I Wish... (13 page)

He gave me a cold glare. "I'm more worried about a power hungry Matriarch who wants to use marriage to you as a way to cement her standing with your Family."

"I'd never let someone bully me into marrying someone I didn't want to marry."

"It wouldn't stop some of these women from trying. You're a lamb, Thistle, and if you don't start learning how things work here, you aren't going to survive long enough to have to worry about things like getting married."

He kneeled down where I still sat and kissed me on the corner of my mouth. He brushed my hair away from my face and said, "Believe me, if I thought for a minute that we had a chance as a couple, I'd do it. Until I met you I never thought there'd ever be a woman I could care about. I can't seem to stay away from you even though I know it's hopeless."

I fought to keep my voice from sounding like I was pleading. "It could work. We could leave."

He shook his head sadly. "They'll never let you go now. You wouldn't be able to fade into the outside world without a trace. The combined efforts of Desire are more than anyone can escape."

Ben gently wiped a tear from my face. "So you just stand by while I live my life and eventually marry and have kids with some guy from a good Family?"

He nodded.

"You know what?"

"What?" He asked.

"That is the stupidest idea I've ever heard." He managed a weak half smile.

Ben’s kiss felt like a whisper on my forehead before he melted into the shadows. I rubbed my tears away with the heels of my hand and slowly walked home.

***

Chapter 6

I managed to make it up to my room without being discovered. Krista was at a fundraising event at the school so she wasn't there to see me before I made it into a hot shower. After having a good cry and an even better shampooing, I felt almost human again. My ankle seemed to be almost as good as new. I saw that I had a few scrapes on my arms and that my attempts to halt my roll had erased a great deal of the skin on my palms. I hissed as I poured peroxide over my wounds, but I thought I'd live.

I decided that I didn't want to tell anyone about the attack. My feelings were complicated and I couldn't begin to sort out what it was exactly that made me not want to admit to it. I suspected the most likely reason would be that to tell them that I thought it was Lydia who had pushed me would mean that I'd have to tell them why I thought so and I didn't trust my ability to skim over the truth enough that I wouldn't have to confess Cora's insults. I wasn't sure what their reaction would be, but I assumed that giving them more reason to hate the Spencers would be a bad thing for everyone involved.

I slipped into a long sleeved night shirt and went to bed early. Before I finally drifted off, I thought ruefully how different school ended up being from the movies. Not only was I not on the phone constantly with all my new BFFs, but I was in bed most nights lately before nine o'clock.

The next morning I dressed in another long sleeved shirt and jeans that I examined for holes in the knees. My palms were going to be a problem. I thought about it for a minute and then grabbed a pair of colorful striped knee socks and cut the toes off and made a thumb hole in each heel. I slid them over my hands and considered my handiwork. I decided these makeshift arm warmers were actually pretty cute and my now my hands were nearly entirely covered. Problem solved. At least my face escaped any bruising or cuts.

Evan was waiting for me at my locker as he had every day since we met. I avoided eye contact as I fished books out of my locker.

"Don't do this." He caressed my arm.

Still hiding behind my locker door, I forced a bright note into my voice. "Do what?"

"Act awkward around me. I thought we were going to be friends?"

I shut my locker and nodded. "We did say that."

"Well, then let's do that." He smiled at me and just like that the weirdness was gone. He made me feel so calm and secure when he was around.

Evan walked me to class as usual. Our speech went well and we got an A on the project.

The ease of making up with Evan left me feeling a little better about my encounter with Ben. If Evan could forgive me for rejecting him then surely I could convince Ben that things weren't as grim as they seemed.

My heart raced when I sat beside him.
Well, he isn't looking out the window and ignoring me this time. That's encouraging.

In fact he was staring at me. He looked like a starving man who's been given a meal he didn't expect. I wondered if the memories of our kiss were giving him butterflies like the ones I had.

He closed his eyes and said, "You've got to go."

"Can't." I said gleefully. "The teacher just walked in. I'm going to have to sit here all period."

