Finding Me (36 page)

“Knock, knock.” Kelli used the key she’d been given to let herself into Beth’s house.

“Come on back,” Beth called from the bedroom.

Kelli lugged her canvas bag into Beth’s room. “Okay, I brought supplies. Let’s see, a couple of chick flicks on DVD, nail polish, microwave popcorn, and a deck of cards, just in case.”

Beth looked through the loot Kelli had just dropped on the bed. “I haven’t had a girls’ sleepover in about ten years.”

“Well, then it’s about time. Good thing Rand got called out of town on business.”

“This isn’t just a sympathy sleepover, right? Because I’m on bed rest and you’re feeling sorry for me?”

“No, but let’s be honest, if you weren’t on bed rest, we’d be out on the town—well, at least dinner and a movie. So, no, the event itself is not about your bed rest, but the activities have been toned down to suit it.”

Beth took a big gulp out of the liter-sized water bottle she always had at her bedside and nodded. “Good, then. Let’s proceed with the modified girl fun.”

When Rand had been called out of town for a trip that would take almost a week, Kelli had volunteered to stay with Beth on Friday and Saturday night, so that Alison could teach her classes and work on the kids’ musical at church. She would
come back in on Sunday night and take over until Rand got home on Tuesday.

“First on our agenda is telling me what happened between you and Shane.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, you two were all grins and giggles, then suddenly you’re both moping around like you’ve lost your best friend. I know you both like each other, but obviously something happened. What was it?”

Kelli thought about how to answer this and decided there wasn’t a lot of harm in mostly telling the truth. She shrugged. “I told him that I couldn’t see him anymore because I have a boyfriend back home.”

“Wait, what? You have a boyfriend back home? How come I’ve never heard about him? Are you holding out on me?”

“No.” Kelli picked up a bottle of nail polish and twirled it around. “I mean, I did have a boyfriend, but we broke up a few months ago.”

Beth folded her arms across her rapidly expanding midsection. “Spill.”

“I caught him cheating, end of story. It wasn’t like I was in love with the guy. We hadn’t been dating that long.”

“I didn’t mean about him, although we’ll get to him later. I mean, spill about why you would make up an excuse not to see Shane anymore, when it’s so obvious you enjoy being around him.”

Kelli shrugged. “That’s exactly it. I came to realize that I was liking to spend time with Shane a lot—quite a lot, actually. Since I’m going to be leaving here at the end of next month, I just thought it was best that I put some distance between us before things got too serious. I don’t want to leave here with a bunch of regret.”

“Haven’t you ever heard of long-distance relationships? People do it all the time. Between texting, Skype, and airplanes, it’s not like it’s not doable.” Oh how Kelli wished that were true in her case. But she knew that keeping a relationship going with Shane would also keep a relationship going with Beth and Alison. By now, she knew it was going to be excruciating to leave here and not tell them who she was. If the relationship continued long-term after that, it would be impossible. There had to be a clean break.

“For most people that would work fine, but I’m just not one of them.”

“And why not for you, exactly?”

“It’s just not something I can do, okay? Besides, I told you, after I get back to California, I’ll be in the thick of opening up a restaurant with my friends. I’ll need to invest every spare minute I have into making sure that it works.”

“Sounds like an excuse to me, but it’s your life.”

If that’s what Beth believed, Kelli was glad for it. Little did she know that it wasn’t just Kelli’s life—it was her life, too. And her mother’s. And the brother Kelli had never met. If letting Beth believe she was afraid of commitment was what it took to give some peaceful closure, then so be it. Kelli was glad for the easier excuse.

“Now, let’s put in one of these movies, okay?”

42

E
arly Monday morning, Beth pressed both hands against her stomach. “Come on, kick. Kick.” It wasn’t long after her mother left to teach a music lesson that it occurred to her that she hadn’t felt Sprout move recently. It hadn’t been that long really, only a little while, but these days he moved almost constantly.

She called her doctor’s office, knowing she was probably overreacting, but needing some reassurance. Sandy, the nurse, spoke in a calm voice and didn’t seem the least bit ruffled. “The little one is probably asleep or in a position where you just don’t feel the movement. However, it is always better to double-check these things, so this is what I want you to do. I want you to pour yourself an ice-cold glass of juice—we want it extra cold and make sure it’s juice and not water, because we want the sugar. Drink it, then lie down on your left side and remain very still until you feel movement. If you still don’t feel anything after about half an hour, I want you to come into the office and we’ll do some fetal monitoring and just make certain everything is okay.”

“Thank you so much.” Beth had walked to the fridge, thankful to be up and around for a minute, and pulled out some orange
juice. She’d filled the glass to the top with ice and then poured the juice over it. She carried it with her to her room, drank quickly, then remained perfectly still on her side. Waiting.

Ten minutes into the process, she still felt nothing, and she was starting to panic. She had promised herself that she would not call Rand and worry him about this—he was in Atlanta until tomorrow. Her mother would be back in a couple of hours to make lunch, and she hated to pull her away from her lessons. Just then, her doorbell rang, followed by a knock and the unmistakable sound of a key in the front door.

“Beth? It’s me. Stopping by to see how it’s going.” Kelli’s voice moved closer through the house. She stopped in the doorway. “Beth?”

Beth remained still. “Hey.”

Kelli ran over to her. “What’s wrong? Are you hurt?”

“No, I’m fine.” Beth explained what was happening, and Kelli took a seat on the edge of the bed. “Well, I’m going to sit right here until Sprout kicks the stew out of you. Have you called Rand and your mother?”

