Just Enough Light (22 page)

Five minutes later, a tired woman, two sleepy girls, and a dog were seated near the door, drinking bad coffee and contemplating the vagaries of life on the road once again. A life Kellen had believed she’d left behind. Not only for herself, but for Cody and Ren and Bogart.

She’d made them all a home. And now it seemed she was deciding for all of them. Deciding they needed to leave the sanctuary they’d found in Haven. Determining they needed to run.

That was not how it was supposed to work in chosen families.

She caught Ren looking at her and tried to smile.

“Kel, could we have a chosen family meeting?”

She looked at Ren, heard the jagged ache in her voice, and saw a pain in her eyes she wanted to chase away. She turned to Cody and saw her nod in agreement. “Of course. Now?”

Both girls nodded. “We know what you said,” Ren began. “That Cody would be safe no matter what—”

“But Ren’s not going anywhere without me,” Cody interrupted. “We love each other. We’re a team. And we, the three of us, we’re supposed to be a family. A chosen family. We’re supposed to make decisions like a family.”

“So why aren’t we doing that this time?” Ren asked plaintively. “And if we have to run, why aren’t we taking Doc D? She should be here with us. With you. Instead, she’s back at the cabin alone. She’ll be sad knowing we’ve all gone.”

When had these two young women grown up, Kellen wondered. Sometimes it seemed like it was only days ago that she’d picked them up in Seattle. Painfully thin, hungry, brutalized by life on the streets and barely communicating. And now look at them. Confident. Speaking up. And painfully right. Damn, it was no wonder she loved them.

“You’re right,” she acknowledged after a long moment. “I’ve handled this all wrong and I’m sorry.”

“It’s all right,” Ren said. “You got scared when they said your birth father was looking for you. I know how that feels. But we can still fix this, can’t we? We can still decide like a family?”

Kellen nodded as she closed her eyes. “Of course we can.”

“I vote to go back to Haven with the two of you,” Cody said. “We made a family there. We worked, we helped find people who were lost or hurt, and we had friends there. It was the first and only real home I’ve ever had and I don’t want to lose it.”

“Same goes for me,” Ren added when it was her turn to speak. “I know I’ll still be scared there, at least for a little while. Until Annie’s dad and the police catch the person who hurt you last year. And stop your birth father—and mine—from getting anywhere near us. But there are people in Haven who can help us. People like Doc D, and Annie and her dad. And the people on the team like Gabe and Sam and Tim and Jake. And Bogart. In fact, I was thinking maybe we could get another puppy so we can start training her, and Bogart can have a friend.”

As her words stopped, the silence poured in, and for an endless moment, all Kellen could hear was the sound of her own breathing. All she could feel was the wild pounding of her heart in her chest. She knew she didn’t want to run again. Didn’t want to live in a state that muted every color. She wanted to feel, and see, and taste life. She wanted a chance—

“I guess we’re going back to Haven.” She opened her eyes and stared at the two girls who meant so much to her. Reaching into her pocket, she took out enough money to cover their three coffees plus a good tip for the tired-looking waitress. She then stood up and shrugged into her jacket, watching while the girls did the same. “A puppy?”

After Annie left, Dana wandered aimlessly around the cabin, lost in thought. She stared in awe at a number of carvings Kellen had finished, saw other works still in progress. Felt much the same as she looked upon some paintings that were clearly Ren’s work. Evidence of incredible talent in two lives abandoned suddenly and unexpectedly.

It didn’t seem right.

But then nothing seemed right. The hours that had elapsed since Kellen had taken off dragged by and still she was unable to do anything but watch the clock and wonder how far from Haven Kellen and the girls had gotten.

Were they safe? Would they drive through the night? Would Kellen prefer the illusory safety of darkness and take her chances with the winding mountain roads?

The thought frightened her. She knew between Ren’s nightmares and Kellen’s own, it had been too long since Kellen had gotten a decent night’s sleep. She’d been visibly exhausted for the last week even as she gamely responded to callouts. And she was certainly in no condition to be driving all night, let alone making life-altering decisions.

