Just Claire (6 page)

“But, Daddy. . .”

“Get the boys off to school on time.” He appeared in his night robe. “Don't forget to make their lunches.”

ClaireLee stood inches from Daddy's face, and the scent of pipe tobacco wafted from his beard. “I've already taken Lolly to school, and she's in my class.”

Lines on his face softened. “You're my bright girl. You knew just what to do.”

The worried bent of her shoulders straightened. Daddy was home, and now ClaireLee wanted to stay in school.
He believes I'm smart.
“The principal doesn't mind, so long as Mama's in the hospital and Lolly behaves.”

“Good job, Claire Bear.” He tapped her chin with a finger. “Were you scared after we left?”

Scrunching his hand in hers, she said, “I couldn't help it.”

“I'm sorry for this.” Daddy's eyes became glassy. “I wasn't thinking too clearly leaving you and the kids alone. Big Red could have taken care of you, but I needed him to drive.” Blowing out a sigh, it sounded more like a groan. “At one point, the baby wasn't doing much better than your mama, and I had to clear his passageway of mucus.” He mumbled something about a hot shower, and entered the bathroom, and shut the door behind him.

Beneath her bare feet, ClaireLee studied the dirt-crusted linoleum. Her big toe fiddled with a warped seam and revealed splintered wood.
Daddy didn't hug me back
. Didn't he know she missed his soft beard on her cheek?

She crawled into the bed and snuggled next to her baby sister. Even without his embrace, the strain of the last few days melted, and she heaved a cleansing sigh.

Tub water gushed from its spout, and Daddy coughed. Soon his coughs became a bellow of sobs.

Daddy doesn't cry.
ClaireLee jerked upright and covered her mouth with a hand.
Why is he crying?
Gulping and swallowing, she threw off the covers and pressed an ear against the bathroom door.

Unable to listen to anymore, she tucked herself into bed. Her throat had as many kinks as the twisting river behind their cabin. Daddy's sniffles and constant nose-blowing persisted. ClaireLee couldn't suppress it any longer. She, too, burst into tears.

D
uring the night
, ClaireLee pried her little brother's foot from her rib cage. No longer packed like a match in a matchbox, she snuggled deeper under the covers and slipped into her dream.

Back at her Oregon home, she tripped into the creek. Shivering, ClaireLee sat waist-deep in the water. Tiny fish tickled her icy thighs. Across the flower-strewn meadow, Mama hung clothes on a line in the breeze. Her skirt danced a jig at her knees.

A moment later Mama paddled a canoe toward ClaireLee, with a baby strapped on her back. She sang, “We will understand it better by and by.” Reaching for ClaireLee, they brushed fingers, rough against smooth, but with a bright flash, Mama vanished.

ClaireLee awoke. Her gown and the sheet were wet next to Lolly—drenched for sure. The smell told her everything, and she jerked upright, the pee-soaked nightgown clinging to her skin. “Ew, ew, ew.” Gagging all the way to the bathroom, she washed and slipped clean clothes over her goose bumps. Then, she shook Liam awake. “Lolly wet.”

Blinking awake, he bolted from the bed, like Lolly's jumping jack toy in a box. “Not again.”

“Shhh, you'll wake Daddy.” She helped Grayson to the rocker, where he curled in a circle like a kitten.

ClaireLee tugged on Lolly's hand, and the girl stumbled on the way to the tub. “I cold, Sissy Pie. I wet.”

Ignoring her complaints, ClaireLee pulled upward on Lolly's gown. “Raise your arms.”

At the doorway, Liam said, “You little pee baby.” Lolly's lip puckered.

Scowling, ClaireLee worked out her disproval of his mean words on the soap until it foamed. With Lolly covered with suds, she rinsed her in the running water. Lolly's teeth chattered and she muttered, “Uhhh, uhhh, uhhh.”

Still behind them, Liam said in a gruff voice, “Why don't you teach her to use the toilet at night?”

