In Other Worlds (8 page)

It was a full month and three more surgeries before Theo finally allowed Adron to leave the hospital. All he wanted to do was go home and be left alone. He didn't want to see any more pity on his mother's tear-streaked face. See the guilt in his father's eyes over the fact that there was nothing he could do.

He just wanted solitary peace away from everyone. A nice alcohol-induced fog . . .

His brother Tiernan moved to help him from the transport. Adron leveled a scowl that made him shrink back.

“Jeez, you ought to bottle that look. I know armies that would pay a fortune to have something that toxic in their arsenal.”

Grinding his teeth, Adron got out even though the strain of it made him sweat. “Why are you still here?”

“Dad wanted me to make sure you got home safely.”

“I'm home. Now leave.”

Tiernan scoffed. “Why would I want to do that? I mean, heaven forbid I should be around someone who actually likes me. It's so much more fun to be here with you insulting my manhood and questioning my parentage every five seconds.”

Ignoring him, Adron made his way into his apartment building, to the lifts, and did his best not to remember who had been with him the last time he'd crossed this lobby.

Livia.

Her name and face still haunted him. And in spite of himself, he wondered where she was. How she was doing.

“I don't care.”

Tiernan stepped into the lift beside him. “What was that?”

“Nothing.”

Adron didn't speak until he was back in his apartment. He limped to the bar and searched for something to drink. But nothing was there. Not even the watered down crap. Obviously his family had paid another visit to clean his place out while he'd been gone. “Damn it, which one of you did this?”

“I did it.”

He froze at the sound of Livia's voice behind him. That dulcet tone tore through him like jagged glass.

Bracing himself, he turned to face her. But all the bracing in the world couldn't prepare him for the sight of her standing there, dressed in white and looking like a precious angel. Her dark hair was pulled up, with wisps of it falling around her face and shoulders. Daylight shone through the strands, making them glow.

But that was nothing compared to those large eyes that seared him. To her Cupid's-bow lips that compelled him with a memory of how sweet they'd tasted. Every part of his body surged to life as his cock hardened. And all he wanted was to feel her hands and mouth on his naked skin.

I'm not kidding, Adron. You do this to yourself one more time and I will geld you for it.
Too bad Theo hadn't made good on that threat. Because all he wanted was a taste of his wife, and it was the one thing he couldn't have.

Livid over that fact, he snarled at her. “What are you doing here?”

“I live here.”

“The hell you do.” He turned on his brother. “I want her out of here. Now.”

Tiernan held his hands up in surrender. “According to your own words, she's your wife. There's nothing I can do.”

“Tiernan,” he said in warning.

“Adron,” he shot back.

Livia moved forward, and by all appearances, she didn't look a bit shaken by his anger. “Thank you for bringing him home, Tiernan. I think I can handle it from here.”

Tiernan arched a doubtful brow. “I don't know if I feel right leaving you at his mercy. He can let blood with that tongue.”

“I'm used to people insulting me.” She directed a meaningful stare at Adron. “As well as being unwanted. I promise you, there's nothing Adron can say to make me cry.”

And in that moment, Adron felt low. He'd never wanted to hurt her.

Turning away, he headed for the bedroom.

Livia said good-bye to Tiernan, who let himself out of the apartment, and then she followed after Adron. In spite of her brave words, she was terrified. Even though he was her husband, he was a stranger to her in many ways.

But then, she was used to living in fear, too. At least Adron wouldn't beat her.

She hoped.

As she entered the bedroom, she found him lying on the bed, fully clothed, with his arm draped over his eyes. His long, lean body was a feast that made her heart speed up. Strange how lethal and powerful he was while relaxing. But even more frightening was how much she'd missed him. His presence filled the room and added . . .

She couldn't define it. Even though they'd been together for only one night, she felt connected to him. And she'd missed him more than she'd ever missed anyone.

Now that he was here, she wanted to make him happy again. “Are you hungry?”

“No.”

“Well then—”

“I want to be alone.”

She sighed sadly at his sharp tone. How could she reach the Adron she'd seen in his files? The Adron who'd been so tender and kind to her?

Was it even possible?

Don't give up on him . . .
That was what his mother had said to her yesterday when Kiara had called to tell her that Adron was coming home.
I know he's hard to be around, but he's a good man, and in spite of what he says, you mean something to him. He wouldn't have married you unless you did. So please, for his sake, help him find a reason to live. I want to see my baby smile again. Just once.

How could she deny his mother so simple a request? Only today, that request didn't seem as easy as it had yesterday.

Today it seemed impossible.

But she'd promised to try, and so she would. “It seems to me you've spent far too much time alone. Perhaps a little time with—”

“Damn it, why are you still here?” He glared at her with such loathing that it stung her. “Why didn't you do what I told you to?”

She took a deep breath and counted for patience as she reminded herself that he was in a lot of pain.
He doesn't mean it.

No. She refused to believe that he would hate her after he'd protected her. So she answered with the simple truth. “Because I have nowhere else to go. My father has completely disowned me over our marriage. If I go home, he'll have me arrested and publicly beaten.”

Adron winced as he realized the extent of the damage he'd done to her. How could he have been so stupid and selfish? And for what? One night of sex that had almost killed him?

What kind of life could he give her? He couldn't do anything. He was worthless and weak.

Pathetic.

And she deserved something better than him. A life that didn't include wiping his crippled ass.

“If it's a question of money—”

Her expression said that he'd insulted her to the core of her soul. “I don't want your money.”

“Then what do you want?”

Her guileless stare pierced him. “You.”

He shook his head slowly. “You must be deranged.”

