Epiphany (Legacy of Payne) (31 page)

“But I did lie to you.” The words came out barely audible—the initial crack in the dam that would spring a flood of truth.

“Then be straight with me now.”

“I want to, but the timing sucks.” I gave the machines surrounding his bed a pointed look. “You were shot.” The blanket had fallen to his lap, and a line of blood dotted the front of his hospital gown. I jumped to my feet. “You’re bleeding.”

He glanced down and winced. “The nurse was in a little while ago to check the wound.”

“Or maybe you shouldn’t try jumping out of bed. You’re still recovering from surgery.”

“You know what? Fuck the surgery and fuck explanations. I almost lost you.” He scooted over, clenching his jaw with the movement. “C’mere. I want you in my arms, and I don’t give a shit how much it hurts to hold you.”

My gaze fell on his forearm, on the IV going into the back of his hand, and I remembered how amazing his fingers felt against my skin. “I need your arms more than you know.” A tear dropped onto my shirt.

“What’s stopping you?”

“DNA.” The answer slipped out before I could stop it.

“I’m not following.”

The words wouldn’t come. I shook my head as helplessness stole over me. “I don’t know how to tell you this.”

“Whatever it is, just tell me. I can take it.”

“I went to Seattle because my mom said that Hamilton is . . .” Finding the right words was a struggle; there wasn’t any
right
way to say this. “He’s my f-father.”

The thundering beat of my heart blocked out everything, even the beeping of the machines. When I finally found the courage to meet his eyes, I wished I hadn’t. Clearly, in his book, I’d lost my marbles. If only that were true. Awkward silence ensued, and when I could stand it no longer, I pleaded with him to say something.

“Okay,” he said. “How about
this is insane
? You and I . . . there’s no way we’re related. Your mother is either crazy, mistaken, or full of shit.”

“Your father confirmed it. He touched me and knew instantly that I . . . see things.”

He shook his head. “No . . .”

“There’s more,” I added, my voice unusually high.

“Just tell me. It couldn’t possibly get any worse.”

“The doctor did a rape kit, and she found out that I’m . . . I’m . . .” This was going to kill him. I placed a hand over my stomach as tears of shame drenched my cheeks.

“Aw shit,” he whispered. He dragged both hands down his face. “This is . . .
crazy.
” He shook his head again, apparently at a loss for words. A former journalist at a loss for words. This was too much for even Aidan to handle.

I stumbled back a few steps. “If you need some time alone . . .”

“Where do you think you’re going? C’mere,” he said again, his voice thick with emotion. He patted the space next to him. “We’ll get a DNA test, but for now I want to hold you while I still can.”

I couldn’t argue with him. How could I argue against the one thing I wanted most, especially in light of nearly losing him? I climbed onto the bed and nestled against him, careful to keep my distance from the wound in the right side of his abdomen.

His fingers tunneled through my hair in calming familiarity. “We’ll deal with it when the time comes. At the very least, we need to know for sure, without any doubts. God . . . a baby.”

“I know.” My fingers curled around his shoulder, and I clung to him, inhaling his scent and branding my mind with this moment, the memory of which might have to last a lifetime. “I’ve missed you so much.”

“You should’ve told me.”

“I didn’t know how.”

He reached for his cell phone. “The sooner we know, the quicker we can either put it behind us, or face it if it’s true.”

“What are you doing?”

“Arranging a DNA test.”

“Your father said he was going to.”

“I don’t trust him. I want my own results.” He dialed and talked with someone about making the arrangements.

“Don’t we need a sample from Hamilton?”

“Not necessarily, but it couldn’t hurt. I’ll get it from him.”

I rested my head on his shoulder. “You don’t seem too worried.”

“I’m scared shitless.”

Silence stretched out between us, and as I closed my eyes and allowed sleep to tickle my consciousness, I wondered how I’d survive never being with him again . . . if the news was bad.

“I’ve missed you too,” he whispered sometime later, and I wasn’t sure if his words warmed my heart or squeezed it so tight it bled.

Oh God.

He was so close. His feet hit the ground behind me, each step bringing him horrifyingly closer. I forced my legs to go faster despite the uneven path, and everything moved in slow motion. Gigantic trees stood tall on either side, their skinny branches unmoving in the breezeless night, and I felt as if I were forging through thick mud, each hard-won step taking me nowhere.