“Rand’s out of town, and Mom would totally freak. She’ll be back to fix me lunch, and I’m sure everything will be fine by then.” She put her hands on her belly, willing the baby to move. “What if Sprout doesn’t kick?”

“If Sprout doesn’t start beating up on you soon, I’ll drive you to the doctor’s office and wait with you while they wake that baby up so he or she can do some inner karate.”

Kelli was trying to keep her spirits up, so Beth tried just as hard to smile. She didn’t think she pulled it off all that well. “Don’t you have work today?”

“Yes, I was just about to go in, but Kenmore is there now. Under these circumstances, he would rather me be late, and I will give him a quick call, but there’s no way I’m leaving you alone right now.”

The clock seemed to move backward, it was so slow. Beth tried to remain still and keep herself calm. At the end of the thirty minutes, the baby hadn’t budged at all as far as Beth could tell. “I suppose we should go in and get me checked.”

“I’ll drive while you make some calls.”

“No calls yet. I really don’t want to worry them for no reason.” What seemed like an eternity later, Beth was sliding into Kelli’s little green car and heading toward her doctor. “Please God, please God, let her be okay.” Beth whispered the prayer as they drove through town.

“He’s going to be fine. She has to be.” Kelli kept saying those words over and over again.

“Will you come back with me?” Beth reached out for Kelli’s hand.

“Of course.” Everything inside of Kelli wanted to call Alison and Rand, but Beth was insisting that she not. Being a perpetual optimist, even when she was scared to death, Beth was more afraid of unnecessarily alarming other people than assembling her own support system.

The nurses took Beth straight back into the ultrasound room, and soon they were putting gel on her extended abdomen. Kelli was stunned at the perfect little head and arms she saw on the screen. She was so taken with this wonder, it took her a moment to realize what everyone else in the room had already figured out.

The baby wasn’t moving. Nothing was moving. At all.

“Where’s the heartbeat? Why can’t I see the heartbeat?” Beth clutched at the ultrasound tech, whose mouth was clinched in a tight line.

“I need to have the doctor come in and take a look.” But they knew. They all knew.

“Dear God, no, please God, no.” Beth was mostly holding herself together, but tears were spilling down her cheeks. “This can’t be. The baby was just fine at my checkup last week. This can’t be. Maybe I didn’t lie flat enough, maybe I . . .” She covered her mouth with her hand. “No, please no.”

Kelli held tight to Beth’s hand, refusing to allow her own tears to fall. She would be strong for Beth, no matter how hard it was. “Should I call your mother? Or Rand?”

“Call my mother, please.” Beth wiped at her eyes. “Please tell her to hurry. I’ll call Rand.”

Kelli slipped out of the room and found a corner where she could make a phone call more or less in privacy. When Alison answered the phone, she could hear a piano playing in the background. “Alison, it’s Kelli.” She swallowed, focusing on maintaining control for Alison and Beth’s sake. “Listen, I’m with Beth at her doctor’s office. It appears that the baby may have . . . that she . . . isn’t . . . Alison, his heart’s not beating. Beth needs you here.”

“Dear Father, no!” The pause lasted less than a second before her voice came back across the line, strong and determined. “Tell her I’m on my way.”

When Kelli went back into the examining room, the doctor was there and Beth was on the phone. She was sobbing. “They are going to induce labor in the morning or maybe early afternoon tomorrow. They’re working on getting it scheduled. You go ahead and finish up your meetings. You rushing home now isn’t going to change anything, and it will just put you behind at work.” She nodded at the phone. “Okay. I’ll see you in the morning.” She nodded a couple more times. “I love you, too.”

She pressed a button and looked up at Kelli. “Rand will be here early tomorrow morning.”

“Your mother is on her way.”

She nodded. “Thank you.”

Kelli turned toward the doctor. “What happened?”

“I can’t say for sure. Maybe tomorrow we’ll get a more definitive answer, but it’s possible we won’t ever know. My guess is that it’s a cord accident. These things are extremely rare, but sometimes the baby flips around enough to tie the umbilical cord into knots. There’s nothing anyone could have done.”

“So it doesn’t have anything to do with Beth’s bed rest?”

He shook his head. “No. There’s nothing that could have prevented this.”

Beth bit at her bottom lip and tried to nod, her chin quivering. Kelli sat down at her other side and took her hand. “I’m so sorry.”

“Thank you . . . for being here with me. I’m so glad I didn’t have to get this news alone.”

“I’m glad I could be here.” Kelli choked up as she said the words. A tear slipped down her cheek, and she pretended to turn and look out the window so she could wipe it away.

“Oh, Beth!” Alison rushed into the room and threw her arms around her daughter. “I am so sorry, baby, so sorry.”

The two of them cried on each other’s shoulders for several minutes. Kelli wondered if she should slip quietly from the room but somehow felt compelled to stay.

The nurse came back. “I’ve talked to the folks over at General. They will be ready for you first thing in the morning. Make sure not to eat or drink anything after midnight.”

“Okay.” Beth nodded and sat up. “I guess it’s time to go home.”

“Why don’t you come back to my house for tonight?” Alison still held her daughter’s hand. “It’s closer to the hospital, and I have everything you need.”

“Okay.” It was as if she didn’t have the energy to say one more word.

“Is there anything I can do for you, Beth?” There had to be
something Kelli could do, and she would do whatever it was, anything that would ease Beth’s pain.