Jaq With a Q (Kismet) (14 page)

“She can’t talk, but she can scream?”

“What do you expect? You let some stranger walk to your wife’s bedroom door at seven o’clock in the morning. You’d probably shoot the bastard.”

“I don’t have a wife.”

“Imagine that. We done here? She’s fine, I’m fine, we’re just enjoying,
my
lake, nothing going on here.”

“How’d you get the black eye?”

“Shovel accident. Goodbye, Sheriff.”

The dickhead cop dropped his Elvis knockoffs a little, two fingers pointing from his eyes to mine. “I’m watching you, boy.”

“Like I said, I’m not your boy. Good day,” I said with a nod.

Waiting for him to walk away, I turned to Jaq, still holding her hand. “You’re okay, he’s gone.”

The breath she held was released, her body relaxed, but her hand stayed in mine. She didn’t pull away. She smiled.

I smiled back, and pulled her along. “Come on, I want to show you a rope swing Silas and I used to swing off. You see that big oak way over there? The one beside that patch of blue spruce.

“I did good, Ollie.”

I glanced back with a smile and the needed assurance. “You did amazing.”

“It was you. I was barely even afraid.”

“Does that mean you trust me now?”

“Huh? What’d you say?” she teased, feigning her deaf diagnosis, her eyes closing while she looked around.

I laughed, telling her to watch her step with my eyes. “Why are you closing your eyes? You’re not blind, just deaf.”

Jaq stepped over the fallen branch, a lighter tone in her voice. “Oh yeah, and mute. I’m probably going to use that the next time you make me do something I don’t want to do, you know.”

“I don’t doubt it for a second.”

“He’s pretty stupid. You even asked him what he would do to if some stranger beat on his wife’s door.”

I turned to Jaq, trying to hide a puzzled frown. “What do you mean?”

The look she gave me was meant to make me feel like an idiot. She pointed to one ear, reminding me of her handicap. “I’m deaf, remember?”

“Oh yeah,” I laughed.

Jaq and I walked around the entire diameter of the lake, exploring things I hadn’t seen in years. Like the big rocks that that I promised we would climb some time, but not yet. I had something in mind, and I needed to go into town, the further from Sheriff P. Jonas, town.

I asked Jaq to come with me, promising to hold her hand the entire time, but I didn’t beg. She did though. She begged me not to leave her there alone, afraid of the sheriff coming back, but I had to. We needed things, and the roof really couldn’t wait any longer. It needed repaired. Now.

Jaq was locked in her bathroom before I ever got out the door. I felt bad, wishing she would come with me, but I knew she wouldn’t. This was something she was either going to have to get used to, or come with me. I couldn’t just lock myself away with her. We had to eat, and the place needed work if we planned to stay there.

Silas crossed my mind, thinking about it. I’d told him I would call him back three times already that day.

“Wow, you do remember you have a brother. How’s it going?”

“It’s going great. How are you?”

“Same, busy. How’s Jaq?”

“She’s doing well. Very well. I had another visitor from the sheriff again this afternoon. Dickwad.”

“What now? What is this guy’s problem?”

“Right?” I explained the entire scene, minus Jaq’s hand in mine, and omitting the strange way that made me feel. Silas wouldn’t understand. He didn’t do feelings. He did sex.

“Hey, I’ve been meaning to ask you. Do you think you’re going to be staying there? Like to live?”

“I don’t know, Silas. I keep thinking about work, and what I’m going to do.”

“You want to go back to work?”

“Fuck no, I mean, I don’t want to, but I guess I should. You know?”

“No, not really. You don’t have to work. The house is paid for; you get enough from our trust fund to live off of. It’s not like you spend money on lavish vacations or material things.”

“True, but I’ve always worked, you know? Anyway, why do you ask?”

“Ask what?”

“If I’m staying here.”

“Oh, yeah, I’ve got a friend looking for a condo around your area. I told him I would ask you about selling it. You interested?”