He pitched his voice lower and said, "Why won't you just listen to me? This is hard enough without you trying your damndest to entice me."

My breathing sped up. His vulnerability excited me and I longed to touch him. "Why won't you listen when I tell you that I don't care what’s expected of me?"

His eyes blazed with inexplicable fury. "Maybe somewhere there is a reality where we could be together without fear, but this isn't it."

I rolled my eyes. "Are you really trying to use a comic book as rationalization in this argument?"

Ben had to wait until the teacher was done passing out papers before he could respond. "Look, this isn't happening. We don't have a future together."

"But--"

"Let this go. Go out with one of the guys from a strong Family and forget about the idea of there ever being a you and me."

I gripped the edge of my desk, desperate for something solid to hold onto. "Is that really what you want?"

He was facing the window again, but I saw his curt nod clear enough. "That's exactly what I want."

I tried to talk to him after that, but he shut me out as effectively as if there were a glass wall surrounding him. I attempted to talk to him after class when our conversation wasn't limited to careful whispers, but he raced away and disappeared into the crowds of kids milling in the halls.

I trudged to my locker and was surprised to find James Middleton lounging next to it. As usual he hadn't shaved in at least two or three days and his hair was a tousled mess. He was wearing a brightly colored Hawaiian print shirt, unbuttoned to the middle of his sternum with a great deal of chest hair on display paired with a pair of tan corduroy pants. He looked like a four year old in good standing with the local chapter of the Jimmy Buffet fan club. He acknowledged my arrival with a cheesy finger point. "Don't worry, I told Evan I have this one."

I leaned against the other side of my locker facing him. "What's up?"

He grinned, "Can't a guy talk to the prettiest girl in school without her accusing him of having darker motives?"

I rolled my eyes and put my books away. "Now I'm positive you want something from me."

He peeked around the metal door and fluttered his eyelashes. It was ridiculous, but it also lifted my mood a great deal. It was really hard to be angry around James. "Actually, I do want something from you."

I shooed him away from my locker so I could shut the door. "I've got class in a minute so walk while you talk."

"I'm having a get together tonight and it would be both a privilege and an honor to have you come."

"Whoa,
both
a privilege and an honor? That's pretty serious."

He grabbed my arm, "All joking aside, I'd really like you to come to my party as my date."

He looked serious, but this had to be another joke. "I've seen this in the movies. You want me to show up so you and Lydia can dump pig's blood on me or pelt me with something. No thanks."

"No, really. Lydia and I are over and I know you aren't dating anyone so I didn't want to wait any longer to act on my attraction to you."

I was speechless. I hadn't ever thought of James as a guy that I might like to date, but he was right. Evan wasn't an option and Ben didn't want to be an option so why not? James was a little irreverent, but he was fun to be around and I could use all of the fun I could get right now.

"When is this party supposed to happen?" I asked.

"Tonight, sweet thang. Say you'll be there."

"That's such short notice." I frowned.

He playfully pretend punched my chin. "That's because I decided to throw it this morning when I found out my Family will be out of town for the weekend to go shopping in New York."

Well, it's not like I have anything better to do.
"I don't even know where you live."

He pulled a card out of his pocket and handed it to me with a showy flourish. I looked at it and saw that it was a business card that listed as his profession as "playboy". "Cute. Really." I gestured to the card.

"Right? Did you know that you can get pretty much anything printed up from companies on the internet? I got my dog some that said he worked as a--"

"Ok." I interrupted before he could say anything that would change my mind. "I'll go. What time?"

"I'll order some pizzas around five o'clock so... how about six? If you can make it there, I'll make sure you get a ride home."

We arrived at my class room. "That sounds ok. I'll be there."

He made a show of kissing my hand in a courtly way. "You have spared me a broken heart, milady."

I gave him a light push and he walked off laughing. I started to go into my class when I saw Krista down the hall. She was staring intently at James' retreating back and the expression on her face wasn't happy. I checked my watch and saw I still had a few minutes until the bell rang. I rushed to her and grabbed her arm before she disappeared into her own class.

