Hearts Ablaze (Hearts On Fire Series) (17 page)

“How are you holding up, man?” I ask him.

“About as can be expected, ya know? I’ve been staying with Mom, so I haven’t really had a lot of time to myself. I think that’s been helpful, keeping busy.” He shrugs.

“Yeah, I know what you mean. I’ve been trying to keep Aubrey out of the house, doing stuff. She’s spent a shitload of time crying and stressing out about her eulogy, but that girl has been a rock for the most part. She only falls apart when she’s going to sleep or she thinks she’s alone. I don’t know how she does it.”

I look over to see Landon wipe away a tear.

“Fuck, dude.” He takes a shaky breath and I can see more tears fall. Landon reaches over and pulls me into a rough hug, then slaps me on the back. I can tell he’s embarrassed by his emotions, but they don’t bother me. Whoever created that ‘men don’t cry” stereotypical bullshit pisses me off. He has nothing to be ashamed of.

“Landon. It’s fine. If I were in your shoes, I’m not even sure I’d be able to hold it together. Don’t apologize. Everybody grieves in their own way.”

We stand there in silence for a few more minutes before Aubrey and Sharon come back into the room.

“Noah, can you help me place the boards around? They’ve set up stands for them, scattered around here.” Aubrey is holding a board in her hands, the others against the wall.

“Sure, baby. Do you want them in any special order?”

“No, we just filled them all randomly so it doesn’t matter.”

I grab half the posters and begin walking around to put them up. A picture in the middle of the last one catches my eye. It’s me and Mike from July 4
th
. I have my arm slung over his shoulder and we’re giving a thumbs-up to the camera and smiling widely. My eyes burn at the memory, remembering how alive and happy he was that night. You never would have thought three weeks later he’d be gone. A tear falls down my cheek as I feel Aubrey wrap her arms around my waist from behind.

“Can I have a copy of that photo, babe? I want to put it in my locker at the station.” I turn to face her and she reaches up to brush the tear off my cheek.

“Of course.” She hugs me, so I wrap my arms around her waist and bury my face in her neck, breathing in the scent of her sweet perfume.

“God, baby. I love you so much. Thank you for putting that on there.” I let a few more tears escape before I pull back.

She smiles sadly at me. “I know he meant a lot to you, Noah. I just wish you could have gotten to know him when he wasn’t sick. He would’ve loved to take you golfing Labor Day weekend. He and Landon always had a guys’ weekend then, and Mom and I hung out with Kenni, drinking mimosas and gossiping all weekend. He knew how much you loved me. He thought of you as another son. I just wish he could be here for everything that happens.” A sob breaks free from her chest and I pull her into my arms.

“Shh, baby. It’s gonna be okay. I promise you.” I press a kiss to the top of her head and then she’s pulling away from me, wiping her eyes dry. “Hey, maybe Gray and I can take Landon on that trip this year.”

“You’d really do that for him?” Her eyes fill with tears again.

“Aubrey, I love your family. I don’t know Landon that well, but I’d like to think that we could become good friends. He’s clearly having a hard time with everything, and he’s still trying to be the backbone for you and your mom. I think he’d like knowing that he could continue the tradition in your father’s memory.”

Aubrey nods in agreement as she leads me into the main hall again. We walk up to the front of the room where they have Mike’s ashes in a small wooden box with a cross on top of it.

There is a framed picture of him on one side, him and the family several years ago at Aubrey’s college graduation. There are tons of flower arrangements set up, and as I scan along the cards I see one signed from my parents and sister. I called my mom when Mike died, while I was waiting for Aubrey to get home, has and she’s sent me a few messages checking in on us since then.

I hope they can make it today. It’d be good to see them.

***

An hour or so later, I’m standing with Aubrey while people stream into the funeral home. They’re all stopping to offer their condolences and sign the guestbook that’s set up at the front door. I can’t believe how many people are here.

Kennedy and Grayson got here a little while ago. After stopping to see us, they’re took a seat in the main service room, which is almost full as they’re getting ready to start the service. My parents arrive a few minutes later and I see them heading for us. My mom goes to Aubrey first and pulls her into a hug.

“Oh, sweetheart, I’m so sorry. Your father seemed like such a wonderful man.”

“Thank you for being here, Molly. Jack, you too. It means so much to me.” She reaches over and hugs my dad.

I look over my mom’s shoulder and see Carmen . I wave to her and she hurries over, flinging herself into my arms.

