Intaglio: Dragons All The Way Down (28 page)

“We had a
terrible fight, Hanna and me.  God, I just...  I said awful things to her.
Hanna decided then she was leaving.  She said she wouldn’t stay at home a day
longer than she had to.  Her marks weren’t high enough for a really good
college... but she’d always had excellent reflexes… was good at sports, and the
military seemed like the next best choice.  A choice I supported.” 

Frank’s face
dropped as he stared at the carpet, his voice ashamed.  “She joined up to get
away from me.  I knew she was probably too young really – younger than I was
when I joined – but… but I...” He coughed again, eyes glittering with unshed
tears, “I figured it’d help her grow up, you know?  Get rid of some of that
daredevil attitude of hers.”

Frank looked
back up, face ragged and worn.  Across from him, Cole nodded, his own throat
aching.

“She really
pulled some dumb shit sometimes,” Cole said with a tearful laugh. 

His father
nodded.   

Nina squeezed
Frank’s hand, clearing her throat as she picked up the story.

“Frank and I
became close again after Hanna’s death.”  She looked over at Cole, her gaze
bright with tears.  “Your father was changed by losing Hanna.  He blamed
himself for her death, and he needed someone to talk to, and I was—”

 “But Mom—”

It was Frank who
answered him.

“Your mother was
broken by Hanna’s death, like we all were.  She couldn’t get past it.  She
wouldn’t let me in... wouldn’t let anyone in.  She just wanted Hanna back.”

“She was always
Mom’s favourite,” Cole whispered, voice breaking.

Ava turned,
watching him fight through the emotions.  His father nodded, chest heaving with
half-suppressed sobs.

“It was hard for
Angela,” Nina said quietly.  “She’d lost a child, and now was faced with
divorce.  I can understand that in some ways, Cole, but she...” Her voice
cracked, lips pursing tightly.  “She did things, Cole.  You have to realize
that.  She tried to hurt Frank.  To hurt me.  She used to call me late at
night.  Showed up at my office.  Left angry notes on my car.  She threatened
me... She...”

Cole stared,
horrified as Nina went through a litany of his mother’s erratic behaviour. 
What concerned him the most was that it all made perfect sense for who his
mother had been.  She’d always done those types of things.  Cole knew Nina was
telling the truth.

“...The worst
part came when she began threatening to kill herself,” Nina said, her fingers
picking nervously at a seam on the chair.  “I wanted to end things with Frank
again… because of her threats.   It scared me that she might actually do it.”

She clasped her
hands to her chest, sniffling. 

“I made a clean
break with your mother,” Frank explained, looking at Cole.  “Angela and I
didn’t see each other except for the times you came to stay with me and Nina. 
I thought that it would be for the best...” His face crumpled.  “…but I was
wrong.  And I’m sorry about that.”

Cole’s legs were
wobbly, his hands around Ava.  This was almost too much.  He knew Nina’s
secret... and the source of her shame.   Marta leaned forward, gesturing,
open-handed, to Nina.

“Keep going,”
she prompted.  “Share the rest.  You’ve come this far.”

“We’d been
married almost two years when Angela decided to sell the house.  The home that
we have now... and move into town.  She wanted to be closer to her friends. 
The house, as you know, is a bit out of the way.”

Cole remembered
that summer.  The suburban neighbourhood they’d moved to, with its modern homes
and convenient accessibility, rather than the too-big house on the water that
always echoed with Hanna’s ghost.  Cole had loved the change of location.  For
the first time, he had been within walking distance of all of his friends.  His
social life had become so much better.

“The house had a
lot of upkeep for one person, and Angela decided she wanted a new place to
start over.  When she listed the house,” Nina said, looking over at Frank,
“your father decided he wanted to get it back.  It had been hers in the
divorce, of course, but he wanted it now.  He wanted the memories of Hanna, and
the times there.  The bedroom had never been changed...”

Cole nodded; he
remembered his parents’ mausoleum to Hanna.  The untouched room, and the bed
that still had one corner folded back, waiting for her return.  He could
remember how his mother had talked of moving away and starting fresh.  She’d
even brought in a pile of boxes, but they’d never gone further than the hallway. 