I took a deep breath and embraced the change. Silas was right. I wasn’t rich by all means, I had student loans out the ass, but that was about it. My condo was paid off in two years because I didn’t spend money. I worked and came home. Besides, Jaq was better than a job, and way more gratifying. Helping her made a difference. Looking at numbers all day, did not. “Yes, definitely. You have a key. Can you show it to him?”

“I was hoping you would say that. I think I’ll crash there for a few days, go see some shows and relax.”

Funny how different we were. Silas longed for the fast moving excitement, and I was completely content right there with Jaq, in the middle of nowhere, except for the stupid sheriff, that is. “Go for it. Stay as long as you want.”

“Sweet, and then I’m coming there.”

“No, not yet. I’ll tell you when. You don’t need to worry about me. I’m fine here. Jaq’s more than fine here. I know what I’m doing.”

“Okay, I’m taking your word on it.”

“Yeah, so can you get me some LSD? I’ve been doing some research, and I’d like to try a couple things.”

The silence told me I should have waited on that one. “You’re fine. She’s fine. Yeah, right. You want to use her like a human guinea pig.”

That brought out the old ego, and pissed me right off. “Forget it. I’ll find it myself.”

“Like you know where to find LSD. I’ll take care of it. That’s all you need. Sheriff fuck-face would throw your ass behind bars without thinking twice. How much do you need?”

“I don’t know. Enough to do some experimenting.”

“Jesus, Oliver. I’m going to stop talking to you. First you get me involved in a kidnapping—.”

“It wasn’t a kidnapping; it was an intervention.”

“And what is this?”

“You’re going to need me for something someday, and you know I’ll be there.”

“You’re asking me to get LSD. Drugs. Do you not see how fucked up this is?”

“It’s not like that, Silas.”

“Yeah, you keep saying that. You’re not dad. This isn’t your chance to leave your mark, and this is a human life we’re talking about. I’m worried about you, man. You’ve gone off the deep end.”

“Forget it. I’ll get it myself.”

“I’ll get it. Jesus Christ. I’ll message you the details. I’m not visiting your stubborn ass in the pen either.”

“Thanks. It’s fine. I swear. I need pure liquid.”

“Why LSD? You know there’s newer stuff, right?”

“Yes, Silas. I’m a chemist.”

My brother never was one to hide sarcasm. “Of course you are. I’ll keep you updated on the condo.”

I called Jaq, walking across the parking lot of the grocery store, a hop in my step and smile on my face.

“Where are you? Are you almost back?”

“Let’s make homemade pizza tonight. We’ll watch a movie. Do you want to watch a movie with me?”

“Like, not on the phone.”

I chuckled, smiling at a little girl as I entered the store. “Not on the phone. On the couch. Well, you can sit in the chair. I’m cool with that, but in the same room.”

“Are you buying wine again?”

“I’ll buy you wine. Anything else?”

“Um, cat food?”

“On my list. Next.”

“No, hurry, Ollie.”

“Okay, I’ll see you in a little bit.”

I hurried through the store, and then to the office of the construction company, much more professional than the last one. The lady was understanding and promised to have the contractor call before he showed up. I got a much better vibe from there, and saw no reason to stop at the next one. She assured me they could take care of all my needs right there, set up an appointment for me to meet the contractor, and offered me a puppy.

“You wouldn’t happen to need a puppy, would you? I’ve got two left. A boy and girl.”

I walked around the desk to the two puppies curled up asleep in an empty air condition box. Little blonde balls of wrinkles. More wrinkles than I had ever seen. Jaq would love one of them. “What are they?”

“Chinese Shar-pei.”

“They’re cute. How much?”

“Eight hundred for the female with papers seven hundred without. Four hundred for the male with papers, three without.”

I refrained from defending the male puppy being sold for half the price as the female, seriously contemplating taking one home to Jaq. Maybe this would be good for her, make her feel needed, and loved. The cat back home and the kittens she was about to have never crossed my mind. Not once.

