Jax (Immortals of New Orleans Book 7) (22 page)

Although the heaviness of slumber called her to curl into the sheets, the warmth encasing her body had cooled.
Jax.
Katrina blindly swept her hand across the bed, grasping the blanket. Her eyes went to the large antique wooden wall clock, its brass pendulum reflecting the street light. It was nearly four thirty in the morning and she wondered where Jax had gone.

Giving a yawn, she shoved up to sit on the bed and glanced around the bedroom. Katrina peered through the cream-colored translucent fabric that hung from the rungs overhead, and smiled. Her Alpha had chosen a romantic décor for his elegant home. It reminded her that there was so much to learn about her mate. In spite of their heated sexual tryst, only time would unravel his mysteries.

A shiver ran over her arms, the air conditioning cooling her skin. Instead of searching for clothes, she simply tugged at the sheet and wrapped it around her body. Katrina swung her legs over the bed, and steadied her feet onto the cold hardwood floors. As she made her way down the hallway, a flicker of light reflecting into the walls told her Jax had gone downstairs.

She padded down the grand stairway and her thoughts drifted to another era. Having grown up in the early 1800s, she recalled long ago when a home would be lit by candles, the warm breeze of spring pouring through the windows. Although there had been no modern conveniences, it had been a simpler time in many respects.

Rustling papers drew her out of her contemplation and as she rounded a corner, she spotted Jax sitting on an area rug in front of the fireplace. Wearing only a pair of jeans, her shirtless Alpha appeared lost in rumination. He held a small wooden frame in his hand; a large cardboard box sat next to him. Afraid to startle him, she kept quiet. She smiled when he whispered her name, realizing he’d sensed her presence.

“Katrina.” Jax set the picture into the box and patted the floor.

“Whatcha doing?” She eyed the container.

“I couldn’t sleep, so I thought I’d check things out.”

“Everything okay?”

“Everything’s great. This place,” he glanced around the empty room, “I bought it after seeing it online.” He laughed, his eyes meeting hers. “I called my realtor and told her I wanted it. Never even stepped inside it until today. Pretty crazy, huh?”

“It must have been special,” she commented, trailing her fingers over his shoulder.

“Maybe. Not really. It wasn’t so much the house. It was Gillian. This is going to sound strange, because my pack is my family. But to have a blood member? It changed everything for me. My mother and father…they aren’t alive anymore.” Jax shook his head, his face pensive. “When Gilly came into my life, I swore I wouldn’t be some long distance relative who sent holiday cards twice a year. No, that isn’t going to happen. I want to be close to her. I want her close to me. I want…”

“A family?” Katrina’s heart broke for him, sensing how lonely he’d been. It wasn’t as if she didn’t understand the anguish of solitude. After decades of watching others find their partners and have children, she’d buried the painful dream of finding her mate, forced to accept her solitary existence.

“Yes, a family.” He reached for her hand and covered it with his. “I don’t want to scare you, Kat. I mean, shit, it’s not like we have exactly had an easy go of things. We aren’t even bonded yet but you need to know…”

“Jax…I can’t promise you forever, because I don’t know what will happen to me. But I’m your mate. I belong to you. I’m your family now.” Katrina gave him a warm smile.

“I already told you, I’m not letting you go,” he replied and changed the subject. “This box. I guess Samuel sent these things here before I went missing.”

“Things?”

“Yeah, you know. Family photos, stuff I’ve collected over the years. Gillian stayed with me for a while after Nick died. We went through some of it. As you can imagine, I have a lot of shit.” He blew out a breath and picked up a well-worn cream-colored domino. He fingered it, running his pad over the blackened dimples. “Samuel got some of my family things mixed up with Nick’s.”

“You need help sorting them?”

“Nah, not right now.” He held the trinket up to the light. “It’s made of bone. Wood on the bottom.”

“Yours?” She smiled.

“Yes and no. Nick collected them over the years. This one’s an antique. We used to play…a whole lifetime really. Nick loved these damn things.” He reached for her hand and tugged her toward him. “Come join me.”

