Jennifer's Surrender (37 page)

“You sure
you’re ready to come back to work?”

 
“Yes, I’m sure. Of all the things, I’m
sure of this.”

 
“What aren’t you sure about?” he asked hesitantly.

 
“This time with you has been incredible…”

 
“But?”

 
“But I’m worried that I shouldn’t be
here. That I should be home, standing on my own two feet, not depending on you,
on a man. I know you’re not him, Bill. Honest. I’m not comparing you. I’m
talking about me getting lost in another man.”

 
“Do you think that it’s possible that you
do need love and support and caring right now?” I nodded. “And that it doesn’t
make you weak. It makes you human, you know that, right?” I nodded again.

 
“Look, Jen, I want to make sure that I’m
not forcing decisions down your throat. After everything, I realize how
important it must be for you to prove to yourself that the decisions you’re
making are your own. So it needs to be your choice where you stay. But here’s
what I know: I don’t think you’re ready to be alone just yet. It’s only been a
week. I’m worried that you’ll crawl back into your bed and not come out. I know
you’re strong, but I can’t help but want to be the one there to make sure
you’re 100%.”

I opened my
mouth, ready to speak, but he shook his head, he wasn’t finished. “So that’s
all you, and your choice. But let me tell you about me, and this is selfish, I
know, but I’m going to tell you anyway. I got to where I am by taking what I’ve
wanted. By working hard and doing whatever it took to succeed. There is one
thing,
one
, that I didn’t go after in
life. And that’s because bosses can’t ask their employees out. So I didn’t. I
became a mentor, and a friend and a boss instead. And I was willing to
sacrifice that so long as I thought you were happy elsewhere.” He pulled my hands
into his lap. “Jen, I do hold myself responsible for what happened. If you and
I had been together, you never would have gotten hurt. I know I can’t change
the past, but I can change the future. I’ve wanted to be with you for years.
You being here makes me happy. So, there you have it. I’ve sunk to using guilt in
hopes that you stay.”

I had tears in
my eyes, but I tried to make light of it, “Guilt and amazing sex. You really
should be ashamed of yourself.”

“I’m glad you
feel that way. Speaking of, I heard from the Russian judges. They were very
disappointed we only got to seven the other night. I explained that if we could
have another chance, we’d show them our dedication to the, uh, sport.”

 
“Well, you know I hate to disappoint…”
  

It was good to
get back to work and be able to focus on something other than relationships. Bill
and I agreed that the story was that I had a really bad flu, so I got a lot of
people asking me how I was feeling. I felt bad for lying, but I guess the truth
was that I was feeling a lot better. It just had nothing at all to do with the
flu.

I finally went
through my cell phone messages. Most were from Bill. There was one from
Stephen. Just hearing his voice made me shudder. The message was typical
Stephen, “Jennifer, I know you’re confused. I know what you need, little bird,
but you have to trust me to give it to you. I can’t help you if you run away.
Call me.” I hate to admit that part of me believed him. A small part of me
doubted myself, wondered if somehow, I might have misconstrued what happened.
Because if he had seen it as wrong, he wouldn’t have left that message. But
when I replayed what happened, I could see how brainwashed I had become.
 
  

I saw that he
had called a couple of times on my work phone, but didn’t leave any messages,
for which I was grateful. I knew I couldn’t just erase him from my past, but
the fewer reminders, the better.

I was
surprised how well Bill and I were with each other in the office. I guess
because our relationship started out work-based, it wasn’t weird to be all
business with him. Having been gone from the office, both of us were busy, so
aside from the staff meeting, I didn’t really see him until I got to his house
that night. He had given me a key that morning, and I left work before he did,
so I decided to make dinner. When he walked in, he had a huge, devilish grin on
his face. He dropped his bag and coat and stalked towards me, grabbing me and
pushing me up against the counter. He pushed my hair to the side and bit my neck.
I squealed. He whispered, “How long till that’s ready?” as he kept nibbling at
my neck.

 
“Um, um, five, maybe ten minutes?” I said
between panting. He had pushed himself between my legs and I could feel his
erection grinding into me.

