Authors: Camilla Beavers
“
I mean no
disrespect, but your grandfather, may he rest in peace, always
mediated and sat in on these meeting. He was always the one who made
the final decision.”
“
My grandfather and
I are two different people. I will be the first to admit that I'm not
as intelligent as my grandfather. That is why I made Marius lead.”
I try to calm down a little, “But I swear to god if I have to
come down here one more time because you don't trust my own decision
to make Marius lead, someone is going to be feeling it for longer
than this war will ever last. Do you understand?”
I look around the room
and I feel like I'm talking to a bunch full of five year olds. The
men, some of them obviously
way
older than me, stand there and stare
at the ground, shuffling their feet.
“
Well? Do you
understand?”
“
Yes ma'am,”
all the men chorus.
“
Good,” I
say, “I'm going to go. If I have to come in here one more time
I swear heads will roll.”
I smile at them before I
leave, making sure that they know that I would never actually hurt
them, or chop off their heads. Before I leave, though, Marius stops
me.
“
I know you count
on me, your highness,” he says, “and I know next week is
the festival, but tomorrow I'm going to need travel out to the field.
The fifth division is having some issues understanding the orders
I've been giving them, so it appears I'm going to have to go down
there and draw them a map or something.”
Great. Not only do I have
to deal with these men-children again, but I have to spend the
festival by myself. Awesome.
I sigh, but it comes out
more like a huffing noise.
“
Fine,” I
grind out, “abandon me, why don't you.”
“
I don't mean to
abandon you,” he says, “it's just very annoying having to
actually go out there. I don't want to do it, but despite my many
attempts to actually dumb down my directions, they still don't get
it. I shouldn't be surprised. Everyone knows those in the fifth
division aren't the brightest crayons in the box.”
It's common knowledge
that the fifth division isn't too smart. You normally have to explain
things to them many times, which is annoying on its own, but actually
having to physically go to them is a sad day.
We say our good-byes, and
Marius promises to see me before he leaves. I grab a snack to eat in
my office and Kal checks on me to make sure I'm doing alright.
“
I'm fine,” I
say.
“
How's the planning
coming for the festival?”
“
As far as I'm
aware? Pretty well. The committee hasn't come to me with any issues
yet so far. I will take that as either a really good thing, or a
really bad thing.”
Kal chuckles from where
he leans against the doorway.
“
Alright,” he
says, “I'm going to go meet Lelaine for dinner. Are you going
to be okay by yourself?”
“
Yes,” I say,
“I will be fine. Go, or else you'll be late.”
He smiles at me, waves,
and disappears from the door. I go back to my paperwork, working
quickly so I can try to get back to my room. It's weird. Although
doing paperwork requires no physical work, it's still exhausting. And
after the day is done, I want nothing more than to go to my room,
curl up on my bed and sleep. Which is exactly what I do.
Sleep comes quickly, but
not peacefully. Nothing too horrible, just a bunch of colors swirling
around. Nothing else, which by itself is a little odd, but it's the
colors I see that confuse me even more.
Red, orange, green, pink
and gray swirl around one another, showing emotions attached to
someone, but I don't know who. I feel anxiety and worry, which all
stem from a deep love and devotion. Jealousy and depression dance
hand-in-hand, deepening the worry, but make it difficult to gather
the energy to do anything about it.
Whose emotions are these?
They sure as hell aren't mine. For that matter they could be
anyone's.
After hours of watching
colors swirl, shift, flare and settle, I wake up oddly unrefreshed
yet not tired, however the hell that works. I stretch for a few
minutes before I begrudgingly get out of bed and get dressed.
I'm not too thrilled that
Marius is going to be leaving for who knows how long, but there isn't
anything I can do about it. I splash some warm water on my face and
put my crown on. Marius accompanies me to the front gate so I can see
Marius off.
“
Are you going to
be okay without me?” Marius asks.
“
I think I will
survive,” I say. “But you'd better come back soon. My
sanity might not be able to handle it.”
“
If I stay out too
long, neither will mine.”
I look around for a
second. It's awkward. I've never been too terribly good with
good-byes, and I have don't think Marius is any better.
“
Alright then,”
he says. “My Queen, I bid you farewell. I shall see you upon my
return.”
With that Marius walks
away from me. I watch him walk down the street and disappear into the
distance. After a few moments, my shoulders slump and Kal puts a
consoling hand on my shoulder.
“
He's not your only
friend, you know that, right?” Kal asks.
“
I know that,”
I say, “but I didn't have to threaten to kill him before he was
my friend.”
Kal shrugs, “To
each their own.”
“
I guess.”
Kal and I stand in
companionable silence for a few minutes.
“
So,” Kal
says, “any plans for today?”
“
More paperwork.”
“
Fun.”
“
Not really. You
don't have to hang around today.”
“
Oh thank god.”
I wave him away,
laughing, my mood a little higher. I walk back into the castle and
make my way to my office. I see Avaria and Tobi and I wave to them.
