Her Valentine Family (7 page)

The toddlers had colorful cushioned nap mats that they used for sleeping, but some preferred the long pillows in the reading center and still others tended to find their way into a teacher's arms to slumber. That was Lainey's favorite spot, and Chad had been a little surprised to see she wasn't in Angie's arms. However, Dana, Angie's assistant, could have pulled cuddle duty this afternoon. He had a feeling her teachers enjoyed holding her while she slept almost as much as he did.

He searched the darkness for Dana or for a sign that Lainey had changed her usual routine and joined the others to sleep on the mats today.

“Dana is out sick today,” Angie whispered. “But I believe Lainey has taken a liking to our new floating teacher.” She indicated the far window, where slim fingers of sunlight filtered through the wooden blinds to outline a woman, sitting in a rocking chair with a child snuggled in her arms. “I think you may know her,” Angie added quietly, then turned back toward her desk and left Chad to find his way through the sleeping palettes to the woman who held his daughter.

His eyes adjusting more to the dim room as he made his way to the other side, Chad's pulse quickened when the familiarity of the woman was too distinct to miss. Her shiny chocolate hair was pulled into a ponytail, the honey highlights capturing the sunlight as it fell across one shoulder. Her other shoulder formed a pillow for his daughter. Her mouth was near Lainey's forehead, and her arms cradled her as lovingly as if she were holding her own child. She rocked gently, while Lainey's
mouth puckered around her balled up fist, her tiny thumb hooked within her lips.

“Jess,” he whispered, and his heart melted at the sight of her holding his child.

She'd been watching him, he realized, as he crossed the room. While his eyes had been adjusting to the dimness, hers had been completely aware, and she'd apparently known that he was coming. Known that this was his little girl that she held in her arms.

“Hey,” she whispered, so softly he had to move closer to hear. Then she shifted and eased herself up out of the rocker. “Do you want me to carry her to your car?”

He almost said yes, just so he could see Jessica holding Lainey a little longer, but then he thought better of her offer and edged closer, close enough to slide his arms under Lainey's back and shift her to his embrace. “I won't take you from your class,” he whispered. Then he paused, his fingers brushing against Jessica's arms as they moved his sleeping girl.

“You have her?” she asked, before she slid her arms away, and he nodded.

“Jess,” he said, and the emotion of the moment, of the rightness of it, caused words to fail him.

Jessica looked at him, her dark eyes peering into his, then she sighed as her gaze moved to Lainey, still sleeping in his arms. “You're right,” she whispered an easy smile lighting up her face. “She is pretty amazing.”

“Yes,” he answered, just as quietly. “She is.” And he wondered if she realized that he wasn't only talking about the angel in his arms.

“I
wonder whether Chad and Lainey will be at church tonight,” Anna Bowman said, stirring a large pot of bubbling potato soup on the stove as she spoke.

Jessica donned a green oven mitt, removed the cast iron skillet from the oven and poured the sizzling grease into the cornbread batter. “I don't think so,” she said, folding the hot oil into the mixture then pouring it all back into the skillet. “When he called me on my way home, he said that he had a ton of papers to grade, and when I mentioned that I was glad my Wednesday class schedule allowed me to go to the night service, he didn't say anything about coming.” She returned the skillet to the oven and waited, knowing there was more on her mom's mind than whether Chad and Lainey would be at church tonight.

Her mother picked up the wooden pepper grinder and gave it several good twists, adding a healthy dose of black pepper to the soup. Then she tasted a spoonful and nodded her approval. “You know, Jess, I've been thinking about Chad and Nathan and everything. That boy looks quite a lot like his father. He's got your mouth
and nose, but those eyes. Those are undeniably Martin eyes. Don't you think it'd be better to tell him the truth before he sees Nathan and figures it out for himself?”

Jessica had been thinking the same thing all afternoon, particularly after she'd spent so much time with Lainey. Seeing those baby blue eyes on Chad's daughter and knowing she must have inherited that feature from her mother made Jess realize how extremely unique Nathan's eyes are and how it'd be nearly impossible for his father not to notice. But thanks to her conversation with Chad during her drive home, she now knew that she had a couple of chances in the near future to tell him about their son. Even if she didn't know how he'd react to the news.

“Chad wants our children to meet and get to know each other, and he's invited Nathan and me to go to Hydrangea Park Saturday with him and Lainey.”

Her mother stopped stirring and turned the heat down on the stove. Then she wiped her hands on a dish towel and leaned against the kitchen counter. “And what are you going to do about that? Surely you don't plan to show up Saturday with Nathan and introduce him as his son.” She ran her teeth across her lower lip. “I'll admit that your father and I thought it'd be wonderful for Nathan to meet his father now, and we thought we were doing the right thing by asking you to come back here and getting you started at the college.”

Jessica could hear the “but” coming, and sure enough, it did.

