Fear and Laundry (25 page)

Jake was waiting for me at the end of the hall, just around the corner. He caught my sleeve as I started to pass him and gently reeled me back. He didn’t have to tell me to be quiet.

He led me down the hall and around another corner to one of the Audio/Visual equipment rooms. The door stood locked, but Jake fished a key out of his jeans pocket. In a moment he’d swung the door wide, ushering me in ahead of him. He flipped on a light, closed and locked the door behind us. I turned and gave him a quizzical look.

“They never change the locks around here,” he said, as though that explained everything.

“But how do you have a key?”

“Paul Drake was in A/V club.”

“Lemme guess,” I said as it dawned on me. “He ran his bootlegging ring out of here.”

Jake formed a gun with his thumb and forefinger and aimed it at me, letting me know I’d guessed correctly.

“That still doesn’t explain why
you’ve
got a key,” I pointed out.

 “Yeah, well,” he shrugged.  “I may’ve been a little more involved in Paul’s operation than I let on.”

I shook my head at him, not wanting to think too hard about it. He’d worked at the video store, after all.

 “What’re you doing here?” I asked, instead. Before he answered, it occurred to me he might be taking Paige up on her offer to cut his hair at the school salon. “Are you here to see Paige?”

“No.” He looked and sounded pretty annoyed by the question. “Why would I be?”

I explained about the hair cut.

“Do I look like I need a hair cut?” He ran a hand through his hair. Pieces of it stayed standing in peaks, giving him a slightly crazed but still adorable look. I smiled. “So, how’s life on the inside?” he asked.

Not much fun, I admitted. He’d have learned the details about the Crawford escapade from Lia, I was sure. I thought next he’d ask me what she and I’d been thinking, maybe chide me for doing something so stupid. Instead he asked if I’d heard Clyde had been released from the hospital that morning.

“Thank God,” I breathed. Despite the encouraging article Mom had shown me, I’d periodically dwelled on how I’d asked Clyde if it’d “kill” him to come back to Carreen every once in a while. I’d worried he really
would
die while he was here and I’d have it on my conscience. Now I could at least relax about that.

Did Jake know what Clyde planned to do next, I asked? Had he left town? Jake said he didn’t know. The newspaper hadn’t said. He looked at me solemnly.

“What’s the matter?”

“Well, that was the good news,” he said.

"Meaning there's bad?" I tensed up again.

He reached into a pocket, extracted a folded sheet of paper and handed it to me. I unfolded it and saw it was a flier announcing Lynch’s “final show” this coming Saturday.

“No way,” I said.

“Place’s going under,” said Jake. “The benefit made a lot of money even without Clyde there, but it wasn’t enough.” Not even in the ballpark of enough, apparently.

The two of us just stood there for a beat, silently mulling over this depressing turn of events. “My grounding ends Saturday,” I finally said, passing the flier back. “I’ll be there. How’s Lia?” I’d been really worried about her, considering how devastated she’d seemed after the incident with Clyde. And now with Lynch’s closing, I guessed she was a wreck.

“She hasn’t talked much lately,” Jake confirmed. “When she gets home from school she just goes and shuts herself up in her room. I’ve never seen her so quiet before. It’s really weird. What did Clyde say to her, anyway?”

I didn’t know where to start. And I wasn’t sure I had time. I looked at my watch. “Look, Jake, I'm sorry," I said reluctantly. “But I'm on a timed break. I should probably get back before Stanley starts to wonder what happened to me.”

“Since when do you wear a watch?” he asked, eyeing my wrist with curiosity.

“Oh, it’s part of this new thing I’m trying,” I said. “Being on time, I think they call it?”

“Well, good luck with that,” he said and smiled.

“Thanks.”

I really wanted to stay and talk to him some more. Instead I thanked him for coming to see me and repeated that I needed to go.

“Yeah, sure,” he said. “Go on. You wouldn't want to get into any trouble," he joked. "Hey, Nic?” he called when I’d reached the door.

I paused with my hand on the doorknob. “Yeah?”

“Glad I got to see you. I’ve missed you.”

My heart started to hammer. I searched his face for signs he was kidding. “Yeah?”

“Sure. Haven’t you missed me?”

