Finding Promise (The Promise Series, A Small Town Romance) (13 page)

“Yes. Didn’t you notice? I haven’t been able to take my eyes
off of you since the first night I saw you.”

She blushed profusely, charming him into saying, “I love
that you do that. I love that I make you do that.”

Caroline didn’t know what to say. His comment reminded her
of what Patsy had said that morning about curing her blush, which only made her
cheeks get hotter. Then he lowered his warm, firm mouth to hers and any
thoughts left her mind. The kiss was sweet and tentative at first. He used his
lips, softly, slowly as though he was testing the waters. The gentleness was
teasing and excruciatingly erotic. Nibbling her lower lip softly with his
teeth, he urged her mouth open, pulling her closer to him, her hands around her
waist. He nibbled her lower lip, parting her lips. She arms crept around him,
catching the hair at the nape of his neck. Sweet heaven! The man could kiss.

Hell, what a kiss! He knew it would be good but this was
extraordinary. If kissing her was like this, he could only imagine what they’d
be like between the sheets. He moved his mouth along her neck, trailing kisses
until he got to her ear and then went back to her mouth, wanting to taste her
again. She made tiny, moaning sounds that encouraged him. Desire burning, he
deepened the kiss, laying her down on the ground as he did so.

The contact with the grass brought her to reality. “Wait.”

He stopped, shocked. “What’s wrong? By the way you were
responding to the kiss, I thought you were interested? Did I misinterpret
things?”

Okay. Here it comes. It was time for a bit of honesty. He was
a good guy and deserved more than what she was giving him. What she was willing
to give him. “I am interested and very flattered.” She looked up at him shyly,
embarrassed by the passion she’d shown and felt. She’d certainly never behaved
that way with James and didn’t know what kind of reaction to expect from him.

“I have something to tell you and I have to be honest. It’s
hard for me, so please bear with me.” She took his hand in hers, initially to
soften what she was going to say and then realised that it comforted her, it
maintained a connection with him. “I come from a very wealthy family, a very
controlling and wealthy family. My late husband came from the same background
as I did. In fact, our families were and still are close friends. James and I
started going out when I was very young, during my sophomore year in high
school. He was a good bit older than me but then I thought it was fabulous. He
was my first boyfriend and then, when we got married, my first lover. Thus far
he’s been the only man I’ve ever kissed and my only lover.”

“You’re still in love with him.” It was more of a statement
than a question. He felt as though the pit of his stomach was being filled with
led.

“No. I stopped loving James a long time ago. I had an
unhappy marriage, Luke. A few months into the marriage James started showing
his true colours.”

“Did he abuse you?” He felt rage at the thought of her dead
husband or any man laying a finger on her.

“No, not in the way you think. He never physically abused me
but it was emotional abuse. How do I explain this?” She stopped, thinking about
how she could possibly describe her marriage without seeming like a doormat.
How does one explain emotional abuse and its impact?  “You see my father
and James were very alike. They were successful, powerful and exceptionally
controlling. They both saw me in a certain role, first that of a society
daughter and then a society wife. I had no say and no control over my life.”

She looked at him, noticing only empathy, no criticism, so
she shared, “I’m finding that easier now. To take control of my life and what
I’m doing in Promise is helping me with that. What’s difficult still is what
happened in my marriage to James.” Taking a deep breath, because this would be
the hardest part, Caroline confided, “Luke, I’m frigid.”

“I beg to differ.” It was an automatic rebuttal, forcibly
said, and seeing Caroline retreat, he endeavoured to explain, “Caroline, your
response to that kiss was indicative of passion, not frigidity. Explain to me
what you mean by that? I’m not sure, given my experience with you, that I
understand. If you explain why you believe that you’re frigid then maybe I can
help.” He brought her to his side, holding her while they sat there in the
darkening light, on the grass. Her ex-husband sounded like a bastard.

