Happy Hour (Racing on the Edge) (47 page)

I could have it all.

With Sway, we could have it all. I’ll prove it and if there is one thing I’m good at, it was proving something I believed in.

I realized what had changed within me after she left.

The truth was, I’d give it all away to have someone love me for me and feel the way I felt during those three weeks.

Was that really so much to ask for?

Well, probably, but I didn’t care anymore. I wanted more than just a taste.

12.
            
Firewall
–
Sway

Firewall – This is a solid metal plate that separates the engine compartment from the driver’s compartment of a race car.

In my twenty-two years I realized a few things—some simple, some not. The most important, your life can change on you in an instant and in some unexpected ways.

The change is often unanticipated, never prepared for and the outcome is typically never what you’d hoped. Soon you find yourself trapped in the shattering aftermath, struggling to piece the broken and blurred edges of your life back together. Some people run from it, causing further damage. Some endure it, and well, some hide from it fearing the unknown or the change itself.

Personally, I’ve never been one to run from anything in life. Charlotte was a prime example of that. Throughout most of my life, I’ve had a do or die attitude about most everything.

To hear that my father was dying of brain cancer was almost too much to tolerate with an already broken heart. I was sure therapy could only help so much before medication would be my only answer.

I sat there in the living room of our home while Charlie and his girlfriend, Andrea, told me he was dying.

Now the only reason they were telling me this was because I ran across some legal documents on the counter that morning while making breakfast. Those legal documents consisted of a title transfer of Grays Harbor Raceway to a one Jameson Anthony Riley of Mooresville North Carolina.

“How long?” I asked my voice just above a whisper. The tears hadn’t stopped since I saw the name Jameson Anthony Riley. “How long did they give you?”

Charlie looked at me for a long moment; his voice broke as he uttered the words. “Six months
...
or less,”

Shaking my head violently, I tried to comprehend what he was telling me but at that point, I was beyond handling anything.

I was numb and the one person I wanted here with me wasn’t.

Charlie moved to sit next to me. “I know this is hard, baby.” He leaned in placing a kiss to my temple. “I wanted to tell you so many times, but how do you tell your only child that you’re dying?”

I just nodded knowing he never intentionally wanted to hurt me. Hurting me was the last thing he wanted to do. I understood completely why he had reserve for not telling me. Here was a man who had to bury his childhood love at twenty-five and raise their only daughter himself. Of course, he had reserves for telling me.

“Having Jameson take over ownership of the track was to ensure it stayed in rightful hands.” He added. “He’s young and knows how to run a business.”

This track meant everything to Charlie and me. When his world was shattered by the death of my mother, this track pulled him together. It gave him a reason to go on and brought us together in a time when we needed each other most. I had a feeling this was also Charlie’s way of ensuring that I had something to distract me. I’d be too occupied with the operation of the track to grief his death.

Nodding again, Lucas and Logan, Andrea’s six-year twin boys, barreled into the room. Andrea had moved in recently to help take care of Charlie—her son’s came along.

“Why is she crying?” Logan asked taking a seat on his mom’s lap. “Did your boyfriend dump you?” he smiled at me. This wasn’t a smile you’d see on a six-year old
...
it was an evil smile.

It was something similar to the Joker in those
Batman
movies.

In that moment, I did something completely juvenile and stuck my tongue out at him in sheer desperation.

This went on for a while, this little shit tormenting me while Andrea tried to get him to leave me alone, but he didn’t and soon his brother, Lucas, joined in until I was at the point where I was going to snap their tiny little heads off. So I grabbed Jack from the cabinet and headed for the track.

This track had helped me through so much over the years and I knew I’d find peace there, with Jack Daniels. Jack never let me down; he was always there for me.

An hour later, Jack definitely didn’t let me down.

You realize what your life has become when you’re sitting inside a sprint car in the middle of the day drinking Jack Daniels directly from the bottle and talking to that bottle like it was your best friend.

In between shots, I could hear the gravel crunching beside me, and then a heavy dramatic sigh of disappointment.

“Is that you Jack? Why are you disappointed in me?” I stared at him wondering what he could possibly be thinking, running my fingertips down his dark label.

“Judging by that bottle in your hand, I’m assuming he broke your heart?” I looked up and saw Alley—at least I thought it was her—my vision was a tad obscured.

At that point, I could be hallucinating.

“Jack didn’t do anything.” I laughed attempting to stretch my legs. “He’s a poor innocent bystander.” I stroked his neck in reassurance so Alley didn’t offend him.

