Twitter followers of its cancellation. In true Kate Gosselin fashion, she didn’t. It was as if Kate’s involvement in the cruise had never been announced. The Alice Travel website disappeared, and Kate never mentioned it again, or gave any public explanation at all. The organizers were kind enough to
release this brief statement on May 9, 2012: