I Wish... (7 page)

"Hey, T. How's school treating you?" He waved at Krista who was sitting on the edge of a lounge chair watching.

"Always with the witty conversational gambits." I ducked as he took a playful swing at me.

"That mouth is going to get you into trouble someday."

"Why is it that adults always assume that a kid with an opinion is going to be a criminal instead of an inspirational speaker or something? Assertive is the new sexy."

"Are you going to stand around being assertive or are we going to do this?"

"I'd never miss a chance to get the crap knocked out of me!"

Our sparring was intense. I wasn't sure what Shep's deal was, but he was coming at me harder than usual. I was glad he wasn't insisting on a blind fold this time because I wouldn't have had a chance with him in such an overzealous mood. My energy was flagging after only half an hour which was unusual for me. Usually I could go full power for forty five minutes with another fifteen minutes of slower cool down exercise.

"Ok, I think that's enough for today." He said, breathing hard himself.

"What gives?" I panted.

"I wanted to see how much progress you've really made. I’m not going to be training with you anymore, T." He wasn't looking at me.

"What?" I couldn't catch my breath. Things were starting to swim in my vision.

Shep guided me to the porch steps and had me rest my head on my knees. "I'm not going anywhere. I'll still be here in town. It's just that my time working for Ramona is over now."

Krista watched us from her perch, but she didn't approach us. I was grateful that she wasn't close enough to hear me break down.

"You're the only sane person I know! Do you have any idea how crazy the people in Desire are? Worse yet are the people in this house. If you leave there goes my only chance to turn out normal."

He put an arm around me and I could feel the rumble in his chest when he laughed. "I'm not any more normal than anyone else in the town. I grew up here too. You've got to understand that it's a whole other way of thinking, but I can't change now."

I blinked back my tears. "What will you do now?"

He rested his chin on my head. "It's time that I get married."

"How old are you, Shep?"

"I'm thirty seven."

"You've had a sweetheart in town for almost fifteen years and it's only now when you're practically forty that you'll marry her? You'll be lucky if she'll still have you."

"Oh, I don't have a sweetheart."

"Then who are you going to marry?" I tried not to sound as baffled as I felt.

"My mother has a couple women in mind. I'll choose between one of them."

"How romantic." I grimaced a little; glad he couldn't see my face. I didn't mean to sound quite that sarcastic.

"It's not about romance. It's really much easier this way. I don't have to waste time dating women who will never work for me and I'm guaranteed that my mother will like them. How many men can say that?"

I laughed despite myself. "I'm really going to miss you."

"I'm going to miss you too, kid. I'll be around though."

"Yeah, I know. It's just going to be weird not having you around all the time anymore, but I'm really happy for you and your freedom. I guess I just always thought that'd I'd be the one who fled first." He snorted.

Shep sobered up. "If things get too intense, I'll help you as much as I'm able. Small town politics are a bitch and you never want to cross your loyalties if you can help it, but I'm willing to risk a lot of grief for you, T."

I giggled. "You make it sound so dark. I think I'll be ok. Thanks though. You're a great guy and I've been lucky to have you around to help me turn into a functional human being."

He was smiling, but it looked a little forced. "Well, I'm going to take off now. Just remember what I said. If you need me, let me know. You’ve got my number."

I waved after him until he disappeared around a corner. Krista joined me, standing on a stair above me and although she was a good four or five inches shorter than me, the stair gave her enough elevation to casually wrap an arm around my shoulder and give me a comforting hug. I was lucky to have a new friend come into my life just as I was losing an old one.

***

Chapter 4

The next week passed in a happy blur. I missed Shep fiercely when I had quiet moments to think, but most of the time I kept myself busy. Evan continued to escort me to classes and sit with me at lunch. I enjoyed spending time with him and I thought that maybe he liked me a little more than as just friends, but having no experience with such things, I was content to just spend time with him and let that nourish my romance novel fueled fantasies. Krista never seemed to be around during school hours. Whenever I'd see her in the halls she'd suddenly remember that she had pressing engagements elsewhere. I couldn't bring myself to ask her why and I couldn't be mad at her because at home she was nothing but enthusiastic and sweet.

Lydia continued to make catty comments at my expense any chance she got. The guys were quick to jump to my defense and usually Olivia and Natalie could be counted on when I needed a friendly face, but Mattie seemed a little cooler. She wasn't overtly rude, but there seemed to be some distance. I found out that she was related to Coach Carter, although I wasn't sure how close the connection was. I hadn't had another run in with her since the first day of school and I was ever vigilant to make sure I never did again. The lady was scary.

The only real dark spot in my days at school was Ben. He continued to ignore me in class and the few occasions I attempted to talk to him in the halls he either glared at me or just walked away. I knew I should just let the rejection roll off my back, but I felt real regret at the loss of him as a potential friend. As much as I liked Evan and Krista and some of the other kids I'd met, none of them were as enjoyable to talk to as Ben was.

Even my brushes with the adults of Desire were more easily handled now that I went places with Krista. People responded kindly to her and when I was with her, it was like I was traveling in a bubble of influence and they were more pleasant to me. I asked her one day if she had any idea why the people in town were so awful to me when I was alone, but she mumbled half heard answers about the unpredictability of small town people to perceived outsiders and changed the subject.

One evening after Krista got home from cheerleading practice she and I were in our room laying across our beds.

"Hey," I asked, "What do you think of Evan Spencer?"

"I think he's pretty incredible actually." Her face lit up.

"Oh yeah? Do you like him?" I watched her carefully.

"You mean, like romantically?" She blushed when I nodded.

"No, not like that. I just mean that he's a good guy. He's really accomplished in school and you've seen him so you know he's totally hot. Plus, he's from a great family so, of course all the girls want him. But he's always super nice. Some guys let that stuff go to their heads. James Middleton comes to mind." I wasn't convinced. I still thought that maybe Krista had a crush on Evan, but I accepted her attempt to change the subject.

"Yeah, James is kind of an asshat. He and Lydia make a great couple." Krista and I laughed.

"Why do you ask?" She asked.

"I'm not sure what to think about him. He's been really sweet to me since we met, but I'm not sure how much to read into that. I've never dated a guy before. I've never even kissed a boy." Now I was blushing.

"Oh. Well, I'm pretty sure that can be fixed without too much trouble." She teased.

I flopped from my side to my back. "I know it's kind of stupid, but I've always pictured my first kiss as being a big deal. I'm not an over the top romantic or anything. It's not like I honestly believe I'll marry the first guy I ever kiss, but I don't want it to just be with some random guy at a party or something."

"I don't think that's stupid. As a girl who had her first kiss at a party as part of a party game, I can honestly tell you that it's not the most romantic experience."

There was a sharp knock on the door, followed almost immediately by Marla opening the door. She didn't even glance at me and instead said to Krista, "Mother Georgina died."

"Oh no." I felt a vague sadness, but I barely knew the woman. I had only met with her two or three times more after the first day I arrived. I expected to see some genuine sadness from Marla and Krista, but there was nothing. Marla left the room as suddenly as she entered it.

"Are you ok?" I asked Krista.

She seemed preoccupied, but I believed her when she told me she was fine. I'm not sure what level of grief I thought Krista would be suffering, but she certainly looked like she was doing ok. I excused myself to find my mother and Ramona.

I found them both sitting in the upstairs suite with Mother Georgina's body. "Marla told Krista and I that she died. Are you guys ok?"

Mom looked like she might be sad, but it was such a distant, disconnected emotion. It seemed like the kind of sadness you'd see from someone who just learned a celebrity died. Assuming it was a celebrity that they were barely familiar with. She nodded and continued to look thoughtful.

"We're fine. She was old and it was her time to go." Ramona was oddly full of energy. Instead of mourning, she seemed to be feeling jubilant. Unable to contain it anymore, she got up and started pacing the room. Her loose silk tunic rippled behind her as she did laps. I watched her for a minute longer, noting a faint smile.

What kind of sick woman was happy when her mother died? Would I feel that way if my mother died? Was I even capable of going on with my life knowing that someone close to me, however distant emotionally, died? I wanted to be able to say that I was able to answer that as a firm no, but unfortunately I was forced to the conclusion that I just couldn't know until the time came. I barely knew my mom. Losing her might not seem like such a great loss to me at all.

We buried Mother Georgina a few days later. It was an overcast day, perfectly suited for the mood I was in. The rest of the family was still strangely apathetic to the death except for Ramona who nearly capered with glee. I was confused and uncomfortable with the nonchalant way everyone was dealing with this loss. Ramona insisted that I stay home from school until after the funeral so I'd had ample time to assess the nonexistent sorrow. Given my upbringing I knew I wasn't a good person to judge what was normal, but this just seemed wrong.

The service was short and well attended. I couldn't be sure, of course, but it seemed like most of the town turned out. At one point I overheard Ramona telling mom that it was a good show of respect and she was glad to see that they were following tradition.

As we were walking back to the cars to leave the cemetery, Ramona said, "Thistle, when we get home change clothes and meet your mother and I in the library in fifteen minutes. We've got some things to discuss."

I wondered what they wanted to talk to me about. I regretted that I wasn’t riding with Krista so that we could have discussed it, but she was in a second car with her parents and Darcy. Desire is a small town and we were home within ten minutes. I slipped on my work out clothes with plans to go for a jog after my meeting.

Even though I took almost the full fifteen minutes I was allotted, mom didn't show up for another five minutes and we waited on Ramona together for almost twenty more minutes. She was a master of being fashionably late. I'd watched her arrive late to more appointments over the years than I could possibly remember. She was able to charm herself out of any kind of bad feelings. I wasn't feeling particularly forgiving at the moment though. I just wanted this conversation to be over.

I was on the verge of going up to my room when Ramona finally appeared. She looked especially regal this afternoon. She swapped the black dress for a lightweight sun dress that showed off her slender waist to great effect. Her hair was pinned in an effortless French knot. It managed to look both dressy and casual. How a fashion noob like me was related to someone as knowledgeable about clothes as she was was a question I'd never managed to answer.

She walked in and sat in one of the two high backed reading chairs in the library. Mom sat in the other and I was lounging on the window seat. Ramona didn't talk at first. She just spent a few minutes staring out the window behind me.

Finally Ramona said, "There's no easy way to tell you something like this. I've tried to come up with a way to ease you into this conversation, but if it exists, I can't think of it."

Intriguing.
"Tell me what?"

"Desire isn't a typical town."

"I agree. It has more jerk asses per capita than any other town of equal size in the nation." Clearly I was dealing with people with no sense of humor since my hilarious line failed to elicit even one mercy laugh.

"If you've noticed how odd some of the people here act then you might already understand a little of what I'm about to tell you. Desire has a power structure that nobody outside of the town knows about. As far as the rest of the world knows, we have a mayor and exactly the right number of councilmen that is called for in a town this size. But it's just a cover for the real power in Desire. We do that because we don't want anyone to ever have a reason to look too closely to how we do business here."

I tapped my foot restlessly against the edge of the window seat. "You are starting to go all conspiracy theory on me here."

Ramona nodded, pleased. "Yes! That's exactly what it is."

Oh lord, she's lost her mind from the grief.
"I think you should probably lie down for a while, ma'am. You aren't making any sense and I think Marla might seriously try to put you in a home if she hears you."

"Marla hasn't the power or the backbone to do anything of the kind." She snapped. "And I'm making perfect sense if you'll just sit still and listen until I'm done."

I looked helplessly at my mother, but she didn't seem at all uneasy by Ramona's crazy talk of conspiracies and secret leadership. "You need to hear this, Thistle."