Katrina settled next to him, and picked up the frame he’d set back into the box. She studied the black and white photograph. A young woman stood stoically, her long dress brushing the ground. Katrina recalled owning a similar garment in the 1840s. The dress she’d worn had been fashioned in a royal blue damask fabric. Although it had revealed her bare shoulders, the long sleeves covered her arms.

“Who is she?” While the girl didn’t smile, Katrina noted a glint of happiness in her eyes.

“Phoebe.” Jax gave a regretful smile and retrieved it from her hands.

“A friend?”
A lover?
Katrina sensed the sorrow from her mate as if it was her own, and she realized that from now on, his wellbeing would be tied to hers. Her fingers once again traveled to her shoulder, his mark tingling on her skin.

“I thought I was in love.” He laughed and shook his head. “So young. I must’ve been around seventeen. I might as well have been a baby.”

“She was human?” Katrina’s wolf let out a low growl, and she stifled the displeasing emotion. To be jealous of a dead girl was ridiculous, she knew. But with her Alpha unclaimed, the irrational thought surfaced.

“Yes.”

“Things were different back then.” Katrina recalled her mother’s warning to stay within their pack. When Tristan became Alpha, he’d been a more progressive leader, allowing interaction with humans. Regardless, wolves learned to be cautious of falling in love with others, expecting they’d someday meet their mate.

“My father was a strict man. He, uh,” Jax sighed, “he didn’t tolerate any breaking of rules. It was more than just submission. My mother, she doted on him like a king. It was never enough. That day…”

“What happened?”

“He’d caught me with her. I was foolish. I knew better. We’d never even had sex, you know. Just kissed. But it was enough. He scented her on my clothes. He beat me that day.”

“Oh, Goddess…” Katrina caressed his back. The thought of any father abusing his child made her sick to her stomach. But to know her mate had been mistreated; she wished she could go back in time and kill his father herself.

“He got the best of me. He knew that I was growing stronger, that the Alpha within my soul was strong. Sometimes I think it was the only way he thought he could survive. I’d either have to leave the pack or challenge him.”

“What happened?”

“My mother, she went into a depression after that day. She took care of my bruised body, but she couldn’t repair the damage that had been done to our family. She’d begged me to submit, to accept that no matter what my father asked, I’d have to give in. But that’s the thing, Kat, when you’re Alpha, you don’t get a choice. You are born Alpha and when the opportunity comes, you seize it.”

“But Logan, he didn’t challenge anyone. He was Tris’ beta for so many years. Granted he was a leader but I never expected he’d take over Acadian Wolves.”

“Tristan knew. I guarantee it. We all can sense the Alpha within others. Now it’s true that some wolves suppress it. Something in their lives happens and they just decide life is better without responsibility. But for most of us, it’s an overwhelming call. We cannot deny it, any more than we can deny breathing.” Jax scrubbed his palm over his tousled hair and shrugged. “But Phoebe? She never asked for any of this. Hell, she didn’t even know I was a wolf.”

“You stopped seeing her?” Katrina asked.

“That’s the thing. I didn’t stop seeing her. I wasn’t going to let that bastard tell me who I could or couldn’t see. He’d been telling me my whole damn life what to do. I’d watched him lead, he bullied pack members. And the girl? I wanted her more than anything. Jesus, when I think about it…shit, I was just like any other teenager.”

“Horny?” She gave a small laugh.

“Hell, yes. She was beautiful and just the sweetest girl in town. And I was an asshole, a selfish prick who should have known better.”

“No, don’t say that. There’s no way you could have known anything. We all were teenagers once.”

“I killed her.” Jax’s voice grew soft and he traced his finger along the rim of the frame.

“What? No.” Katrina’s eyes widened, her heart rate sped up at his declaration. There was no doubt in her mind that her Alpha could kill, she’d witnessed the aftermath at the cabin. But deliberately murder an innocent? No way.

“My father ordered her death and his beta killed her. No one suspected anything. Her body was found in the woods a week later. He made it look like she’d been mauled. Her fault, they’d said. Stupid girl had gone where she shouldn’t have. But I knew better. My whole pack knew.”