“Oh, Noey, I’m so sad for you and Aubrey. I left work early. I didn’t want to miss the service.” She says hi to my mom and gives her a quick hug, then turns around to hug Aubrey, who my dad has finally released.

“Son. Come here.” My dad wraps me in a tight hug. “You doing okay?”

I shrug, not knowing how to answer. He nods in understanding, and then he and Mom find seats for them and Carmen. Aubrey and I take our place in the front row, her in between me and her mom. She looks over at me with a smirk.

“Noey?”

“Yeah, she’s called me that since we were kids. I hate it.”

“Well, I think it’s cute, Noey.”

“Don’t even think about it, babe.”

She winks at me then leans her head on my shoulder. I wrap my arm around her and pull her close as the funeral director begins the service.

It’s not even ten minutes later before the room is filled with the sounds of crying and noses being blown. Aubrey is resting her head on Sharon’s shoulder and the two of them are crying together as she holds my hand in a death grip. I rub her hand with my thumb, hoping I’m providing some comfort to her. The funeral director obviously knew Mike, because everything he’s saying sounds as if it’s coming straight from the heart.

Before we all know it, it’s time for Aubrey to give her eulogy. She grabs the sheets of paper she brought with her. I give her hand a tight squeeze, and she returns it. Heading up to the small podium at the front of the room, she takes a deep breath before she begins.

“Thank you, everybody, for being here. My father would have been amazed at how many people cared about him. Mike Stevens was the best man I ever knew. It was an honor and a privilege to call him Dad. My whole life, he was my hero. He still is. Nobody could have ever asked for a better father, support, or best friend.” Aubrey’s voice breaks, so she takes a minute to compose herself. I can feel the back of my eyes burn. She looks to me and I give her a silent nod of encouragement.

You got this, baby. I’m so fucking proud of you
.

“He was the most selfless man you’ll ever meet. He would stop whatever he was doing at the drop of a hat if someone needed him. He never hesitated. My mom was the luckiest person to get to share almost thirty years of her life with him. He loved you so much, Mom. You were the light of his life. When you guys were together, you both looked like two teenagers in love. And for Landon and me, it was sickening.” The sound of laughter rings out, and despite the tears I’m freely shedding, I smile.

“Every day that he was in our lives, he made the days that much better. I cannot even begin to understand what I will do without him. It’s extremely hard to imagine him not walking me down the aisle, playing with his grandchildren, growing old with my mom. There will forever be a piece of my heart that is missing and I know it can never be filled, but I’m also so grateful he isn’t suffering anymore. Dad was so sick in the end, and I know how hard that was for him. He was tough as nails and never complained, but to see him get so weak was devastating.” Aubrey pauses to collect herself again, and I know she’s close to breaking down.

“So in closing, I want to thank y’all again from the bottom of my heart for being here. It means so much to all of us. Your presence has spoken volumes to how much Dad was loved. And I love you all. Thank you.”

She folds the paper in her hands and comes to sit back down. I expect her to need her mom after that, but she immediately leans in to me and I pull her close.

“You did so well, Aubrey. That was beautiful,” I whisper. I can feel her tears on my neck and I just hold her close. Sharon reaches out and pulls her from me and into a tight hug.

“Your dad would’ve loved that, sweetheart. That was so beautiful. Thank you, Aubrey.” Sharon whispers to her while the funeral director starts the closing remarks. I rub my hand lightly up and down her back as she continues crying softly. Luckily, the service ends a few minutes later. Leaning down, I pull Aubrey off her mom and pick her up gently. She buries her face in my neck and cries even harder.

“We’ll see you guys back at the house,” I tell Sharon and Landon. Carrying Aubrey out to my truck, I open the passenger side door, sit her down, and stand in front of her. When I try to let go, she just wraps her arms around my neck and holds on tighter.

“Baby…” I don’t even know what to say to her. The sounds of her anguish are breaking my heart. I try to get her to look at me, but she’s too hysterical. She’s breathing funny and has a tight grip on my shoulders, refusing to let go. Something’s wrong.

“Hey. Eyes on me, sweetheart. Take deep breaths, baby. You have to calm down. You’re scaring me Aubrey. I think you’re having a panic attack.”

Her eyes are wide and unfocused, tears still pouring down her pale cheeks. Her chest is heaving from her erratic breathing.

“C’mon, baby, come back to me. Breathe, Aubrey. In and out, nice and slow. That’s right.”

She finally calms down and has her eyes closed as she mimics me. After a few minutes, her breathing returns to normal. She opens her eyes to look at me and I can’t help my sigh of relief.