Chapter Thirteen

I was so excited, I left the groceries in the car, calling her on the phone.

“Are you back?”

“Yes, come out. I have something for you.”

“That took forever. Did you get the cat some food?”

“Yes, come out here. Hurry. You’re going to love it.”

I unlocked the front door, tripping over an excited puppy, and waited for her door to open, a smile already on my face.

It was priceless. Her mouthed dropped, her eyes moved from me to my feet, and then she knelt to the floor, two puppies devoured her with wagging tails and kisses. “Oh my, goodness. Where did you get them?”

“No, not them. You can only keep one of them. The contractor is going to take the other one back tomorrow after we meet for the estimate. I figured I’d let you pick for yourself. See which one you bonded with most.”

She couldn’t have hidden the joy on her face had her life depended on it. “They’re so stinking cute. How will I choose? Is this real?”

I laughed and walked out to get the groceries, a smile stuck on my lips. It wasn’t the entire backseat of bags that made me second guess myself. It was the damn cat food. Great, a cat, a litter of kittens, and a puppy. Just what I needed.

Honestly, I would have bought her a unicorn if it brought her that much joy. Jaq even sat played in the yard with them while I cooked. She didn’t go far, sticking close by the door where I could see her, but she did it. All by herself. That’s what mattered.

“What should we name the cat?” she called through the screen, the puppies jumping all over her.

I cut up fresh mushrooms, watching her surf the internet on her phone. “You name it. It’s your cat, and you should do it from your heart, not from the internet.”

She gave me a look, “I am. What about Quinn. Hellen Quinn. Do you know who that is?”

I gave her the look that time. “Um, Hellen Quinn, the Australian particle physicist?”

“Yes, do you like her?”

“I mean, sure, yes, but you don’t have to name her something for me. Name her something cute. Something you want.”

Jaq laughed when one puppy jumped over the other, falling flat on her face. “I like Quinn. It fits her. She looks smart like you. Now for the puppies.”

“Puppy, I corrected. Puppy.”

“Who’s your favorite scientist? A guy?”

“Galileo, but he doesn’t look like a Galileo. Name him what you want. He’s yours.”

“I like it. We can call him Leo for short. Galileo and Cleopatra. Leo and Cleo.”

“We’re not keeping them both,” I said again, the knife barley missing my thumb when I looked up, giving her a stern look that she ignored.

She did look back at me when Quinn mewed from the flower garden that didn’t look like a flower bed at all. It looked like an S hook path, looping into a U. That’s all the further I had made it on my red-brick-road discovery.

“You can go. I’m right here. Nobody’s here by you and me.”

Taking a couple steps, she walked to the cat, Quinn, two wrinkly puppies right on her heels. “It’s okay, they won’t hurt you. They’re babies, like you’re going to have. Come here, pretty girl.”

I thought for sure the puppies would scare her away, but they didn’t. She waited, standing cautiously and very still, waiting for Jaq to pick her up. Decorating the pizza with pepperoni and mushrooms, I smiled warmly. The way she was with those animals was therapy in its own. I’d feed a couple dogs, a cat, and few kittens for this. Any day. At that moment, I realized what my subconscious had just said. My hope for her to fall in love with the cheaper, male puppy depleted with the fact. I would be writing a check for both puppies. Cleo and Leo would become a part of our everyday life, as would Quinn, and her babies.

Jaq opened up a little more when we ate pizza on the porch. It wasn’t hard to keep my eyes on the lake at all. The evening was breathtaking, purple and red swirls hovered in front of the sun, two puppies slept under our feet, and Jaq told me things. Things I had been waiting to hear ever since she had dialed the wrong number. I didn’t start the conversation, she did. I just used it as kindling to start the fire.

“How long have you been coming here? I wish I had a place like this to come to.”

