Hold Me Close (Devil's Chariots Motorcycle Club Book 1) (10 page)

“What’s so funny?” Her words startled him.

“Just thinking,” Johnny answered as best he could. Some things she just didn’t need to know.

All of his concern wasn’t about what Dan would say. He had made his peace with the passing and the rational side of him knew that Dan would want them both to be happy. Even if that meant together.

What would
she
say? That was the million dollar question. She’d turned to him for support and he’d gone and fallen for her. If he followed his gut and tried, would she be happy or resent him for it?

He knew. He'd seen it in her eyes. But did she feel the same today? Was she just experiencing lust because she'd been without so long? Or did she feel it? The love that he felt. The chemistry that he thought they had.

He was pissed at himself. He wanted to leave, but now he was debating taking this all the way. What the fuck?

***

She felt so guilty noticing the muscles bulging beneath his t-shirt. She felt even worse wondering what they’d feel like beneath her hands. The thought sent a small shiver through her body.

The ache was deep. The need for him was strong. But she wasn’t going to act on it. She couldn’t. He was Johnny. He was Dan’s best friend. He was a man that came to her broken and healed her along with himself. He wasn’t someone that came to her wanting more. But god damn he was sexy.

She bet Liza agreed. She'd gotten to touch him. She'd gotten to hold him. Feel him. Whore.

“Grab your beer. I have to pee and then I’ll make myself a drink and join you.” She hopped upstairs quickly and slightly more excited than she should have been.

The mirror said more than her words ever could. There was a smile on her face. There was a sparkle of mischief in her eyes. Most of all, there was a look of longing on her face.

She adjusted her skirt and blouse and combed through her hair before she headed back down. She may not find the strength she needed to actually follow through, but she certainly was going to look her best as she floundered around in his company.

***

The beer was going to his head. He’d had a few so far. Normally he wouldn’t be affected by it, but that night Johnny was certain it was making his brain a little fuzzy.

When he looked at her, it seemed even fuzzier. He wanted her. Desperately. But not just for the night. He wanted her for life. What the hell kind of thought was that? His best friend was barely gone and he was planning a life with his old lady.

Bethany had been drinking some sort of mixed drink. He’d bet that she was a coke and rum or vodka kind of gal. She seemed the type. Funny—he realized he’d never asked her. He’d had beer with her a few times, but she’d always opted for water. Tonight, she was on drink three or four and still going strong.

He could have sworn she slid closer to him when she sat back down. That she was looking at him differently. That she was touching his arm more often. But it had to be the beer. She couldn’t possibly be having the same damned thoughts he was. Could she?

He wanted her in ways he shouldn't. He wanted her in ways no one would be okay with. But he couldn't help it.

***

If he noticed her effort he certainly didn’t show it. He seemed calm, cool, and collected even as she brushed her fingers along his arm “by accident.” This scared her. Was he that naïve or was he that uninterested?

The heat inside her had deepened and she wasn’t sure how to solve it. She wanted him. To hell with funerals and everyone else’s opinion. She needed to feel his hands and mouth on her. To be comforted in a way she’d never prepared herself for.

Every now and then she thought she saw the same feeling flicker in his eyes. But those moments were short lived. Then he'd go back to generic conversation.

Maybe that's why he'd chosen Liza. Because it wasn't her. Maybe he just didn't find her attractive.

Without asking him to fuck her, she couldn’t imagine what else she could do to let him know she was interested.

***

“I can see why Dan loved you the way he did.” The words popped out as Johnny sat and watched her smile.

She was beautiful. She needed to know that. Even if it made the situation awkward. Which it didn’t seem to do. She just smiled at him further and thanked him.

Bethany was different. She wasn't like the women Johnny had known. The women he'd been with. She was something else. Something special.

“I was a very lucky woman,” she responded a few minutes later. “Dan was one in a million.”

Johnny nodded. She was right. She’d married one of the good ones. The guilt was hitting him even harder. He wanted to walk away. But he looked into her eyes and he couldn't.

“Hard to believe two of you became friends,” she stated, and his head darted up.

“What do you mean?”

“Two guys that are both one in a million ending up sharing a portion of life together. It’s just a little different.” The words had made him blush.

Then why'd she go elsewhere the night before? Why'd she never tell him? Would it matter? In that moment, he knew it would. As much as Johnny told himself that Bethany was a bad idea, he'd jump on it

He'd touch her. He'd kiss her. He'd date her. He'd love her. He'd marry her.

The thoughts scared him. Especially considering he was trying so hard to fight it all. He needed to go. Now. Then head out the next day. Johnny needed to walk away. But he wasn't moving. He was staying here. With her.

As a friend. And that’s all. This was the part he was going to have to remember as she sat close enough to touch.

