Jumper Cable (30 page)

Jumper began to see where she was leading, thanks to his ability to appreciate human emotion.

“Correct,” the De mon ess said.

“And they will be just as mad as I am when they learn about the irrelevant Prophecy.”

“Correct.”

“Then why the bleep should either of them want to help you?”

Eris was taken aback. “They would decline?”

“Yes. Their foolish irrational emotion would make them tell you to go to hell.”

“Actually, Pluto governs Hell, or more properly, Hades,” the De mon ess said. “With his wife Persephone. I could not go there.”

“It is an established principle that princesses do not marry men they are mad at, or help women they are mad at,” Phanta continued inexorably. “So the rational approach is to make them un-mad.”

“Correct. But what would un-madden them?”

“Gee, I don’t know.” Jumper recognized irony there, and kept silent. “But it might help if the girls got their dream men back, this time for real, and found a way to complete the mission. That might not make them eager to help anyone, but at least they wouldn’t be as angry as before.”

Eris turned to Jumper. “This seems to be manipulating emotional states. I do not understand emotion. Does this program make sense to you?”

“Yes,” Jumper said simply.

“How might we achieve such details?”

“Maybe if we all met together and discussed it,” Jumper said. “The girls are reasonably smart. One of them might come up with something feasible.”

“Then let’s meet, here and now.”

“There’s a problem,” Jumper said. “The girls are stuck at various places along our route, protecting it so we can return safely.”

“If we can negotiate a deal, and a princess finds a prince for me, I will no longer be confined, and the way will no longer be blocked. There will be no further need to guard it.”

“That’s rational,” Jumper agreed. “I will go back and tell them to come here.”

“There is no need. My ghost aspect can notify them and lead them in.”

“They may not believe him,” Jumper said. “Unless he carries a credible message.”

“What would that message be?”

Jumper considered, but didn’t think of one.

“Vengeance is ours,” Phanta said. “Follow Button.”

“But that’s not true,” Jumper said. “We haven’t negotiated any deal yet, let alone achieved any revenge.”

“We will,” Phanta said. “Trust me.”

So they made a printed sign with those words, and Phanta touched it, ghosting it, so that the ghost Button could carry it. He took it and flitted back the way they had come. Belatedly Jumper thought of another complication. “Dawn— she’s afraid of depths. She can’t come here.”

“There is a more direct route,” the De mon ess said. “One that lacks depths. Button knows that route.”

Soon the girls started appearing, led in by Button Ghost. The first was Olive. “Coinroy is still marveling over Shep’s fantastic coin collection. I doubt he even misses me. But what’s this about?”

“We will be negotiating with the De mon ess Eris,” Phanta said. “For our mission, and the return of our dream men.”

Olive made a moue. “Our phantom dream men? Tell me more.” The two walked away, conversing.

“You associate with pretty girls,” Eris remarked.

“Coincidence,” Jumper said. “I did not choose them.”

“The Prophecy did. I did not wish to be rescued by an ugly prince.”

Jumper had to laugh. Then he had to try to explain why, because the De mon ess did not understand laughter. It had not been all that long since Jumper learned it himself, but he made the attempt, and the De mon ess seemed to be getting it. She seemed to be quite intelligent.

Eve appeared. “What a castle!” she exclaimed. “Of course it needs more carpets on the walls, so it won’t look so cold.”

Jumper introduced them. “This is the Princess Eve, a Sorceress. This is the De mon ess Eris. As you surmised, she needs to marry a mortal prince.”

“You are wondrously lovely,” Eris said, surveying Eve’s nude charms.

Eve paused part of a moment, amenable to flattery, then decided.

“Sorry, I have another agenda.”

Oops. Eve thought the De mon ess was hinting at something else.

“But your sister?” Eris asked.

Eve’s lips quirked. “Maybe. That is for her to say.”

Jumper decided to keep his mouth shut.

“Still, let’s look around your castle,” Eve said. “It looks worthy.”

They walked off.

Jumper wondered what Eve’s other agenda was. A De mon ess would be a considerable catch, even for a prince.

Haughty Harpy arrived. “Who would have thunk it,” she said, her gaze covering landscape and castle.

Jumper explained the situation.

