Intaglio: Dragons All The Way Down (29 page)

“It isn’t the
same, Nina,” he gasped.  “She was the mother of my children.”  He was bereft,
his voice quiet. 
Horrified
.

“It IS the
same!” she cried. Her arms were no longer crossed, hands slashing the air to
punctuate her words. “You sit in that den, night after night listening to that
goddamn tape!  Do you think I don’t know that?  Do you think I’ve never
listened to it myself?!”

Twisting around,
Ava saw that Cole's face was just as confused as she felt.  She’d heard the
tape, but all she remembered was Cole and Hanna.  She looked back to Frank and
then to Nina. 

The answer was
just out of reach.  She could feel it there… waiting.

“The rain,” Ava
muttered.  There was something else there.  For a moment she could almost hear
the voices of Cole and Hanna as little children.  They were telling stories… 
suddenly – in much the same way as  Oliver often did, she simply knew.

“It’s the
stories in the rain,” Ava repeated, louder this time.

“You’ve heard it
too,”  Nina answered, voice strangled with tears.  She started to cry, her face
crumpling like wet tissue paper as pain and frustration finally broke through
the dam of her resolve.  Around the room, all eyes were now on Ava.

“There’s a
recording that Frank listens to,” she said, her voice nervous.  “It’s a video
that Hanna had taken.  One night when there was a storm.  Hanna borrowed the
camera from a neighbour to—”

“To film the
lightning,” Cole interjected. 

  Ava turned
back to look at him; his face was full of awe, as if remembering the event for
the first time in years.  Ava smiled sadly.

“Hanna set up
the camera in the den as the storm began and then she and Cole came in,” Ava
paused, squeezing his hand. “They sat down to wait, and they were telling
stories…” 

She turned back
to the room, voice gaining volume.  “The stories were about their life... about
Angela... Hanna, in particular, talked about what a good mom she was... about
how much she loved her mother.”

She looked up to
see Frank, his mask of anger torn away.  He looked like a man who’d been flayed
alive. When he spoke, his voice was grief-stricken and ravaged.

“We were happy
once...” he gasped, before dropping his face down into his hands; the next
words came out half-broken.  “She was happy once.  Hanna talked about it.  She
knew her mother had been happy.”

Angela
.

Everyone in the
room had gone still, the revelations peeling back the layers of the years. 
There were ghosts here now.  Too much pain to be managed all at once.  It
surprised Ava when Cole broke the silence.

“She wasn’t.”

Frank’s face
lifted from his hands.  There were tears wetting his wrinkled cheeks.

“What...?”

Cole shook his
head.  Ava could see him warring with something.  His body was tensed, but the
set of his jaw steadied her
.  ‘Cole’s okay,’
her mind assured her. 

“She wasn’t
happy,” Cole said resignedly.  “She was never happy, Dad.  It just wasn’t Mom’s
nature.  She was depressed, but it wasn’t because of you.  It wasn’t because of
us... or even Hanna. She was always like that, as far back as I can remember.”

Frank’s eyebrows
pulled together in pain and confusion.

“But you and
Hanna... I’ve listened to what you said on the tape...” he stopped, glancing
over at Nina sheepishly.  He reached out for her hand, and this time she let
him take it. 

“It might be on
the tape,” Cole answered, “but it isn’t true.  It’s what Hanna used to do: tell
me stories to make me feel better.  Those nights when you two would be fighting
in your bedroom... or when you were gone and Mom was trying to cope on her own,
and she just couldn’t.”

Cole’s hands
wrapped even tighter around Ava, pulling her against him.  She fought down the
urge to burrow her face against his neck.  This story was too awful and raw.

“Hanna used to
make up stories about our life,” Cole explained. “She could always find a way
to make me laugh... keep me going. In these stories, Mom was always happy, even
though she never was.”  He laughed sadly.  “It was all just a fairy tale.”

Ava watched
Cole’s father.  She saw his face break as the truth was finally revealed. 

“Hanna made that
up...” Frank murmured, the words barely a whisper.  “Angela wasn’t happy after
all.”

Ava relived a
long-ago conversation with Frank:

“You hear it?”
he’d asked her.

“No,” she’d
answered. “I don’t…”

“Not as far as I
can remember,” Cole said.

The session was
over.  Frank and Nina were still in Dr. Langden's office, talking about their
own lives and issues now, leaving Ava and Cole on the outside.  Ava felt like
she’d just run a marathon; her whole body was weak.  She couldn’t imagine how
Cole must be feeling right now... and he wasn’t offering that information up
willingly.

Instead, the two
of them drove through the streets in heavy silence, the dismal day matching
their emotional turmoil.  Cole stared out the window; the clouds were a solid
slate overhead, the greenish hue at the horizon promising rain.  Ava glanced
over at him once, and then again, waiting for the moment he’d break, anger
replacing his pain.  Part of her was too worried to consider that he might
actually be able to cope with this information... to manage under the burden of
it.

She was scared
to hope.

The landscape
opened up, the coast and the white-capped crashing waves appearing in the
distance.  Ava could see the large house; Nina’s changes to the landscaping
were underway.  There was so much more to her knowledge of the place now.  Dark
secrets surrounded it.  She could imagine Angela standing on the porch in the
rain. 

It made her sad.

Up ahead, a
green sign marking a turnoff to the main highway appeared.  The turnoff to the
Thomas property was near.  Ava lifted her foot off the gas, ready to turn onto
the long road that led to the Thomas home. 

“Can we just go
back to the city instead?” Cole asked.  “Go home?”  His voice was rough from
disuse.  This was the first time he’d spoken since they’d left the office.  He
reached out for her hand on the wheel, squeezing her fingers so tightly it
hurt.

“They’ll be
expecting us to stay,” she answered. “If we leave, Cole –  if we run – then
we’ll just have to deal with it all later.  That won’t make it any easier.”

Cole nodded,
eyes going back to the window.  Ava frowned as she pulled the truck onto the
driveway.  She wanted to say yes to him, but she knew she couldn’t.  It was all
out there now.  This was where it became tricky.  She was tired of the
secrets.  She wanted resolution for Frank and Nina, a little bit for herself,
but most importantly, she wanted it for Cole.

Ava drove toward
the house, hoping she’d made the right choice.  There were logical reasons for
staying, but a part of her wanted to get away from here, too.  For a moment her
father’s voice came to mind: 
“The hard thing to do and the right thing to
do are usually the same thing...”

She pulled to a
stop, turning off the truck and stepping out into the wind.  The passenger door
banged shut.  Cole had his eyes on the ground as he buttoned his coat up
against the cold.  She hadn’t gone more than three steps when she realized Cole
wasn’t heading for the house at all; he was walking in the direction of the
beach.  His rapid footsteps put an increasing distance between them as he
strode past the front porch.

“Cole...?” she
called out. 

She wasn’t
actually sure he heard her over the blowing wind, but he stopped immediately. 
He just stood where he was, shoulders hunched, the dark ruffle of his hair the
only movement. 

And then he
turned.

“Come with me,”
he shouted.  His voice was a cry of pain.

Ava jogged to
his side.  His face was grieving and full of heartache, but he smiled when she
reached him
.  ‘That means something…’
He took her hand, kissing her
knuckles, and then they headed down to the water together.

: : : : : : : :
: :

They walked for
a long time without speaking.  He knew he should probably try to talk it
through – he could see Ava anxiously glancing at him – but he had too much
going on in his head right now.  Too many things to consider and balance.  It
felt like his entire world had been twisted around, turned upside down, leaving
him struggling to find a foothold.  Things he had assumed for almost a decade
had changed, and he wasn’t sure how he fit into it all.

They kept
walking.

