Just Claire (7 page)

Mrs. Reed walked over to their table and wrapped her sweater-covered arms across her chest. “Good morning, Claire. Have you heard how your mother's doing?”

Her eyes locked with her teacher's.
I'll not tell her Mama's back.
“Mama's real tired and needs a lot of rest and quiet.”

“I take it your mother's still in the hospital.”

Not correcting her, ClaireLee said, “Mama's bedridden.”

“I'm sorry, Claire.” Mrs. Reed readjusted a slipping hair comb in her silvery curls. “I hope your mom will be with the family soon.”

Lolly opened her mouth, and before ClaireLee could stop her, she said, “Teacher, my mama's home now.”

Mrs. Reed's demeanor grew solemn. “Claire. If your mother is home, Lolly isn't allowed here.”

Her heart, could it sink any further? Whispering, she said, “Oh, but—”

The teacher shook her head. “Again, I'm sorry, Claire.”

Reaching for Lolly's hand, ClaireLee sulked away with her little sister.
I told Mama not to worry. Now I can't face her. I'll take Lolly somewhere for the day. We won't go to the cabin.

But, ClaireLee knew she must deliver Lolly to Mama. Also, she worried about what Daddy would expect. Stay at the cabin and watch over Lolly, or go back to school?

At the school's double doors, which led to the outside steps, Lolly pulled back. “I want to stay here with you, Sissy Pie.”

Why is it now with Mama back, life is still a mess?
ClaireLee frowned. “I don't want to take you, but you heard Mrs. Reed.” Pulling on Lolly's hand, her stomach twisted into a wad. She decided some questions had no right answers.

I
n the cafeteria
, Belinda gave ClaireLee a soft-jab to the ribs. “Hurry on up. I've dared Wendy and Kay to play us as teams in a game of tetherball. We'll beat the pants off those city slickers, ClaireLee.”

ClaireLee unscrewed the thermos lid, ignoring Bossy Mouth. She poured the flavored juice meant for Lolly.
Don't spill like you did last time, baby
. This is what she would have said if Lolly were sitting next to her.

A blue mood settled over ClaireLee, as she bit into her peanut butter between slices of bread. She closed her eyes and chewed her favorite sandwich, but her insides quivered like jelly.
I'm sad for Mama. Woke her up to tell her Lolly couldn't stay at school. I've never seen her eyes this droopy.
On ClaireLee's orders, Lolly had crawled into bed with Mama and promised to stay quiet, so Mama could rest.

Belinda pumped her elbow into ClaireLee's. “What's got you in a knot?”

Dabbing her mouth with a napkin, ClaireLee sensed a sad note rising from her voice. She said, “It would take all recess to explain, and you made plans.”

Belinda cupped a hand to her ear, munching on corn chips. “I'm listening.”

Grateful for someone to tell, she crooked her finger for Belinda to come closer. Their faces almost touched as they exchanged whispers. “Mrs. Reed says with Mama out of the hospital, Lolly can't stay at school.”

On the crunch of her chip, Belinda said, “You mean they're home?”

Nodding, ClaireLee spoke, even though she had food in
her
mouth. “Finally.”

“I wondered where Lolly was this morning.” Belinda stared around the room. “Figured she was with your brothers. How's the baby? Your ma? I'll betcha Lolly'll give your ma no trouble and whatnot.”

“If she does, I'm afraid Daddy will expect me to stay home and help with Lolly.” Stiffening, ClaireLee said, “Everything's changing in our family.”

Licking salt off her fingers, Belinda didn't comment right away. Then, she said, “Ya got another kid, so sure.”

ClaireLee glanced from side to side and made certain no one would hear. “No. Listen. My mother's sicker than I thought.”

“I'm sorry.” Belinda threw her arm around ClaireLee's shoulder. “You're going through a rough patch.”

What she was about to say made her heart sag. “Daddy says I'm to keep working and taking care of the kids. I have to keep them quiet, so Mama can sleep. At least if it was warmer, they could stay outdoors and play. We're doomed to a cooped-up cabin.” A buzz sigh escaped ClaireLee's lips. “Then there's Liam. I burn the meals a bit, sure, but he makes it worse. He'd get an A-plus for acting like a grumble bee.”

