Healing His Heart (19 page)

The woman had taken ten years off his life, and he wasn't leaving till he knew she was out of the woods.

*

A thunderous, thumping pain first brought Julia to consciousness. She surfaced slowly, a chorus of aches and hurts reporting in all at once. In addition to the drumming in her head, she felt bruised everywhere.

Her eyelids were too heavy to lift, as if she'd been drugged. She heard the hum of hospital machinery, the echo of a cardiac monitor pinging, and in the distance, the sound of a doctor being paged.

The accident. She was in the hospital.

The other car had sped out of nowhere, hurtling through the four-way stop before she could react. The remembered sights and sounds of that moment would have made her gasp aloud if her rib cage hadn't hurt so bad
ly
.

Her chest felt as if a gorilla had jumped up and down on it.

Lying there, she vaguely remembered seeing the other driver's face at the second of impact, his horrified expression.

After that, ther
e were only fragments of memory...
mostly of the feel of rain and broken glass on her face.

She was lucky to be alive.

The enshrouding darkness of sleep beckoned again, tugging at her. Julia resisted, struggling to open her eyes despite the seductive unconsciousness drawing her down.

With an effort that made her tired, she finally managed a look at her surroundings. She was in a hospital room in the intensive care unit. The sound of the monitors should have told her that.

With a detached, almost disinterested glance around her cubicle, Julia's gaze collided with a most unexpected sight.

Caleb was hunched over in a chair next to her bed, sound asleep.

Julia felt the quickening of her heart, absently aware of the monitor's reflection of the changing rate.

He looked grubby, his jeans and shirt stained with blood. His firm jaw was stubbled with the beginnings of a beard. His large frame had to make sleeping in that small chair almost impossible, but he had managed. With one fist propped under his chin, his breathing regular, he was dead to the world. He looked exhausted.

Julia stared at him, overwhelmed with remembrance. It sprang up unbidden, sharp with clarity.

They'd made love with a ferocious, desperate energy. When? Had it been this evening? The night before?

She had no sense of time at the moment.

But the recollection of pain was uncompromised. She'd promised herself she was done with him, that she'd pulled away to save herself. But that night at the house-
-
the home he'd built for her--she'd wanted him so fiercely. Wanted one more time to feel his body merge with hers.

So she'd kissed him, ridden out the most haunting storm with him; then he'd walked away. Headed to Alaska, out of her life.

Caleb muttered something in his sleep, shifting briefly.

Why was he here? There was something else, some tantalizing image that dodged her attempts to retrieve it.

Had Caleb been there...
at the accident?

The sound of his voice echoed in her head, mingled with a thousand splintered bits of memory. Caleb calling her name, sounding frantic and desperate.

Julia sighed, closing her eyes. She couldn't tell if those were memories or wishful thinking. Nothing was clear.

She forced her eyes open again, looking at him with a resigned certainty. She would always love him. She knew that much.

Caleb woke with a start, lurching forward in the chair.

He met her gaze for a fraction of a second before jumping up to stand beside her.

"How do you feel?" He took her hand in his, checking her pulse with the other.

Julia looked up at him, exhausted by the effort to stay conscious and too exhausted to speak.

"It's okay," he said, as if he'd read her thoughts. "Rest."

He reached up, smoothing her hair away from her forehead in a tender gesture that made her want to cry.

"You had an accident," he said.

A sudden, heart-pounding possibility occurred to her. Had the other driver been badly hurt?

"The guy who ran the stop sign is okay," Caleb said. "A broken arm and a few lacerations. He came out better than you."

Julia sighed again, turning her face into Caleb's hand as she slid nearer to the beckoning darkness.

"You're going to be okay," she heard him say, his voice rough and unsteady. "You'll be fine."

CHAPTER TEN

Alaska sucked.

Caleb looked out the trailer window at the sunset, unable to find any joy in the sweeping, mountainous beauty. He hadn't seen any polar bears or glaciers, but the place was damned cold.

Especially after a hot Texas summer.

If only he
could get Julia out of his mind
....

Time was supposed to heal all wounds. He supposed a month wasn't long enough 'cause his wounds sure as hell weren't healing. He'd thought he had escaped before any real damage was done, left soon enough to prevent catastrophe for both of them. He'd been
wrong. At least about himself.

He leaned back, propping his booted feet up on the cushioned seat in his minuscule dining area.

Driving up to the job had seemed like a good idea at the time, but the days on the road had given h
im too much time alone to think...
and worry.

He'd stopped twice and called the hospital to see how Julia was doing. Once he'd pretended to be her nonexistent brother.

They said she was improving every day, that there'd be no permanent damage. He'd had to bully an intern to get that much information.

Then when he'd called back two weeks ago, she'd already left the hospital. Convalescing at home, the nurse had said.

Thank God, he'd been able to find her sister's phone number. The woman, Eileen, had been frantic when he called just after the wreck, but she'd promised to come take care of Julia.

Caleb couldn't stay to nurse her back to health. He'd had to dredge up every ounce of willpower to leave when he did. Staying wasn't an option. He couldn't be the man she needed.

Amazingly, he hadn't dreamed about the accident, hadn't woken up in a cold sweat with the image of Julia's limp body.

She was alive.

Those frantic moments of trying to revive her, desperate to snatch her
life out of the balance, had re
played themselves during the days. At work when his hands were busy, but his mind free, he remembered every detail. How natural it had seemed. He'd done what he had to do, a complete professional-
-
except for his urgent prayers.