She jumped, but smiled when she saw it was me. "Hey you."

"Hey yourself. I saw you looking at James. You didn't look amused and I just wondered if something was wrong?"

Her smile faltered a little. "I was just wondering what was going on with you two. Nothing important."

Now I grinned. "He asked me to be his date to his party tonight." I thought maybe she'd be as excited as I was at this opportunity for a date since I'd shared with her my total lack of experience with boys, but she looked concerned.

"Are you sure that's such a good idea?"

"Of course. James and Lydia broke up so there's no reason not to date him."

She looked uncomfortable. "I just mean, he doesn't seem like your type. What about Evan? I thought you two were talking."

I hadn't talked to her about the scene at the Spencer house so she had no idea that I'd written him off as a potential boyfriend. So rather than explain it now I said casually, "Evan and I are just friends. He's adorable, don't get me wrong, but romantically? There's just nothing there."

Was that relief I saw on her face? I couldn't tell and her voice gave nothing away. "That's too bad. He really is the nicest of any of the boys from a Coven Family."

"Are you going to come to the party?" I asked.

Her expression was unreadable. "I've got to cheer at a game tonight, sorry."

"Oh." I was disappointed. "Well, I'll fill you in on anything good that happens."

The warning bell rang and we waved to each other and rushed to our classes. I dropped into my seat and thought about the night ahead of me. My first real party. And my first real date. It was petty of me, but I hoped that Ben would hear that James had asked me out and know that I was completely and unarguably over him. I hoped that maybe I'd be able to believe it myself soon.

When I got home I found Ramona sitting at a desk in her study examining a thick book that looked like it could have been written hundreds of years ago. Her auburn hair was gathered on top of her head with springy curls threatening to escape the pins that contained them.

She looked at me over the lenses of her reading glasses. "Yes, Thistle?"

I shifted nervously from one foot to the other. I wasn't sure how she'd respond to my request. "I wanted to know if I could go to a party that one of the boys from school, James, is having tonight."

"Is he from a good Family?" Her features were drawn into a stern expression.

"Yes, ma'am. His Mother is in the Coven."

Her eyes narrowed. "This James isn't a Spencer is he?"

I was glad to be able to shake my head no. She didn't seem any fonder about their Family than Cora was about ours.

"Well, what is his last name?"

"James Middleton."

She clapped her hands in a delighted way that I wasn't used to seeing from her. "Oh that's wonderful, dear! Tatiana Middleton is a very Talented member of the Coven. You and James would make a very good match."

Do
not
roll your eyes.
"So you don't mind if I go to his party?"

She hurried around her desk and gave me a quick little hug. "I'm so pleased that you two are becoming friends. Of course, you may go."

"Great! Thank you, ma'am."

I walked until I was sure Ramona couldn't see me anymore and then I thundered up the stairs. I had a party to attend and no idea what to do with my hair or what to wear. I was sorry that Krista wasn't home so I could ask her advice. I took the quickest shower possible that would allow me to wash my long hair and shave my legs. As I toweled off, I opened my closet and took inventory.

A quick glance told me that I couldn't wear anything I owned. Krista, who was more interested in clothes than me (and who had grown up with the luxury of a real closet) had some really beautiful outfits, but I was taller and had a smaller chest than she did so I couldn't borrow anything from her and expect it to fit. I tried on a few pieces of my cuter clothes, but rejected each one. I eyed my wished for designer dress speculatively. It was, by far, the nicest thing I owned. In fact, it was maybe the only thing I could wear that wouldn't include some part of the outfit being made of denim.

I tried it on and looked at myself in the mirror critically. I didn't think it was too dressy since it was a simple cut with minimal details. The cut, though simple, was dramatic. The plunging neckline showed more cleavage than James had earlier today in his shirt. If the hem was any shorter the term "mini skirt" would have been too generous to describe it, but I had to admit that I liked the way it looked on me. I borrowed a pair of silver strappy high heels from Krista and admired what I had created.