“As long as I can remember, and you do. You’re here.”

“No, I mean like you. Like when I was a kid. I like hearing you talk about you and your brother here.”

“Where did you grow up?”

“In the Bronx with my mom until I was six. Did you see that fish jump?”

“Yes. Did you live in a house?”

“A row house. Well in an apartment on the second floor.”

“Tell me about your mom.”

“She’s in prison. She’s never coming out.”

That took me off my game for a second. I had no idea what I can of worms I was opening, but a million horses couldn’t have stopped me from cracking that lid. “Why? What happened?”

“She killed my baby brother. I’m cold. Can I go inside now?”

My head nodded, but no words came from my mouth. There was no rebounding that one. I was shocked beyond belief, never expecting that. A lot of things crossed my mind. She was the product of rape, she herself was raped, her mom committed suicide, she killed someone in self-defense. Not that.

I watched her walk away, to Quinn sleeping on the banister. She scooped her up and called for her puppies. “Goodnight, Ollie. I’m sorry I hurt your eye.”

As much as I tried to smile, I couldn’t do it. My heart ached for her, empathy like I had never felt before, raw like an opened wound. It knocked the breath right out of me, and I didn’t know how to react to it. It fucking crushed me. “It’s fine. Goodnight.”

I cleaned up and went to the table with my laptop, knowing before I looked, she was locked in the bathroom. A deep breath filled my lungs and an empty feeling burned in my chest. I flipped opened my notebook and took a few notes from the day, and went to the camera in her room. Nothing. A vacant room. At least she had company. That held a little comfort. My eyes scanned through my notes, looking for anything I had missed, a hidden clue.

Remembering the night I called her, seeing her crying and chanting, something about someone bleeding, I read through my notes. Was that her brother? Did she watch it? I figured Jaq’s age with the number six she’d thrown out and did a search on that year, looking through newspapers and county records. My search ended when something came over me, something very un-science like. The search was stopped because I didn’t want to know, not like that. Experiencing it with her overpowered my need to judge. She trusted me, and I was going to give her the same respect.

That mattered because I knew firsthand what that felt like. Newspapers and reporters lied. Police officers and the FBI told them. I closed my laptop and let go of the ores, animatedly raising two fist into the air, letting it go, and handing it over to the universe. My thoughts went in another direction and my feet followed.

First I poured her a glass of wine and grabbed a beer for myself, and then I went to her, tapping two fingers on the door.

“What? I’m taking a bath.”

“No you’re not. You already did that before we ate pizza.”

“I’m taking another one.”

“I have a glass of wine for you. Please come out. We should let the puppies out to pee anyway.”

The latch clicked and Jaq opened the door, Quinn in her arms, and Cleo and Leo running out the door. “I don’t want to talk about it, okay.”

“Okay, do you want to sit outside? The moon is beautiful and there’s a billion stars.”

Jaq stuck her head out, peering out to the glass doors to the dark lake. “It’s dark.”

The words came out before I could stop them, falling out all on their own. “I’ll hold your hand.”

“Okay,” she agreed sidestepping me.

We sat on the porch swing, and I did what I had offered. Like a nervous teenager, I ran my sweaty palms over my jeans and slowly moved my and to hers.

Her small fist fell into my hand and my fingers blanketed it, my stomach doing that fluttering thing again that I didn’t understand. Part of me heard Silas, and his judgment of her, of me, of my intentions. They made me not feel very good about myself, but something deeper than that didn’t care. This was a feeling, not a choice. Something I could never get Silas to understand. Something I didn’t understand. Something that consumed me to my very core.

Quinn took off for the night, and the puppies played in the yard before tiring below our feet again. I started the conversation, wanting her to trust me, assuring her in a roundabout way that she could talk when she was ready. “You remember when I told you my dad died.”

“Yes, an explosion.”

“Yes, only I never did believe it was an explosion. I think it exploded, why is still debatable. Anyway, that’s not what I was going to tell you.”