“Frank offered
to purchase the house back from her,” Nina said anxiously.  “Angela accepted,
and the arrangements seemed fine at first.  Hanna’s room was left as it was,
and your father hired movers to help Angela with the rest.  We moved back out to
the coast and you and your mother moved into town.”  She smiled tightly. 
“Everyone seemed to be happy with how it had all worked out, but there were
consequences we hadn’t expected…”

The hairs rose
on Cole’s arm.  The story was nearing the horrible spiral, the dark part of his
mother’s life when everything went out of control.

“She started
showing up at the house,” Nina said, her voice reedy with strain.  “Standing on
the doorstep in the pouring rain, keys in hand, not sure how she’d gotten
there.  We had the locks changed, but… sometimes she got violent.” 

Cole’s chest was
being pinched in a vise as he sat, horrified by the story. 

“We didn’t know
it then, but Angela had started drinking...”  Nina’s gaze darted over to Cole
and away.  “I think... I think that was part of it.  Though it was depression
too, and maybe some type of…”  Nina winced. “… mental illness.  It started to
scare me, these episodes.  Angela kept accusing me.  There were some horrible,
public moments when she called me a whore and a home wrecker, told people I’d
stolen her husband. Then the late night phone calls started… the notes… the
threats…  broken windows…”

Cole tried to
focus on the room, but his body was reacting in a panic: blood rushing in his
ears, skin prickling with heat.  He wanted to run.  He wanted to get away from
here, but Ava was sitting with him, sitting on him!  All he could do was stay. 

This was the
secret no one talked about.

“One night, very
late, she showed up… began pounding on the door.”  Nina’s voice dropped. 
“Frank and I were at home.  He was furious that she couldn’t move on without
him.  The three of us were in the doorway, yelling.  She tried to push into the
house, and Frank stepped in the way.  Angela said she’d changed her mind.  Said
she wanted things back the way they’d been.  She… she wanted the house back…
and her husband.” 

Cole’s father
winced. 

“God!”  Nina
hissed.  “None of it made any sense, but she was raging.  She… she threatened
to kill herself...” Nina took a heaving breath that sounded like a sob, her
hand fluttering up to rest on her throat.  “But she’d threatened that before…
many times.  Frank and I told her to leave or we were calling the police.”

Cole felt as if
he’d been punched.  He couldn’t breathe.  One sentence echoed loudly in his
mind:
‘she’d threatened that before, many times...’ 

This was the
night she’d died.

“She left. 
Stormed off without a word.  A day passed, and we figured things were fine.  
You would’ve called if something had happened, Cole.  We knew that.  And you
didn’t call, so we just assumed, you know, that she’d calmed down…”  Nina’s
words tumbled out faster and faster.  “You were supposed to come stay with us
that weekend, but then we got a call from the police that... that Angela had
killed herself.”

Her words
abruptly ended.  Cole gulped.  Frank was silent and unmoving, watching him. 
Father and son stared at one other warily, unspoken words and years of
heartache exposed to the light. 

“That’s why you
blamed me,” Cole said, his voice hollow with the weight of the realization. 
“Because I wasn’t there when she came home that night.”

Ava was still
struggling to keep up with the quicksilver shift of emotions.  Her gaze swung
from Cole to his father, grief leaving her mute.

“No, Cole!” 
Frank roared, surging forward, his whole body tensed as if waiting for a blow. 
“No!  You were NEVER to blame for your mother’s death!” 

Frank was livid,
his voice outraged and anguished.  Ava recoiled, her shoulders bumping against
Cole’s chest. This was the part of his father’s personality she’d been hoping
to avoid.  Frank’s hands swung in wide circles, gesturing to Cole as he spoke. 
He was close to exploding.

“I said those
things at the funeral because I was angry with you and with her!  I just
couldn’t believe that she’d actually done it!  I should have done something,
warned someone! I didn’t!” 

Ava cringed. 
Marta watched him carefully, but she hadn’t interrupted... not yet.

 “I think about
what I should have done every single day.  But it can’t be changed!” 

