How to Give Her Absolute Pleasure (9 page)

Forgive me for repeating myself, but I feel I need to remind you that Verve Jazz Round Midnight series, featuring Chet Baker, Billie women can and do get seduced through their ears. Yes, it can be the Holiday, and Ben Webster (jazz)

words you say, but you can also reach her in more subtle ways. Did you know that certain women’s clothing stores play low, melodious Another way to help relax her through her ears is to try a music in the background, hoping to relax women while they shop?

decorative fountain. Now, I don’t mean putting a Trevi-size fountain Do you remember the studies that led to Muzak? Both instances in the middle of your living room. These decorative fountains are point to the powerful, soothing effect of music on the human brain, small, and fit easily on top of a stereo speaker, a table, or a but especially on women.

bookshelf. Some men and women have remarked that the sound of trickling water in the background helps to decrease their tension as well as increase their sexual appetite.

SECRET FROM LOU’S ARCHIVES

If your answering machine is in hearing distance of the bedroom,
HELPFUL TIPS

turn the volume off, and if you have a phone by your bed, turn off ¾ Play music low.

the ringer. There is no greater mood-shatterer than a ringing ¾ Choose music that has a slow beat or rhythm, until you want phone or the sound of your mother’s voice.

to switch to the driving beat of “flesh-slapping” music.

¾ Ask her if she has any favorite recordings.

In planning a romantic evening or preparing to relax your partner, ¾ Suggest selecting music together.

you may want to consider playing music. Perhaps neither of you wants to listen to music, but rather hear it, gracefully, in the
TOUCH

background. Any kind of instrumental music has a calming or By awakening her four other senses, you are now ready to begin to soothing effect—even Beethoven’s Fifth. Music without words touch her. As such, the fifth sense is the ultimate bridge from her allows the brain to move, wander, and let go of the outside world.

mind to her body. You may have noticed that women often act like If you’re not familiar with instrumental music, try surfing through cats when they are being stroked and will curve into your arms and the classical or jazz section at your local music store. And of course, around your body. Any kind of interbody contact will help her relax, there is always Barry White, the Master of Seduction, and Marvin which in turn will enable her to become aroused. Not only is Gaye when you already know one another. But be forewarned about touching often the best way to relax a woman, which, again, is listening to Barry or Marvin unless you intend to take action. So for absolutely key to both a woman’s involvement and her arousal, it is those of you who may want to begin more slowly, you may want to the simplest way for the two of you to connect. “I am that hard-consider these suggestions:

driving successful woman, yet all my husband has to do is touch me in public on the arm or back, as he’s walking up from behind. There Phillip Aaberg,
Out of the Frame
(New Age)

is something about his touch that is so calming for me. And he has Enya,
Watermark
(contemporary vocals)

this invisible signal of ‘Let’s go’ or ‘Can we be alone?’ He gently Kenny Rankin,
The Kenny Rankin Album
(contemporary vocals) squeezes my hand. It works wonders at dinner parties.”

Keith Jarrett,
Arbour Zena
(New Age jazz)

In the next chapter, we shift focus from her mind to her body. As John Barry,
Moviola
(contemporary composers)

you begin to travel her body, look for signs of her relaxing: Has her breathing changed? Become deeper? Slower? Gentlemen, keep in
FOUR

mind one simple fact: Once she is relaxed, she’s much more likely to unravel in your arms.

⎯⎯⎯ ● ⎯⎯⎯

A w a k e n i n g H e r B o d y ’ s

E r o g e n o u s Z o n e s

Kiss Her, Touch Her, Tease Her

While romancing and relaxing are what gets her in the mood by putting her mind in a receptive state for sex, this second stage of foreplay is what harnesses and catapults that energy into the stratosphere. Now it’s time to take her body and charge it, subtly building the momentum of her sexual stimulation. One woman claims her husband is a magician when it comes to foreplay. “He has this knack for starting foreplay twenty-four hours ahead. He leaves little hints about what he might like to do, what parts of my body he wants to taste, where he wants to do things, and he leaves these on Post-its in my Dayrunner.”