“I was married to James for five years and we made love a
total of twelve times. I didn’t once experience an orgasm. What’s more, James
didn’t enjoy our lovemaking. He told me that. He said that because of my frigidness,
he had to look for sex elsewhere. And he did, he had numerous affairs.” 
Luke noted that she said that in such a matter of fact tone that the hurt that
her previous sexual experiences had caused was deeply buried.

Feeling her in his arms, memories of her passionate response
to his kiss still fresh in his mind, he couldn’t help but think that James had
been an absolute fool, a selfish fool. “I can’t speak for James but I can speak
for myself. Caro, as inappropriate as this may sound, I have been with other
women.” When she started to move away, he stopped her. “No, I’m not saying what
you think I’m saying. Give me a bit of credit, Caro. I don’t kiss and tell.” He
ran his hands through his hair, which she’d begun to identify as a sign of
frustration or discomfort. “What I’m trying to say is that because I’ve been
with other women, I know passion when I feel it. What I felt with you, from
you, was honestly more passion than I’ve ever felt before. That was one hell of
a kiss, lady. And, if you’d allow, I’d like to do it again. Tell me, did you
enjoy it?” He looked down into her face. She looked so small, so insecure that
it made him feel like burying her in his arms.

Unsure of herself still, Caroline only nodded. 

“Well, if you enjoyed it and I enjoyed it then I think that
proves that you’re not frigid.”

“But Luke that was just a kiss.”

“I know, but it’s a start. It starts with a kiss after all,
doesn’t it?” Good, she was frowning as though she was contemplating what he
said. That was better than insecurity. “The way I see it James didn’t have the
common decency to make love to you the way a man should have. You were a
virgin, he should’ve have taught you, shared with you and then, after a while,
you would’ve taught each other, shared with each other.”

His words echoed what she’d wished for so often that her
eyes filled with tears. She could only nod again, moving closer to the warmth
and security of his arms.

“Okay, so how’s this for a compromise.” He looked into her eyes
to make sure that she understood and so that she could see the sincerity
reflected in his. “How about we take it slow? One step at a time. I’ll go only
as fast as you want me to go. I need to make love to you Caro. I feel so much
wanting, so much desire for you that I feel like I can barely wait.” Seeing her
eye’s pop in shock, “I do. But I want you to be ready and to want it too. When
we make love, it has to be special for you. When we make love, the thoughts of
James must be evicted from your mind and replaced with thoughts of me, you, and
us. What do you think?”

“Your understanding means more to me than I can put into
words. I’m attracted to you and while I’m not sure if I can meet your
expectations, I’m willing to give it a go.” She buried her hands in her face.
“God, I feel embarrassed.”

Smiling at her, he continued to comfort, “Don’t be silly.
There’s nothing to be embarrassed about and you already exceed my expectations.
You had a shitty marriage but you’ve had the courage to move on and create new
beginnings for yourself. This is just another.”

He kissed her again now, keeping his emotions and hormones
on a leash. The kiss was quick, soft and gentle, meant to reassure her.
Afterwards, they wordlessly, they lay together on the ground, in comfortable
silence, holding hands and just staring up at the darkened sky.

--------

Shortly thereafter the night became a cold as a breeze had
picked up, bringing in the chill. Feeling less embarrassed now and a little
cold, Caroline offered, “It’s already dinner time. I have about a month’s
supply of tuna casserole in the fridge, in a variety of flavors and styles. I
must say that I was amazed at the levels of creativity one can aspire to with a
can of tuna. Would you care to join me?”

“Sure, tuna casserole’s my favorite!” He said it with such
mock enthusiasm that she laughed. “No, seriously, it’s not bad. But, I bet
after you’ve eaten a third of it, you won’t want to see anther tuna casserole
for a good amount of time.”

“I’ve already eaten some for lunch, so I think you may be
right about that. As of tomorrow, your crew will start eating it too!” Smiling,
they went into the house.

They ate in companionable silence, not feeling the need to
talk and happy to just be. The simple domestic ritual of having dinner was
comforting, balancing the heavy conversation they had earlier. Luke was dishing
up a second helping of Mary-Lou’s tuna noodle casserole when Rachel and Faith
arrived.

