Forgiving Patience (17 page)

“Why not?”

“I think we’ve already tried that,
and it didn’t work out too well for us.”

“True, but we can always have a
do-over. Make a new memory of our past.”

How insightful. If only they could
have do-overs in life. She knew her life would be different and didn’t doubt
his would too. But that wasn’t the way life played out. Their only option was
to learn how to deal.

Without asking, he took the seat Tommy
had so recently occupied. It was the one closest to her. She needed to stay
focused on the way-too-attractive male taking up residence at her table.

Running his gaze down to her chest,
he said, “You sure can fill out a shirt.”

“I’m nothing compared to your lady
friend.”

“What lady friend?”

“The one over there not taking it
kindly that you’re talking to another woman.” Crap—she hadn’t meant to say that
aloud.

“Who? Carly? I never took notice of
her chest.”

“I find that hard to believe since
they’re out to here.” Anna cupped her hands out in front of her chest. “Just
drop it, it’s nothing, forget it. You want to lose your date to someone else,
so be it.”

“Jealous?” he asked.

A little too quickly, she responded,
“Of course not.”

“Good, because let me make it clear
to you, if I wanted Carly I would have her. She would be more than willing.
Overall, she would be an easy lay, but I don’t want
her
.”

What did he mean by that? He said it
like there was another
her
he wanted. Was it possible he had another woman lined
up…or worse, waiting for him back at home? Surely not. Anna knew he could be a
jerk, but he wasn’t capable of just being cruel to her on purpose, and he had
to know that would be downright wrong.

She took a sip of her watered-down
Coke to give herself a minute. His intense stare brought her attention back up.

His mood seemed lighter than it was
when she’d seen him earlier. During the game he was too serious for a
for
fun
ballgame. Now, he
seemed back to his charming and cocky ways. She didn’t know which she liked
better. The charming Jake caused her to be off balance.

She found most men easily forgotten,
but Jake…she could never forget this man.

She was nervous with the way the
conversation was headed. “Was Tommy okay? Em was pretty upset.”

“Why are you changing the subject?”

“I have no say in who you bed, or
anything else for that matter.” It was always best to stick with the easy and
straight-to-the-point answer.

“I want you.”

Shock and anger bubbled in her gut,
shock winning out. Her heart was pounding, and her palms were sweating. “I
don’t want to hear anymore.”

“What’s wrong with talking about sex
with me?” he asked then tilted his head to one side.

“I just think we need to leave the
past in the past. I agreed to the three dates. Can we just leave it at that for
now?”

“Fine, but sometimes the past comes
back to a head, and you can’t do anything about it, Anna.”

Chapter Nine

Knowing this was just an arrangement
for her to get back what was hers already didn’t prevent Anna from wearing her
sexiest jeans. Before leaving, she made a stop in the apartment bathroom for
the second or third time to get a look at her backside in the hotel-sized
mirror. Could be better, but not bad, she decided. Most objects did look
terrible in those mirrors. She opted to keep it casual, so instead of wearing a
too-hot tank top, she dressed in a three-quarter length sleeve, teal-blue top
with some simple beading around the collar. After all, she didn’t want Jake to
think she was anticipating their evening together—because she was not. She kept
telling herself she was only doing what needed to be done.

She decided to not let the top down
on her car. No need to mess up the hair she’d spent a good thirty minutes
styling.

The drive over to her house was
similar to the last time, except last time she hadn’t been expecting to find
her ex-boyfriend standing on the front porch. The road still curved left first,
then right, dipped in all the familiar spots, and ended at the same destination
she had been all too eager to once leave. Funny how now she was willing to make
a deal with the guy she swore she would never have anything to do with, just to
get back to this house on the curvy stretch of road.

Since it was summer and the days were
longer, Anna was able to see more of the outside of the house, parts she had
been a little too preoccupied to give attention to before. The yard that had
once shown abandonment, now reflected hard work and pride. The fresh coat of
paint that matched the rest of the painted house covered the chipped front porch
columns. With the addition of the black barnyard shutters that matched the new
black shingled roof, the windows stood out. Shrubs that had once grown up over
the porch had been trimmed back and daylilies lined the front of the bed,
adding enough color to make the entire bed stand up and take notice, but not
enough to take away from the house.

She walked up the steps to two
welcoming rocking chairs framing the big picture window that looked into the
living room. She tried to peer in, but the curtains were drawn shut. That
didn’t stop her from remembering the smoke-stained walls, puke-green carpet
that matched the appliances, and the blue furniture in her mind. A chill ran
down her spine at the memory. The outside of the house was easy, but the inside
was going to be harder for her to deal with. A lot of hurt and pain had been
experienced there, and it was nothing a fresh coat of paint could fix.

But she had to continue with her plan
to live in the house if she ever planned to put all that pain behind her once
and for all. It was probably going to be the hardest thing she ever tried to
do, but she needed to relive what went on in the house so that she could start
to have a normal life—a life where she wasn’t tormented by nightmares. It was
time for her to come to terms with all she’d been through.

Sitting in one of the chairs, she
stared out, proud of the scenery. Her mother would have been proud too. She
would have gone in, but she heard music and soft singing from the side of the
house. She took a minute to take a breath before standing up and going to face
Jake.

