Heart and Snow (Texas Highlanders Ice Hockey) (3 page)

“I can’t lose Misha. He’s my best friend.”

“How can he be, when you don’t even talk to him?”

“Don’t you try to trick me with your crazy counselor logic.” He paused, thinking. “What if he doesn’t want to talk to me?”

“Then you know,” Val said. “And you can move on and stop making yourself miserable with ‘what ifs’.”

Goddamn her, but she was right. He was talking to her so he could avoid talking to Misha and making a fool out of himself. But he also couldn’t keep it in anymore. She was his relief, except that she knew he couldn’t do that with her anymore. It wasn’t helping as much as he’d hoped.

Leaving Val’s office shortly after, Gavin trudged back down the stairs to where the signing was still going on. His mind flipped through the various possibilities of what talking with Misha would actually bring. He couldn’t talk to Misha. Not about this. It would be breaching a trust between them. Telling him he had a thing for his best friend would completely wreck that trust.

Gavin slid back into his seat, and took the jersey from the kid in front of him. Misha elbowed him in the side. “Did you fall in, man? You were gone a while.”

“Nah,” He leaned in so the kids in front of him couldn’t hear. “I was too busy fucking your sister.”

“Poshol ti!” Misha sneered. He launched into more mutters in Russian Gavin couldn’t hear.

He grinned at his roommate and turned back to the kid in front of him. “Who am I signing this to?”

CHAPTER THREE

It was Community Outreach Day after practice, which meant that Cody couldn’t go straight home after practice. Instead, he had to leave the safety of the locker room with the other guys and talk to fans and media gathered outside in the hall.

He so wasn’t in the mood to talk to fans. In fact, he was so low his stomach turned circles, but he hadn’t ever disappointed his fans before. This was his job, and he was damn lucky to have it. Not many people got to play a game for a living.

The cheers went up as the team left the locker room, clapping as they made their way down the hall. Cody stopped twice for reporters to ask him questions about the upcoming game. He had stock answers for most of the questions reporters asked. Most of the time they asked the same ones.

His phone blared from his pocket. Stepping back from the crowd as he pulled it out, he hunched over and plugged his other ear. “Hello?”

“Cody, I’m sorry. Okay?” Jo’s voice was full of pain.

Panic infused him, pumping fear into his bloodstream. “Jo, what’s wrong? Is it the baby? Are you okay?”

“No, the baby is fine, I think. As far as I know. Hell, I don’t know.” She let out a big sigh over the phone.

It surprised him how much that relieved him. Well, maybe not surprised. Regardless of whether he wanted to be a father or not, he’d still be worried about his wife, and the unborn child she carried.

“Then what is it?”

“Well, I was… talking to someone, and I realized that we never talk anymore, and that’s my fault.” Her voice was shaky, like she’d either been crying, or was close to it. She’d been crying a lot lately. Her normal self-control, the strength he was used to seeing from her, had somehow degraded. “I should have told you right away about the baby.”

“Now isn’t really the time to talk about that, Jo.”

“Well, I don’t know when else to talk about it, Cody. But I was thinking about it, and I wanted you to know that I love you. I’m sorry that things haven’t worked out the way we wanted them to. I really am. And if you want me to give this baby up, I’ll do it… for you.” Her voice cracked, and Cody had the distinct impression that she’d be devastated if he did ask her to give up that child.

The idea of being a father was terrifying. What did he know about being one? Nothing, that’s what. His father’s drunken antics were ridiculously well publicized. He didn’t want to continue that messy lineage. And his mother—Well, there was no hope of Jo being anything like his mother. Jo had a good head on her shoulders.

“Listen, Jo, we’ll talk later. I’m not going to make you do anything about this baby you don’t want to.” He cleared his throat, steeling himself for his next words. “We will do this together, no matter what.”

He did mean those words. He and Jo had always been able to work things out before.

“Thanks, Cody. I love you.”

“Love you, too.”

“I’m sorry I bothered you at practice. I just… I needed to say—”

“It’s okay. I always have time for you.”

“Bye.”