It was probably crazy, but wrestling for Julia's life and winning had left him with a strangely victorious sensation that still hit him in odd moments. That kind of experience had been part of what had initially drawn him to medicine. Triumphing over death and illness, helping the body's healing process with hard-won knowledge and the skills passed on by ge
nerations of doctors before him
....

His emotions on the subject were definitely mixed. In fact, the whole damn thing was a jumble. Clearly Alaska wasn't far enough away from Julia, and the strong feelings only she could evoke.

A knock on the trailer door jolted Caleb. "Yeah?"

The door opened and Sherry stuck her head inside.

"Hey, a bunch of us are meeting for a drink in an hour at the roadhouse down the way. Wanna come?"

What a difference six months made. Before he'd been irritated just to have a woman dropping by the building site, now he worked next to one. Sherry was a damn good foreman. She was also fabulous looking, a natural beauty with a mane of dark hair and incredible dark eyes.

"Well?" she prompted. "Unless you've got a hot date tonight, get your butt in gear and meet us."

A dry laugh escaped him. "No hot dates."

"I didn't think so," she said, mock pity in her voice. "But if you get cleaned up and ask nicely, I'll even dance with you."

"Okay," he agreed, dropping his feet to the floor.

"Good." She closed the door.

Caleb stared at the spot where she'd been. He couldn't ask for a nicer, sexier diversion from his thoughts. But up to this point, he hadn't been able to locate his libido.

Maybe tonight would be different. Sherry had made it clear to him on several occasions that she
was uninterested in a more physical interaction
. She should be perfect for his requirements.

Getting up, he shucked his clothes, heading for the shower.

*

The rustic roadhouse was crammed to capacity. Caleb wove his way back from the bar, balancing two beers. When he reached the cluster of tables commandeered by the resort construction crew, he placed Sherry's beer in front of her.

"Thanks," she said, her eyes sultry. "Wanna dance?"

Caleb hesitated only a fraction of a second before setting his beer down. "Sure."

Sherry took his hand and headed into the crowd on the dance floor. The music was loud and rhythmic. The dark-haired woman snuggled close, her breasts brushing his chest. He focused on the curvaceous body in his arms, willing himself to get aroused.

They danced to two songs and then returned to the table. Caleb sat next to her, letting the conversation flow over him. They were a boisterous bunch, hard-working adventurers who'd come here partly for the money, but mostly for the hell of it.

After an hour, Sherry said, "Well, I'm headin' home. Gotta work tomorrow."

A chorus of voices met her announcement, some teasing, several offering sugg
estively to accompany her home.

"Nope," she said, grinning. "Caleb is going to walk me to my truck. 'Night, guys."

Caleb rose amid congratulations and helped her into her jacket. Like the other guys in the bar, he knew the routine, knew a willing woman when she hit him over the head.

They left the bar and walked through the dark, cold parking lot to where Sherry had left her truck.

She turned to him. "You're one sexy guy, Caleb Hayden."

Suddenly her arms wreathed around his neck, the tilt of her body bringing her breasts fully against him. She tugged at his head and pulled him down to her kiss.

Caleb was aware of the softness of her lips, the lushness of her firm, womanly body against his. He let her kiss him, making n
o response. Feeling no response...
to her, anyway.

An image of Julia's face sprang into his mind.

Caleb pulled back an instant, registering the surprised look in Sherry's eyes. He had to get over this.

Bending toward her again, he leveled his mouth against hers. Most things in life were about determination.

Kissing her, Caleb struggled with his own reaction
. Or lack of a reaction
. It was impossible, but Sherry's touch had a bizarre effect on him. Here, with another woman kissing him, he wanted Julia with a sudden intensity that shook him. In a wave of longing, feelings of hunger, need and loss raged through Caleb.

After a moment, Sherry pulled back. "Honey, I don't know who she is, but you've got it bad."

He drew a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Yes."

''I'm sorry," Sherry said, a good-natured inflection in her voice. " 'Cause I'm sure you're great in bed."

Caleb's laugh was ironic. "Right now, I'm not great anyplace."

The ride alone back to his trailer was dark and too brief. A hundred thoughts raced through his mind. Strangely enough, he thought first of Julia standing in his trailer that long-ago evening denouncing him as a coward.

She'd been furious, both angry and hurt. Filled with pride and so upset with him that she'd shook. Of course, he'd gotten angry right back. What man wouldn't when the woman he loved called him names to his face?

He did love her.

God, with all his heart and soul. All along he'd known she didn't care about his job, whether he was a physician or a garbage collector. She'd just picked up his own turmoil about medicine.

He'd denied it, pushed the truth aside. There were times he ached to return to his former life. Brief, furtive longings that he'd done his damnedest to ignore.

Caleb drove on to the job site and parked. Emotion, hot and piercing filled his chest. Julia. Even the thought of her name left him wanting to cry.

Stupid of him to think he could get so close to her warmth and love of life and walk away unscathed. She'd reached inside him and awakened every lonely, unfulfilled desire. Made him feel bigger and stronger than he was. He'd fought it, of course.

Leaving Texas had been his gift to her. Hadn't it? He'd left to protect her from him. He couldn't be who she needed.

Was there a chance that she'd been right about him? That he was a coward, leaving because he didn't want to get hurt himself?

Any way he looked at it Caleb came up with the same answer. He'd left for her, to protect her.