Alley sighed again ripping him from my hands. “Not Jack—Jameson,” She stepped back to look at me. “Whose car is this?”

“I don’t know
...
I’m in a car?” My head lulled to the side feeling the results of Jack.

Looking around, I realized she was right. No wonder I was so scrunched.

Before I became a permanent fixture, I decided to extract myself from the car. Once I was out, I fell to the gravel and dirt beneath me.

Alley picked me up—at least I thought it was her—it smelled like her.

Leaning against her, if you classify most of your weight on that person leaning, we walked. At least I thought we were walking. I needed a lot of assistance just to put one foot in front of the other. It seemed Jack did a number on me too.

“So what did he do?” Alley asked.

 I reached for Jack again but she pushed my hand away. “Who?”

“Jameson.”

“He did exactly what you thought
...
he used me for
his
determined benefits.” I admitted. Dragging my feet through the dirt, my white flip-flops turned an ugly brown as we passed through the pit entrance. “How did you find me? Why aren’t you with Lane?”

“Lane’s here. He’s visiting with Andrea, Charlie, and the twins.” She laughed. “Those are some interesting kids she has.”

“They’re assholes. I almost punched the little one in the face this morning after he came out of my room wearing my thong underwear over his pajamas.”

Alley chuckled but said nothing.

“How did you know where I was?” I asked looking up, her eyes were anxious.

“Charlie told me that you came here.” She said resting her head against mine. It was a sweet gesture, not like Alley.

“Did he tell you
...
?”

“Yeah sweetie, Andrea told me that Charlie talked to you tonight.”

I felt warm familiar tears slip down my cheeks.

After about an hour, no doubt from Jack’s influence, I spilled my guts. “I hate that they kept it from me. I hate that they lied to me. I hate that Jameson knew and didn’t tell me but most of all
...
I hate that I’m not upset. I’m not upset that they didn’t tell me. I can’t find it in me to hate either one of them because
...
I love both of them more than anything and to be mad at them would just be a waste.”

“I know.” Alley agreed. “I would be hurt if my dad kept that from me or Spencer. But I understand your feelings here.” We were sitting against the maintenance shed right outside the pit entrance when she reached for my hand. “What did Jameson say?”

“I haven’t talked to him since I left Sonoma. I think he’s in North Dakota
...
if he got out of jail that is.” My voice was bitter despite me not being mad at him.

“He was released this morning.” Alley laughed. “Jimi made him spend the night in jail.”

“Oh,” Was all I said.

I also hated that he hadn’t even called. I mean, I know we parted on ill terms but just because we had one fight didn’t mean I stopped being his best friend.

But then again, he
was
in jail.

“Do you think he did what they charged him with?”

“No.” she replied with no hesitation. “I had a meeting with Simplex this morning and briefed them on everything. There is no way in hell he sexually assaulted her,
no
way
. Chelsea claimed he assaulted her, which from his statement with Phillip he pushed her off him so yes, that could be considered assault because let’s face it, Jameson is never gentle. But she also claimed he forced her to give him oral sex,” she raised her hand when I gasped. “He didn’t.”

“I wonder what she’s out to prove.”

“Jameson said she wants him back.”

“Well, he’s a free agent so
...
” I hated saying that but I would never be more than his pit lizard with his determined benefits. He made that clear.

“He’s not a free agent Sway and he
never
was. Jameson loves you, he always has. I knew that when I first met you two on that plane ride when we were kids.”

“Then why did you not want us together?”

“Because
...
Jameson has a lot of growing up to do and if you haven’t noticed, he’s a fucking child with text book anger issues. He should be medicated.”

I drew in a heavy breath. “Why do I love him? Why am I ready to just forget everything just to hear him say he loves me?” I whined.

Alley laughed again. “Sweetie,
that’s
love. Why do you think I stay with Spencer? Yeah, our three-year-old son is more mature than he is but Spencer has always been there for me. When you love someone, you love them for who they are, not for who they could become or who
you
think they should be. You love them
and
their faults.”

Alley was right. Yes Jameson kept a secret from me, led me to believe we could have a relationship, and then quickly put it to an end when he found out my feelings were the same as his but even with all that
...
I loved him. I loved the cocky arrogant crazy Jameson, with his extreme anger problem and his dirty heathen talking. I loved him for who he was, regardless of his faults. So despite the fact that he said we couldn’t be together, nothing changed. I still loved him.

I’m so pathetic!