“Jesus, Aubrey. You scared the hell out of me. I’m so glad I trained as a paramedic in the fire academy. I had no idea what was wrong for a second.” I press a kiss to her forehead and then just hold her to me, my racing heart finally slowing down.

“I’m so sorry, Noah.” Her voice is hoarse from all the crying, and she sounds exhausted.

“No apologies, remember? That’s what I’m here for.”

She slides all the way into the truck and I shut the door for her, going around to climb into the driver’s side. We drive in comfortable silence to her parents’ house, where they’re going to spread Mike’s ashes.

***

She takes her heels off and we head out to the backyard. I don’t even have to ask; I know we’re going down to the dock. When we get to the end, she takes my hand and we just stand there. The sun is shining down on us, and she closes her eyes and tilts her face up to the sky. She takes a deep breath and then smiles.

“I love you,” she whispers. Opening her eyes, she watches the single cloud moving across the sky with a smile on her face. This was her dad’s spot, and now she’s saying good-bye to him here.

I place my arm around Aubrey’s shoulders and she leans her head on my chest. We stand in silence and watch that one cloud move across the sky. It goes slowly, in no hurry to get where it’s going. I feel her wrap an arm around my waist as the other rests on my stomach.

She looks up at me after a couple minutes and for the first time in days, I see the old Aubrey. The one I met at the bar. The one I fell in love with. Not that she was ever different, but I see the light back in her eyes. They’re sparkling and, in that moment, I know she’s going to be okay. She’s going to find her way through this. My girl is so strong, and I don’t think I could ever be more proud of her than I am right now.

CHAPTER 23

AUBREY

The memorial service for Dad has to have been one of the hardest things I’ve gone through in my life. I can’t believe I got myself so worked up that I had a panic attack. Thank God for Noah. He’s been so incredible this whole time, and I don’t have any idea what I’d do without him.

We’ve been outside on the dock for a while when I hear Mom and Landon approaching us. I turn around and see Mom holding the box with Dad’s ashes. Landon’s holding his  wireless speakers and iPod, with he’s filled with some of Dad’s favorite songs He places it on the dock and hits Play. As the music streams through the speakers, he wraps his arm around my shoulders. Together we walk over to Mom as she starts to scatter his ashes into the water at the end of the dock.

“Good-bye, my love. This is not the end. You keep my place next to you warm until I’m ready to come join you again.” I can feel Landon’s shoulders shaking as Mom continues to quietly talk to Dad. I turn in his arms and hold him tightly, doing my best to soothe him, gently smoothing his head with my hand.

“It’s okay, Land. We’re gonna get through this. I promise you, everything will be okay.” It feels good to be comforting someone for a change. Landon has been so strong for Mom and me; now it’s time I take some of the weight off his shoulders. I need to help carry the burden of holding our family together. Hearing my strong big brother break down and sob on my shoulder is heartbreaking. I rub my hands up and down his back, feeling him shake under them. Finally, his tears dry up and he pulls away from me, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand.

“I love you so much, Aubs,” he tells me, his voice rough with emotion.

“Love you too, Land.” I kiss him on the cheek and lean against him. Mom and leans on his other side, and he places an arm around her as well. Noah comes up next to me and I link my arm with his. Together, we stand and listen to the music. Some of it makes us cry, and some of it makes us laugh, because that’s how my dad was. He was always full of emotions, happy and sad. He was the first person to cheer you up and make you happy. My father might be gone, but I feel him in my heart. Dad will be with us every day, and I know when I’m feeling sad or I miss him, I’ll just put on one of his favorite songs. And I will remember all the good times. And man, were there a lot of good times.

Three Weeks Later

Life has gotten back to normal in the weeks after my dad passed away. Noah and I spend all our free time together. I’m going back to work in just a week and am really looking forward to it. After the service, I went into my classroom one day to find Kenni had taken care of it for me while I was grieving my dad. Grayson had helped her out, and Noah had helped them keep it a secret. The room looks so good.

Noah should be coming home soon. He went back to work a couple days after my dad’s service, and it was kind of rough that first night without him, but he and Grayson had taken off so much time to help me and my family with everything that I couldn’t be selfish and ask him to stay home any longer. Noah video-chatted me that first night and stayed on the call with me until I fell asleep. I woke up the next morning to him climbing into bed with me and pulling me to him. I swear every day I fall more and more in love with him. Sometimes it’s hard to believe we’ve only been together three months; it feels like I’ve known him my whole life. Mom says that’s how she and Dad were when they first met.