ClaireLee ignored him and towel-dried Lolly.
Not my job, it's Mama's.

Droplets of water fell from Lolly's shivering fingers, and she whimpered. “It's scary in the dark.”

“We'll keep the bathroom lit.” ClaireLee hoisted Lolly on her hip, cleaned and dressed. “This way you can see.” She set Lolly onto the rocker, where Grayson now sucked on his thumb. Lolly cuddled with her brother and fell asleep.

Acting like he knew all, Liam droned on and on about how to potty train.

Will you shut up?
ClaireLee yanked off the stained bed linen. “She's young, Liam. In case you forgot, you wet the bed until you were five.” His eyes crossed, his nose wrinkled, and his top teeth were bared. Ready to smack him, she threw the sheet at him instead. “Throw this in the tub.”

His expression became as blank as a clean chalkboard. The linen dropped to the floor beneath his folded arms. “Not touching pee-pee.”

Between gritted teeth, ClaireLee said, “Help me flip this mattress. I don't like doing this anymore than you do.”

He grumbled under his breath, but did as he was told. They each grabbed an end, and they groaned under its weight. Getting it upright, they rested.

“Let go on my count of three. One, two, three.” When they let go, the mattress toppled and chinked on springs. ClaireLee winced, sure the noise woke Daddy.

Sure enough, Daddy opened his bedroom door. “What's going on?”

The two siblings pinned their eyes on each other. Neither spoke for a moment. Liam said, “We didn't mean to wake you, Daddy.”

ClaireLee pushed her knee into the corner of the mattress, making it square on the frame.
I try not to bother Daddy, doing the best I can.
“Lolly accidently wet the bed.”

Lifting his palms, he rubbed his eyes. His voice stayed soft. “Almost done?”

“Yes sir.” Liam waved a hand at the mattress all in place.

Daddy's door closed, and ClaireLee lowered her voice. “Let's hurry and finish.”

Later, with everyone back in bed and asleep, she squirmed next to Lolly, unable to stop her many thoughts. When she left Oregon, she hadn't understood she'd lose her freedom. No hiking her mountain, or fishing in her creek.
I miss my own room. My gray iron bed. Reading Nancy Drew at night by the light of my lamp. If Mama were well, she'd be taking care of a bed-wetting accident.

She flopped on her stomach, hoping for sleep.
I thought Mama would always be here for us.

Restless and afraid Lolly would wet on ClaireLee's last clean gown, she headed for the rocker. On impulse, she opened the front door. “Come, Laddie.” He crawled from under the porch. His mouth creased in a half moon, and then he settled next to the woodstove while she tucked her feet underneath her in the chair.

Tipping her chin to her folded hands, she let the tears pour over her clean gown.
I'm scared. I want to go back home. What will happen to us if Mama doesn't come soon?
She whispered, “Dear God, life has changed too much.”

I
n the cafeteria
later in the afternoon, Belinda peeled the wax paper away from her sandwich, and a fried egg bulged along its greasy edges. “It's good your dad's back.”

I'm thinking Belinda may be a friend after all.
“Yeah, I'm glad. But you won't believe what happened in the middle of the night.” ClaireLee told her about Lolly wetting the bed.

“Ya gotta be kiddin'. It's never happened to me.”

The two budding friends glanced at Lolly as she sucked strawberry icing from her fingers.

ClaireLee retrieved a cupcake from her lunch pail, and then gave it to Belinda. “Here you go.”

“Gee, thanks.” Belinda took it and sniffed. “Hmm. I love pink cake.”

“Big Red baked a batch and shared them with us.”

A full set of teeth split Belinda's face. “Lucky ducks.”

Her eyes fastened on Belinda.
She has no idea how unlucky I feel with Mama in the hospital.
She bit into her cupcake. With her eyes closed, she allowed the moist flavors to sit on her tongue.
Big Red is a nice neighbor.

