Authors: Kirsty Moseley
He nodded, his hand stroking my back softly. “I will.
Promise.” He kissed my cheek gently before I pulled away and smiled. “I’m going
to miss you, little rebel. We’ll keep in touch though, right?”
I grinned and nodded. “Right,” I confirmed. I took a deep
breath, steeling myself for the next goodbye as I turned to my dad. My mom was
still sobbing up a storm, blowing her nose loudly into a Kleenex so I wanted to
leave her for another minute to sort herself out. “Bye, Daddy.” His arms
wrapped around me tightly, too tightly, and for too long. It was almost as if
he couldn’t let me go, but then he groaned and released me all at once,
stepping back and shoving his hands into his pockets and looking at the floor.
I turned to my mom and smiled, chuckling to myself. “You’re
coming to visit me next weekend,” I reminded her, shaking my head.
She blew out a big breath and looked up at the blue sky. “I
know, I know. I just all of a sudden developed empty nest syndrome. Maybe I
should have listened when your father tried to talk me into having more kids a
few years ago,” she replied, chuckling too as she swiped at her nose again.
“I’m still up for the idea,” Dad said behind her.
I cringed, as did Alex. “Seriously. No,” I begged. “Save
that conversation for once I’ve left, okay?” I joked, wrapping an arm around my
mom’s shoulders and planting a kiss on her wet cheek.
“And once I’ve left home too. I
do not
want to hear
that kind of thing,” Alex chimed in, dramatically shuddering.
I giggled, loosening my grip on my mom and stepping back so
she was at arm’s length. I gripped her shoulders, looking into her blue eyes
that I’d inherited. “I’ll see you in a week. I love you,” I told her honestly.
She sniffed loudly and lifted her chin. “I love you, too.”
And then it was Alex’s turn, which was probably going to be
the hardest one of all. We’d never really been apart before. Although he drove
me crazy, we were still very close so it was hard knowing that I wasn’t going
to see him for a while.
He kicked at the ground, his shoulders hunched as he frowned
down at the floor as if it had offended him somehow. “Gonna miss me?” I asked,
cocking my head to the side, willing myself to be strong and not cry. I didn’t
want to have a watery goodbye, so I’d promised myself that I’d be strong for
this.
“No,” he scoffed, shaking his head dismissively. “You gonna
miss me?”
A smile twitched at the corners of my mouth. “No.”
He chewed on his lip and kicked at the floor a couple more
times before looking up at me with sad eyes. “Make sure you tell everyone that
you have a brother that’s a kickboxing champion and that he’ll happily beat the
shit out of every single guy that looks in your direction.” His tone wasn’t
even a little bit joking which made me laugh.
“I will don’t worry.” I crossed my heart with one finger,
grinning up at him.
He sighed and reached out, yanking open the driver’s door
for me. “Drive carefully. Keep your chin up. And don’t let those summer school
kids walk all over you,” he instructed. “I’m at the end of a phone, and I can
be there in six hours if you need me.”
“It’s a nine hour drive,” I teased smugly.
He shrugged. “I could make it in six if I needed to,” he
joked. Suddenly he sighed, looking away from me and up at the horizon. “I don’t
want to say bye, so just go. I’ll see you soon.” He was gnawing on his lip
furiously, and I was sure he was going to hurt himself soon, but that was his
way of coping. He didn’t really like to show a weakness. It was probably down
to his training for his fights, he was always taught not to show weakness
because it can so easily be used against you.
“I’ll see you soon,” I replied. I looked back to see that my
dad was hugging my mom who was all out bawling now and was sure to be leaving a
gross trail all over his shirt, but he didn’t look like he cared. His eyes met
mine and in those few seconds his eyes told me everything I needed to know. He
didn’t need to say the words for me to understand how much he was going to miss
me and how worried he was that I was going off alone after everything that I’d
been through recently.
I smiled reassuringly before catching Zach’s eye and giving
him a small wave. I didn’t wait for anymore goodbyes; I just climbed into the
car and buckled my seatbelt, letting Alex slam the door behind me. His hand
gripped at the open window frame, his knuckles going white before he let go,
turned and stalked back into the house without another word.