Belinda snorted. “A good one: grumble bee.”

“I'm serious, Belinda.” She scowled. “None of this is funny.”

The corners of her lips froze where they had lifted. “You're right. Liam's not helping matters.” She snapped her fingers. “I've got it. Ya need to have some fun, little buddy.”

This is the second time she's called me little.

“Spend the night at my house, ClaireLee. Bring Lolly. It'll be our girl party.” Slapping the table, she continued. “I know. We'll make one of Grandma's chocolate cakes and smear homemade butter on top.” She rubbed her stomach. “Eat the whole thing warm.”

Is she kidding?
“Your grandma wouldn't let us eat an entire cake.”

Sparkles in Belinda's eyes grew brighter. “Yeah she would. Grandma loves food, and she expects everyone else does.”

ClaireLee rolled her eyes, done with the fantasy of eating a whole cake. Just the four of them. “Think about it. How can I leave Mama? I told you what Daddy said—”

“Okey-doke.” Belinda held a hand up. “Plan B.”

Plan B?
ClaireLee had never heard of this.

“I'll come to your place on Saturday. I'll help ya with chores.”

Before ClaireLee could answer, Big Red's stick-thin legs appeared in front of them. “Young ladies. This room becomes a square dance class in thirty minutes.”

Kids were leaving the lunchroom. Big Red had lifted up a few of the fold-out tables and set them back into their cubbies within the walls. ClaireLee stuffed wrappers in her lunch box. “We'll hurry, Big Red.”

In the hallway ClaireLee said, “Square dancing was Lolly's favorite class.”

Belinda leaped in front of ClaireLee, forcing her to halt. “Come on, sunshine, be cheery.” Belinda grabbed ClaireLee's arms. “If your dad says it's okay, I'll be spending the night at your house.” Her one good brow arched and bobbed.

Deciding to make the effort, ClaireLee sighed. “You're right. I'll think happy thoughts, and I'm sure Daddy won't mind if you come over.” No sooner had the words crossed her lips, ClaireLee began a new worry session.
Surely Daddy won't ask me to stay home from school.
Otherwise, how would Mama manage with Lolly and the baby?

A
t the kitchen
table after school on Friday, ClaireLee jotted down a menu for tomorrow's sleepover with Belinda. Grayson and Lolly were playing cards in the cabin, while Liam was cutting kindling on the porch. ClaireLee bent over her tablet and wrote “chocolate pudding,”
when Mama appeared and slumped before ClaireLee. Her face as pale as a winter moon, Mama thrust the baby into ClaireLee's arms like he was a seven-pound sack of potatoes. “Here. With Lolly to tend to, I get no sleep in the daytime.” She disappeared into her bedroom and shut the door.

Mama twisted the lock—ClaireLee cradled Feather tighter—then came the
click
.
Mama doesn't lock her bedroom door. She never used to sleep this much either.

Wanting—no,
needing
to forget the change in Mama, ClaireLee soaked in the baby's features. Her heart pitter-pattered with love for him. A few times, like now, she regretted Daddy's agreement for her to stay in school. ClaireLee kissed Feather's cheek. “I'd take care of you, baby, and we'd have fun.”

Now, ClaireLee had more work to take care of. Laundry was once Mama's job, but no longer. Before leaving for school, ClaireLee had to dress Lolly, remind her to color in her coloring books, and let Mama sleep.
Why is it me who has to do everything around the house?

With Feather asleep in the crook of her arm, she finished writing a menu for three meals and a dessert
.
With care, she adjusted the baby to her shoulder. She checked the cupboards for supplies and wrinkled her nose. “
Shoo-wee
, Feather, you stink like rotten milk. I don't think Mama's given you a bath, so we'll get someone to hold you for a minute.”

Knowing Liam was too busy with his job outside, ClaireLee pulled Grayson in to hold their baby brother. Grayson settled into the rocker. He pursed his lips while ClaireLee placed Feather on his lap. “Hold him tight, now, and don't move.”

Bending, he kissed the baby's head. “Okay.”