“But being around Nathan these past couple of weeks, well, I've seen how observant he is and how smart. I know Chad wouldn't do anything intentionally to hurt him, but Nathan won't miss a thing about that meeting,
and I want to make sure he isn't the one who ends up being hurt by all of this.” She fidgeted with the hand towel. “I just want everything to be perfect.” She smiled softly. “I've been praying that you can give Nathan a real family—with his daddy.”

“I've been praying the same thing,” Jessica admitted. “And you know how I feel about Chad, how I've always felt about him.”

“I know, honey,” her mother said. “And that's why everything that happens between you two this week is so important. You should consider talking to Chad before Saturday, if at all possible, or postponing the trip to the park until you get a chance to have that conversation.”

Jessica glanced out the kitchen window to make sure Nathan was still in the backyard. He was, laughing and cheering as his granddaddy pushed him on the tire swing. She didn't want him hearing this conversation. She planned to talk to him this week, too, about the possibility of meeting his daddy, but she wasn't quite ready for that conversation yet. However, she'd have to have it soon, very soon. Before Saturday, in fact. “I agree with you completely. And Chad asked me to have coffee with him tomorrow night after class, like we did on Tuesday, and he also asked me to dinner Friday night.” She couldn't hold back a smile.

“So…” her mother prompted.

“So, either tomorrow or Friday, I'll tell him about Nathan. I don't know which, but I'm hoping I'll know whenever the time is right.” She fought the tug of apprehension pulling at her heart. “And I pray that everything goes well, that he'll love Nathan instantly and that he'll forgive me.”

Her mother turned, peered out the window at the
picture-perfect scene in the backyard. The sky was growing dark, and apparently the guys had noticed. Nathan wiggled out of the swing and nearly lost his jacket in the process; then he fell into his granddaddy's arms. Jessica's father laughed and tugged the small denim coat back up his arms. Then he kissed Nathan's forehead and turned toward the back door.

“I don't know why I can't seem to stop worrying. Chad will love Nathan,” her mother said quietly. “How could he not?”

“I know he will,” Jessica agreed.

But will he love me?

Nathan, as usual, was a bundle of energy when he came in from playing, and the family chatted freely through dinner, but Jessica could barely make out the conversation. And the potato soup was delicious, she assumed, since her mother was an excellent cook, but she didn't taste a thing. On the contrary, her mind couldn't concentrate on any words spoken or any food eaten. Instead, she churned over the fact that she'd be sharing her secret with Chad before the week ended.

By the time they'd finished dinner and started the drive to church, Jessica's stomach was knotted and her head pounded relentlessly. She started pondering what would happen if they showed up at the church and found that Chad was there, that he'd finished his papers and decided to go.

It was the first time in her life that she actually hoped someone she cared about wouldn't attend church. How awful was that?

God, help me. I have to tell Chad before he sees Nathan. And I have to get over this fear of what he'll feel toward me because of what I've done. Dear God, if
it be Your will, help me to find the courage to tell him. And help him to understand and forgive me. And I know this is a selfish plea, God, but if at all possible, help us to be a family, a real family. For Nathan and Lainey—and me.

Often, especially since she had Nathan and had been working full-time, Jessica found herself tired in the middle of the week and not overly eager to attend the midweek Bible study. In fact, when she first moved to Tennessee, she'd gone several months being content to attend the Sunday morning service and letting that suffice for her weekly spiritual nourishment.

Then, as the baby inside her stomach began to move and she realized that the precious life was certainly a gift from God, she decided that she needed more, she wanted more. God hadn't turned his back on her, but she had attempted to slowly turn her back on Him. And she needed Him then, while she was away from her parents and away from Chad, more than ever.

She'd gone back to church on Sunday evenings and then also added the midweek Bible study to her regular weekly schedule. And even though she was often tired from the pregnancy and from the hours she put in at the Tennessee day care, she learned that the Wednesday class gave her that something that was missing in her daily routine. Faith that things were going to get better and assurance that God would see her through. She simply needed more than a once-a-week acknowledgment of her faith and that midweek service gave her the push she needed to get through the remainder of the week.

She'd rarely missed a Wednesday service since, and she was uplifted at each and every one. Tonight the auditorium class taught by Brother Henry was perfect,
focusing on drawing nearer to God and having full assurance of faith. The main point was to leave our troubles to God and be assured that He will respond and act in the way that is best for us. She underlined the key verse, Hebrews 10:22, in her Bible and decided that Scripture would be her guidance for this week and specifically for the moment when she told Chad the truth.