She said to Belinda, “The worst part of last night? Liam complained through the whole bed-changing ordeal. And this morning, he griped about the breakfast I fixed. Again.” Mimicking him, she said, “‘I'm sick of burned biscuits, lumpy gravy.' I'll tell you what, Liam acts disgusting. He chewed his biscuit, and then stuck out his tongue.”

“Yeah.” Lolly peeled an orange and tossed the peels in the lunch box. “It was wet from spit.”

Taking the last bite, ClaireLee wadded the empty cupcake wrapper. “I hope Daddy understands if I clobber Liam with the broom. Can't take anymore of him, or his sighing fits.” She copied Liam, sighing with exaggeration.

Laughing, Belinda coughed. Milk shot across the table.

Lolly pointed at the streams of white flowing from Belinda's nose. “Yucky.”

Milk splattered across the table in front of Belinda. ClaireLee wrinkled her nose.
Disgusting.
She gave Belinda her napkin. “Here you go.”

The first-through-third-grade teacher Mrs. White stood before them. “Quiet, girls. You're too noisy.”

Belinda wiped her face and pushed the napkin around on the milk. “Sorry.”

When Mrs. White left, Kaye Tyner spoke from where she sat a table behind them. “You silly girls, pipe it down.”

“Just ignore her, Belinda whispered.

Insides churning, ClaireLee bristled. “She can't bother me.”

“What's funny, ClaireLee?” Valerie Shaffer asked.

Facing Valerie, and with the Lavender Girls watching her, ClaireLee said, “We're talking about my brother. You know how boys can be.”

Opening her mouth, Kaye sniffed. “I'm an only child, so do tell.”

She wanted to complain about her brother to anyone who would listen, but Wendy shook her head.

Considering it a signal from Wendy, ClaireLee waved Kaye off. “It's nothing.”

Wrinkling her nose, Kaye sneered, and the Lavender Girls went back to their meals.

“Boy-howdy, ClaireLee, you and your brother almost became the scuttlebutt of the school.”

“Scuttle what?”

Belinda shaped her fingers like a duck's bill, flapping them. “Ya know, gossip.”

Face warming at her near mistake, ClaireLee squirmed. “Did you see Wendy shake her head?”

“Don't trust her. She and Kaye are downright ornery. Believe me, ClaireLee, I know about mean people.”

Is this going to be another story?
“Why?”

“My ma gave Grandma and me no peace. It's better with her gone.”

The comment jarred ClaireLee, and she reeled backward. “Gone?”

“Ya know, as in ‘left us.'”

Gnawing on a fingernail, ClaireLee couldn't believe it. She never knew anyone before who didn't have a father and an absent mother.
Belinda is an orphan.
She moved closer to Belinda, shoulder to shoulder, and ClaireLee's heart twinged with remorse.

O
n the fourth
day after Mama left, ClaireLee aimed her saddle shoe at a walnut-sized rock. She kicked. It flew across Pit Street, the only paved road in town. For too long, she missed Mama's snacks, hugs, and ‘How did your day go?' “If Mama's still gone,” she said to Lolly, “at least Laddie will be happy to see me.”

As they walked home from school on the frozen shoulder, her brothers ran ahead and stomped iced puddles to smithereens. Grayson batted at empty space between him and Liam. “Stop it. You hurt me.”

“Waah, waah.” Liam made fists and boxed the air. “You're Mama's baby.”

Grayson ran back to ClaireLee and grabbed her hand. She hurried over to Liam and said, “What do you think you're doing, mister?”

Snarling, Liam scrunched his face. “Grayson shrunk to a baby holding your hand.”

“Am not.” Grayson puckered his lips. “You kicked pokey ice on me.”

In front of Holcomb's Market with its tall false front, a voice said, “He is too a baby.”

ClaireLee gripped onto Lolly's hand, when Kaye said to Valerie, “Don't you think he's a crybaby?”

Not again.

Valerie's chin dipped as though she was going to nod. She stopped.

Liam jerked his head with the Ugly Look, and his hands made fists. “You girls mind your own bees-wax.”