Of course I had. I'd missed him like crazy. “Maybe a little,” I joked and held my thumb and forefinger apart, measuring an inch of air.

“Ouch,” he said, pressing his palm to his heart and pretending to be hurt.

“See you Saturday,” I smiled and started to turn away.

The doorknob jiggled beneath my hand and I jumped back, realizing someone was trying to get into the A/V room. I could hear them on the other side of the door, cursing under their breath as they fumbled with and then dropped what sounded like a big bunch of keys.

***

I
turned to look at Jake and saw he’d come up right behind me. He held a finger to his lips, signalling for quiet, and put his other hand on my shoulder and steered me hurriedly toward the back of the room. There was a closet there and he pulled me inside it with him, shutting the door behind us just as the person in the hall found the right key and entered the equipment room.

The closet was cramped, mostly taken up on my side by floor-to-ceiling shelves packed with gear and supplies. Light filtered in through gaps on the sides and bottom of the door, keeping us out of total darkness. Jake and I stood facing one another, so close together that I felt warmth radiating off him and caught the light, enticingly clean scent of his soap. He kept his hand on my shoulder as we held perfectly still in the dimness, listening to the intruder’s shoes slap back and forth across the floor just outside, and hoping whatever they were looking for didn’t turn out to be in the closet.

We heard a rustle that seemed to go on forever, followed by extensive shuffling and what sounded like boxes being dragged and scooted around every which way. Finally, the person seemed to find what they needed. They left and shut the door behind them and I exhaled, dropping my forehead against Jake’s chest in relief.

“Thanks,” I said, knowing we’d have been caught if it hadn’t been for his quick thinking.

He tightened his grip on my shoulder, massaging it just a little. “You alright?” he asked quietly.

“Yeah.” I lifted my head and found him looking at me in an odd way, his eyes bright in the semi-dark. His hand moved to the nape of my neck, the cool stroke of his fingertips raising gooseflesh. My pulse galloped as he moved a bit closer.

Oh
, I thought distantly,
is he going to–?

Then he leaned down and kissed me.

Some of the guys I’d hooked up with before had evidently considered themselves passionate. I’d have characterized them more as sloppily impatient. But a couple had made me feel really good. Despite occasional cigarette breath, Dustin had been a champion kisser, probably because he’d had so much practice. And Layne had been so good with his hands that his almost every touch had given me chills.

But no one really had anything on Jake.

His lips were just as soft and adept as I’d occasionally let myself imagine, his assured but gentle kiss communicating desire without giving the impression he was in any big hurry. It was a good thing he wasn’t, because at first I was so surprised I just stood there. Undeterred, he brushed his mouth against mine again and then took my lower lip gently between both of his. He didn’t seem pushy, just confident I’d eventually catch up to him and join in.

It didn’t take me long. Even as my mind puzzled over what was so nice and different about his approach, my body leapt ahead and reacted to it.  I let out a small, almost involuntarily sigh of pleasure and he responded by lightly squeezing my hip and probing my lips with his tongue. Without thinking, I put my arms around his neck and opened my mouth more fully against his. He didn’t hesitate, kissing me deeply and touching me more urgently, running both palms firmly up my back as he pressed right up against me.

He smelled clean, tasted really great, and felt so warm...

As we made out a little more enthusiastically, I pictured his body heat flowing out of him and into me, melting me from inside until I liquefied altogether, or maybe merged into him.  I'd never felt or imagined anything like it before and the bombardment of combined sensations unsettled me. Overwhelmed, I finally broke away and tried to step back. But there was nowhere to go in the tiny closet, and I cracked the back of my head on a shelf. I cried out as a film canister slipped down from overhead and clattered to the floor beside our feet.

“Nic,” he said as I disentangled myself from him.

“I, uh, need some air.” I pushed open the closet door and stumbled out, squinting against the light. A counter ran along one wall and I hurried to it, leaning there while I tried to catch my breath.

But I seemed unable to calm down, my heart continuing to race along with my thoughts.
What was that?
my mind screamed. It’d been awesome up to a point, but then a flood of unfamiliar feelings had seemed to send my understanding of the world spinning away from me...

