How to Handle Your Emotions (Counseling Through the Bible Series) (39 page)
“Show me your ways, O L
ORD
, teach me your paths; guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long”
(P
SALM
25:4-5).
Mary, Mary, Mary
Mary Magdalene waits engulfed in grief as her Lord is publicly humiliated and hung on a cross. A cruel, perplexing end to the story, she thinks…a fatal final chapter, because she
has experienced—and witnessed—so much of Jesus’ love and power. His death seems all the more painful.
Jesus delivered Mary Magdalene from demon possession, commanding seven evil spirits to leave her. Eventually she would leave her home to travel with Jesus and support His ministry. She had witnessed miracle after miracle, one act of love after another, so to now watch Jesus as He is condemned to a criminal’s death sends Mary spiraling downward into grief and despair. And yet by His side she faithfully remains, even after He is buried in the tomb (Matthew 27:61).
At dawn on the first day of the week, she and Mary, the mother of James, go to the tomb to anoint Jesus’ body with spices. Upon arrival, they find the tomb empty. A wave of grief sweeps over Mary Magdalene as she describes what she encountered to the disciples: “They have taken the Lord out of the tomb, and we don’t know where they have put him!” (John 20:2).
Peter and John then run to the tomb to confirm Mary Magdalene’s story. Afterward they “went back to their homes”— everyone except Mary Magdalene, who “stood outside the tomb crying” (John 20:11).
A man then startles her by asking, “Woman…why are you crying? Who is it you are looking for?” (John 20:15). Mary Magdalene doesn’t recognize the man until He utters her name—“Mary.”
And as with Mary, the mother of Jesus, the indescribable light of joy pervades the darkness of grief as Mary Magdalene exclaims to the disciples, “I have seen the Lord!” (John 20:18).
Common Misconceptions about Mourning
13
Fallacy:
“Mourners need to become busy and laugh a lot in order to keep from thinking about their loss.”
Fact:
While it is helpful for those who are grieving to be productive in mental and physical activities and to laugh when it is natural to do so, ignoring their loss is counterproductive. They need both to face and to feel their grief. The Bible illustrates this point graphically.
“Like one who takes away a garment on a cold day, or like vinegar poured on soda, is one who sings songs to a heavy heart”
(P
ROVERBS
25:20).
Fallacy:
“Mourners need to move to a new home as soon as possible and focus on finding pleasure.”
Fact:
Following the death of a loved one who lived at home, consider this as a general rule: Make no major changes for one to two years. Moving to a different home may be appropriate, but only for the right reason at the right time. Before making a major decision such as moving, ask the Lord for wisdom. He will provide.
“If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him”
(J
AMES
1:5).
Fallacy:
“Mourners should keep their grief to themselves.”
Fact:
Keeping your grief away from others is like keeping the sick away from medical aid. Those who grieve should go to those who can give comfort, help, and healing. The Bible says we are to
“mourn with those who mourn”
(R
OMANS
12:15).
Fallacy:
“Mourning is primarily relegated to women, not to men.”
Fact:
While all cultures have male and female stereotypes, grief is not related to gender, but rather to people. Grief impacts men and women alike, although they may express their grief in different ways. Certainly men grieve too. For example, when Stephen, the first Christian martyr, was stoned to death, the Bible says,
“Godly men buried Stephen and mourned deeply for him”
(A
CTS
8:2).
Fallacy:
“If you love someone, you should grieve forever.”
Fact:
You can love forever, but you don’t have to grieve forever. How honorably you live, not how long you grieve, gives the greatest tribute to your loved one. Grieving has a definite beginning, and through God, it can have a definite ending. In a poetic way, David described how his grieving came to an end:
“You, O L
ORD
, have delivered my soul from death, my eyes from tears, my feet from stumbling”
(P
SALM
116:8).
Fallacy:
“Mourners need a major change in their lifestyles.”
Fact:
Self-imposed, radical changes will only add to present stress and cause greater insecurity. In time, the desire for certain changes will come, and beneficial change will take place…when the time is right.
“There is a proper time and procedure for every matter, though a man’s misery weighs heavily upon him”
(E
CCLESIASTES
8:6).
Mary, Mary, Mary
Mary, the sister of Martha and Lazarus, is well acquainted with the grief that accompanies death even before the crucifixion of Christ occurs.
Lazarus was among Jesus’ closest friends. When he fell deathly ill, Mary and Martha knew precisely to whom they needed to send word: “Lord, the one you love is sick” (John 11:3). They assumed that Jesus would immediately head for the small village of Bethany and heal Lazarus on the spot. But He delays his visit by two days and responds, “This sickness will not end in death. No, it is for God’s glory so that God’s Son may be glorified through it” (John 11:4).
Yet, Lazarus does die.
When Jesus finally arrives in Bethany, Lazarus has been buried for four days. Martha eagerly greets her Lord and Savior as He approaches, “but Mary stayed at home” (John 11:20).
Martha proceeds to make great declarations of faith, telling Jesus that she knows even now He can restore her brother: “I believe that you are the Christ, the Son of God, who was to come into the world” (John 11:27).
Mary, on the other hand, finally goes to Jesus and collapses at His feet, unable to bear the weight of her grief. “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died” (John 11:32). When Jesus sees Mary’s tears and those of others all around Him, He is “deeply moved in spirit and troubled.” He then asks, “Where have you laid him?” (John 11:33-34).
Jesus instructs that the stone at the entrance to the tomb be removed, then looks up and prays, “Father, I thank you that you have heard me. I knew that you always hear me, but I said this for the benefit of the people standing here, that they may believe that you sent me.” Jesus then directs his attention to the tomb and, in a loud voice—one that rings with supreme authority—commands, “Lazarus, come out!” (John 11:41-43).
Wrapped in strips of linen grave clothes, Lazarus emerges from the tomb…and Mary’s great grief is suddenly transformed into immense gratitude and joy as her Friend and Savior demonstrates His power and affirms His faithfulness even when all hope seemed gone.
When it comes to grief and suffering, there is always purpose in pain.
“See now that I myself am He! There is no god besides me. I put to death and I bring to life, I have wounded and I will heal, and no one can deliver out of my hand”
(D
EUTERONOMY
32:39).
In His sovereignty, God allows evil, grief, and suffering through…
—The free will of every human being (to make choices that, in turn, can cause suffering)
“Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps
what he sows. The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from that nature will reap destruction; the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life”
(G
ALATIANS
6:7-8).
—Acts of nature (earthquakes and other natural disasters)
“Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the L
ORD
, but the L
ORD
was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the L
ORD
was not in the earthquake”
(1 K
INGS
19:11).
In His sovereignty, God can use grief and suffering to…
14
—
Produce perseverance, character, and hope in you
“We also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us”
(R
OMANS
5:3-5).
—
Save lives
“You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives”
(G
ENESIS
50:20).
—
Develop dependence on Him
“The widow who is really in need and left all alone puts her hope in God and continues night and day to pray and to ask God for help”
(1 T
IMOTHY
5:5).
—Encourage you to cry out to Him
“I cry aloud to the L
ORD
; I lift my voice to the L
ORD
for mercy, I pour out my complaint before him;
before him I tell my trouble. When my spirit grows faint within me, it is you who know my way”
(P
SALM
142:1-3).
—Humble your heart
“Remember how the L
ORD
your God led you all the way in the desert these forty years, to humble you and to test you in order to know what was in your heart, whether or not you would keep his commands”
(D
EUTERONOMY
8:2).
—Further your faith
“These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed”
(1 P
ETER
1:7).
—Show His strength in your weaknesses