 
“Mmmm, good. Let’s get these off.” He
mumbled into my neck as he was undoing my jeans and I squirmed out of them. He
turned me around, bent me over the counter and I heard him undo his zipper. He
rubbed the head of his cock against my wetness and then slid in as we both moaned.
“God, Jen, I can’t tell you how many times today I wanted to walk down the
hall, close your door, bend you over your desk and fuck you just like this.” He
growled in my ear as he slid back and forth into me.

 
“Just today?” I giggled, which earned me harder
thrusting.

 
“Naughty, naughty, girl. We’re going to
have to make up for lost time.” He breathed into me as his thrusts increased.

 
“Whatever you say. You’re the boss.” I
said as I grabbed onto the counter harder, as he ground his cock into me. It didn’t
take me long to start feeling my orgasm rising, “Oh Bill, oh, oh, oh,
ooooohhhhh…” as my legs started trembling, Bill came too.

We panted
together and then he pulled out of me, turned me around, pulled me into a hug
and mumbled, “Hi honey, I’m home.” I giggled into his neck as he tenderly
kissed my neck, both of our pants still around our ankles.

 
“I had no idea stir-fry could be such a
turn on.” I said when he finally let me go, stepping out of his pants.

 
“Yeah, it’s the stir-fry that got me all
worked up. Not the beautiful woman in my kitchen. Definitely the bok-choi.” He
winked. “I’m going to change, I’ll be right back.” He leaned in, kissed my
cheek and then turned to go. When he came back, I was dishing out the dinner. I
decided against putting my pants back on, so I had my top on, but was naked
from the waist down. He took one look, grinned and shook his head. “I can’t
keep up with today’s fashions, but I gotta tell you, this look, this one’s a
keeper.”

We sat down
and he asked, “So, how was it being back in the office?” we talked easily about
the day and work for a bit.

I admitted,
“It’s hard for me to believe that a week ago I was in the fetal position on my
bed, and now I’m here.” I got quiet, and he waited. “I’d be lying if I said it
doesn’t scare me that I’ve jumped into this, with you, so quickly.” He nodded.
“But I’m not going to kick myself for doing what feels good. And being here,
with you, feels good. Really good, Bill.” I waited to see if that scared him.
Instead, he grinned, put his chopsticks down, leaned over and kissed me
tenderly on the lips.

After all the
fiction I had read, I couldn’t help but think that my life, my recovery was reading
like one of the many romance novels I had read. Everything was falling too
neatly into place. The pieces were picked up. Everything was perfect. Far too
perfect. I had been a damsel in distress and my knight in shining armor came
along right on cue. It couldn’t possibly be this easy…

Call it naiveté,
blind faith, or wishful thinking. I guess I should have known that someone who
enjoyed humiliating, controlling and inflicting pain on others, someone whose
need to dominate defined their existence, someone like that couldn’t possibly
let go so easily.

I was getting
back into the swing of things at work, and starting to develop a routine with
Bill. I knew I couldn’t stay at his place forever, but it was so nice being
there, I didn’t want to go home. Not yet.

It was Friday,
the end of my first week back at work. Bill left early for a client meeting and
I was looking forward to another nice evening at home with him. Most of the
office had cleared out as we had unofficial “summer Fridays” which basically
meant, if you got your work done and there were no pressing deadlines, you
could leave by the afternoon. But, given that I’d been gone the week before, I
still had some things to take care of. I was finishing up when Stephen walked
into my office.

 
“Jennifer.” He said as he walked in and
closed the door. I could feel all the blood drain from my face as my heart
started pounding. Interesting how my reactions to this man could change so
quickly.

 
“Si- Stephen.” It was physically hard to
say his name, and I had faltered at first but once I did, it registered with
him. His one eyebrow raised upon hearing his full name come out of my mouth. “What
are you doing here?”

 
“I’ve come to see you, of course.” His
tone sounded more than just his usual ‘Dom’ voice. It sounded sinister. I
couldn’t say whether it really had changed or if it was just my reaction that
had.

