How to Handle Your Emotions (Counseling Through the Bible Series) (57 page)

Conclusion #1:
Based on the
whole counsel of God,
we are
not
to carry hatred in our hearts. When Jesus spoke of hating our father, mother, sister, brother—and even our own lives—He was not promoting a lifestyle of personal hatred. Such a message is completely inconsistent with the heart of the Bible and the heart of the Lord.

Jesus instead appealed to His followers to hate anything that stood in the way of their giving their relationship with Him absolute priority. If we want to be true disciples, Jesus must be preeminent—He must occupy the place of highest priority in our lives. We should not let anyone or anything take the place that He alone should have.

The apostle Paul builds a case for this in Colossians chapter 1:

“By him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things were created by him and for him. He is before all things, and in him all things hold together. And he is the head of the body, the church; he is the beginning and the firstborn from among the dead, so that in everything he might have the supremacy”

(C
OLOSSIANS
1:16-18).

Question #2:
“The Bible says, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ But am I really supposed to love myself, or is that arrogance and pride?”

Answer:
When we hear the word
love,
we usually assume it refers to affectionate love or passionate love, but
agape
is the Greek word used in this passage, and
agape
refers to a commitment to do what is best on behalf of others.
¹³
If you truly love your neighbor as yourself, you must comprehend the context of this love, as well as understand its roots.

—Jesus presents the two most important commandments: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’…‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these” (Mark 12:30-31).

—The apostle Paul states that love is the fulfillment of the law: “Love does no harm to its neighbor. Therefore love is the fulfillment of the law” (Romans 13:10).

—We are to live with
agape
love, which is based not on feeling, but on commitment: “If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even ‘sinners’ love those who love them…But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked” (Luke 6:32,35).

—We are to love what God loves, which means, in part, that we are to value the truth that God loves us: “We love because he first loved us” (1 John 4:19).

Conclusion #2:
The Bible says, “God is love” (1 John 4:8). The essence of God is
agape
—a love that always seeks the highest and best on behalf of others. If we are truly godly, then we will value what God values and love what He loves. We should love the fact that God has a purpose for us, that He values us, and that He has given us worth.

—You have
agape
love for yourself when you do what God says is best for you, cooperating with His perfect plan for your life.

—And you have
agape
love for those around you when you seek God’s very best for them.

“‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This
is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself’”

(M
ATTHEW
22:37-39).

In the throes of threatening circumstances, people react in one of three ways: fight, flight, or freeze. Sometimes that means get even, get going, or get hurt. Dorie chose to get even, to fight. Those who fight can quickly become aggressive victimizers. Because Dorie was beaten and abused, she chose to become defiant—to clench her fists and dominate her peers by intimidation.

Dorie would bully other children into compliance, threatening to “get them in the yard” if they didn’t drink her buttermilk for her or let her go to the front of the bathing line. She forced her will on them and terrorized them by pinching or hitting them without provocation. According to her own words, “I was mean, mean, mean!”

Dorie felt no one would ever love her, so she took the offensive and gave people no reason to love her. She cried alone at night and made others cry during the day. No one would get the best of her…no one! Not even the terrible Miss Gabriel, the cruel matron of the orphanage.

Dorie had no one, so she needed no one. That was her philosophy—at least until the day she met Jesus and opened her heart to His life-changing love. He gave her a new heart, which He makes available to anyone who receives Him. The Lord makes this offer to everyone…

“I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh”

(E
ZEKIEL
36:26).

Dorie says that when she went to grade school, “Those of us from the orphanage could be easily identified by our shabby clothes and distinctive haircuts.” Miss Gabriel would place a bowl on the children’s heads and snip off their hair. When they were seen marching to school, they felt the stares of the other children and their parents. Dorie thought,
We’re all oddballs and besides, I’m ugly.
It’s as though she kept looking through distorted mirrors at herself.
¹⁵

Think about going to a fair and walking through a “fun house” filled with warped mirrors. Everywhere you look, you see distorted images of yourself that make you laugh. One mirror may make your head look like a huge oval egg. Another may make your neck disappear. And yet another may make your arms look like wavy tentacles and your hips look the size of a blimp.

Unfortunately, people like Dorie walk around with distorted mental images of themselves that are as warped as the fun house mirrors. Over time, their view of themselves has become warped by criticism, disapproval, and pain. Thank God He does not look at us from a warped perspective, but through the eyes of purest love. The closer we are to Him, the more we will be able to see ourselves through God’s eyes. The Bible says:

“Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known”

(1 C
ORINTHIANS
13:12).

Checklist for Low Self-worth

To determine whether you are suffering with low self-worth, place a checkmark (√) by the statements below that are true about you.

Inner Insecurities

I am self-critical and have feelings of self-loathing.

I am fearful of failure and avoid risk-taking.

I am overly affected by the opinions of others and strive to meet their standards.

I am undeserving of and yet desperate for the approval of others.

I am unhappy with my appearance and achievements.

I am negligent of my appearance.