I swallowed the lump in my throat, but I didn’t doubt that I
was doing the right thing for myself in leaving. I needed this. I was
suffocating here, and I needed to escape the memories that taunted me on a
daily basis. As I started the engine I noticed that Zach had followed Alex into
the house. I smiled to myself because I knew that he’d keep good on his promise
and would make sure that my brother was okay.
I pulled out of the drive, determined not to look back. The
car rolled down the road and as I got about three houses away I suddenly
started to panic. My foot came off the gas and hovered above the brake. I
hesitated for a second, looking in my rear-view mirror, seeing my parents
standing there still, watching me go. My resolve faltered, my courage
disappeared in an instant, and I suddenly doubted that I was strong enough be
alone and start over.
Just as I was about to depress the brake and turn the car
around so I could stay, my dad raised his hand, waving goodbye before turning
my mom away and leading her inside.
My eyes glazed over as I turned my attention back to the
road ahead. That one little move from him gave me my confidence back. He hadn’t
stood there expecting my return, he’d waved goodbye and then gone back inside.
He had more faith in me than I did and had no doubt in his mind that I was
leaving and that this was it. He obviously hadn’t seen my foot hovering as my
mind wavered. My dad’s small wave goodbye gave me one last boost in confidence,
so I pressed my foot down on the gas and rolled down the road again.
As the street disappeared behind me, so did my nerves. I was
going to make it, I knew I was. Sure it would be hard, but I would get there,
eventually. Maybe one day my heart would stop hurting and I’d be able to think
of Luke without it crushing me inside. Maybe I’d even be happy again one day.
Who knows.
The necklace dangled where it had been hung for the last
year or so – over the post of my bed. Every now and again the light would catch
it in a certain way, making the diamond on the front sparkle. Then it would
draw my attention and the memories would flood back at once. That was usually
one of the nights that I cried myself to sleep. It didn’t happen very often now
though; for the most part I’d moved on. I used the words ‘moved on’ in a very
liberal sense because only parts of my life had progressed beyond eating
ice-cream and sitting around in my pyjamas. I knew I would never be over it
completely.
In some ways though I had managed to regain some semblance
of the old Maisie. I had just started in my second year at college; I had a new
bunch of friends, and a job that I worked at the weekends selling electrical
appliances. My new friends didn’t know much of what went on, just that my
boyfriend had died in an accident, nothing else. One of my roommates was even
doing the same course as me, so we had become pretty close.
Today was a hard day. Today was valentine’s day, and of
course I didn’t have a date. Not that I wanted one, because I didn’t date at
all, not since Luke. But today was a day for love, for kissing and cuddling,
and for telling your partner that you loved them entirely. And I was alone.
I sighed now and reached for the locket, easing it up off of
the bedpost. The metal was smooth and cold to the touch as I ran my finger over
the swirly pattern on the front. When I got to the side of it, I popped the
catch and looked down at the photo. I hadn’t changed it from the one that Luke
had put in there when he gave it to me. I smiled down at the badly cropped
photo of us that he’d managed to get inside there. My smile in the photo was a
genuine one, and I longed to be able to smile that easily again. Happiness came
so easy back then, but now I had to work hard for it. Being ‘normal’ was hard
work for me, but I still had hope that one day I’d get there.
I didn’t read the words on the back of the locket, they
always upset me and made me feel miserable for the whole day, so instead I just
closed it and hung it back into its place on my bed. I forced myself to get to
my feet.
Maybe college will give me a distraction and stop me feeling sorry
for myself.
Grabbing my backpack, I slipped on my converse and trudged
across my room to my door. I was in halls, so I had my own room but shared a
bathroom, kitchen and lounge with three other, what can only be described as,
animals. I cringed as I stepped out into the messy hallway, almost stumbling
over a pair of shoes that had been abandoned casually in the middle of the
walkway. I sighed and kicked them over to the side, shouldering my bag as I
stepped into the kitchen.