Maeve appeared. They caught her up on things. “How about some clothing?” she asked.

They explored the bedroom area of the castle, and discovered a number of royal robes, evidently set up for the handsome prince the De mon ess hoped some day to marry. Maeve tried one on, and it fit her perfectly, being gender neutral or, more likely, a magic gown. “I’m beautiful!” she exclaimed, surprised, as she gazed in a wall-sized mirror. She was correct.

Wenda came. “Ooo, I want one too!” she exclaimed when she saw Maeve, though she was clothed. “Have yew another?” Soon she too was breathtakingly lovely in a royal gown.

And finally Dawn appeared. She immediately knew the situation the moment she touched Jumper. “Well, we’ll see,” she said. Soon they were all gathered in the castle’s family room. The girls were richly garbed, stunningly fair, for they had not only dressed, they

had washed their faces and done their hair. But Dawn was noticeably fairer than the others, including her sister. Jumper realized that this was not accidental. Dawn, not Eve, was the one who might have considered marrying the Demon. Except that it had turned out to be a De mon ess. Jumper wasn’t sure what was going on in either of their minds. There was a silence. Jumper realized that someone had to conduct the negotiation, and he, being neither girl nor De mon ess, seemed to be the one. He opened his mouth— and was overtaken by a pause. For there before him stood Sharon. She was breathtakingly beautiful, fully equivalent to the others.

“What are you doing here?” Jumper demanded.

“I believe I belong in this number,” she said. “And I may have something to contribute.”

Now Eris showed some emotion. “You betrayed me, foul creature!”

“And was in turn betrayed,” Sharon responded.

“That surely served you right.”

“Aren’t you curious about the details?”

“No.” For she was a De mon ess, and the details could not relate to any acquisition of power on her part.

“But we are,” Haughty said. She too had donned a bit of costume: a scintillating tiara. “You have been serving Pluto. What could have changed your mind, you scheming h*ssy?”

“I am a schemer,” Sharon agreed. “It comes with the condition of being female.” She looked around, and only Wenda shook her head in denial. She had not yet had enough experience as a whole woman to properly develop that trait.

“Get on with it,” Haughty snapped.

“I am Charon’s sister, and was Pluto’s lover. I did Pluto’s bidding, in the hope that in time he would marry me. I enabled him to achieve promotion to full Demon status. But then he married that mortal upstart Persephone.” She frowned. “A mortal! Can you believe it?”

“Actually, yes,” Dawn said. “It seems Demons have a taste for mortal princesses.”

“She was no princess!”

“She was the equivalent,” Dawn said. “She was the daughter of a god, and beautiful. What more could any male ask?”

“A De mon ess!”

“Are you, or have you ever been, innocent?”

“Of course not! No De mon ess is or ever was.”

“As a mortal Persephone surely was. That appeals also.”

“Oh, damn, you’re right,” Sharon said, realizing. As an un-innocent De mon ess she wasn’t bound by limitations of vocabulary, and could utter uncensored words.

“But didn’t that happen a century or more ago?” Jumper asked.

“Yes. She married him when he achieved full Demon status, and backdated the historic references. And I, fool that I was, helped him achieve it.”

“You know,” Haughty said, “Sharon has a case. She is a woman scorned, like the rest of you.”

“But why did you help him against us?” Jumper demanded. “You should have been on our side.”

“I should have been,” she agreed. “Especially since I found another male I could respect. But I was in denial about Pluto. I clung to the illusion that if he ever tired of Persephone, he would take me. So I helped him again— or tried to.” She shook her head. “How wrong I was!”

Jumper was stunned. She had found another male? Wasn’t he the only new one she had met?

“Wrong?” Haughty asked.

“He didn’t dump Persephone,” Sharon said angrily. “She dumped him. When he was demoted back to Dwarf Demon status. And he still didn’t take me. He has found another woman. Another mortal. Another princess. That’s the final outrage. I’ll never help him again.”

“Who?” Haughty asked.

“I don’t know. Only that it happened very recently. Someone he met in a dream.”

Eve swooned. Fortunately Olive and Phanta, standing on either side of her, caught her before she hit the floor.

Only Dawn seemed not entirely surprised. “Snap out of it, you faker!

Why are you trying to promote my assistance to the De mon ess Eris?”

she demanded.