 
“I don’t think that’s such a good idea.”

 
“Well, I’ve called, I left messages, I’ve
stopped by your apartment. You’ve left me no other choice.”

 
“My choice is I don’t want to see you.”

He laughed
lightly. “Little bird, I’ve told you before, I take my responsibility as your
Master very seriously.
I
know what’s
best for you.”

 
“You’re not my Master.” I hated that my
voice shook, and I knew he heard it too.

 
“Of course I am, and clearly, you still
have a lot to learn about submission. I’ve given you time to reflect on what
happened, and now I’m ready to resume things.”

I heard my
cell phone buzz. And buzz. And buzz. As I started to reach into my purse for
it, I bent down under my desk and suddenly, he was on me. His hand grabbed
mine, pulling it away before I could get the phone and he shoved me back into
my chair. “I really thought I had taught you better manners, Jennifer. Perhaps
I’ve been too lenient on you. I thought this might be a problem.” I started to
push against him to get out of the chair but he put a knee over my lap and
rested all of his weight on it so I couldn’t move.

 
“Stephen, let me go. I’m not your
submissive anymore.”

He laughed out
loud. “You see, little bird, that’s not really your call. I call the shots in
this relationship.”

 
“There is no relationship!”

There was an
intensity in his eyes that told me he really had no intention of letting me go.
I pushed against him again and he hauled off and slapped me. Hard. I was
shocked. It took me a moment to register what was happening as I saw his hand
go into his pocket. As if in slow motion, as I opened my mouth to start to
scream, he pulled out a ball-gag and shoved it into my open mouth, tightly
holding my jaw as I fought against it, but he knew where to push. I grunted and
tried, but to no avail, it was in. Still sitting on top of me, he fastened it
behind my head. As I reached back to try to unfasten it, he grabbed both of my
wrists with one hand, holding them tight.

 
“Much better. Though I’m very
disappointed in you, little bird. Perhaps this will teach you what real
submission requires. I thought you had it in you to just accept what I gave
you, but I guess I gave you too much latitude from the very beginning.” I tried
to speak but they were just grunts coming out. The ball tasted like rubber and
I could feel drool dripping down my chin. I twisted, trying to get out from
under him, but he was too heavy, too strong. I heard my cell buzz again.

Practically
sitting on top of me, he pulled my arms down and tied them together behind my
back. Then he actually sat on me, so his back was to me and leaned over tying
each leg to the leg of the chair. I was screaming behind the ball gag and
trying to squirm, but it was futile. I was literally bound and gagged.

He stood up,
smoothing his clothes out and looked me up and down and smiled. “I know how you
like to be restrained, little bird. Perhaps now you’ll calm down and behave
better.”

I tried to
calm my breathing for two reasons. One, I had no idea what to expect and I
figured I should save my energy in the event that I’d be able to use it more
productively later. Two, I thought perhaps he’d go easy on me if he thought I
was submitting to him.

I got my
breathing under control and he smiled, smoothing hair on my forehead. “There
you go, little bird, relax. You know I take such good care of you.” Then he
scanned my desk. I couldn’t imagine what he’d be looking for, but when he
landed on it, he smiled again, lifting the scissors out of the pen holder. “You
know I prefer you naked, Jennifer.” He said as he took the scissors to my
sweater cutting up one side on the outside of my left breast and then up the
right side, outside my right breast, pulling the front off since my arms were
bound behind my back. He snipped the center of my bra, popping it open, but the
cups still stayed molded to my breasts, so he snipped the straps and then the
sides. As often as I had been comfortably naked around him, I suddenly felt
completely exposed and horribly helpless.

I heard my
cell buzz again and Stephen looked at me, “Seems like someone is very interested
in getting a hold of you.” I prayed he wouldn’t look at the phone. I knew the calls
must be from Bill wondering where I was and why I wasn’t answering. If Stephen
knew I was with Bill, there’s no telling what he might do. I arched my back
trying to draw his attention back to me and away from the phone. It seemed to
do the trick. I knew my nipples were hard, not from excitement but from fear
and adrenaline. He mistook it for arousal.