His hands grabbed at me, pulled . . . pulled some more until he dragged me into the darkness where I suffocated.

“No!” My eyes flew open as a hoarse cry tore from my throat. Slowly, the dreary walls of the hospital room came into focus and I remembered where I was.

“It’s okay. No one’s gonna hurt you.” Aidan embraced me from behind, and his hands locked around my wrists to still them. Our position had to be painful for him, pressed against me the way he was, but he seemed more concerned for me than for himself.

I gulped in a breath. “Don’t let go.”

“Never.” He drew the covers over us, and his arms tightened around me again. We were so close we could have been one.

“This is so wrong,” he said. “Holding you shouldn’t make me feel this dirty.” His voice sounded ragged, though from emotion or the narcotics they were feeding into his veins, I couldn’t be sure.

My heartbeat had begun its slow decent to normal. “I don’t care. I need you right now.”

“I’m here.”

But he wouldn’t always be. Eventually, after Judd was caught, I’d have to move on.

“There’s no way you came from that man.” he said. “You’re too good.”

“Not that good. I lied to you. If I hadn’t—”

“Stop. I know where you’re going with this, and I understand why you didn’t tell me at first. It was a lot to take in.” He expelled a deep sigh. “Shit, it still is.”

“But I should’ve told you.”

“And I shouldn’t have treated you like shit the night you drove me home from the hospital, but you forgave me. Let it go, Mackenzie. People make mistakes.”

Gradually, I relaxed in his arms. “You came from him, and I think you’re pretty amazing,” I said.

“See what I’m talking about? You choose to see the good in people, but there’s nothing good about him. I don’t want you getting sucked in by him.”

“What would he want with me? I’m nobody.”

“That’s where you’re wrong. My father is power hungry. Logan is a mess because of him.”

“How’s your wound?” I asked, needing to change the subject.

“I’m okay.” He slid a palm beneath my shirt and settled over the spot where our baby grew.

We fell silent for a while, and the weight of his touch brought my pregnancy to the forefront of my mind. I hated my mom for the sick feeling that twisted in my gut anytime I let my thoughts drift there. “What are we going to do about this, Aidan?”

“Absolutely nothing until we know for sure.”

“We should prepare for the worst. At least talk about options.”

His arms stiffened around me. “What options? What are you talking about?”

“Genetic counseling . . . abortion.” A ball of guilt formed in my stomach at the thought, and Aidan’s silence only made it worse. I blinked back tears. “You must hate me for even thinking it.”

“Of course I don’t hate you.” He let out a breath that feathered against my cheek. “Could you really abort our baby?”

“I don’t know,” I choked out. A vague recollection of a dream flitted through my mind. Aidan kissing me, a look of pure joy on his face while our newborn cried on my chest. The scene faded almost as quickly as it had come, leaving behind another ache in my heart. “But if we’re related . . .” I didn’t want to consider what kind of birth defects our child could end up with.

“We don’t have to talk about this right now.” His voice was laced with sleep, and I wouldn’t be surprised if he was having a hard time keeping his eyes open.

“I’m so scared.”

“I know.” He swept the hair from my cheek and brushed a kiss there. “I could kill our parents right now.”

“Me too.”

We remained wrapped in each other like we had so many times before, though this time was different. This time each touch was a shameful, stolen moment, and only the reality of how we’d have to part for good kept the guilt at bay. His breathing evened out, and after a while his soft snores tickled my ear.

How had we gotten to this place—this crazy place where DNA hung over our heads as a serial killer ran loose?

I must have dozed off again because I awoke sometime later, startled by the lullaby that played over the hospital’s intercom every time a baby was born. Once the melody fell silent, low voices filtered into the room.

Blinking sleep from my eyes, I came fully awake and glanced at Aidan to find that he was still out. The tense exchange in the hall propelled me from bed. I recognized my mom’s voice immediately, and I had a good guess at who the other belonged to. I tiptoed toward the open doorway.

“You can’t keep me from her.” Hamilton’s tone was low, and something about it sent a shiver through me. “If I’d known about her before, there would be no contest, Jane.”

“I guess it’s a good thing you didn’t then.”