“C'mon, I'm hungry.” Knowing full well Liam wouldn't back down, ClaireLee said to her siblings, “Aren't you?” She twitched her nose at the two Lavender Girls and walked in the direction of the cabin.

Taunting, Kaye said, “Where you're headed, they're no more nice houses, ClaireLee.” Pivoting on one foot, ClaireLee waited for what Kaye had to say next.

“You have to live in one of Big Red's junky rentals.” Kaye placed a hand on her hip. “And, kids who live there can't buy candy every day like we can. What are you, poor? We'll eat one for you, won't we, Val?” She disappeared into the store.

With a halt, Valerie caught the screen door with her snow boot. She and ClaireLee stared at each other for a long moment before Valerie ducked into the market.

Like white water off a raging river, ClaireLee's mind whirled. She stomped to the store, opened the screen door, and let it bang behind her.
Where'd the brat go? Wait till I—
“Hey,”ClaireLee called, but Kaye disappeared into another isle. If it were possible for her blood to boil, then ClaireLee's would be overflowing inside her brain
.
She rushed to catch up with Kaye.

Rounding the long row of shelves, ClaireLee met her. “Don't you ever again talk about my family.” ClaireLee stretched to her four-foot-eight height. “Understand?” Kaye's expression wobbled. Her eyes flickered. ClaireLee nodded. “I think you do.”

Someone touched ClaireLee's arm. “We're sorry.” Valerie's voice remained calm. “Right, Kaye?” She pulled Kaye with her, but Kaye shrugged her off. Without a backward glance, the two left the store.

Light-headed, ClaireLee's legs wobbled to her waiting siblings. She tugged on the littler kids to hurry them. “Some people are mean and hateful, and I
hate
it.”

His eyes growing round, Liam said, “Did you hit her or something?”

“Yeah, ClaireLee,” Grayson said, “her face was ugly when she walked by us.”

“No, no.” ClaireLee raised her palms to reassure her brothers. “I wouldn't hit her, but I'll make myself big enough to let her think about who she's messing with.”

Waving his hands in the air, Liam said, “Only spoiled kids get what they want every single day.” Then he muttered, “Red-hot bubble gum sure sounds good.”

Kaye didn't know anything. If Mama were there, she would have given them change to buy some candy.

They crossed the road to walk the long driveway to the cabin. Grayson stared at his galoshes, sobbing. “I. Want. My. Mama.”

Right then, Lolly stuck two fingers in her mouth, and ClaireLee gathered her two siblings into a hug. “Mama might be back tonight.” She wiped Grayson's cheeks with her palms. “Eh—what's up, doc?” He giggled, but his merriment fell to weeping.

“Aw, Grayson, stop carrying on.” Liam scrubbed his wet lashes on his jacket sleeve. “Mama might come back soon, like ClaireLee says.”

Certain she could do it, ClaireLee lifted Grayson. But she groaned under his weight, for he had outgrown her arms long ago. She set him on his feet. “We'll have chocolate milk and some of my sucker. How about we get some?” Grayson nodded.

With their cabin number nine in sight, though, Grayson hiccupped. “Mama, Mama, oh, my mama.”

“I know, honey.” ClaireLee shook her head. “We all want her, but Mama is resting in the hospital with our new brother.” She recalled something from the night Mama and the baby had left. Dangling baby toes—purple like morning blackberries, cool and moist. His bluish lips open as he sucked on a fist. If only she'd gotten to hold her newborn brother, but Big Red had hurried out with him to the car.

H
ours later
, at twilight, footsteps shuffled on the front porch. ClaireLee moved from the sink full of dishes. Daddy entered the cabin with a bundle in a miniature blanket. ClaireLee gasped, and she placed a hand over her mouth.
Our baby.
Mama entered the room, also, and ClaireLee's heart thumped double time within her chest.

Jumping, Lolly bounced on tiptoes. “Mama, Mama.”