Near the end of the lesson, Brother Henry dismissed the parents of young children early so they could pick up their kids from class. She exited the auditorium with the other parents, many of them couples walking hand in hand toward the classroom halls, and found that being a single parent seemed a little more pronounced at her church. It wasn't as though anyone was making her feel out of place, though she did notice a few of the women she'd seen whispering in the lobby Sunday glance her way as she left the auditorium. It was more that it seemed she should have a man beside her here, maybe because every dream she'd had as a little girl of coming back to her home church and raising her family had involved not only herself and her children but a man who loved God as much as she…and a man who loved her.

She watched a young couple who appeared to be her age, mid-twenties, pick up their daughter from the toddler class, and she immediately thought of Lainey. Jess had bonded with the little girl today, even before she realized that Lainey was Chad's daughter. Jess noticed that classroom had a fish theme, with fish swimming in blue construction paper waves on the door and a fish net hanging from the ceiling in one corner of the room. The teacher at the door handed a boat made of craft sticks to the parents and explained that their daughter had learned about Peter, James and John fishing with Jesus.

Jess admired the tiny boat as she passed. She wouldn't have known it was a boat if the teacher hadn't said so. Basically, it was three craft sticks held together with an abundance of blue glue, but that was part of what made it so adorable. The teacher beamed at the little girl, proudly pointing at the boat she'd made for the Bible fishermen.

That would be the class Lainey would attend when she came to church, and that would be the class where Jessica and Chad would pick her up if they all came together.

A glimmer of hope flickered through her at that happy image. What if, after she told him,
that
was the type of vision Chad saw, too? What if those dreams, those childhood fantasies of the perfect family, would actually come true soon? And, with Lainey added to the picture, she'd actually have two children to pick up from Bible class.

She entered Nathan's classroom smiling and believing that everything might work out after all. She even felt a little eager about telling Chad the truth in the next couple of days and then spending Saturday together, all four of them, as a family.

A real, complete family.

“Hey, Jessica.”

Jessica's father had dropped Nathan off at class earlier, so she hadn't seen his Wednesday night teacher. Now a petite girl with a light pink dress and mint cable sweater smiled at Jessica as though they were old friends. She wore a light green floppy hat embellished with a crocheted rose that perfectly matched the color combination of her dress and sweater. And she'd added dainty ballet
slipper shoes that also pulled everything together in a sweet, simple look.

But Jessica couldn't place the pale, tiny girl.

“I'm sorry, I'm afraid I don't remember…” Jessica started, but then the girl's brown eyes lifted with her smile, and Jess recognized Hannah Taylor, who had been just a year younger than her in school. They'd gone to church together their entire lives. Hannah had been very athletic at Claremont High, cheering and running track. Back then, she'd been more toned, less frail. And not nearly as pale. She also had shiny brown hair that fell in gorgeous waves to her waist. Jessica had always admired Hannah's long hair. Now, Jess realized, her hair was gone. And she suddenly noticed the porcelain pink ribbon pin attached to the top of her sweater.

“You remember me now.” She hadn't missed the signs of recognition on Jessica's face.

“Hannah,” she said, controlling the emotion swelling in her heart. Her mind drifted back to middle school and the memorial service at the church for Hannah's mother after she lost her battle with breast cancer. And she also remembered that when she left Claremont, Hannah's sister had also been diagnosed with the disease. She didn't want to ask about Hannah's sister. She was afraid of the answer.

“It's okay,” Hannah said, again smiling, which brought attention to the cheekbones that were a bit more accentuated than they'd been when Jess had last seen her six years ago. “I've changed a bit since you left town.”

Jessica blinked to keep tears from pressing forward. Was she in remission? Or was she beyond that? And how did you go about asking?

“I'm Nathan's regular Wednesday night teacher,”
Hannah said. “I've been out the past few weeks, so I had a substitute filling in.” Her shoulders rose in a subtle shrug. “I have good days and bad days, but I really try to get here when I can. It helps being with the kids.” She took her attention from Jessica to a couple who'd entered the classroom behind her. “Jeremy, your mom and dad are here,” Hannah said, and a black-haired little boy working on a Noah's ark puzzle with Nathan and a few other children looked up and then ran for the door. Hannah gave Jeremy's parents a brief update on how he did in class, handed them his take-home papers and then returned her attention to Jessica. “Don't look so sad. I'm actually doing a little better, and I'm going to a new doctor next week. He's supposed to be one of the best around.”

“I'll pray that he'll be the perfect doctor for you,” Jessica said, and Hannah smiled.

“I'd appreciate that.” She looked toward Nathan, still busily working on the puzzle. His brows were drawn in concentration as he rotated a piece until it fell into place and formed one of two fat gray elephants within the oversize boat.

“Yes!” he exclaimed and then picked up another piece and drew his brows back together again.

“Nathan is a sweet little boy,” Hannah said. “You know, I didn't even realize you had a son until your dad brought him to class tonight.”

“Well, I had him after I left Claremont,” Jess explained, but she knew when Hannah looked back at her that she suspected there was more to the story.