“Hi. Fancy seeing you here, big brother?” Faith didn’t miss
Caroline and Luke’s joint hands under the table. It was about time. By the look
Rachel gave her, she’d seen it too. 

Luke just grunted in response to his sister’s question. Why
did women not only do the ‘eye-speak’ think, they loved to state the darn
obvious. So he gave his irritating sister the response he felt she deserved… a
grunt. 

Hearing the grunt, Caroline laughed and told them what the
welcoming brigade, as she now thought of them too, said about men and grunting.
Looking at the women laughing at him, he grunted again before he could stop
himself. That sent them into peals of laughter.

“Huh. Huh. Huh. I’m glad I could offer you some comic
relief.” Having achieved what he’d come here to do and not wanting to be
subjected to further ‘girl-talk’, he thanked Caro for the meal, confirming that
he’d pick her up at three on Saturday afternoon. But before he left, he bent
down towards her on impulse, not caring that there was an audience and gave her
a scorching kiss to remember. Then he whispered in her ear, “That’s passion for
you. I’ll show you some more on Saturday.”

Caroline was as red as a beetroot sending Faith and Rachel
went into whoops of laughter, shouting catcalls and teasing them both mercilessly.
Embarrassed, she cleared her throat. “Thanks for coming by Luke; I’ll just see
you to the door. Faith, Rachel, please help yourselves. There’s tuna casserole
and if that’s not to your liking, please feel free to check the fridge there’s
a variety of other casseroles as well.”

Showing him to the door, Caroline didn’t see the thumbs-up
that Faith gave her brother, nor the look of smug irritation he returned.

Saturday dawned bright and early. After the events with Luke
the day before, she’d spent a sleepless night, tossing and turning, thoughts of
the kisses and conversation whirling around in her mind. Acknowledging that
trying to fall asleep would be a futile exercise; she decided to tackle her
finances. She’d been putting it off for weeks now and maybe the mundane task
would take her mind off him and their date later. She thought of Luke’s promise
of the passion to come. Strangely, she was nervous, very nervous but excited
too. She’d never felt that way about James. Last night, she’d come to the
realisation that she was so attracted to James initially as she saw him as a
way out of her parent’s home and clutches. Unwittingly, she’d used him at first
as much as he had used her. The tide had turned against her though shortly
after the wedding and she realised that she’d exchanged one gilded change for
another. Funny, how, after all of that, she, a widowed woman, felt like a
teenager being asked on her first date.

--------

Four hours later, Caroline was still sitting at her kitchen
table, a mug of coffee in one hand and pulling at her hair with the other. She
had slips scattered all over the pine table and was trying to make sense of it
all. James had always handled the household finances in conjunction with the
housekeeper and before that; her parents took care of such things. She’d never
looked at a bill or a ledger in her life. The closest she’d come to finance was
swiping her credit card. When she inherited the apartment and money from James,
her father had scoffed at her idea to go see a financial advisor. He didn’t
understand why she’d need one when she had him and he was a successful
businessman after all. Then, when she approached him to discuss it, he had
always been too busy. Pulling herself back to the present, as frustrated as she
felt, she was determined to evaluate her financial situation.

That’s how Faith and Rachel found her.

Faith bounced into the room wearing a t-shirt and denim
shorts, a bikini top sticking out at the nape of her neck. “Hi. How’s it going?
It’s such a nice day, we thought we’d pop by and ask if you wanted to come to
the beach with us. We need to do some sun-worshipping? You’ve been here for
three weeks and I can’t remember seeing you even set foot on the beach!”

“Don’t be fooled, Caroline, the only worshipping that Faith
wants to do is directed at the yummy new head life guard. He’s a blonde,
Californian bombshell and our own little blonde bombshell wants to see if they
can dream of californication.” Rachel too was wearing dressed for the beach in
a bright red halter neck and black board shorts.