Jake had decided to follow me, and I could hear him coming up behind me. He’d reach me in a second and if I didn’t do something to stop him, he’d be on me again, touching me and kissing me and making the universe stop making sense. All I could think was that I couldn’t let that happen.

“Hey.” He took my arm and gently turned me around to face him. He was smiling a little, his face flushed and eyes still bright. He tried to draw me close but I shook free.

“No. Let go.”

“What’s wrong?” He spread his hands but went on looking happy, not getting it. I was going to have to say something.

“We can’t do this,” I told him, rubbing my forehead. I was still trembling. My voice shook.

“You worried about Lia? I’ll talk to her.”

“It’s not that,” I said, although that was part of it. I could only imagine how Lia would react to learning I'd made out in a closet with her brother.

“It's not about Alex, is it?” Jake ventured, sounding incredulous.

“No.”

“What, then?” He reached for me again but I batted his hand away.

“I’m just not...” I said. “I'm just not interested in you. Like that.” Even as the words left my mouth, I couldn't believe I'd said them.

I looked up at him, expecting to see him, I don't know, maybe devastated by my rejection. But he actually laughed. “Really.” He looked briefly back at the closet, looking amused. “Sure felt like you were.”

I shook my head and he finally started to look concerned, his smile fading. His brow furrowed ever so slightly. “You’re serious?”

“I’m sorry,” I said, my face on fire.

“Oh.”

I moved around him and hurried out the door.

“Nic,” he called.

But I didn’t look back.

***

T
he rest of the day was torture.

First Stanley got on my case for being gone so long, and said he was going to add a day to my ISS sentence. Then I couldn’t keep my mind on a single assignment that’d come in for me. All I could think about was Jake. His lips. His hands. His eyes when I’d lied about my feelings for him.

Why had I
done
that?

Lia sometimes said I didn’t know what was good for me, and that I was afraid to let myself be happy. I’d always thought she was full of crap and not understood why she said it, but now I thought maybe she was right.

Or that maybe I was just monumentally stupid.

When the final bell rang and everyone started to gather their things, the girl sitting next to me caught my eye and smiled.

“Your boyfriend’s kinda cute,” she said approvingly. “It was sweet of him to come see you.”

I didn’t have the energy to correct her, to tell her Jake wasn’t my boyfriend and now probably never would be. So instead I faked a smile, rubbed the bump on the back of my head, and said “Yeah. It really was.”

***

I
tossed and turned all Thursday night, replaying the embarrassing scene with Jake in my mind over and over again. Getting only a few hours of sleep and feeling like the world’s biggest fool made Friday’s ISS even more excruciating to get through than usual. I couldn’t sleep on Friday either and by late that night, I was exhausted. But I was sick of just lying in bed crying, so I tossed aside the stuffed penguin I’d been clutching, got up, wiped my eyes and resumed cleaning my room by the light of the desk lamp.

The project kept my hands and mind occupied until well after the sun came up. I’d just started organizing my music collection and come across Jake’s mix tape when my mother knocked on my door. Blinking back tears, I called at her to come in.

“Wow,” she said. “You’ve been busy.”

I took a look around my room. It smelled of Pledge and Windex and the floor was now visible, except in the corner where I’d stashed the pile of black garbage bags filled with trash and things to be hauled to the Salvation Army. My bookshelves were alphabetized and organized, my closet straightened. The bed was made, the desk clear; even my penguins were lined up straight on their little shelf, arranged in a row from largest to smallest.

“Yeah,” I sniffed. “I guess so.”

Judging from Mom’s worried frown, I looked as upset and haggard as I felt.

“The two weeks are up. You’re not grounded anymore,” she said, assuming I was just depressed about having been stuck at home for so long. “Don’t you want to go anywhere, Pumpkin?”

I told her I planned to go to Lynch’s later.

“Take the car,” she said, trying to cheer me up. I tried to smile when I thanked her.

***

O
utside Lynch’s that night, I saw Katrina smoking and pacing the sidewalk, stopping pausing every now and again to flick ash into the gutter. When I neared her, she dropped her cigarette and crushed it out with the toe of her boot, sweeping it cleanly over the curb and into the street. She stood on her tip-toes to hug me, saying it was good to see me again. As she released me, Lia bounded up and threw her arms around my neck, nearly knocking me over.