He ended the call and turned around. He thought about his last sentence to Jo as he signed the next jersey.
I always have time for you
. Except not lately. He hadn’t given her the time of day lately, and hadn’t offered one syllable of explanation for it either. He was just so angry… He was a shitty husband. That’s all there was to it.

His phone rang again, and he looked at the caller ID. He gripped the phone tightly as he recognized the number. Dad. He wasn’t in the mood for his father just then. He hit the volume button to silence the call, and shoved it back in his pocket. He needed out of there. The fake public smile just was too hard today.

He caught John Charbonneau’s eye and pulled him to the side. “John, I need to get out of here.”

“Joey sick again?” The older man asked, his hands on his hips like he was talking to a reporter. It was his default pose most of the time. The team captain probably didn’t even realize he did it.

“Maybe. We… She’s pregnant.” It was the first time he’d voiced it, and it felt strange… and terrifying. He was going to be—Nope. He couldn’t go there yet. He wasn’t ready to say that word.

“That’s fantastic, Cody!” Charbonneau said, smiling.

“We hadn’t planned on children. It was kind of a surprise, and we haven’t really had a shot at sitting and talking about it in the last few days. Especially since the trip to Anaheim and San Jose last week.”

“And you want to do that now.”

“Yes.” Cody paused. “Unless, it’s important that I hang out here for the media.”

Charbonneau shrugged. “Don’t look at me. Vince is running the show today.”

“Shit,” Cody replied. Vince wouldn’t care about him needing to talk to his wife. He was one hundred percent about the team and that was it.

“Look, stick around for another ten minutes, and then I’ll talk to Ellie. Okay?”

Cody nodded, relieved. Eleanor Jenkins was Vince’s daughter. A lot of the time, she was able to talk to her father when no one else could. “Right. Okay.”

“Hey,” John stopped him as Cody turned back toward the next line of people waiting. “Get this settled pretty quick. Trust me when I say the game is only as good as you are.”

Cody remembered how crappy his best friend Darren had played when he was on the outs with his ex, and even more recently with his new girlfriend, Val. He absently signed a couple more jerseys and autograph books as he thought about the mess he’d fallen into. He had to go home and talk to his wife. This whole thing had started because their communication had broken down. He had to keep that fixed, now that he knew about the problem, and try to maintain the open part.

God it was hard. He hadn’t realized how separate their lives had become, not until this whole thing had gone down. Sure they’d talked, but really, they didn’t do anything together anymore, except sleep in the same bed. Maybe that needed to change, because now he was having trouble talking to his wife, and he was about to be a father in a little more than seven months. What did one do in that situation? Because Cody was fresh out of ideas to try. The way they’d done things just wasn’t working anymore.

*~*~*

Single parenthood.

The thought was terrifying. She wasn’t a mother. She had no real skill set. She was a professional hockey wife, and had been for the last decade. She couldn’t give this baby up either. But what if Cody didn’t feel the same way? What if he made her choose? Leaving him wasn’t something she wanted to do, but if she had no other choice…

That brought up another issue. If she had to leave Cody because he didn’t want the child, then how would she function? She had no real discernible skills. She’d barely finished her Art History degree before becoming Mrs. Cody Baker. She didn’t want to have to be dependent upon child support, even though she knew that Cody would do it. Whether he wanted the child or not, he would make sure it was cared for, even if he didn’t want to be the one to do it.

Joey paused mid-flight on the stairs. The sheer number of people in the hallways suggested the practice was over. A rope barrier had been set up. One side had fans and bloggers and general media. The other side was cleared for the players. Oh, it was Community Outreach Day. She’d forgotten about it.

Cody was over there talking with some of the fans, a big smile on his face. She knew it as his performance smile. Cody had a hard time keeping a poker face for the masses. Well, at least she knew the difference. To see that smile, to know that it was fake, and it was because of her… it hurt her deeply. She’d never wanted to cause Cody pain. She’d wanted to save him from it.

He glanced up as she stepped off the last stair and met her eyes. He had a notebook in his hand, and a black marker. He scribbled his name onto the page, and handed it back to the fan waiting. It was a small boy, and he jumped up and down with excitement. He waved to her, and moved toward her when her foot slipped on the last step.

