Inevitable (23 page)

The phone call ended. I just caught the view of his iPhone being thrown next to me on the bed. His face was angry and I noticed him squeezing his hands into fists at his sides.

‘Nate, what’s going on? You’re worrying me.’ Immediately he stilled and came towards me, squatting so that he was at eye level with me. He opened up my bare legs and entered the V of my frame, lifting up his arms he took my face into his hands, running his calloused thumbs over my cheek bones as he stared deep into my eyes.

‘We made a fucking mistake yesterday, darlin.’ I didn’t answer him, I couldn’t as my heart was flying up out of my chest and into my throat. I felt my eyes open wider and I grabbed a hold of his T-shirt with both of my fists.

Surely he didn’t regret what had happened between us?

‘We’ve gone fucking viral today, a picture of you and me, darlin, dancing last night at the bar. The whole country thinks I got married yesterday and Alex is screaming blue fucking murder about our damned stupidity. The only goddamn thing we got right was you were so tight in my arms your face was hidden, so you haven’t been identified yet.’

‘Oh shit.’ I was terrified, but the overall feeling was one of relief that he didn’t regret what had happened between us, no… what was happening between us. I closed my eyes and leant my forehead on his.

He released me and fell backwards to reach the bottle of JD he had brought in with him. Once he had the bottle in his hand, he athletically moved himself back up to me.

‘I feel like we’re running out of fucking time, Bella… do you need a drink? I want to curl up with ya here and bare our souls. I want all the fucking crap out in the open and then, as I see it, we can get on with our future.’ He unscrewed the top of the bottle and swigged a couple of mouthfuls, licked his lips and then offered the bottle to me. I took it, lifted up the dark liquid and felt the tingle on my tongue and the burn at the back of my throat as I glugged down the same amount. I scooted further back onto the bed, lay down and turned my back to him. I felt the movement on the mattress as he lay down behind me, bringing his front to my back. He pulled us tightly together. His hand came over my body and he smothered both of my hands in his, gripping them tightly as he nuzzled his face into the hair at the back of my head.

‘Can I start?’ I asked. I could feel him breathing me in. ‘I’m just scared that if I don’t get this out now, I’ll never be able to get it out.’ He pulled me even tighter to him, offering a very silent form of encouragement.

‘When I found out that Ioan and his family were trafficking those poor, frightened girls and taking money from their families, the pain and guilt I felt was immense. Once I started to think about it all further, everything all made sense. Most of the girls that had been staying in the house had been blonde and roughly my age. It clicked he’d been using my passport. I was so damned angry and hurt, but mainly I was bloody terrified… I’m sorry, Nate… I don’t know how to carry on with this.’ The feelings of sickness turning over in my stomach were beginning to take over. I felt hot and cold in my panic.

‘You can, Bella… you are one of the strongest goddamn people I have ever met… you give me the strength to want to be a better person, you have given me something I didn’t even know I wanted, or needed… carry on, darlin… we need this all out in the fucking open.’

I squeezed my eyes shut tight and carried on. ‘It was a Saturday morning when I confronted him… I left the jobs that I was supposed to be helping the other women with in his family home and I questioned him in the office that he shared with his father. I wasn’t even allowed in the office normally, except to help clean it with his mother.’

I pushed open the door. The stale and rather musty smell hit my nostrils first. The house was old and dark. I could see Ioan bent over the desk that dominated the room. He was talking on the phone in his native tongue. As bright as my school insisted I was, I could still only understand “hello,” “mother,” “family” and a few other basics. Mind you my grades were going down, so maybe they had been wrong all along. The discussion was beyond me. I could see his dark head moving as he gesticulated in his conversation. I thought about going back out of the room. If I left now he would never have even know I was here.

No, I was going to confront him with my questions, I was sure there was a perfectly reasonable explanation. My parents had always taught me to question things in life, especially if they seemed to be unfair on someone else. But I was young, I had no experience of the world really. Ioan loved me, not that he had said so, not in so many words, but he had asked me to be his wife. We were going to get married as soon as it was legal. Once again I thought about leaving the room and I took one step hesitantly back towards the door opening behind me. His head shot up and his almost black eyes found mine, his brow creased slightly into a frown. I heard him say goodbye on the phone and he placed it down on the desk in a calm, controlled move.

“Arrabella?” He questioned. I heard the chair creak, as he leant back in it. He placed all of his fingers together, his index fingers were pushed into his pursed lips. He looked angry and I started to regret entering the office, not for the first time in the space of the few short minutes I had stood here.