A new small porch had been added to
the house. She’d always thought one should be there. It only made sense, since
the kitchen door that led outside was there. She hadn’t seen it last Saturday.
Apparently, Jake had been very busy. It made her feel like she was taking
advantage of Jake and all the money he was sinking into her house, but as soon
as the thought entered her mind, she felt ridiculous. It wasn’t like she was
making him do this, so she shouldn’t feel bad for what he did with his own
money.

A rock ballad streamed through the
new screen door. Jake had his back to her at first, but as if sensing she was
around, he said, “Hey, sweetness.”

At first the newfound nickname had
irritated her, but now, not so much. It seemed natural to her, and she liked
the way it rolled off Jake’s tongue every time he said it.

“Back at ya, slugger.” Was she
flirting? It sure did sound like it. It had been so long since she’d been
around an eligible man; she didn’t even know what she was doing anymore. Even
though she wasn’t interested in Jake in that way, it didn’t mean she couldn’t
enjoy herself a little, and if that involved flirting…then so be it. She could
flirt with a man and leave it at that—she was sure of it.

“You keep calling me that and we
won’t even make it to dinner.” He still had his back to her, so she couldn’t
see his face.

When she didn’t say anything in
return, he turned to peer at her over his shoulder. “Don’t worry, that was a
joke. But I do like the nickname.”

Her heart slowed back to normal
rhythm, and she hoped it was from relief and nothing else. This degree of
flirting was beginning to be acceptable, but it stopped right there.

“The house looks great,” she said.

“It’s coming along. I’ve still got
some work to do on the inside, but hopefully I can have a lot of that done
before our three dates are over.”

If he only knew how much work the
inside needed. There were things he didn’t know existed and would never be able
to change. The inside required more work than just what stood out to the naked
eye. She didn’t know exactly what the rooms needed to cleanse them, but she was
sure it was more than Jake had bargained for. He could never know the evil she
had endured.

“My mother would have loved the daylilies
out front. She had always wanted to plant more than just the bushes. She wanted
it to be pretty.”

“Do you like them?”

“Yes, of course. Why wouldn’t I?”

“Just making sure. You ready to eat?”

Walking onto the new porch, she
tackled the house and everything that came with it. All the memories and
emotions came flooding back. It was like a slideshow being played over and over
in her mind.

She hadn’t noticed he was waiting on
the other side of the screen door. “You all right?”

Anna put one foot in front of the
other and opened the door, letting it slam behind her. The panic and anxiety
she was waiting to wash over her never did. Her chest didn’t constrict, causing
her lungs to close off her breath. She didn’t feel light-headed, and she didn’t
faint. It was strange to be back there again, but that was expected for anyone
who had been away as long as she had, but that was all she felt. At least in
the kitchen, that’s all she felt.

The same ancient green stove and
refrigerator stood at opposite walls, connected by stained white counter tops
and cabinets. Over the sink was the window, looking out onto the backyard. A
two-seat kitchen table was in the middle of the room with a couple of plates,
napkins, silverware, and one single burning candle sitting on it.

“You okay, baby? You lost a little
color there for a minute.”

“I’m fine. I just haven’t been in the
house in a long time. It looks the same.”

“Shit. I’m sorry. I forgot that you
haven’t even been inside the house. You want to look around before we eat? Not
much has changed in here, except maybe bits and pieces of the master bedroom.
I’ve been working on it off and on, depending on the weather. I don’t like to
stay inside on a sunny day.”

“No,” she blurted out. “That’s all
right. I’m starved. Let’s go ahead and eat while it’s hot.”

“Whatever you say. Tonight’s about
you.”

That took her aback. “Me? Why me?”

“Because you’re the one who agreed to
these dates.” He sported a wicked grin.

She was thankful for the lightness of
the mood. “Real funny.” She smiled back, and it felt good. Really, really good.

“So tell me why you stayed in
Linden…I mean what do you like about it?” Jake asked as they both sat at the
rectangular table for dinner.

“My aunt lives there, for one. I also
grew to like the people and town. It’s simple.”

Jake cut into his steak and took a
bite. “It’s not much bigger than Patience.” He said it like he knew it, so
matter-of-fact.

“It’s about the size of Patience…but
different.”

“How so?”

“I guess it’s just the people are
different. They don’t know every part of my past. What they know is what I’ve
told them, and that’s peace of mind for me.”

“What’s wrong with your past? Why do
you care what others think and know, for that matter?”

Her baked potato and steak smelled
terrific. She took time dressing her baked potato, giving herself time to think
about how to answer. She loaded hers with ranch dressing, butter, and shredded
cheese. The cheese melted on contact. After taking a hefty bite, she decided to
answer his question. “I don’t know…I guess parts of my past are painful.”

Jake set down his fork and wiped his
mouth with a napkin. “Anna, I think we need to talk about a few things. I—”

“No. Not tonight. There’s more to my
past than just you, Jake. I don’t want to talk about it. Not right now, at
least.”

“Okay, but when you’re ready, there
are a few things I need to say to you,” he said and then added, “What do you do
for work?”

If only Jake knew all of her past.
Indeed, there was much more to it than him breaking her heart. There was a dark
part. What would he think about that part of her life? Would he feel sorry for
her?—which was something she hated, and the main reason she kept it to herself.
Would he think she was dirty in some way? There was no way of knowing what his
reaction would be, and she wasn’t sure she wanted to find out.

“I work at a small car insurance
company. It’s mostly data entry, but it’s work, and I like the people I work
with.”

“You’re not happy.”

“What—with my job?”