“You selfish”—Hamilton dropped his voice—“
woman
. Your silence denied her so much. She could have gone to the best of colleges. She wouldn’t be in this God-awful town serving drunks all night long!”

“Don’t presume to think you know anything about her life.”

“She’s
my
daughter, and she’s going to know who she is.”

“She knows who she is, and no amount of DNA will—” My mom cut off, and when I peeked around the corner, I noticed Joe standing a few feet away.

I closed my eyes for a moment before making my presence known in the doorway.

Joe held up the same tabloid magazine Aidan had confronted me with earlier. “Someone want to explain this to me?” Everyone fell eerily quiet, and even the normal background noise seemed to be missing.

“Can we not do this here?” I asked.

Hamilton cleared his throat. “Jane, a word in private?”

“Fine,” she snapped. She looked anywhere but at me. They disappeared down the hall together, and I tried not to dwell on what they were arguing about.

Joe studied the picture of Hamilton and me. “Tell me this isn’t what I think it is.”

My stomach dropped. “Where did you get that?”

“Gift shop. Never expected to find you on the cover of one of these rags. What’s going on, Mac?”

I peered into Aidan’s room one last time and then gestured in the direction of the lounge. “Come on.”

The waiting area was thankfully empty, and Joe wasted no time in throwing his questions at me. “Am I going nuts, or is your father the CEO of Payne-Davis?” He glanced at the front page again. “I mean, you said you met your dad in Seattle, and that was him just now with your mom, right?”

“Yes.”

“But isn’t Aidan’s last name also Payne?”

Avoiding his eyes, I nodded.

“Shit, Mac! So that’s why you freaked out?”

I didn’t have the strength to convince him he was wrong. Fighting a sudden bout of nausea, I sank onto the couch. “I didn’t know he was my father. Not until Thanksgiving.”

“But at least you and Aidan didn’t . . .?”

I lifted my head. “I’m not talking about this with you. It’s none of your business.”

“You slept with him? So you make me wait
two
years but jump into bed with the first guy you meet after we break up?”

I got to my feet and jabbed a finger at the door. “Get out,” I said through clenched teeth. “I don’t need this from you.”

“Look, I know you’ve been through hell, but there’s nothing here for you.” He rubbed his hands down his face. “I mean shit, he’s your . . . your . . . what? Your cousin or something? That’s just
wrong
.”

I folded my arms, not about to correct his assumption that Aidan and I were only cousins. That would be a step up from the truth. “Wrong or not, it’s reality. I have to deal with it, and he has to deal with it, but you don’t. I’m grateful you were there last night, but you need to go home now.”

“Of course I was there for you! I love you.” He took a step toward me, and I recognized the resolution in his eyes. “Come with me. We can disappear for a while—you always wanted to get in the car and just drive. Let’s do it. Mac,
please
.”

“I can’t.”

“You can’t be serious! Staying here is only going to hurt you, not to mention put you in more danger. You can’t be with him.”

“I’m aware of that.” I hugged myself and widened the space between us. Why couldn’t he just leave? “Go home, and take my mom with you. There’s no point in you guys hanging around.”

“How can you be so cold? She’s your
mother
.”

I couldn’t answer him. Maybe I was being a bitch, but everything was piling up fast, and I could hardly breathe.

“If anyone should be pushed out of your life,” he said, “it’s him. He almost got you killed.”

“It’s not his fault.”

“He seems to think it is. He couldn’t stop blaming himself last night when we found you.”

I hesitated, debating on what to tell him. “His wife was one of the victims in Boise.” Judd’s victims. I gulped. “He’s been through a lot too.”

He raised his brows. “I don’t give a shit what he’s been through. I almost lost you because of him.”

“I’m the one who chose the wrong time to go on a road trip. I shouldn’t have left.”

He shook his head. “Water it down however you like. He’s trouble.”

“That’s not fair. He isn’t to blame.”

“You aren’t either.” He spanned the distance between us and brought his body much too close.

“Look at me.”

Stubbornly, I kept my gaze on his sneakers.

“What happened
isn’t
your fault. Any of it.” He tilted my chin up, and his blue eyes lowered to my mouth. I went perfectly still, fearful of what he’d do. “I made the mistake of walking away once already. I won’t do it again.”