Making decisions that don’t include you, isn’t that what you mean?

For a moment, Dana was pulled back to the life she’d left behind in Boston, a life where all decisions were made for her. It had been inconceivable that she would refuse to follow the path her father had laid out for her, starting with Harvard medical and ultimately taking a place at his side in his practice.

The expectation had always been that she would mirror her parents’ values, opinions, and wishes. And for a long time, Dana had allowed herself to be shaped and molded into the perfect child her parents had wanted. She had excelled in her studies, and if there had been moments when she’d longed for something more, she’d suppressed them.

And felt smothered by it all.

Her first true act of rebellion had led her to New York. But while her time there challenged her professionally and sharpened her medical skills, it had left no time for anything else. And if anything, it confirmed what she’d long known. That she wanted a life for herself quite different from that of her parents.

She wanted a life that, yes, included a career that was satisfying and fulfilling. But she also wanted a life that included laughter and friendships and love. Much like the life she’d started to build in Haven. Before Kellen made the decision to run.

Annie had looked at her with compassion-filled eyes and hadn’t wanted to leave her. But Dana had told her she’d be fine. She wanted to be alone, to think about what had happened. She knew one thing for certain.
I’m going to wait for her
. What else could she do? Because if nothing else, she was convinced Kellen would be back.

Maybe she needed to believe it, but it was the only answer that made sense. Kellen had poured her heart and soul into Alpine Search and Rescue and into making a home for the girls. Once she had a chance to distance herself from the fear brought about by knowing her father was looking for her and a stranger was trying to kill her, she would come back to the one place—the only place—she felt safe. Haven.

Releasing a sigh, Dana found a pair of Kellen’s pajama bottoms and a T-shirt, changed into them, and lit a fire before laying on Kellen’s king-sized bed. It was a bed they’d shared often lately, but as she pulled the duvet over her body, it brought no warmth. Only a penetrating chill as a trace of Kellen’s scent wafted in the air.

Epiphanies, it seemed, could happen at any time.

Nothing had prepared her. Nothing could have. Everything in Dana went painfully still as memories slashed through her. She tried to move. Couldn’t. Tried to breathe. Couldn’t. She glanced at the clock, saw the hour pushing deep into the night, and closed her eyes as her emotions threatened to overtake her. Leaving her struggling with the bittersweetness of the moment, Kellen’s name burning in her throat.

Oh my God, I’m in love with her.

She was—there could be no denying it. She was deeply in love. The kind of love that inspired poets. That inspired thoughts of forever.

And she was terrified to her core.

She knew now the first bolt of lightning had hit her while sitting on the side of a mountain road with a flat tire. Just as she knew she and Kellen belonged together. There was no question in her mind that Kellen was right for her. She just didn’t know if she was right for Kellen.

That fear left her vulnerable. Exposed and raw. Certain she’d just opened herself up to the potential for a lifetime of near-debilitating pain. Because when all was said and done, there was one question she couldn’t answer.

What if she didn’t come back?

Closing her eyes again, absorbing Kellen’s scent, she replayed the sound of Kellen’s voice, over and over again, as she whispered words to her while making love. Words that made her heart pound wildly, her breath catch in her throat, and need course through her body. She groaned and a shiver worked its way through her when she remembered the heat of Kellen’s mouth, the taste of her.

Oh God. At this rate, she would be crazy by morning.

Or maybe she already was.

Just before six, just after she’d built the fire up once again and gone back to bed, Dana was positive she heard the sound of the cabin’s front door open, then close with a barely discernable click. She held herself perfectly still and called herself every kind of fool possible, realizing how rash she’d been when she’d chosen to stay in Kellen’s cabin, alone, while Kellen’s father, a private investigator, and an unknown killer continued to hunt for her.

Held immobile by fear, a scream formed only to be caught in her throat the instant she saw who was standing at the bedroom door. No ghost, no phantom, no illusion.

Her hair was tangled around her face as if she’d run her hands through it one too many times. Her eyes were huge and shadowed and she looked exhausted.