Cole headed up
the beach, going the same direction they’d driven out the last time they were
here.  The route by foot was more direct, and soon they made it to the small,
secluded cove where a wall of rock rose up on all sides.  They took the rocky
trail down to the beach, standing in the lee of the cliff.  It was the place
where he and Hanna had gone cliff diving.  Cole’s footsteps slowed as they
neared; he and Ava stood together on the shore, listening to the roar of the
waves.  The power of the sea had been unleashed by the coming storm. 

Ava glanced
upward, her eyes on the rocks high above them.

“This was where
you’d wait for her to jump,” she said, eyes wide. 

“Yeah.”

“That’s a hell
of a long way up,” she said.  Her voice grew quiet.  “And a hell of a long way
down too...”  She turned to stare at the bottom of the cliff.  There was open
water, but rocks breaking through it at intervals.  Dangerous.  “Shit, Cole,”
she muttered.  “That scares me.”

Cole turned,
smirking.

“You don’t like
my badass past?”

She scowled.

“I don’t like
the idea...” she started to explain, but her throat closed off almost
immediately.  She closed her eyes, taking a slow breath. “I don’t like the idea
that a stupid choice as a kid could have changed...
this
.” 

She pressed
against him, her arms wrapping around his waist, holding him close.  Cole’s
expression shimmered, growing tired and sad.

“Hanna never
cared, you know?”  He glanced up at the cliff face.  “Just figured she could do
anything she wanted to.  She never worried.  Didn’t occur to her.”

The waves
crashed against the beach, the rising wind whipping Ava’s hair into her eyes. 
The blonde strands swirled and danced, blinding her.  Cole reached out, tucking
her hair behind her ears. 

“Is this where
you come when you go walking?” she asked. 

 “Yeah,” he
nodded, his eyes darting to the cliff.  “I like this place... find it easy to
think here.”

Ava pulled
herself tighter against him and Cole’s arms wrapped around her shoulders, his
chin coming to rest on the top of her head.  Her voice was muffled against his
coat.

“Why?”

His eyes moved
back up again, and Ava lifted her chin.  When his gaze came back to her, the
silver depths were full of pain.

“She used to
make me wait.  I’d be out in the water there,” he pointed to the churning surf,
“just watching for her and hoping.”  Cole stroked her cheek with his thumb.  “I
guess I’m still waiting for her.”

Ava nodded,
remembering her father’s words. 

“Yeah.  But the
two of us are out there in the water together now.”  She tipped her head. 
“You’re not alone anymore, Cole.”

He smiled down
at her, hands tightened against her back. Even though his face was still weary,
Ava knew somehow that it would be okay, because now there was peace in his
expression, too.

: : : : : : : :
: :

They reached the
stretch of beach leading up to the Thomas house just as heavy drops of rain
began to fall.  Cole pulled off his coat and he held it over both of their
heads as they quickened their pace.   It was a futile attempt.  Within minutes,
the sky had opened, soaking them through to the skin.  The downpour scoured the
beach, turning the sand to a slurry mud that grabbed at their shoes, leaving
Cole and Ava laughing like children as they ran through the rain toward the house.

They came in the
front door still giggling.  The house was laced with the heady smell of supper,
and it struck Ava that they were probably late.  Nina popped her head around
the corner from the kitchen.  She looked tired and her eyes were red, but her
face broke into a wide grin as she saw them.

“You’re here,”
she said in amazement.  She stepped up to the balustrade, leaning over and
shouting upstairs.  “Frank!  Cole and Ava are back!  C’mon down and eat!”

Nina came
forward, hugging Ava first and then Cole.  Ava watched, noticing the slight
hesitation before Cole’s hands settled down onto her back, and then the moment
he pulled her close.  Accepting.

Nina stepped
back, smiling and making small talk about the weather.  Then she sighed,
turning back toward the empty staircase, a flicker of annoyance sharpening her
face.