“What?”

“You know that cop that came here today?”

“Yeah, I don’t want him to come back here.”

“Me either. He held me back. He kept my arms locked, keeping me from my dad. Silas and I stood right there while it happened, while they all stood around and listened to his screams, none of them tried to help him, not one.”

“Ollie, I don’t like those stories. I like the funny ones you tell me. You scare me when you’re not happy. I don’t like it, but I’m sorry. You know, about your dad.”

“It’s okay. I’m sorry and I am happy. Seeing you happy makes me happy.”

“I don’t understand that. Nobody’s ever fought for me like this before. I don’t know how to take it.”

“Don’t think about it. That’s what I’m doing because I don’t know the how to take it either. I’m just enjoying the time with you, seeing you smile, and breathe.”

“I like it here, and I do breathe better here. I didn’t take an anxiety pill all day, and it was sort of crazy, not even when you left me alone.”

“Good girl.”

Jaq gasped and straightened her posture. “Did you see that? I’ve never seen a shooting star before.”

“Wait until August. Watching the meteor showers are magical here. Silas and I used to stay up all night, counting into the hundreds. Did you make a wish?”

“It can’t come true.”

“Sure it can. Tell me. What’d you wish for?”

“Nothing, because it can’t come true. I don’t believe in that stuff. Do you?”

“Of course, I study quantum physics and I was raised by a philosophy professor, but I forgot about it for a long time. I lost my way because of overwhelming circumstances, I did what I promised my dad I would never do. I followed the heard.”

“What do you mean?”

“When my dad was alive, he made me feel like I could conquer the world, that there was nothing that I couldn’t do. He limited how much dumb time we were aloud, and encouraged us to spend our time reading and venturing out doors. Silas and I had to move in with our Uncle Martin, but we mostly stayed at boarding school. Uncle Martin was too busy for us. I dealt with my new life, trying to be half a smart as my dad, and Silas realized he only needed girls. I think he still thinks that s, sometimes,” I said through a snort.

“You don’t think you can conquer the world now?”

“I don’t want to. That’s the thing. The realization. I’ve been doing what everyone else does every day for so long that I forgot about the simple things.”

“Like me.”

“You’re far from simple.”

“I know; that’s why I’m confused about why you want me. Do you think this is a relationship?”

“It is; I just don’t know what kind. Let’s not do that. Why do we need to label it? Let’s just roll with it. Live right now.”

“Okay, tell me about the meteor showers.”

I sat on the swing with Jaq, telling her stories about Silas and me growing up there, our summer adventures, and of course, the magical meteor showers. She asked questions about my life, but I didn’t counter back with any of the inquiries I wanted to know. All in due time, but this wasn’t the night.

Jaq yawned just before eleven, way later than I thought she’d stay with me. She stood from the swing and both puppies stood with her. “Well, goodnight.”

“Goodnight Jaq,” I said sadly, unsure why. She was about to lock herself in the bathroom for the night. That’s why. I yawned, too, walking in behind her, and watching her disappear with her new friends. Two of them, talking to them like they were humans, understanding every word she said. I locked up, turned off the lots, and checked on her one more time.

Sure she’d already locked herself away for the night, I smiled at my laptop and her puppy chatter. “Cleo, you stop that. You have to share with your brother. He had it first,” she said through a laugh. A real laugh. Jaq tugged on her flip-flop and little Cleo growled. Another sadness fell upon me when it I saw it in her own eyes. Shoving the accent chair in front of the French doors, she called for her Cleo and Leo to follow her into the bathroom, but they didn’t listen. They were too busy playing tug of war with her shoe.

“Come on, you two. I’m brushing my teeth and then you better be ready for bed.”

Jaq left the room, and I left the kitchen. I had no clue what the hell I was doing, what I was thinking, or how she would react, but I was going to try. I opened her bedroom door, instantly being attacked by Cleo and Leo.