Georgia was sitting at the counter, munching Cheerios
straight from the box, watching Jerry Springer and chewing loudly. She stopped,
a handful of Cheerios half way to her mouth. “What the? He’s not the dad? Well
be grateful, sister, because bad teeth are genetic,” she jeered, chuckling to
herself before throwing in another mouthful of cereal, dropping some down her
shirt in the process. I smiled. Georgia, my best friend at college, was a talk
show freak, and had to have her fill of drama before college every day.
“Morning,” I greeted, dropping my bag on the counter,
narrowly avoiding knocking over a dirty bowl that looked to have contained
cereal once.
She didn’t take her eyes off of the TV as she offered me the
box of cereal she was eating. “DNA tests reveal that he’s not the father of her
child even though she told him she didn’t sleep with anyone else while they
were married. Apparently he has his suspicions that she slept with his brother
though,” she explained without greeting me.
I stuffed my hand into the box, grabbing a handful out too.
“Sounds like it’s just getting interesting,” I replied, pulling up a stool and
watching too, just for something to do.
Georgia glanced at me from the corner of her eye. “You okay today?”
“Peachy,” I lied, nodding and willing her to drop the
subject.
She snorted, putting down the box and turning off the TV as
she twisted in her chair so she was facing me. “Know what we’re going to do
tonight?” I raised one eyebrow in prompt, shrugging. “Drunkeness. Total fall on
your face, flash your underwear, and throw up in the street drunkenness,” she
answered, crossing her arms over her chest. Her expression was stern,
challenging even, almost as if she was daring me to oppose her.
I laughed and let out a little groan. When she turned off
Springer I knew she was serious. She never turned off Springer for anything,
she was a total fangirl. If she wanted drunkenness tonight, then drunkenness
would be had whether I wanted it or not. Georgia, being the great friend that
she was, had rejected the date with her boyfriend, Ste, tonight because she
knew that I would be alone. She was a great friend even though I had only known
her for a year and a bit.
“Sounds great. I’ll remember to put on nice underwear then,”
I joked, rolling my eyes.
She grinned. “I’m going to wear Bridget Jones pants and make
sure that Ste gets a peek, you know he loves those big pants, the freaky boy.”
I laughed and shook my head; she was always like this,
crude, loud and in your face. But it was nice because she seemed to bring out
the best of me too. “Are we ready for class?” I asked hopefully.
She nodded, throwing in one last handful of cereal. “Mmm
rebby,” she mumbled with her mouth full.
The walk to college was short because we lived just outside
the campus. Georgia linked her arm through mine as we walked; telling me about
the bars that we would visit tonight and which ones we had to avoid because
they’d already rumbled our fake IDs.
When we finally arrived and started making our way up the
steps into the main building, someone called my name behind me. I turned,
automatically plastering on a fake smile because I knew that was to be expected
of me.
As I turned I saw a guy with light brown hair that fell over
his forehead and curled at the nape of his neck, and a shaggy, messy beard
covered his face. His blue eyes met mine and crinkled around the edges as he
smiled broadly. I frowned, a little bemused. I didn’t recognise the guy at all,
so had no idea how he would know my name.
“Hi,” I greeted politely.
He laughed, and the sound struck a chord somewhere deep down
inside me, but I had no idea why. “Don’t you recognise me?” he asked, holding
his hands out to the side and looking down at himself. I raked my eyes over him
too. Taking in his cowboy boots, fitted jeans, his white button down shirt, and
brown suit jacket that that he wore over the top. He held a single red rose in
one hand. I looked back up at his face. His nose and lips looked a little
familiar, but other than that, nothing.
“Should I?” I asked, raising one eyebrow in question.
He took a step closer to me and Georgia’s hand wrapped
around my forearm, pulling me closer to her. The guy noticed and grinned,
shaking his head. “I won’t hurt her, don’t worry.”
His voice. There was something about the way his words
sounded and flowed, how his amusement coloured his tone. It was extremely
familiar to me, but I couldn’t place it.
“Still not recognise me? That hurts, little rebel,” he
teased.
My heart leapt into my throat at the nickname. “Zach?” I
gasped, looking him over again and shaking my head in disbelief. He looked so
different it was no wonder I hadn’t known who he was.