Her world spun, and her tailbone hit the cold concrete floor, sending her purse flying. She winced as pain shot up her tailbone.

“Jo!”

She cringed, hearing her husband’s voice. She glanced up to him towering over her.

“Come here,” he said, holding his hand out. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” she replied. Jo took his hand and let him help her up. Her ass throbbed in pain. She’d probably bruised the stupid tailbone.

“You need to be more careful.”

“Yes, because I totally hurled myself to the floor on purpose,” she snapped. “Aren’t you supposed to be over there?” She waved her hand back toward the crowd.

He frowned. “I was. I saw you fall, and I was worried.”

“I’m fine. It was just an accident.”

She grunted and rubbed her backside. That was going to bruise.

“What are you doing here, anyway? I just talked to you on the phone. You didn’t mention you were here.”

She glared up at him. Anger seemed like the emotion to have, just so she didn’t have to show how embarrassed she was. “I was just talking to Val.”

“What about?”

“Girl stuff,” she said, not wanting to say anything, though she fully expected him to be able to figure it out on his own.

“Oh.” He frowned and didn’t say anything.

Frustrated, she sighed. Nothing was going right here. Her tailbone hurt, he was still frowning at her, and she just wanted to crawl into bed and start the day over. “See you at home.”

As she walked away, trying not to limp so he wouldn’t know she hurt at all, he asked, “Wanna go to lunch?”

She slowly turned back to face him, now about five feet away. “Lunch?”

He shoved his hands in his pockets. “Yeah.”

“Why?”

He shrugged. “We could… talk, maybe.”

“Really?” She knew shock probably covered her face, but she didn’t dare try to hide it. She stifled a smile, in case it wasn’t true. God, she hoped he was ready to talk. She needed him back. “You wanna?”

He shuffled his feet, his toes following the lines on the floor. When had they regressed into this? It was both uncomfortable and miserable. This wasn’t how she imagined her marriage to be. “Yeah, I think so. We should.”

“Okay,” she agreed before he changed his mind. “Where do you want to go?”

“Um… there’s a sandwich place down the road.”

“Okay… So I should—“

“Ride with me?” he asked. “There’s no reason to take two cars.”

“Yeah, okay.” She nodded, completely unsure of this new territory. What had changed? Wasn’t it just last night that he was telling her he wasn’t ready to talk? “Sure.”

He looked like he was going to offer his hand, but apparently thought twice. Instead, he nodded back. “Good. I’m in the parking garage.”

She turned toward the garage, disappointed as Cody walked beside her, not touching. He’d opened up enough to want to talk, but all of a sudden, she was a leper to touch. Her tailbone sent waves of throbbing pain up her spine. She walked stiffly toward the garage, refusing to show any vulnerability.

CHAPTER FOUR

Sub Station was a quaint little sandwich diner down the road from the rink. The lunch crowd currently had control, people bustling behind the counter, dozens of conversations intermixing with each other.

The two of them stood in line, got their food and found a table back in the corner, away from the crowd as much as possible. Cody quietly wondered if this lunch was a good idea. He and Joey had always loved these lunch dates after practice before. But this baby thing made everything awkward. He just didn’t know what to say to her anymore. Hell, if he was honest, they’d been headed this direction even before the baby. Why else wouldn’t she have said something about the baby before?

“Cody?”

He met Jo’s deep blue eyes. “Yeah?”

“Are we really this bad off?” Her whispered question was almost lost in the sounds of the busy restaurant. But he didn’t want to hear it louder.

She was the same beautiful woman she’d always been. The same woman he’d married years ago. Long blonde hair that reflected the light like an angel fell over her shoulders. But those sapphire eyes of hers weren’t right. They were a little puffier than usual, dark crescents underneath them. Stress. Fatigue. She hadn’t been sleeping right lately. Neither of them had. That couldn’t be good for the kid or Joey at this point.

“I love you, Jo, but this isn’t working right.”

Her face paled but she didn’t say anything. He knew what she thought he was trying to say, but that wasn’t it. But if he didn’t get this out in one go, he’d never get it out.

“We’ve always been honest with each other, but somewhere along the way, our communication broke down. We broke down. You made a decision that affects us, a decision that should have included both of us.”