In the same way that getting her in the mood requires making her feel special, turning her on physically requires giving her your full attention. If she feels that you are completely engaged in the moment, focused on her, on being with her and pleasing her, she is bound to open like a flower in the midday sun. And isn’t her releasing all her inhibitions and letting go what really turns you on?

In order to let go, however, she needs to feel safe with you. One investment banker from New York remembered this: “The first time my girlfriend really let go and let me reach her sexually was so awesome. I experienced her body and its reactions to me on a
SECRET FROM LOU’S ARCHIVES

completely different level. I had never had that connection with any The more a man stays in contact with a woman in a nonsexual other woman and that’s why we’re still together. It was both way, the more receptive she will be to him.

awesome and something that at the same time stopped my heart.”

Kiss Her

SECRET FROM LOU’S ARCHIVES

You don’t have to be in the same room or day to begin foreplay.

There is nothing more appealing to most women than the sensuous power of a kiss. Whether that kiss is wet, cool, brief, or lingering, alone it can have the power to bring your lady to her knees. From my A woman, a photographer from Washington, D.C., told me this: observations in women’s seminars, I would say that kissing well is

“My old boyfriend had a way of stopping the world when we made the number one indicator of your general prowess as a lover. As one love. He’d get this little smile on his face and lock the front door.

graphic designer from Florida said, “It is the thing that gets my There was something about how intense his attention was—that was motor running. All the touching in the world cannot take the place of a major, major turn-on. And everything else on my mind would how intensely his kissing turns me on.” Another woman remembered disappear. It didn’t matter that I had to leave for work in thirty an old boyfriend this way: “He loved me and I loved him, but our minutes. I’d fix my hair in the car.”

sexual chemistry never jelled because I hated the way he kissed and My point here is twofold. Unless she feels relaxed and

he never would listen to the way I wanted to be kissed.” Men also comfortable, then nothing you can do will rev her engine. That’s why remark on the power of kissing. One seminar attendee said, “I find in the previous chapter I provided you with ways to romance and kissing intensely during foreplay very sexy and arousing.”

relax her. Now it’s time to begin to please her body, and that means On the other hand, the majority of us have memories of those kissing her, touching her, and teasing her.

great kissing episodes when we were younger. Well, let’s get serious Often women have said they feel their partners only touch them here. The reason they were such great kissing sessions is that they id when they want sex. And although this may indeed be your goal, what kissing is supposed to do—get everything going. In longterm gentlemen, you will get much further if every touch contact doesn’t relationships, it’s natural to forget about how wonderful kissing can lead to sex. Honest. I am sorry to sound like a broken record on this be. We tend to overlook the skillful kissing that used to really make subject, but it is a common comment I hear from women in the things happen. If you knew it then, be reminded of that bicycle seminars.

analogy and know you’ve still got it.

As one woman said, “I love him and want to be with him, but If you kiss a woman well, and kiss her the way she wants to be why does every touch contact have to be about sex? Sometimes kissed, you are halfway to your destination of having her fall into when he just kisses the top of my head or hugs me when he walks your arms and melt in your mouth. How you kiss her and how she by, I feel so loved. It makes me feel more open to sex.” A man put it likes to be kissed are important; but more important, I think, is to this way: “It doesn’t take a genius to know that by touching all of her kiss with feeling and intention. In short, this is where you body, you get a sense of how she likes to be touched.”

communicate your love and intimacy. An architect from Coral Openmirrors.com

Gables, Florida, said, “I had always heard about those ‘wow,’

your tongue is bigger than hers. One woman said it felt like totally-melt-you kissers and figured, yeah, they’re like multiple

“he was shoving his tongue down my throat.”

orgasms. Until I met Stuart. All I can say is this: Kissing him made ¾ Be aware of how loose your lips are. If they are too loose, me leave my body. I can’t honestly remember what he even did that they will feel sloppy to her.

sent me through the roof. Well, I can remember one thing: He did ¾ Avoid the Woody Woodpecker kissing technique, which

this lip-sucking move that to this day makes me wet when I think entails a pointy-tongued devil who darts his stiff tongue in about it.”

and out in an awkward semblance of French kissing.

