Infinite (6 page)

But somehow, despite my excitement, there was a giant ball of anxiety rocking around my stomach by the time Julia arrived to pick up Oliver and me later that afternoon after her morning classes. Blythe had scheduled an appointment with one of her friends who owned a bridal shop in the city. It was a long shot, but my only real chance of getting a dress altered to my needs by the weekend.

My mom was thrilled when I called her with the wedding news the previous night, but couldn’t take time off work to go with us. I promised to send photos though, which seemed to help her disappointment that she tried to hide. Truth be told, my mom was never really good with shopping anyway, or the whole girly thing—I mean, she’s a sheriff. So as much as I wished she’d be there, I felt comfortable going without her.

Julia bounced into the house, optimism oozing off her. “You ready?”

“I’m ready!” Oliver clapped his hands. “Can Scout come?”

I laughed, patting his head. “Better leave him at home this time. I need all your help finding the perfect dress to wear when I marry your daddy.”

“And then we’ll be a real family?” he asked, hope lighting his eyes.

I opened my mouth, but before I could decide on the appropriate response, Julia nailed it.

“You’re already a real family, Oliver. You guys love each other and enjoy spending every night and morning together. That’s what a family is.”

Seemingly satisfied with her explanation, Oliver gave a crooked smile as we headed out, loading up into the car.

Babs’ Bridal Boutique was as fabulous as Babs herself, a sixty-something-year-old diva dressed to headline a Vegas show; her dress selection left little need to go elsewhere. She took a good twenty minutes “ooh”-ing and “ahh”-ing over “Logan’s girl” before Blythe distracted her to allow Julia and me to look around. I was pleasantly surprised by her vast selection, pulling a number of dresses.

But trying them on revealed just how difficult finding the right one would be. They were all stunning, but I was waiting for that feeling—that moment when I saw my reflection in the mirror and just knew that was the one.

By dress four, my smile was slipping, as was my excitement.

“Cassie, you all right? Is it too tight?” Julia rushed to my side when I stepped up onto the box in the center of the mirrored show room.

“N-no, it’s fine.” The dress was gorgeous, but it wasn’t
my
dress. “I’m fine.” I managed past the lump that was manifesting quickly in my throat. I didn’t want to worry Oliver, who was busy weaving in and out of the racks of dresses. “I just…maybe…need to take a break.”

“Okaaay,” Julia replied skeptically.

I stepped down, holding up the bottom of the gown and heading into the dressing room to change. Through the curtain, I heard Julia say, “Listen, if we don’t find anything here, don’t worry. We
will
find the perfect dress.”

“It’s not that,” I called out from the dressing room, unable to get out of the suffocating confines of the lace garment fast enough.

“Then what is it?”

I sighed, choosing the correct words slowly. “I just…after all the ups and downs Logan and I went through, this feels sudden. I was kinda enjoying normalcy for a while.”

Suddenly, the curtain was ripped back to reveal a scowling Julia. Luckily, I’d slipped my own outfit back on by then. “Are you having second thoughts about marrying my brother?”

I shook my head side to side vigorously before I answered. “No. I…it’s just…a lot, very fast. Feels like the same roller-coaster ride we just got off of.” I peered over her shoulder—not only to check on Oliver, but to avoid her scrutinizing glare. “Don’t get defensive, Julia. I love your brother more than anything, and you know it.”

“Well, okay then.” She blew out her relief. “As long as that’s true. Everything else is sudden, sure, but fixable. You love my brother and nephew. Leave the rest to me and my mom. Deal?”

“Deal,” I agreed for the sake of peace, though I was still skeptical. 

“I found one!”

Oliver appeared, dragging—yes, dragging—a long, fairly simple dress behind him. “Look! It’s sparkly, and you love sparkles, right Cassie?” He attempted to hold it higher.

Julia took the gown and gave it a quick appraisal. “It’s pretty, but I think a little too simple.” She looked down at Oliver. “Good job, but let’s keep looking.”

But before she could hang it on the nearest rack, it was in my hands. “No. I want to try it on. I do love sparkles.” I gave Oliver a smile, then headed back into the dressing room.

I hung it on the hook and looked it over. There was no large train, or massive layers of tulle. Instead, the skirt was a soft, flowy chiffon. The ruched bodice was adorned with a few tiny crystals, and together these elements created a dress that was a classic beauty. It was actually far from simple. It was breathtaking.

When I stepped onto the box inside the dressing room, every reflection of myself surrounding me overwhelmed my senses. This was it. This was the one. My knees wobbled, and tears sprung to my eyes.

Julia was still out in the show room, but Oliver had appeared in the dressing room as I was distracted by my reflection. He stood there beside me, smiling until he looked up at me. A frown suddenly marred his adorable face.

“Don’t cry.” He shook his head. “I’m sorry. I’ll find another one.” He turned to run but I snared his hand gently, already squatting down to sit on the box.

He stepped closer hesitantly, and I pulled him in for a hug. I held his cheeks in my palms as he pulled back, needing him to hear me.

“I’m crying because I’m happy. This dress is perfect. It’s everything I dreamed of.”

A slow smile formed on his lips. “Really?”

I nodded, sniffling. “And I couldn’t find one before because I wasn’t meant to—you were. So thank you. Thank you for finding my dress, and thank you for allowing me to love you and your father. Because I do—with all my heart.”

I hugged him again, this time more tightly, tears rolling freely down my face.

“We love you too,” he said in my ear before adding in a faint whisper, “Will you be my new mommy now?”

I pulled back just enough to peer into his beautiful blue eyes as he continued.