Marta raised her
hand – a visual cue – and Ava shifted closer to Cole while Frank continued to
rage.  

“Believe me, I
know you weren’t to blame,” he roared, “I wish... I wish you had been there,
Cole, but I wasn’t either, and NEITHER of us can change that!” 

Frank was still
in control, barely, but it was making Ava uneasy.  It reminded her a great deal
of her mother: the unleashed temper.  Her eyes slid over to Nina Thomas, and
that’s when she saw it.  Nina’s eyes were narrowed to slits, her hands in white-knuckled
fists, her lipsticked mouth a blood-red slash across a white mask of a face. 

She was seething
with fury.

“God, I’m so
sorry I said those things to you!”  Frank cried.  “So sorry for hitting you at
the funeral.  Son, I’ve never forgiven myself for that.”

Ava blinked in
shock, her chest tightening in reaction to Nina’s emotions too. 
‘There’s
more?’
her mind shouted.  She could see Nina changing.  Could see the
stoppered-up emotions welling up from somewhere deep inside.  Chim’s voice
suddenly came to mind:
‘What’s her angle... what’s she getting out of
this...?’ 

There was still
no explanation ... no reason for Nina to open up this whole closet full of
skeletons in the way that she had.  Across from Ava, Nina’s usually calm face
contorted in fury as Frank continued to rant about his ex-wife. 

 “Angela made
that choice!”  Frank shouted.  “She was sick, and she chose her own way out of
it!  I can’t take the blame for that, Cole, and neither can you! “

“Frank...” Marta
warned. 

“Jesus Christ,
Cole,” Frank continued, voice breaking, “you were just a teenager!  I should
have done something!  Something more, and I DIDN’T!  I’ve never forgiven myself
for her death!  It was my fault!  Mine!”

Ava watched,
horrified, as Nina’s fists rose.   Gone was the speech position Ava knew so
well.  This woman was ready to attack.  Everyone else was focused on Frank’s
release of pain, but Ava could see Nina’s own frustrations flaring, emotions
unchecked.  Released.

“I KNEW how your
mother was!” Frank howled, his hands shaking with tremors.  “I’d LIVED with her
moods for YEARS!”

 “Stop it!” 
Nina screeched.  “Just STOP IT!”

Everyone
turned.  For a moment, Frank’s eyes darted to Nina, then Marta, then back to
his son.  He was as taken aback as everyone else.  Nina was vibrating with
long-suppressed anger.

“I am so GODDAMN
TIRED of Angela Thomas!” she shrieked, face twisting into a sneer.  “Do you
know how many years she’s been a third party to our marriage?!  How often I’ve
had to listen to this?  For God’s sake, Frank, she was the reason we went to
counselling in the FIRST place!”

Ava glanced over
to Dr. Langden, shocked to see her calmness.  Not everyone in this room was
surprised by the outburst. 

‘Marta knew...’

“Angela always
used threats to control you,” Nina snapped.  “She KNEW how to control us ...
and she might be dead and gone, but it has never EVER stopped!”  Her chest
heaved, voice shrill and bitter.  “After Hanna died, you put the flag at
half-mast, but you put it back up again the next summer!”

Ava felt Cole
sit up straight in shock. 

“When Angela
died, you pulled the flag down again.  Do you KNOW how angry that made me? 
That she gets your undying LOVE after everything she did!?  That whenever
things get really, really bad, it’s HER grave you visit!”

“Nina, no,”
Frank muttered, face aghast.

“You have never
EVER gotten over her death!”  she taunted, arms crossing on her chest, fists
under her armpits.  “Do you have any idea what that’s like for me?  What it
felt like to live in your dead wife’s house?  To see her pictures on the wall? 
To see you grieve for her year in and year out and never, EVER let go?!”

Frank’s face was
grey and sickly.  He reached for her arm but she jerked angrily away.

“If I’d died in
that car accident last fall, you would have NEVER have grieved me in the same
way!  You’d had moved on.  Kept going… kept talking to Angela the way you do
now when you think I’m not listening!  She’s never left us, Frank!  You’re
still in love with her!  You always have been!”