I Won't Give Up (16 page)

After that
w
e
ekend
we
spent
most of our free time there.
We’d
usually meet there on
Friday after I got out of school and would come home after dinner on Sunday. It was my escape. We were
there so often I actually left clothes there now
;
Garrett did the same
in the guestroom of course
.
I let him stay in my bed last Saturday
but
we still haven’t done anything more than kiss;
I wasn’t
just
ready t
o let it get to that level
with him
yet. I could tell Garrett was starting to grow frustrated but I was still in self-preservation mode
and
thankfully
he didn’t push it
.
I
couldn’t stop myself from
thinking back to that night with Cooper and how I didn’t think Garrett
or anyone else
woul
d even come close.
I didn’t feel that
insatiable need like
I did
with Cooper.
I trusted Garrett but it was different,
sometimes he would say and do things that would get on my nerves
leaving me unsure
.
Reality was I was still too afraid I’d get hurt…

CHAPTER SIX

Call Me Hopeless, But Not Romantic

I pulled into school
where
Casey and Harper were standing in the parking lot holding
eighteen
balloons for me
. They
yelled “Happy Birthday!” in unison
as I got out of the car
. The
y
even
had it announced
over the loudspeaker during morning announcements.
I was hoping this weekend was going to be special it was 11/11 and it was
officially
my eighteenth birthday. I told Garrett I wanted to plan the whole thing and he was to show up to the lake house at exactly eight.

At lunch Cooper walked over
to my table
and handed me large rectangular box
wrapped in unicorn wrapping paper
.
I laughed a little.

“Open it.”
He said looking anxious.
I peeled back the paper and lifted the lid.
Wow.
Inside w
as a framed sketch he’d done of me. It was amazing.

“It’s beautiful Cooper. Thank you.”
I opened the card.
It was
a note and had
the lyrics to Jason Mraz’s
I Won’t Give Up.

Happy 18
th
Crash,

Remember when we were at the bar and I sang you that Patsy Cline song? I think about the first part and how hard it is to try and be just your friend but I’d rather be that than nothing at all. You want me to pretend like we’ve never kissed, I’ve tried and I haven’t yet. I don’t think I ever will.

This song is our song.
I won’t give up. Not yet.

When I look into your eyes, i
t's like watching the night sky,

or a beautiful sunrise.
W
ell there's so much they hold,

a
nd just like them old stars,
I
see that you've come so far, t
o be right where you are
.
How old is your soul?
I won't give up on
us, e
ven if the skies get rough.

I'm giving you all my
love
.
I'm still looking up
.

And w
hen you're needing your space t
o do some navigating, I
'll be here patiently waiting
t
o see what you find
.
'Cause even the stars they bu
rn, Some even fall to the earth.

We've got a lot to
learn. God knows we're worth it.

No,
I
won't give up
.

I don't wanna be someone who walks away so easily
.

I'm here to sta
y and make the difference that I
can make
.

Our differences they do a lot to teach us how to use the tools and
gifts.
We
got a lot at stake
.

And in the end, you're still my friend at least we did intend
,

For us to work we didn't break, we didn't burn
,

w
e had to learn, how to b
end without the world caving in.

I had to learn what I got and what I
’
m not
,
And who I am.

I won’t give up on
us
!

With
Love
,

Cooper

P.S
.
“I’ve got you stuck on my body like a tattoo
”
, literally
.


I felt tears sting my eyes, even after everything that happened, even though I had Garrett and he had Riley, I missed him.
He’d become such a part of my life
in such a short time
and even though I hated it at the time I had
to admit that I found myself thinking a lot that I wished Garrett was Cooper. He knew exactly
what to say and do
to make me feel special.

“Happy birthday C
rash.” He said giving me a quick kiss on the cheek
but
it
was actually closer to the corner of my mouth
.
I fought the urge to turn my head slightly and kiss him back
, just once
.
Riley was giving me a glare
from across the cafeteria
that would have instantly killed me if looks could kill.