“Ioan… sorry, I know how busy you are… but I need to ask you something.” I looked down at the pair of house slippers I was wearing, my heart was beating frantically in my chest. I could hear my voice, but only just. When had I turned into this person? This meek, demure mousey girl when I was here, but the complete bitch that my family had at home. What the bloody hell was going on with me?

“ARRABELLA.” His voice pulled me out of my thoughts. “What are you doing in this room? You know that as my ‘femerie’ you can only enter in here when the room needs cleaning, don’t you?” He moved suddenly and stood to his full height, I had seen this before, he was only about 6ft, but he often used his height to try to dominate people. I tried to move back slightly but my heel bumped into the open door. I watched as he buttoned up his grey suit jacket and took a step around the desk towards me.

“I need to ask you something, Ioan… I’m sorry to interrupt. I’m sure I have got this wrong; you know how silly I can be.” He stood at the front of his desk now and stared literally through me.

“One of the girls that was staying here a couple of weeks ago...”

“You mean my cousin, one of my ‘familie?’” I could feel his eyes burning into me and I knew him well enough by now to see the anger in him, rising.

I summoned up all the courage I had left in me and fisted my hands to my sides. I was no longer me, the longer I stood in this forbidden room, looking at the man I had said yes to marrying, the more I could hear my parents’ voices ringing in my ears. I couldn’t bear the thought, but it looked like the things they had been trying to tell me were most probably true. At this moment in time I felt younger than my fifteen years, I wanted to be at home and safe. Every single hair on my body stood on end.

“You see that’s it, when I spoke to her she said she wasn’t related to you at all… she said she had been sold to you and your father, to your family and you in turn would sell her on as a wife.” I was wringing my hands together in my nervousness, I forced them apart, there was no way I was going to look any more terrified than I felt.

“Arrabella.” He moved nearer to me now and pushed the door shut behind me with a sudden bang. I physically jumped at the noise.

“Look at you, you stand here in my office getting more unattractive by the minute, looking less than feminine and you question me?” He began to pace up and down now in front of me and in my terror I bit on my lip to stop it from trembling. “How dare you, what has this to do with you? You are good for cooking, cleaning and bearing my children, when I think you are capable.” He looked me up and down again, his face showed absolute disgust. “You definitely never ask questions about my family business. To think I thought you were ideal wife material.” He came up to my face now and shouted in it, his spittle coming in to contact with my skin, I shut my eyes on instinct. “When really, with your stupid questions, you prove you are nothing more than a ‘curva prost,’ you repulse me.” I had no idea what he had called me but knew it was a derogatory term. He took hold of one of the longer lengths of my hair, pulled it sharply making me flinch and rubbed it between his finger and thumb. “I should have known; you have the blonde hair of a slut.”

“You haven’t answered me?’ I spoke louder, summoning everything I had. He answered me then by backhanding me across my cheek. The pain was instant, I hadn’t been hit since I was a young child, when my dad smacked my bottom for being naughty. It definitely wasn’t a regular thing in my family home. I clasped my hand to my burning face, he had hit me so hard it felt wet on my cheek, I removed my hand and looked at the few drops of blood on my palm. I stood tall now and although I was physically quaking inside, I defiantly stood in front of him and raised my chin, staring at him as he turned the signet ring, that had quite obviously nicked my face, around his little finger. He was laughing at me.

“How could I have ever seen you as anything more than you are?” He tutted and continued to laugh. It wasn’t a pleasant, cheerful noise.

“You don’t need to answer me… I now know what I suspected was true… you are not the man I thought you were… ALL OF THIS IS A LIE!” I moved my hands up and down my drab clothing. “I AM NOT THIS PERSON, YOU DON’T LOVE ME! YOU ARE JUST USING ME!” I wanted to collapse on the floor and have my mum wrap her arms around me, to comfort me, but she wasn’t here. I had pushed my family away. My insides felt empty as I shuddered with the realisation of what a stupid little girl I had been.

“So you want to know what we do with the all the ‘curva prosts’ that come here, do you?”

“Yes, what you are doing to them is inhumane, people shouldn’t be sold into marriage, it’s wrong. What happens to them if you can’t find them a husband?”

I wasn’t a naive girl of fifteen, my dad was the local GP and I had overheard some conversations in my time. As I asked the question, I immediately knew the answer, and I just about managed to swallow down the bile that hit the back of my throat with the realisation.