“I don’t think my mommy is very nice sometimes, and she never makes me pancakes like you do or tells funny stories. And Daddy said she’s never coming back, and…” He bit his lip, casting his eyes downward as he leaned back in and whispered, “I don’t really want her to.” He attempted a step back, looking ashen. “Does that make me bad?” he asked, a tear falling down onto his quivering chin.

I wiped it away and pulled him to sit on my lap, not allowing his grief to continue. “No, honey, that makes you human. It’s okay to feel that way. I think you mother loves you as best she can, but she has a sickness, and it means she can’t be with you.”

“She got lots of burns, huh?”

“Yeah, she did, but she’s going to be okay. She’s in a place where they’ll take care of her for a long time.”

He stared off, drying his eyes.

Natasha’s trial was set to begin later in the fall, and Logan would make sure she spent the rest of her life behind bars. Until then, she’d be in the burn unit, recovering from second- and third-degree burns over forty percent of her body. I wanted to feel sympathy for her, but Logan was right, it was her own fault, and we could’ve lost Oliver because of her. So I felt nothing but anguish for our little boy.

And that’s exactly what Oliver was, ours. Logan and I may not have created him together, but he was my son in every other way, and I wanted him to know it.

I tilted his head back in my direction and told him in the best way I knew how. “I would be honored to be your mommy. And no matter what, you’ll always be my little boy.”

His smile touched my heart and planted the image deep within when he threw his arms around my neck and clung tightly.

I caught movement in my peripheral and saw Blythe, Julia, and Babs standing in the entryway to the dressing room, all holding dresses that were no longer needed and all with bright-red, tear-stained eyes.

Chapter 9

Julia dropped Oliver and me off in the driveway around seven that evening, anxious to head over and spend some time with Luke. With her classes already having started a couple weeks ago, I was tempted to ask how homework was going, since I suspected that was what she really needed to go work on and not her man. But considering all her help that day, I kept my teacher thoughts to myself.

One more week, and I’d be busy with homework again myself—grading my students’. There was an extra bounce in my step as I imagined myself walking into the teachers’ lounge on the first day back after the wedding, knowing so many single teachers had tried and failed to gain Logan’s attention while I had not only his love, but his devotion.

No matter how much excitement I felt, though, there was still a nagging pull I couldn’t explain—that missing piece my brain couldn’t find that, once again, I tried to ignore.

The house smelled delicious when we entered, and the view was even better. Logan stood barefoot in the kitchen, wearing low-slung white pajama pants and a fitted shirt, cooking dinner. A consuming urge to pounce on his back and smother him with kisses took over until I was reminded why it wasn’t an option.

“I’m hungry,” Oliver said at my side. I mussed his hair and smiled down at him.

“Almost ready.” Logan turned and winked at Oliver, who started toward the dining table. “Sweetheart.” He held open his arms for me to fall into. “How’d it go? You find a dress?”

“I found it!” Oliver exclaimed, bopping around on his chair. “Cassie looked like a princess!”

“I bet she did.” Logan released me to return to the stove, stirring something in a large pot. “So you helped her?”

“I sure did. Didn’t I, Cassie?”

“He saved the day,” I agreed, slipping into the chair next to his.

Logan turned toward us, looking pleased. “Fantastic. Son, go get washed up for dinner, then you can set the table.”

Once Oliver had made his exit, Logan used the opportunity to pull me to my feet and bury his face in my neck, squeezing my hips as he kissed my flesh. “I can barely control myself, thinking of you in a wedding dress, becoming my wife.”

“Me too,” I nearly panted, lost in his touch. “How was your day?” I wasn’t sure why I asked. I only wanted to absorb his embrace in that moment.

His tongue skimmed below my ear. “Work and more work.” He nipped at my shoulder. “I called my father, though. Gave him the happy news. He said he’d help in any way he could. Even offered to pay.”

And there it was; like a hard slug in the gut, my elusive dread reemerged. My father, a man I hadn’t seen since I was a child, would not only not be offering to pay, but wouldn’t be walking me down the aisle. I had no one to do that.

“That was nice,” I stammered, my nerves resurfacing at a violent speed. “I better go clean up, too. Long day.” After making the excuse, I nudged my shoulder up to push him back, then attempted to hurry away.

But Logan caught me around the waist. “What’s wrong?” His penetrating gaze was too much to bear, so I stared down at my feet, unsure why I couldn’t just explain the sudden sadness crushing me from the inside out. He knew I didn’t care about my father anymore, so he might not understand why it mattered that he wouldn’t be there to give me away.

“Just a little headache, that’s all.” I gave a weak smile, then balanced up on my toes to kiss his cheek. “A little aspirin, and I’ll be fine.”

He didn’t look convinced, but accepted my words nonetheless. I moved quickly, feeling his stare on my back as I slipped out of the room and escaped into the bathroom.

With a firm grip on the sink, I inhaled deeply through my nostrils and blew the breath back out through my mouth in a long, steady stream. This was ridiculous—silly, honestly. But still, I needed more than painkillers and time alone. I needed some fresh air.

To my relief, the window provided just that, calming my festering nerves and giving me room to search within myself for all the reasons why my father wasn’t important. But they weren’t coming to me.

I wasn’t just an angry daughter. I was a bride who wanted her father to give her a wise piece of advice, tell her she looked beautiful, then walk her down the aisle to give her away to the man she loved.

The tears that filled my eyes were shocking and frustrating. There was no way that man was ruining my wedding day. But still, when I left the room to return to my family, the wound I’d held hidden and closed for so long in my heart was now open and raw.