“Why? Because I want to be with you?”

“Yes. In case you haven't noticed, I'm not exactly pleasant to be around. Hell,
I
don't even want to be around me most days.”

She moved to sit on the bed beside him. So close that he ached to pull her into his arms, but he refused to. He wouldn't do that to either of them.

It wouldn't be fair or right.

She brushed a strand of hair back from his face, her fingertips burning his skin as she touched him. “You know, while we were making love, I felt a connection with you. Did you feel it, too?”

“No,” he lied.

She
tsk
ed at him with a light in her eyes that made him feel like a heel for not telling her how he really felt about her. “I don't believe you. You were too tender. You held me too close. I might be innocent, but I'm not stupid. I know men don't treat women that way.”

He gave her a droll stare. “And how do you know that?”

“Zarina told me so.”

He grimaced at her. “Oh, jeez. You discussed sex with my baby sister?”

“Yes. She was very informative.”

His gut twisted at the thought of Zarina having any kind of carnal knowledge. “I can imagine.”

“I also talked to your mother and she said—”

He cringed in pain, and for once, it wasn't from his injuries. “Ah, gah, Livia. That's even worse! Why would you talk to my mother about sex with me?”

“I didn't have anyone else to ask.”

He let out puffs of aggravated breaths over what she'd done. How could she? Did she have no shame whatsoever? “You could have looked it up online like everyone else does.”

“I tried, but all I got was porn vids and while it was . . . well, it was kind of gross and not very informative. Just a lot of huffing and puffing and body parts. So I thought your mother and sister might have some insights to share. After all, your mother had five kids and—”

“Stop! I don't even want to think about my mother having sex with my father. I know for a fact that she was artificially inseminated and he never touched her. Grandpa Zamir told me so and I believe him.”

“That's not what she says.”

He groaned out loud in utter misery. Yes, he was being childish, but this was not a topic he wanted to talk about, and it definitely wasn't something he wanted to think about. “Am I not in enough pain that you'd torture me with this shit on top of it? What did I ever do to you to make you want to kill me?”

“Why are you being such a baby over this? I'm the one who was kept cloistered.”

“Because my mother and sister are sacred beings, unsullied by the hands of a man, and if you tell me differently, especially where Zarina is concerned, I swear to God, I'm donning my assassin's uniform and gutting whatever bastard touched her.”

Livia pressed her lips together to keep from laughing at him when it was obvious he was deadly serious. Even so, she liked teasing him like this. And deep down, she suspected he might not be as ticked off as he was acting.

Deciding to give him a bit of a reprieve, she changed the subject. “So, are we just going to sit in here all day?”

All the humor fled from his face. “No. You're going to leave.”

“I'll leave when you do.”

Adron growled at her. “Do you have any idea how much pain I'm in? It hurts to breathe. Most of all it hurts to talk, so if you don't mind, I'd like to just lie here in silence.”

She sighed at the anger and bitterness in his voice that seemed to be a permanent part of his life. What he'd done for that woman and her child had been beyond decent and heroic, and she didn't want him to lose sight of the sacrifice he'd made.

For someone else's happiness.

He was a hero and she only wanted to see him smile.

Just once.

“Fine.” She slid from the bed and pulled a small photo frame out of his nightstand. “I wanted to show this to you. It came by messenger while you were in the hospital.”

Adron frowned as she handed him the blank frame and turned it on. Static flickered until the image of a fragile brunette woman and a small blond girl appeared.

The two of them were smiling at him and waving.

Livia watched his stoic face as her heart filled with warmth over what he'd given them. It was enough to bring tears to her eyes.

“Hi, Commander.” The woman picked up the little girl and kissed her cheek. “On the anniversary of what you did, I just wanted to say thank you. This is my daughter, Dalycia. I don't know if you remember me or not, but I'm the woman you saved from that psycho, and this is the daughter I had six weeks later. Say hi, Dalycia.”

“Hi, Commander.” The little girl waved and smiled with that innocence that came only with childhood. “Thank you for saving my mommy and me.” She unfolded a hand-drawn picture of a man, a woman, and a little girl holding hands in a patch of flowers with a rainbow overhead. “I drew this for you to say thank you. See”—she pointed to the man—“it's you saving us, and we're all happy 'cause we're alive and the bad man isn't.”

Livia watched the agony play across his face as the woman and child continued to talk to him.

All of a sudden, he snarled in outrage and threw the frame against the wall, shattering it into a thousand pieces.

“Adron!” she snapped, losing patience with him.

He turned on her then with a vicious snarl before he let fly a curse so foul she blushed. “What? Did you think showing me that shit would make all of this okay? Did you think I'd look at them, then cry and say how grateful I am they live while I'm trapped like this?”

He gestured to the scars that bisected his body and twisted his leg. “What about the children
I
wanted to have, Livia? I can't even have sex without spending a month in the hospital, or dying from it.” He cursed again. “All I want is five fucking seconds where I'm not trying to breathe through absolute agony. Five seconds where I can move and not ache to the marrow of my bones.”

The bitter torment in his eyes scorched her. “I'm only thirty-five years old, and all I have to look forward to is a future where I'll slowly, painfully disintegrate into an invalid who can't even wipe his own ass. Do you really think I'm okay with being dependent on you or anyone else? I was an assassin, and now I have less mobility than a withered-up hundred-year-old man. I'm nothing but a worthless piece of shit who should have died that night. And them telling me how grateful they are doesn't make this okay with me. It never will.”

His words brought tears to her eyes. She'd stupidly thought it would make him feel better to know how much his sacrifice had meant to the ones he'd saved.