Finished with scrubbing the sink, ClaireLee rinsed and plugged the drain with the stopper.

“What're you doing, Sissy Pie?” Lolly was kneeling in a kitchen chair with her chin in her hands.

“Feather's having his first bath. At least he smells like he hasn't had one before.” ClaireLee dipped her forearm in the stream of water to test for the perfect baby temperature. She took Feather from Grayson and undressed him. As she pulled off the newborn's undershirt, he shuddered. “I'll get you warm, little guy, and when I'm done, you'll smell flower sweet.”

Thinking about his belly-band, she unwrapped the cloth, which hid his navel, and examined the remnant of an umbilical cord. The night he was born came rushing back, again. Picturing the fleshy cord which had hung from Mama still caused her to quiver. She shook her head to rid it from her memory and touched the dried stump.
I'll be sure to keep this from getting wet.
Mama taught her when Lolly was a baby all about newborn belly buttons.

As she placed him in the few inches of water, he squirmed like a wiggle worm. Before she could blink, he slid—face-first—underwater. ClaireLee grabbed under his arms. She jerked him upward and bumped his head on the spout, and she gasped.

He curled in his arms and legs, sucking down water and air.

Breathe, baby, breathe.

Feather sputtered and choked.

Please, Lord, make this baby breathe
.

Water dribbled from his nose. “Waah.”

“I'm sorry.” Tears rose within her lids.
Why did I think I could do this?
ClaireLee cuddled him as he kicked and wailed.

A strong little fellow, his feet pushed his weight on her chest, and he cried. “Maa.” Right then, Lolly and Grayson crowded next to them.

Checking the soft spot on his head, ClaireLee pondered the situation she had created.
It's a welt, but not on his heartbeat-tender spot
. “Shhh, you're safe, little Feather.” Her arms enfolding him, she snuggled deeper into the wet baby.

“We'll help,” Grayson said. He and Lolly draped a towel over Feather, and ClaireLee wrapped him as though in a cocoon. She sniffed and dabbed her tears, and the baby's, on a corner of the terry cloth.

An ax still in his hand, Liam called from the front doorway. “What's wrong, guys?”

Grayson ran to meet him. “ClaireLee didn't mean to.”

Following, Lolly patted her big brother's arm. “Liam, Liam, our baby can't breathe in water.”

ClaireLee's eyes misted again. “I dropped him. Then, I hit his head on the faucet. This baby will never trust me.” Feather's cries slowed to a whimper-coo. She asked Liam, as he made his way to her side, “Should we get Mama?”

“Lemme see.” He reached for Feather's head.

ClaireLee moved the baby from Liam. “Mama says never touch a newborn's soft spot.”

“Our little guy'll be all right.” Liam puckered his lips and pointed, but didn't touch. “Just a red ding. See? The skin's only a bit scraped.”

I've got to stop crying
. ClaireLee wiped at her nose. “Sure, sure, I know you're right.” She managed to replace a grimace, relaxing her face, while the kids murmured words to soothe Feather.

On tip-toes, Lolly peered at the baby. “Sissy Pie, fix his owie. Poor little baby; fix him.”

“You're right. Liam, get the first-aid cream from the bathroom.” ClaireLee blew on Feather's sore, and Liam squirted a tad of the cream on Feather's head. She smeared the medicine with a pinkie. “Now, then, everything's going to be okay.”

Her eyes wandered from calm Feather to Mama's locked door. ClaireLee
tsked
her tongue in sorrow.

Why didn't you come to help me, Mama?

S
toring
groceries she'd bought at Holcomb's Market, ClaireLee was glad Belinda was spending the night. Daddy agreed after she told him Belinda would be helping with chores. Brushing breakfast crumbs off the floor and into a dustpan, she stopped as Liam answered a knock at the door.

A commotion hit the doorway, and Belinda barreled inside. She led an older woman with straight high-cut bangs across her forehead.
“Hey, ClaireLee, this is my shorty grandma.”

Belinda's grandma swatted at her as though she were a fly. “Lindy, mind your manners.” She heaved forward and pumped ClaireLee's hand with her pudgy one. “Glad to know ya, darlin'. Lindy, here, tells me ya been a right good friend.”