I’m standing in the kitchen making scrambled eggs and bacon for breakfast when I hear Noah open his front door. A few seconds later, I feel him come up behind me. He places his hands on my hips and kisses my neck.

“Mm. Good morning, baby. I missed you. Damn, you smell good.” He turns me around and kisses me. I wrap my arms around my neck and slowly press against him. With a growl, he picks me up and sits me on the counter, stepping between my legs. I can feel his hardness and I brush against him. Noah moans loudly, pushing back even harder. My head falls back as I release a sigh. He has just placed his fingers in the waistband of my shorts when I smell something burning.

“Oh, shit!” I sit up and push him back so I can jump off the counter. The pan with the eggs is smoking and they’re black. I throw the pan into the sink and open the window above the kitchen sink. Noah is standing there cracking up, and I can’t help it when my own laughter erupts.

“That was not funny, Noah. Stop distracting me with your giant dick!” I run cold water over the pan and turn off the burner holding the pan of ruined bacon.

“Giant, huh? Well, since breakfast is over, let’s go see if I can put it to good use.” Without another word, he grabs me and throws me over his shoulder, carrying me to the bedroom.

“Noah! Put me down!” I smack him as hard as I can on the ass but it doesn’t matter. Seconds later, I’m sailing through the air, landing flat on my back on top of the mattress. Noah crawls up the bed a second later and lays his weight down on me. He cups my face in his hands and kisses me until I’m breathless. When he pulls away, he has a huge smile on his face.

“Move in with me, baby.”

My mouth drops open in surprise. “What?”

“I’m serious, Aubrey. You’re already here all the time anyway. I don’t think you’ve even spent a night at your apartment since your dad passed. I love you, and I want to start our lives together. Please, baby. Will you please move in with me? I want to start and end every day with you in my arms.”

I look up into his blue eyes and don’t even hesitate.

“Yes.”

Noah smiles and crashes his lips onto mine, and we spend a good part of the morning never leaving the bed and getting tangled up in each other.

***

After we finally manage to leave the bedroom and get some food, we sit at the dining room table. We each have a cup coffee and omelet in front of us.

“So, when should I move my stuff in?” I ask him.

“Well, I’m on shift Thursday, so we could do it Friday morning after Gray and I get off. Maybe Kennedy could help you have everything ready Thursday night so when we get there we can just load everything up into the tuck.”

“Yeah, that sounds good. I don’t need to move much furniture, so it shouldn’t take too long to have everything ready. I’ll have to pick up some boxes. Actually, I’ll just spend Thursday night at the apartment, so we’re ready before you arrive.”

“Whatever you want to do, babe. Whatever’s easiest on you.” Noah winks at me, and then goes back to his breakfast.

I grab my cell and send Kenni a quick text.

Kennedy: Eeek!! Finally, girl! Been waiting to have your bedroom as a walk-in closet for a while now! Thank you!

Aubrey: Bitch. So funny! But seriously, I’m gonna come stay at the apartment Thursday night. I’ll bring some boxes so we can get all my stuff packed.

Kennedy: Sounds good, Aub. Wine and Chinese?

Aubrey: Hell yeah! Final girls’ night in the apartment.

We go back and forth for a little longer before we say our good-byes. I carry our dishes into the kitchen and load the dishwasher. As I walk down the hall looking for Noah, I find him in the spare bedroom, running on the treadmill. He has earbuds in, so I know he has no idea I’m there. I decide not to disturb him and just watch. He’s in running shorts and a tank top, his skin is covered in sweat, and all his muscles are moving with every step he takes. He’s breathtaking to watch.

Most people probably notice his outward appearance first. I mean sure, he’s damn good-looking, with those blue eyes and wavy light brown hair that he’s recently had cut. It resembles Grayson’s now, long on top and short on the sides. But for me, when I think about him, I think about his heart. He reminds me so much of my dad.

Noah is one of the kindest people I have ever met. One day, we went for a run through the park downtown and he stopped to help a couple young kids get their kite out of a tree. Then he walked with them to the ice cream vendor and bought them both chocolate cones. And after, he just went back to his run, like what he did wasn’t a big deal at all.

And of course, there’s the way he took care of me when Dad died. I really and truly thought I had pushed him away when I lashed out at him that day. But what did he do? He fought even harder for us. He’s incredible in every way.