¾ Best to adopt the tortoise strategy, not that of the hare.

Relative to speed, slow and steady kissing will win the race.

SECRET FROM LOU’S ARCHIVES

Some women love to have their tongues gently sucked into your mouth while kissing; others do not. It’s always good policy for
SECRET FROM LOU’S ARCHIVES

you to ask her what she likes and what it does for her, and to pay A brochure published in 1936 stated that kissing can lead to attention to her signals. Note: No human Hoovers please.

pregnancy—indirectly, as we know, but effectively nonetheless.

The next most important thing to remember is we all have our unique brand of kissing. Sometimes our styles change with our
KISSES

mood; others change with the weather. Regardless, variation is the
The French Kiss.
This kiss, also known as soul kissing, takes its key. You may want to ask her to “kiss me the way you want me to name from the British and American soldiers during World War II kiss you.” So if she nibbles around the side of your mouth or sucks who attributed anything sexually liberated to the French. This is by on your lower lip, definitely ask, “Do you want me to do that to far the most widely known kind of kiss. A good French kiss can last you?”

for hours. Here, rhythm is everything. You need to alternate your Here are some helpful tips to keep in mind.

rhythm, suck on her tongue, and move your tongue around. Be careful to avoid sucking on her tongue too hard or making your ¾ A woman with a pouty, full lower lip probably likes having tongue too pointy (known as the Woody Woodpecker).

it sucked slowly and sweetly into your mouth.

The Swoon
. I’ve heard from my sources (the seminars) that one of ¾ Try running the curved tip of your tongue along the inside of the most seductive ways to kiss a woman is for the man, while he is her upper lip. The underside of your tongue will be against standing in front of her, to cradle her head and neck with his hands her teeth, with your taste-bud side against the inner part of so her head relaxes into his hands.

her upper lip. Again, not all women like this, so ask her.

The Up-Against-the-Wall Kiss
. Sometimes this is one of the ¾ Have both of you suck on one another’s tongue. “He had a hottest types of kisses because it is the most urgent and ardent. You way of sucking on my tongue. He’d do it slowly, then kiss can lean your body against hers with your arms on the wall on either me, then again, then suck me right in, then just the tip . . .”

side of her, or she can lean into you.

¾ Please don’t push your entire tongue into a woman’s

The Stairs
. This position is for those times when you want to be mouth—unless you know she wants you to. Chances are

eye-to-eye, if there is a height difference. She may also respond to this position if she wants to see how it feels to tower over you. One Openmirrors.com

man said that “on our first date when we were kissing good night my so gently, he picked up my left hand and, raising it to his lips, softly girlfriend looked up at me and said, ‘I want to try something.’

and very slowly kissed the back of my hand. Oh my god, he couldn’t Holding my shoulders, she walked to the stairs and stood so we were have done anything more seductive and understated.”

at eye level and said, ‘Good. I just wanted to level the playing field.’

She then proceeded to kiss me. Her being in charge really turned her
SECRET FROM LOU’S ARCHIVES

on.”

Women have shared that often the reason their men give for not
The Kiss-Anytime Card
. Use this card, similar to a Get out of Jail wanting to kiss is sinus problems or nasal blockage. Since kissing Free card from Monopoly, to spice up your love life. Since it never is the number one way to turn on a woman, you may want to expires, you can leave it somewhere, send it, or deliver it personally.

consider decongestants if you have nasal problems. In extreme The card can have the kind of kiss you really want to deliver.

cases, surgery for a deviated septum may apply.

A Not-on-the-Mouth Kiss
. Use your lips to their best advantage by kissing all over her entire body. As you know, her body is an enchanted forest you want to get lost in, with plenty of unexplored territory. You may want to try the insides of her arms, upper T ou ch Her