“So you wouldn’t try to steal my boyfriend— again,” Eve said, recovering swiftly. “Or at least, the one I’m interested in.”

“And who is that?”

“The Demon Pluto.”

“So you’re the one!” Sharon said, outraged. “I should have suspected.”

“I didn’t think I had a chance,” Eve confessed. “But I had to try.”

“And it seems you succeeded,” Dawn said. “That must have been some session with the Centaur King.”

“It was.”

“And you

were pretending to be one of the Furious D*msels,”

Jumper said indignantly. “When you had already used your wiles to corrupt him.”

“I didn’t think I succeeded,” Eve said. “So I was angry too.”

“So there you have it,” Sharon said. “I’m in the same corset the rest of you are. Except for her.” She shot a venomous glance at Eve. Fortunately the venom froze, bounced off Eve’s face, and dropped to the floor with a glasslike tinkle.

“So why should you help us?” Dawn asked.

“Two reasons. Vengeance. And vengeance.”

“I think I get the first,” Dawn said. “But I don’t understand the second.”

“The first is the why of it. The second is the how.”

“The how?”

“Eve will see your mission through. That will thoroughly embarrass Pluto.”

“But why?” Haughty asked. “Isn’t Eve changing sides, which will ruin the mission?”

“Of course I’m not changing sides,” Eve snapped. “I agreed to see the mission through, and I will do it. I will marry him only after the mission is complete.”

“See?” Sharon asked. “She is going to bring him more pain than I ever could.”

“But won’t he dump her, then?” Jumper asked.

“It is a matter of dominance,” Eve said. “I will marry him on my terms or not at all.”

Sharon nodded. “I am almost beginning to like you, you shameless feminist.”

“So what will you do?” Dawn asked Sharon.

“I have discovered my own mortal interest.”

“Who?”

“Jumper.”

Now Jumper almost swooned. She really did like him! But could he trust her? This could be another devious ploy. Dawn shook her head. “If only we could trust Demons.”

“You could if you married us.”

“Not before the mission is complete.”

“So let’s get that mission completed,” Eris said. “I have no interest there; I want only to escape confinement.”

Dawn turned a meltingly brilliant smile on her. “You have only to finish the Prophecy so we can complete our mission. And resolve the situation of my companions. Then in gratitude I will bamboozle a prince to marry you and make your next half century miserable.”

“You are making two demands?” Eris asked. “Mission and friends? You are entitled to only one.”

“Really? I must have miscounted. In that case, I shall have to look for someone else to oblige.” She turned as if about to depart, in the pro cess showing a fine silhouette as her gown flared.

“She’s good,” Sharon murmured.

“Wait!” Eris said desperately. “I didn’t say I wouldn’t honor two.”

“Oh?” Dawn turned back. This time her gown caught the light behind her, becoming halfway translucent, so that her bra and pan ties blurrily showed. Jumper’s breath caught as he fought down a blurry freak, and Button Ghost, in the direct line of sight, froze in place for a full moment.

“Really good,” Sharon said.

“What do your companions require?” Eris asked.

“Well, it seems they met their ideal men in a dream, and got really

interested in them, even granting them favors they would not have in waking life, only to later discover that these were not individual men but aspects of the Demon Pluto. So their romances were fraudulent throughout. They are embarrassed, humiliated, and most annoyed.”

“Why?”

“Once you get half a prince’s soul, you won’t have to ask that question. But for now I’ll explain that girls prefer to lend their favors only to the men they truly respect or love, and betrayal feels to them a bit like losing a Demon bet.”

Eris fell back as if suffering a severe jolt of pain. “Now I understand.”

“Since it was a Demon who caused this outrage, we feel that it will require the power of another Demon to abate it.”

“That is rational,” Eris agreed. “How should it be accomplished?”

Dawn turned to Jumper. “I think this is your area of expertise. What program can you recommend?”

Jumper was set back almost as forcefully as he had been by her blurred silhouette flash. He had no idea how to fix false love. “Uh—”

“Do you want my help?” Sharon murmured.

She could help? “Yes!”

“What do you offer in return?”

“What do you want?”

“Forgiveness.”

“For what?”

“For deceiving you before about my interest in you.”