Before Avaria can try and stop him, Tobi runs from her side to me and
wraps his arms around me in a big hug. I ruffle his hair in my
standard return of affection. He smiles at me and then runs back to
Avaria as I continue to walk down the hallway.
I almost make it to my
office when a young man runs up the hallway behind me, his steps
echoing off the walls. Stooped over, trying to catch his breath, I
wait patiently for him to gain the breath to tell me what he needs
to.
“
Your highness,”
he manages, “you're needed in the war room.”
“
I swear to god.”
I stomp down the hall.
Ten minutes haven't even gone by and they already need me. I follow
the boy and mutter angrily under my breath. Damn the strategists, and
damn Marius for leaving.
I sit in my chair,
watching the people around me have a little bit of fun during this
war torn time. I wish I knew how to act. I wish I knew what was
right. But sitting here, watching as these people, my people, my
supposed royal family, mill around like there's nothing else going
on, has me wondering what exactly I'm doing wrong.
Tobi doesn't stray far
from where I'm sitting, and even though I know it was the right
decision to take him in, I can't help but wonder what these people
thought. Did they think it was the right thing, or did they just
think I was acting insane?
I sigh and Tobi looks up
at me, smiling widely. The pure innocence in that smile reassures me
that I did in fact make the right decision in that respect. But what
about everything else? Did I make the right choices when it came to
this war? I sigh quietly as to not be overheard by Tobi again,
resting my head in my hands, remembering a meeting that happened last
week.
...
I stand there staring
down at a map trying my hardest to figure out a good strategy for the
next battle, and without Marius there I can't figure this one out.
Why the man had to be out in the field at that very moment annoyed me
to no end. The advisers that are there are literally split down the
middle. Of the twelve people standing around me, whose job it is to
give me battle strategies, six of them say the next battle was a trap
and then other half dozen say our enemy was just stupid. And of
course the twins are split as well. Although identical, they rarely
agreed on many things.
“
My Queen,”
one of my strategists says, “what is your take on this
situation?”
I frown. I look down
at the map, seeing the wooden carvings marking the places of both
alliance forces and the forces of the enemy. From what the map says,
we have them surrounded, but they have high cliffs at their back, and
we don't know if they have troops behind them, overlooking the
battlefield. Although both sides disagreed about the amount of
intelligence the enemy had, they did agree that we should march on
them. But is that the smartest thing to do? Wouldn't that be doing
what everyone thinks you should do, whichever choice is made? Marius
always says to do the unexpected, so why not do it now and confuse
everyone?
“
We won't do
anything,” I say under my breath, thinking out loud.
“
What was that,
my queen?”
“
We won't do
anything,” I repeat myself a little louder this time.
Every pair of eyes is
on me. Most of the expressions I can see is complete shock. What I
said is not what they thought we should do. They wanted action, and
the only thing I gave was inaction.
“
You've got to
be joking,” one of the more outspoken strategists says in a
cynical tone. I had never liked him. It didn't matter what I said or
did, in his eyes I was doing it wrong. And in all reality I could
have been.
“
The enemy will
expect some sort of movement, whether their intelligence is high
enough to formulate some sort of trap or not. If we don't move, and
just fortify our current positions, that will throw the enemy off and
allow us to gain the upper hand.”
That gained a few
appreciative nods, but the outspoken, cynical man just glares at me,
his arms folded over his chest in a very defensive, dominant way, his
aura telling me there is a different reason he's against my decision.
I know he's been doing this for longer than I had been human, but was
I completely wrong? Should I act differently?
Before I can change
the decision I just made, everyone files out of the room, leaving me
feeling completely confused about who I am and how I should act.
...
Tobi smiles up at me
again, and I smile back at him. The boy runs up to me, the toy horse
in his hands nibbling at the boy’s
fingernail.
He holds it up to me as if he's some
toddler showing me a prize of sorts. Although he's eight years old,
he acts younger, as if he's trying to make up for his lost childhood
of being on the street. The small horse looks up at me with baleful
eyes, its
tail swishing back
and forth, twitching and switching directions as often as my brain is
at this very moment.
“
Hey Tobi,” I
say, opening my arms and wrapping them around the boy, giving him a
hug, “how are you?”
“
Good, auntie,”
he says, having taken to calling me auntie within the last couple of
weeks. Although an endearing term, it made me feel slightly old, but
the way he says it is so sweet it makes me smile no matter how old it
makes me feel.
I let Tobi go and gave
him a small pat on the back, a non-verbal way of saying for him to
continue to play. Looking up from the brief exchange I feel a few
disapproving glances fall upon me. I frown at my feet wondering if
that is another thing I've done wrong. I sigh and shake my head,
hoping that the movement will cause some sort of eureka moment. I
have to get my head in the game, because this festival still has a
lot longer to go. I plaster a smile on my face and walk into the
crowd.
“
I heard the
decision to fortify our current positions was a sound one,” A
voice says to my left.
“
Mmm,” I
agree around my drink, “I was a little worried at first, but
I'm glad I made the decision.”
“
I also heard that
most of the council of strategists was against you.”