“Oh Jax,” she gasped. “I’m so sorry.”

“It was my fault. Her blood,” Jax extended his palms and stared at them as if they were dripping before him, “it’s on my hands.”

“No, Jax. You didn’t…”

“Yes, Kat. It was my first lesson in being an Alpha. Patience. Restraint. These qualities of mind are every bit as important as the brute strength and cunning needed to win a challenge. I,” he paused, brushing both of his hands over his head, “did not have the patience. Nor did I consider the consequences of my actions. I underestimated the power of my opponent. Had I had patience, I would have waited for the day when I would become Alpha. My self-indulgence cost Phoebe her life.”

“You were just a kid.” Katrina fought the tears, choosing to be strong for her mate. “I’m not going to pretend that you haven’t been carrying around this guilt for a long time, but you need to let it go. Your father sounds like an awful person, a complete psychopath. I know you know this. I’ve watched you lead. I’ve been on the end of some of your ‘lessons’. There’s a difference between teaching and punishing. And there sure as hell is a difference between punishing a teenager and murdering an innocent girl who did nothing more than fall in love with a boy.”

“My mother had already been hanging on by a thread. She, uh, only lived a few more years. You know, they talk about the spirit within us. I’m pretty sure it’s what killed her will to live.” Jax set his eyes on Katrina, who took his hand in hers. “The day she died, I left the pack. I only returned later…when I was stronger. After Gillian had been born…”

“Does Gillian know about your father? What he did?”

Jax shook his head no.

“You didn’t tell her?” Katrina eyed him with concern.

“It’s not like I didn’t want to tell her but hell, I’d just reconnected with Gilly. How am I supposed to tell her that her father, this great warrior, just so happened to be a ruthless murderer? From what I can tell, Mirabel, her mother, hasn’t told her either. She managed to escape. When I came back to the pack, things had only grown worse. He’d stolen her tiger. Pack members were terrified. We were on the verge of territorial wars with others because his behavior had become more aggressive. He didn’t exactly believe in diplomacy.”

“You returned? What happened?” Katrina instinctively knew what words he’d confess even before he said them and she’d already made the decision to support him. No man deserved what his father had done to him.

“I killed him.” Jax closed his eyes and blew out a deep breath before continuing, his voice calm and low. “I’d had enough. Someone had to stop him. And I was Alpha. I am Alpha.”

“A challenge?”

“Yes. I almost died that day. But I wasn’t going to give up. Not for one second. Even as blood was pouring out of me, my flesh in his claws and teeth, my conviction never wavered. This face,” his eyes went to the photo, “she was in my mind. That day, she was avenged. Her blood may be on my hands but I did what I had to do to set it right. I am not my father.”

“No, you’re nothing like him at all.”

“Tristan doesn’t think so. You know that’s why he doesn’t trust me. I don’t blame him. But Phoebe? I didn’t mean to get her killed.”

“Come here.” Katrina brought Jax into her embrace, his face rested on her breast. As she cradled his head and caressed his hair, she felt the stress drain from his muscles. Her heart broke for her great Alpha. “None of this is your fault, Jax. Do you hear me? You are nothing like your father. Nothing at all. You may have been born of an Alpha, but you grew into the leader you are today. I watched my father. Marcel. Hunter. Tristan. Great men make mistakes and learn from them. I’ll tell you this.” She pressed her lips to his head and spoke softly. “
You
are an amazing man. You’re honorable. Courageous. Compassionate. And you’re mine. I am your family. Me. You’re not alone.”

Jax raised his gaze to meet hers and Katrina cupped his cheeks. He’d bared his heart and soul, trusting her. She leaned in and kissed away the moisture on his lashes. She’d always known Jax was a striking if not beautiful man but it was his sensitive heart and mind that took her breath away.

She grazed her lips down his cheek, finally settling on his mouth. As the sheet fell away and she gave herself to him, the decision not to claim him became all the more difficult. Falling for Jax Chandler was as inevitable as the sun rising, and she was helpless to control it.