But Dana had never seen anyone more beautiful. Relief swept through her so hard it made her tremble. Her eyes filled with tears and her hands came up to cover her mouth and hold in the sob that wanted to escape.

“There’s a coffee shop along the highway about six hours from here. It’s on the route to Salt Lake City,” Kellen said. “Have you ever been?”

“No, I can’t say that I have,” Dana whispered, unable to say more. The tears were closing in on her. Clogging her throat and searing her eyes.

“Well, it’s there. I know because I was there just a few hours ago when I stopped for gas. And the girls and I, we had a long overdue chosen family meeting. It turned out no one wanted to say good-bye to what we’d started here in Haven. We all recognize the risk, the danger inherent in our decision. But it seems we all want a chance to see this through. To see how things can turn out when you don’t have to run before the end arrives.”

“Does that mean you’re back to stay?”

Kellen swallowed nervously. She’d faced a lot of things in her relatively short life. Everything from snowstorms and floodwaters to street gangs to well-intentioned social workers. None of them had caused fear like what was now stirring inside her. But she knew this was no time to retreat.

“I never really left. Not in here.” She touched her hand to her chest where her heart was beating hard and fast. “But it doesn’t change the facts. I know my birth father is out there somewhere. I understand he wants to find me before the private investigator hired by my grandmother’s lawyer finds me. If my father…if he finds me first, I don’t know what he’ll do, but I can’t imagine any happy outcome from that reunion.”

“Kellen, there are things we can do.”

“Please. I need to say this. I need to know you understand.”

“All right.”

“Thank you.” Kellen took a deep breath and tried to steady her racing pulse. “Other than my birth father, I know there’s someone else out there who wants to kill me. I don’t know who he is or why he wants me dead. He just does. I also know I’m screwed up.”

“No, Kellen—”

“It’s all right, Dana. I know what I am. You can’t spend half your life being invisible and living between the cracks and not be a bit messed up. So I don’t know if it makes me stupid or crazy that I think things might turn out differently this time.”

Outside, the wind whispered against the windows. Inside, the fire crackled, adding warmth to the chill in the air and casting shadows in the cabin.

“What are you trying to tell me?” Dana asked.

“I’m saying I can think of a thousand reasons why it wouldn’t be a good idea for you to get involved with me,” she said through the tightness in her throat. “And I can only think of one reason why you would even want to try.”

“What’s that?”

“Because I think there’s something real between us. Something special. We shouldn’t fit, Dana, but we do.” Kellen pushed through a sudden surge of uncertainty. “I don’t believe people get a lot of opportunities at something like this, and I, for one, would like the chance to see what it might look like if we tried. I don’t want to lose this chance.”

Dana’s lips curved into a slow languorous smile as she got out of bed and walked toward her. “Is that so?”

For the first time, Kellen realized Dana was wearing
her
pajama bottoms,
her
T-shirt. Then she couldn’t think of anything beyond the warmth emanating from Dana’s body as she drew near. “Yes.”

“Good.” Dana’s voice was still whisper soft but suddenly edged with steel and her body vibrated with challenge. “Then in the future, don’t try to make decisions for me, okay?”

Kellen nodded wordlessly.

“And just so we’re clear, the only reason for me not to get involved with you is because you don’t want me.”

“Not want you?”

Dana effectively cut off anything else she might have said, momentarily pressing two fingers against her lips. “I’m very much aware the paths each of us followed to where we find ourselves today are wildly different. I know you’ve seen and experienced things I can’t even begin to imagine. I’m not that naive.”

“I never thought you were.”

“Good. As long as we understand each other.”

They stared at each other, unblinking. And then ever so slowly, Dana extended her hand. Kellen met the intensity in her gaze, afraid to make another mistake. Afraid to misread what she was seeing. An offer to help carry whatever burdens Kellen had been shouldering alone until now.

Taking Dana’s hand, she drew her closer until they were a breath apart. “You never miss something more than when you believe you’ve lost it. Damn, I missed you.”

“I’m glad because I missed you too.”

The first hesitant kiss briefly gave way to something stronger as Dana’s lips parted to meet hers.