Impulsively, ClaireLee ran to them, but then took a step back, so as to allow room for her parents to shut the door. A million questions bombarded her mind.

Glancing at them, Mama's eyes shined within her lined features. “Hi, children, it's good to see you.”

“Are you still sick?” Tugging on Mama's blouse, Lolly said, “Are you?”

“Don't crowd your mother, kids,” Daddy said. “She's tired, in a lot of pain.”

Grayson and Liam left their card game and moved closer to the edge of the bed. At the same time, they said, “We missed you, Mama.”

“I wanna see the baby,” Grayson said, as he stepped forward.

The shadows under Mama's eyes—after all her rest
.

Daddy bent at the waist, and ClaireLee and her siblings stared at the newborn. The baby's skin was no longer purple, but a reddish tone. With eyes closed, his full lips began to suck as though he dreamed of milk.

“Pete.” Mama cradled her arms. “I'll go lay down with the baby.” She took him from Daddy, and ClaireLee strained to sneak another peek. Mama's glance at ClaireLee lingered, their gaze fastened like snaps on a dress.

Blinking, Mama sighed and took concentrated steps to her bedroom.

There was so much ClaireLee wanted to say, as she stared longingly at Mama's back.
I love you, I missed you, and I'm glad you're here.
Mama now shut the bedroom door behind her.

“The doctor ordered your mama to stay in bed, Claire Bear.” Daddy washed his hands at the kitchen sink. “He agreed to release her only because I said you're old enough to help.” He towel-dried his hands. “Boys, bring in the groceries.”

Scampering like chipmunks, the boys ran to the station wagon.

“So,” Daddy said, “before school, you'll continue to get everybody going, and keep it quiet. Your mama needs silence.” He leaned against the counter. “Sometimes I'll try to get in early and fix supper.” His nut-brown eyes went soft, but it didn't calm ClaireLee. “When I don't, you will. Just like you've been doing, Claire Bear.”

More work?
Daddy was rushing out the orders, making it hard for ClaireLee to think. She said, “What's the baby's name?”

“It's not a family name.” He rubbed his brows. “Your mama chose Chipper Frank.”

Her jaw sagged. “What a funny name. Why does Mama seem what Nana would call peek-ed?”

Opening his mouth, Daddy yawned. He blinked his tired, watery eyes before answering. “She's weak because she's lost a lot of blood and sore from the difficult delivery. I'm hoping she'll be okay soon.”

Locking her arms around Daddy's chest, and emotions building as though she would burst, ClaireLee said, “I didn't like it, because Mama was gone so long.”

“I know, Claire Bear.” He thumped her on the back. “Thank you for holding down the fort. I'm off to bed now.” With caution, he stepped over the bags of food, and the bedroom door opened and shut.

I'm left alone with the kids again and to put away the groceries.
All ClaireLee wanted was to hold Chipper and feel the safety of Mama's protective arms.
How long before Mama is well?

N
ext morning
, ClaireLee leaped out of bed after Daddy woke her and left for his work. She squatted at Mama's bedside. In the soft glow of a miniature bedside lamp, she gazed at her new brother's feather-brown hair. His heartbeat thumped steady, strong at the soft spot on top of his head.

Tenderly, her fingers caressed the fuzz on his ear. “Mama?” Mama's gown buttons gaped opened to allow Chipper to drink his milk. Her eyelids remained closed.

She kissed Mama's cheek, but then moved away from her mama's sickly odor. ClaireLee pinched her lips between a thumb and finger, staring at Mama. “I missed you. I worked hard like you would have expected. And, I didn't hit Liam, even though I wanted to.” Her brows furrowed. “Well, I'm sorry I shoved him once.”

Mama's eyes fluttered open. “It's okay, ClaireLee. I know you did your best.” Her complexion had not improved from last night; she appeared as faded as one of Nana's old photos. “I'm tired,” Mama said with a wheeze. “Change the baby before school.” She slid a finger in his mouth, loosening his suckling grip. “Burp him first. You'll take Lolly with you?”