“Tattoo?” I asked.

“
Don’t get mad okay?
I did this for you too.”
He looked slightly embarrassed. H
e lif
ted up his shirt to his bicep and
reveal
ed
a white orchid flower
on the inside of his arm
that was obviously still healing.

“Fiona means, white or fair and the orchid means beauty, strength and love.” I felt the air leave my lungs. He got a tattoo that reminded him of me
, I’m so confused
.

“It’s beautiful. But I don’t know why you’d do that.
We’re not together Cooper.
”

“I told you my tattoos are the scars I choose. Wait that didn’t come out right… you’re not a scar. What I meant to say is that I wanted something that would always remind me of you.” Damn did he get these lines out of a how to melt a girls heart handbook because surely it was working. I fought the urge to cry again. I was speechless, I didn’t know what the standard procedure was for the boy that was in love with you getting a huge flower tattooed on the inside of his arm but you’re not together was.

“Got any big plans?”
He asked snapping me out of my reverie.

“Actually I’m going to my family lake house
after school
.”

“By yourself?”
He asked digging for more information.

“Um, actually no.”
Please just let it go.

“Oh
,
you bringing the girls? That will be fun.”

“No they’re not coming either.
” He looked at me confused.
“
Actually
…
I
kind of
have a boyfriend now.” I felt bad
as soon as I said
it
.
I saw the pain flash through his face before he quickly composed himself.

“Oh
,
how long has this been going on? Anyone I know?”

“A little over a month
. And maybe,
h
e’s from Delaney.”

“You’re kidding?” He sounded pissed.

“No.”
I said meekly.
“Well what’s
his
name?”
He sneered, definitely angry now.

“Garrett York.”
I saw something register in his face but he wasn’t giving anything away
, I assumed he knew him or at least of him.

“You’re fucking kidding me right?
” He ran his hands through his hair.
“
After our
you know,
I tried for
weeks
straight to get you to give me the freaking time of day
, all over again,
and
just like that you end up with him.”

“What’s your problem, you gave up on me remember?”
I said hurt.
Riley was watching our little tiff with daggers in her eyes
.
I felt
the
tears
I had been holding back start
to
run down my face
.

“Hey, look I
’m sorry
.
”
He ran his fingers softly over my c
heek catching the falling tears. My heart spe
d up
at his touch
, he just had that affect on me.
It was just us
in our own little bubble.
“
God Fiona I
fucking love you! I love you so fucking much it hurts. There will never be anyone else!
I never gave up!
I fucking fell in love with you the day you almost hit me
. Y
ou looked so sad
that day
but you were the most beautiful girl I’d ever seen, you take my breath away.
I vowed to make you smile
.
Christ I’d marry you right now if you’d let me.
The only reason
I let you go
was be
cause it was killing me to see you all the time all broken and know you wouldn’t let me help you.
I thought maybe
if you saw me with Riley
you’d get jealous and realize what I’ve known all along.
I won’t give up on us Fiona,
I’ll stand up for you forever, you’re my true love, my whole heart. Please don’t throw that away
.
”

Well if that’s not a declaration of love then I don’t know what is.
He sucked in a deep breath and bit one of his piercings.
“
Riley was
distraction. I’ve died everyday waiting for you to come back to me but you didn’t. I
t’s not like that with her, I told you that.
We’ve kissed and even when we did that I felt like I was dying inside. The whole time I wished it was you. I love YOU!
”
He was so loud the whole cafeteria, Riley included heard him, her face fell
but she was a bitch and though it sounds mean she had it coming.
I knew it was probably the end for them after his confession.

“But yet you
’
r
e
still together.” I spat
, hurt, angry and seriously confused
.

“And what if we weren’t? What then?”
H
is face
dead
serious.

“I don’t know.” I felt the tears rolling down my face because as great as Garrett was and I
definitely
had feelings for
him;
the truth was I was
in love with Cooper
and I fucked up
.