I Don't Want to Lose You (32 page)

             
“What song is this? It sounds deep.”

             
“You've never heard it, trust me.  It's called 'I Don't Want to Lose You' by Phyllis Hyman.”

             
“You're right.  I've never heard of the song or the singer.  Sing it to me,” he said.  I gave him a look to let him know I wasn't really in the mood to sing.  “You don't have to get all into it, but sing it so that I know how it goes.”

             
So I sang the song.

             
“That's a nice song” he said when I finished.  “But I think the man inside of me would have still wanted you, but more.”

             
I kissed his cheek and smiled.  Whether it was true or not, it was what I needed to hear.  I looked around to see that the sun was almost set.  “How long have we been on this hammock?  We better start walking back.”

             
He got up and then helped me.  I checked to make sure everything was locked at my parents' house and we started off walking down the driveway hand and hand.  Before we made it to the sidewalk I stopped.

             
“What's wrong?” he asked.

             
I looked up at him and asked, “Are you happy?”

             
He smiled. “More than you'll ever know.”  He kissed my forehead.  “After all, I got the girl.”

             
I put my hand on my hip and my neck started rolling.  “So all I am to you is a conquest?”

             
He shook his head and grabbed my hand.  “Come on, woman.  Let's get home.”

             
A smirk crossed my face as I did what I was told.  

CHAPTER FORTY TWO

             
I don't know what my father had thought deep down about my marriage to Theo.  I never asked my parents so that I didn't have a reason to be in an argument with them over their opinion versus my reality. I don't know if they thought that this was a case of young love that would soon go wrong or if they had thought that I married him out of pity.  Something clicked with my parents somewhere along the way and their skepticism turned into acceptance.

             
My parents' had planned a family barbecue at a park with the intention of my whole family being able to meet Theo.  My husband was nervous about going, which I could understand.

             
“No one's going to break my legs, are they?” he asked.  I had told him of the different characters to expect to be there, from my gangster cousins to my uncle who was always high and yelling at people.

             
“They won't be caring about your legs.  They might not even care that you're there.  Calm down,” I said.  “Haven't we had this type of discussion before?” 

             
He thought back to when we went to my parents' house for dinner.  “I know, but honestly, I've never been around this many Black people before at one time.”

             
“I'm sure and you'll be able to live to tell about it.  Why don’t you put that on your list?”

             
He shot me a nasty look as I chuckled.

             
I had made a pound cake for dessert and there was so much to choose from to eat.  About forty family members were able to attend.   They were all cordial to him.  He played a little bit of basketball with some of my cousins, mainly H-O-R-S-E to take it easy on him.  Some of my relatives heard through the grapevine about his illness while others found out when they saw him.  I had a couple of little cousins ask me where his hair was.  I explained to them that he was sick and the medicine he was given to try to make him feel better made his hair fall out.  Once they knew, they felt more comfortable around him and were willing to talk to him since he no longer seemed scary.

             
I had quite a few come up to me telling me they would have liked to have been at my wedding but they forgave me anyway, like I cared.  Only a couple had some comments to make about my going outside the race to marry.  I told them if we had kids then they would be some cute, mixed babies.

             
We sat down to eat on a blanket, which gave him a chance to get some rest.

             
“How's it going?” I asked him.

             
He nodded.  “I can't believe that I'm having a good time.”

             
“You just make sure you take it easy, but I'm glad.”             

             
Theo surprised me and I learned that he could dance if he wanted to.  He wasn't great like a back up dancer for an entertainer, but he had rhythm and could stay on beat.  When everyone was getting their groove on, he danced with one of my aunts, my sister and me, of course.  He even went down the Soul Train line decently.  I was proud and a tad bit impressed.

             
When I tired of dancing, I retired to the blanket and just sat there and watched everyone and their interaction with him.  My cousin, Delron, came over and sat on the blanket with me.  When we were younger he was like my older brother as he was just a few months older than I was. 

             
“How have you been doing, Mon?” Delron asked.

             
I nodded.  “I've been okay.  I can't complain.”

             
“Good.  Teodoro seems like a cool dude.”

             
“He is or I wouldn't have married him.”

             
“Does he make you happy?  I mean, is he treating you right?”

             
I looked at him.  “If he wasn't in my life right now, I’m not sure I would know what it means to really be happy.  You know what I mean?  The thing that stinks is that all good things come to an end at some point.”

             
“I told him that if I ever find out that he's hurt you that I will hunt him down and make him bleed,” Delron stated.

             
“Oh great,” I said sarcastically.  “You just scared my husband with a heart condition into making sure he never does anything wrong.”  I wondered where he was with this attitude when I was with Nathaniel.

             
“That's right!  You're my favorite cousin and it would be the least that I could do,” he said defensively.

             
I chuckled. “I appreciate that, but it won't be necessary.  He’s too good to me and for me.”

             
“Is he going to be okay?” he asked with sincerity.

             
I shook my head. “No.  We’re waiting for the results from the last tests he took to see if the radiation helped any.  But it's only a matter of time.”

             
He put his arm around my shoulder and gave me a squeeze.  “I'm sorry, Mon.  If you ever need me for anything, let me know.  You know I'm just a call away.”

             
I nodded.  “Thanks.”

             
He got up as Theo approached and came to lay down on the blanket with me.  He turned his cap from backwards to forwards and laid his head upon my thigh.  I started to rub his face and he closed his eyes.

             
“I remember the last time we were in a position like this almost a year ago,” I said.

             
He thought about it and then smiled.  “I do, too.  I told you that you were going to be my wife and we were going to have two kids.”

             
“You told me you could foresee into the future.  Your timing was off.”

             
“Eh,” he said waving it off, “that was a minor detail.  I got the main one right at least.  And now look. You're having one of my two kids.  I bet you didn't believe me, huh?”

             
I didn't say anything.  I think I had wanted to believe him when he made his prediction a year ago because of the conviction he had when saying it, but I had doubts.

             
He sighed.  “I could stay here like this forever.”

             
I wished he could too.

CHAPTER FORTY THREE

              I had just stopped at a sign while driving home from work and I was a few blocks away from home when I saw a man with a cane puking on the sidewalk with his back to the street. 

             
“That's so gross,” I said aloud.

             
As I drove closer and looked harder, I realized that was not any random man.  It was my husband.  I quickly pulled over and jumped out of the car.

             
“Theo, are you okay?”

             
“I had to get out of the house.  She's going to drive me crazy.”

             
I got him into the passenger's side of the car.  I went into the glove compartment to grab napkins to wipe his around his mouth. I didn't understand why he was vomiting and I hadn't seen the cane before either and didn't understand why he had it.  “Theo, besides your mom, is everything okay?”             

             
“I'll be fine.  I'm really tired today.  I had to get out of the house, but I can't drive so I started walking.”

             
It took a moment to let that register because I was freaking out on the inside.  “Why do you have the cane?”