Relieved her mama spoke, ClaireLee's shoulders no longer weighed down as though a boulder stood upon them. “Yes, Mama, yes. The school doesn't mind a bit. Everything's taken care of, and you'll be well before we know it.” She fluttered her lashes to rid them of the fresh tears. “Oh, Mama, I'm so happy you're back.”

She kissed Mama, again, and cradled her arms to receive Chipper—light as one of her sister's dollies. Warm, but whoops—wet. Just like Mama said. ClaireLee tiptoed from the room, and her heart filled with the love for a new baby brother. Still marveling at his doll-light weight, she chuckled.
I know exactly what I'm going to call him. It won't be Chipper Frank.

Their kitchen clock showed it was time to get ready for school. In a soft voice, so as not to disturb Mama, she said, “Rise and shine, kids.” ClaireLee grew even more cheerful from the phrase she used to waken her siblings.
Mama always says this to us, and now we're a family again.

Bolting upright, Lolly rubbed her eyes, and blinked at the baby. “Hi, baby boy.”

ClaireLee held him over the bed. “Make room for our little man.” The kids sat and folded their legs. “Guys, I've nicknamed him Feather.”

The boys peered at him and Liam said, “Handsome little fella.”

Sitting up, Grayson wiggled his finger into Feather's hand, and Feather's eyes followed Grayson. “He likes me.”

“He sure does.” ClaireLee loosened their grip and cradled Feather to her chest. Careful to pat with the right pressure, she forced up Feather's gas bubbles and he burped. Running a wash cloth under warm water, she wrung it with a free hand. Afterward, she lay the baby's blanket down on the bed and placed him on top. Soon, she removed his wet diaper and washed him. “Lolly, get his powder in the bassinet. Don't talk to Mama, either.” She worked up a stern expression on her face as she glanced at her brothers and she said, “Remember, we need peace and quiet.”

Squishing his face to show his dislike, Liam said, “You told us last night.”

She held the clean diaper in the air, visualizing how she might fold it. “Well, I'm telling you, again.”

Back in the living room, Lolly held the powder, aimed, and fired.
Poof.
A white cloud burst over Feather's bottom. She giggled as the boys backpedaled off the bed. “See what I did?”

Waving a hand through the plume, ClaireLee choked. “Yeah, you made a mess. Now go on the porch and brush yourself off.” Lolly shook her nightgown. More dust fell from her clothes and hair and sprinkled to the floor like a soft snow. ClaireLee nodded toward the bathroom. “Liam, clean Lolly's face. I'll brush her hair later.”

Examining the damage, ClaireLee wiped the excess from the baby's bottom. After three attempts to reshape the cloth into a perfect-fitted diaper, she pinned the sides. Frowning at her pin job, she didn't like the saggy folds at Feather's scrawny legs.
This is not how it is when Mama does it.
She shrugged, slipped a pair of clean rubber pants on him, and kissed his pug nose. The baby blinked, keeping his dark round eyes on ClaireLee.

After nestling him against Mama, ClaireLee made breakfast and then four peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwiches for their lunches. She remembered Mama and made a cheese-and-mayonnaise sandwich with sliced pickles—Mama's favorite. She wrapped it in wax paper and set it in the refrigerator in plain view. Before they headed for the door, ClaireLee examined each of her siblings to make sure their clothes appeared clean.

The clock showed they needed to leave, and ClaireLee hurried on to the porch and down the steps. On the way to school, they walked on layers of hard-packed snow. ClaireLee marched and sang, “The saints go marching one by one, hurrah, hurrah. . .” The kids followed her, and Laddie yipped and pranced ahead of their group. Once at the school building, ClaireLee pointed in the direction they had come. “Go, home, Laddie. Go see Mama.” He wagged his tail and trotted toward the cabin.

Inside the classroom, before first bell, ClaireLee settled Lolly at the table with a box of crayons and colored paper.