Ioan moved so quickly towards me, I stumbled to the side, trying to move away from him, but his hand flew out and came around my throat and he lifted my weight in his one hand, digging his fingers and thumb into my soft skin. My breathing was becoming shallow and my blood was pounding in my ears. I was being pushed backwards and fast, towards the wall. Frantically my arms flailed around behind me trying to find something solid to hold on to. Finally, they found the scolding hot, old-fashioned radiator, on top of it was a wooden shelf. Moving my hands up and out to the sides of me, I felt around for anything that could help, I knew there were various items on the shelf, as I had helped to dust it. Finally, my hand found what I knew to be an antique silver letter knife. In my terror, I grasped it tightly in my right hand.

I finally stopped being propelled backwards and felt the old wooden panelling hit my shoulder blades and the wooden shelf abrade the small of my back. I started to lift my right hand as Ioan tightened his grip around my throat. I didn’t recognise the evil man in front of me. He was almost possessed; his features had changed, significantly, like pliable putty. In response to the constriction at my throat, I lifted up my left hand to grab hold of his, to try to pull it away, clawing at it ferociously. I couldn’t get it to move at all, my vision was starting to recede, with the lack of oxygen, and I was feeling weaker by the second. The cold hand of deep-rooted fear was in control of my thoughts, feelings and actions. His other hand was pulling up the bottom of my skirt and I knew what was about to happen to me.

In my final bid for escape, I lifted up my right hand quickly and scraped the point down his left cheek, it wasn’t a proper knife but the tip was sharp. Blood came to the surface of his skin from just under his eyeball and ended just below the level of his flaring nostril. I saw the moment the shutter came down in his mind, he didn’t care about me, all he wanted to do was to cause me as much pain as possible. Getting ever weaker, the knife slipped from my grasp and I heard it drop to the floor.

All my life I had shouted, screamed and fought for everything I felt was wrong

or right in my eyes. I had the strength of character others admired, but now I knew I hadn’t the strength to fight him. He was about to take my virginity and I hadn’t the power to fight back, I willed for the lack of oxygen to take me away… finally it did.

I hadn’t realised our position had changed as I had retold my story, Nathan had lifted me up and onto him, perhaps he had recognised, in between my sobs, that I needed him, but wouldn’t be able to cope with being confined. I had cried so much as I had lost myself in the memory of that day, that his T-shirt was soaked beneath my face. Very gently he was running his fingers through my hair and massaging my scalp. He was being so gentle with me, but laying on his chest I could feel just how much he had stiffened up, his heart was beating fast and I knew he was only just about managing to keep his anger under control.

‘The bastard raped you?’ It was more of a statement than a question. I didn’t need to answer. I lay on his chest completely wiped out after reliving part of my story. All I could do was nod. He left me for a while just lying there, sharing my past and helping me to lay it to rest. ‘There’s more isn’t there, Bella?’

‘Yes,’ I forced out after clearing the constriction I could feel in my throat, reliving my story I could feel Ioan’s hand again after all these years and I lifted my palm from Nathan’s chest, just to check it wasn’t holding the letter knife. Outside I could hear people splashing around in the pool we had seen earlier. It helped to convince me of where I was and so did the most recognisable smell in the world, the smell of the man I loved beneath me, he grounded me and gave me the strength to carry on. ‘I was fortunate enough to have passed out during him raping me. I remember the terror and the aftershock, but I know I’m so bloody lucky not to remember the actual event. When I came to, I found myself in a tiny box room, obviously high up in the house, as the only light came from a very dirty skylight above me. I had been laid out on an equally filthy old mattress. All there was in the room was a bottle of water and and old ceramic potty. I knew I had been raped, I smelt different. I was wet down below and extremely sore and bruised. I didn’t feel strong enough to look at myself. My lips were sore and throbbing, where he had obviously hit me again… I was kept in that room for the rest of the weekend and ever since then I have suffered slightly with claustrophobia, I hate confined spaces. You see, in that confined space I couldn’t clean him off me. I couldn’t get rid of him. To me, that was even more damaging than the actual event. I swore never to need another man, never to trust another man. I was going to use them and get on with my life, if I ever got out of there with my life. I cried at the realisation that I had been a vile daughter and sister and that I may never get the chance to rectify the situation.’ I could feel Nathan pulling at the quilt to the side of us, he flapped it up and over my back. I was starting to shiver, but probably out of delayed reaction rather than being cold.