Drawn to the older woman, ClaireLee found her voice. “Nice to meet you, Mrs.—”

“Nobody calls her Mrs. Wolf.” Raucous laughter burst from Belinda. “She's Grandma Neecy to the whole town.”

Grandma Neecy placed hands on the back of her hips. “Grandma
without the
d
, 'cause, boy-howdy, I ain't grand, don't ya know.” She hooted and
ha-ha
ed with laughter.

Worried over the noisy older woman, ClaireLee glanced at Mama's door. She then remembered her manners and introduced her siblings. “These are my brothers, Liam Anthony and Grayson James.”

Nodding, Grandma Neecy shook their hands. “Boys.” Her upper arm jiggled within the worn seams of her Mackinaw jacket. Grayson and Liam stared open-mouthed.

As an attempt to distract everyone, ClaireLee snatched a-hold of her sister's shoulders. Lolly took backward steps into her big sister, and ClaireLee placed hands on Lolly's cheeks. “This is Lolly Francis.”

“Hey, there.” Grandma Neecy raised her voice. “Ya cute doodlebug.”

“We have to be quiet for Mama.” ClaireLee pointed to Mama's closed door.

The older woman laced fingers over her stomach. “Lindy told me about your ma, and I do apologize. We been a prayin' for her, don't ya know.”

Hesitating, ClaireLee said, “Thank you.”
I should have the nerve to ask her to pray for our whole family.

“I'm here,” Belinda, said, “and Howdy Doody happy.”

Lolly yanked on Belinda's shirt. “Where you sleeping?”

At the question, ClaireLee said, “I thought we'd camp out on the kitchen floor.” Everyone stared at the dinky space. She covered her mouth to stifle a gasp. “Uh. . .” She and Belinda locked eyes, and ClaireLee shrugged a shoulder. “Guess I didn't think on this one too well.”
How embarrassing. Her legs would be in our walking area.

“My, my, ain't it a tight spot?” Grandma Neecy flipped one of her thick dark braids over a shoulder and smacked her lips. “This would give me a hitch in my giddy-up.” Her hand fastened on Liam's head. “I'm sure you boys are gentlemanly enough to take the floor, and let the girls have the bed.”

I like Belinda's grandma.
ClaireLee tipped her head at the woman taking charge.

With quick steps, Grayson ran over to the table and began pantomiming. “Me and Liam will throw a blanket over this table, and it'll go all the way to the floor. It'll become our fort, and we'll sleep underneath.”

“Why sure.” Grandma Neecy squinted. “A fort.”

“Yeah, this'll be fun,” Liam said.

Hugging Belinda, Grandma Neecy said, “Behave yourself.”

“Behave yourself, too, and don't eat all the popcorn while I'm gone.”

Everyone laughed except ClaireLee, and she tapped her lips. “Shhh.”

L
ater after lunch
, ClaireLee wrung out a drying cloth. “Belinda, there's a path behind the cabin, and I'd like to explore it. Let's pack a snack and see if it goes to the river.”

A shadow crossed Belinda's eyes. “The Rushing's mighty dangerous, ClaireLee. Take my word for it.”

“Daddy doesn't want me near there, but if you go, I'm sure it'll be okay.” ClaireLee wiped clean the table, satisfied she'd be going.

Liam stepped into the conversation. “You're disobeying Daddy, ClaireLee.”

“Since when do you act the perfect angel?” His expression could have shot daggers. She grabbed the broom. “Figured as much.”

“If I was your daddy,” Belinda paused, washing the last spoon, “I would trust me to keep ya safe at the river.”

Having changed jobs, ClaireLee pushed the broom, collecting table scraps and dried mud. “The river sounds wild, and it's got me curious.” She set her chin firm and then said, “I need to see it.”

Belinda shook a finger at ClaireLee. “If we go ahead and do this, ya gotta promise to keep away from the edge.”

“Don't worry. I will.” After sweeping, she opened a brown paper bag and set it on the table. “Liam, you'll read to Lolly until she falls asleep for her nap. Then, you guys can do what you want, like play cards.”

“Okay,” Grayson said.