***

She saw his breath catch when she said he was one in a million. Was she imagining it? Maybe she was just drunk. Lonely. Wanting the response so badly.

“Movie?” She wanted to make sure he stayed.

“Don’t know if I can concentrate, but let’s try it.” He smiled at her and her insides began to flip and flop in the silly way they’d been doing recently.

“That drunk?”

“No, not at all.”

His response caught her attention. He couldn’t concentrate, but it wasn’t because of the beer. Was he trying to tell her something? She wished she had the answers.

Rather than asking him to do it, she stood up and picked out a movie for them to watch. This would give her the chance to slide a little closer to him, which she did as soon as she sat down.

They were almost touching, she had moved so close on the couch. She could smell him. It was a scent she’d gotten familiar with recently and grown to yearn for when he wasn’t around.

“Mind if I turn off the light? I have a bit of a headache.” His words gave her hope. Maybe she wasn’t in this alone.

***

No doubt she’d slid closer. Her perfume was like instant arousal for him. He wondered if she smelled that good everywhere? The light question had been sudden. Random. Something that gave him an excuse to move slightly. To be closer. To let their bodies touch and see if anything happened.

It wasn’t like he could look at her and say he wanted her. That’d be too much. Although if she kept rubbing her hand along his knee the way she had been all night, he knew it would be likely to happen.

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

The darkness gave her a little more courage. Something about him not seeing her in the light made it easier to lean her head against him. It was an innocent sign, really. Comfort. A need for closeness and intimacy. Not necessarily a sign that she wanted sex. Although she did. So it was.

Johnny placed his arm around her neck and across the back of her shoulders. He liked this. The closeness. He really had some serious feelings going on. Beyond the hardening he felt inside his jeans. The throb and ache he felt as her hair skimmed his shoulder.

Holding her close to him felt right. He could be content with that all night. If she’d keep her hands from his leg. One more pass of her fingers and he was going to grab them in his. His body couldn’t stand it.

Bethany noticed how he tensed up the last time she touched him. He wanted her and she’d figured that out. The problem was that neither of them was willing to make the first official move.

God
, he thought to himself. She had touched him again. As she did, the pressure inside his jeans got stronger. He couldn’t believe how badly his body desired her. Johnny couldn’t remember a single woman that had created this kind of reaction with nothing more than a passing brush of the hand.

“Sorry,” she apologized as she leaned across him to the side table.

She was searching for something. He felt like he should offer to help, but part of him really liked feeling her stretched across his lap. At least until she seemed to rub against his crotch. He toyed with whether to believe it was done purposely, but the throb he felt as a result told him that it didn’t matter.

“Need some help?” he prompted.

“That’s a trick question,” Bethany said and giggled.

Johnny was confused. He sat for a minute before he asked. “How so?”

Bethany moved again, pressing her body into his lap slightly and causing another throb and tremble. He knew that this was about to go somewhere. Or else it was about to end.

“There are a lot of things I need help with,” she giggled. “What are you offering to help with?” Her head raised up slightly and she was face to face with him.

“Anything,” he answered honestly.

He knew he was telling the complete truth. If she needed a spider killed, he’d do it. If she wanted to touch him, he could oblige with that too.

“Is that so?” Her lips were so close to his that his heart was going insane. He wanted to lean over and kiss her. To take her into his arms. To make love to her all night.

“Yes. Like I said. Anything,” he answered.

“Do I have to ask if I want you to kiss me?” Bethany couldn’t take anymore. Feeling him stiffen beneath her had been the most she could handle. She wanted him.

Johnny leaned across and placed his lips gently onto hers. She tasted sweet. Fruity. Whatever she’d been drinking was delicious. His goal had been a simple kiss, but the feel of her lips had changed things.

His mouth took hers possessively. His teeth nibbled at her lower lip before his tongue darted in to claim its spot. She responded eagerly. She wanted him. There was a peace and an extra wide smile on his face knowing that.

The kiss seemed to blow the pretense and the movie out of the water. Within only moments he had grabbed her and pulled her onto his lap.

As she straddled his lap and pressed her knees into his outer thighs his hands worked furiously at unbuttoning her blouse. Any thoughts of betrayal she felt towards her deceased husband were fleeting and minor compared to the desire coursing through every inch of her body.

The pounding of Johnny’s heart was deafening as he struggled with the buttons on her shirt. It was like trying to break into fucking Fort Knox. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d struggled with a woman’s clothing. Of course, he couldn’t remember the last time his hands were shaking as he tried.

From the moment she’d asked for a kiss he had experienced a rush of feelings he wasn’t accustomed to. His body was exploding with thoughts and emotions that he’d never known. It went far beyond physical desire. It was a need. A longing. He had to be with her. He had to feel her. He had to be the person putting a smile on her face. He yearned to hear her lips cry out his name.