Noah looks up and smiles when he sees me watching him. He slows the machine and hops off, pulling out his earbuds as he does.

“Hey, babe. What’s up?” He grabs a towel hanging off the hand rail on the treadmill and wipes his face with it, then throws it back on the rail.

“Nothing. Made plans with Kenni for Thursday, so we’re good to go.”

“Awesome. I just want to get a couple more miles in and then we can go to a movie or something. That okay?” He gives me a kiss then climbs back up on the treadmill.

“Yeah, that’s fine. I’m gonna take a shower, but let me know when you’re ready.”

I blow him a kiss and head into his bedroom.
Our
bedroom. I can’t help the smile that comes across my face at the thought. Going into the bathroom, I start the shower, strip, and hop in, hurrying because I know he’ll want to take one when he’s done working out. And if I don’t get out of here before he comes in, we’ll never be productive today.

I’m towel-drying my hair after getting dressed when he comes in. His tank top is soaked in sweat and he’s still breathing heavy.

“I’m just gonna shower and then we can get out for the day.” He grabs a towel off the shelf and turns the water on. I have no shame watching him in the mirror, admiring his toned ass as he steps inside.

“Baby, if you want to join me you’re more than welcome. I know you can’t keep your eyes off me,” Noah says as he starts soaping his body.

“No, I’m good. See you when you get out.” Screw making my hair look good; there’s no way I can control myself. I drop the towel, head into the living room, and plop down on the couch to wait for him.
Damn Noah and his hot body. Makes me stupid
.

We skip the movie, deciding to go shopping instead. I tell Noah he needs curtains and he looks at me like I’m crazy, so I take him by the hand and we go up and down every aisle at Target, until I’m sure he’s going to kill me. He has an amazing house, but it’s so bare. I grab a bunch of picture frames, which I plan to fill with some photos I have printed. They’re all of us together, and a couple have Kenni and Grayson in them too. This is going to be our home, and I want to make it ours together, forever. We are forever.

We get everything back to his house and I start putting objects everywhere. The curtains look perfect and I love the new throw pillows. I fill the frames and place them all over the entertainment center, then hang the wine glasses on the new rack I have him install under the kitchen cabinets. Finally, he helps me move the kitchen table so I can put the large rug I bought under it. When it’s all done, even Noah likes it.

“It looks good, babe. I’m impressed. I wasn’t sure how that rug was going to look, but it’s nice. You did well.” He wraps his arm around my shoulders and kisses my temple.

***

Noah and I spend the next few days just hanging around the house, not doing much of anything. Before I know it, it’s Thursday. Noah has to be at the station at eight, so I get up early to see him off. He stands at the front door with his duffle bag thrown over his shoulder. I lean up and give him a slow kiss.

“You realize the next time I go to shift and come home, you’ll officially live here. Thank you for saying yes. I love you, baby.”

I give him one more kiss, and then push him out the door.

“I love you too, Noah. Have a good shift. I’ll see you in the morning at the apartment.”

He leaves and a minute later, I hear his truck pulling out of the driveway. I make a cup of coffee and relax with it on the couch for a while. I have to make a quick stop before I pack up my stuff, so leaving Noah’s around ten, I head over to the packing store. I purchase six large cardboard boxes and four more in different sizes, grab a thick roll of packing tape, and I’m good to go. I haul the boxes up to our third floor apartment; I’m not gonna miss living in a walk-up, that’s for sure. I don’t have an empty hand, so I push the doorbell with my elbow and a minute later Kenni opens the door for me. She helps me pull everything inside and then squeals.

“Oh, Aubs, I am so excited for you!”

I can’t help but giggle with her, because I’m excited too. We decide to get right to work, so we can spend the night relaxing and hanging out. It takes us almost six hours, but we finally get everything packed. I end up having to put a few things into my suitcase after running out of room in the boxes. Noah sent me a few texts while we were working telling me they’ve gone out on no calls and he can’t wait to see me in the morning. Around six thirty, we order Chinese food and crack open our favorite bottle of wine. After the food comes, we put everything on the coffee table and pick out the newest Channing Tatum movie on pay-per-view. A couple hours later, the movie is over and we’ve finished two bottles of wine.

“Please tell me there’s more wine, Kenni.”

“How dare you ask me that? Of course there is more wine. There is always more wine.” Giggling, Kenni stumbles to the kitchen and comes back with another bottle of pinot grigio, sloshing some of it as she pours. “Whoopsies!” She snorts then puts the bottle down, and we clink our glasses together.