The clatter of a plate hit the shelf. “Not fair,” Liam said.

ClaireLee filled a pint jar with milk. “Why, Liam?” She added the milk and a dozen ginger cookies to the sack.

“You get to go somewhere, and we don't.”

“Right.” She pulled her ponytail tighter, while Liam crossed his arms and plopped his behind on the bed. Grabbing her coat, ClaireLee said, “Stay inside the cabin while I'm gone, and be quiet for Mama and the baby.”

The two friends wandered down the pine-needled path. They hadn't gotten far when a Steller's jay scolded from a nearby tree. The jay flew down yards in front of them and limped and squawked in a sort of crazy dance.

Stopping, ClaireLee said, “Poor bird can't walk right.”

Cupping a hand over her forehead as though blocking the sun, Belinda said, “He has a crippled foot.”

Cocking her head to one side, ClaireLee said, “Oh, so sad.”

A moment longer and the bird flew away, hollering his raspy call.

Moving down the path, ClaireLee had to raise her voice when she spoke, for the Rushing River's roar. “This is exciting, Belinda. I've never lived next to a river before. At home in Oregon, we have a shallow creek, which dries in the summer.”

The trail ended at a clearing covered with dead pine needles. ClaireLee marveled at the width of the river's banks. At a closer examination, the water was more of a vivid gray-green. Disappointed, she wanted to see more than the calm swirls.
Where's the place?
Her ears followed the noise, while she placed their sack on a boulder and moved downstream, still ahead of Belinda. Milky foam collected along the steep embankment, and ClaireLee stopped and peered ahead unafraid.
Where are the rapids?

Grabbing ClaireLee's arm, Belinda waved like she wanted them to keep going. Now, the water picked up speed and became solid white. As though it were a monstrous bubbling spring, it raced over rocks like a million birds taking flight.

In a sudden movement, Belinda snatched ClaireLee's hand. Racing along the shore, they kept a safe distance. They leaped over logs and switched back and forth around the maze of large rocks. Without notice, the river's spray doused ClaireLee. Gasping for air, she stopped. She and Belinda moved backward, letting go of each other's fingers.

Laughter rose from ClaireLee's throat, and she pointed.

There were river boulders as big as ClaireLee's cabin, and she became giddy at the sight. Water shot off the stones. It spread out at their peak and fell like a white fireworks display. Over and over—slap, splash, spray—the river put on a performance, and ClaireLee's feet couldn't help but dance.

After getting drenched by the foam, the girls returned to the rock where they'd left their snack. As they munched on cookies, ClaireLee hollered above the noise, “Only God could make what we just saw.”

“Yep, sure,” Belinda said between bites of ginger-snaps.

After they finished eating, ClaireLee motioned them toward the trail. Walking back to the cabin, ClaireLee filled her lungs with more fresh air.
It feels good to explore like in Oregon, to be carefree once again.

I
n the night
, ClaireLee was jarred awake. Somebody whimpered and paced from the kitchen sink to the front door. In the glow of the porch light, Mama's outstretched hands fluttered.

Instinctively, ClaireLee bolted upright and crawled over Lolly and Belinda. She entered Mama's bedroom and nudged a snoring Daddy. “Wake up, wake up.”

He swung his feet and pulled on his pants over his long underwear. “I'm late?”

“Don't you hear her?” She shivered in a panic. “It's Mama.”

Pulling on his suspenders, Daddy gazed at Mama's pillow. He flipped on the living room light, and Belinda covered her eyes. Fingers raking through his curls, he said, “Dotty, what are you doing?”

Shaken by Mama's stricken face, ClaireLee hid behind Daddy.
Oh, dear God, please help us.

Sobbing, Mama's words made no sense. “Whhh, plll, I don't—”

ClaireLee squeezed her eyes shut. “What's she saying?”

“We can't understand you.” Daddy drew closer to Mama.

“I. D-d-don't f-f-feel. Normal.” She pitched herself into Daddy—again, crying like her heart would explode.

If Mama didn't stop, ClaireLee's own heart would burst. She took a backward step and bumped into Belinda. To steady herself, she clutched her friend's arm. “What's wrong with Mama?”