Epiphany (Legacy of Payne) (26 page)

“Hey! What’s going on here?”

Two pairs of eyes swerved in my direction. Aidan retreated to his car and leaned against the door, arms crossed over his chest. Joe didn’t move, but his hands unclenched. Neither bothered to answer my question.

“What are you doing here, Joe?” Glancing between the two of them, I added, “In fact, what are both of you doing here?”

Joe got in the first word. “Your mom’s worried sick about you. She got your address out of Mackayla. Gotta say, Mac, your whole family is freaking out after the way you left yesterday.” He threw a dark look at Aidan. “Wasn’t expecting to find him staking out your driveway.”

“Someone needs to make sure she doesn’t get herself killed.” Aidan returned Joe’s glare. “The Hangman broke into her apartment once already.”

Joe backed down from his tomcat stance. “What’s he talking about?”

“Nothing you need to worry about.” I brushed him off and focused on Aidan again, taking in his rumpled clothes. The same dark button-down shirt and jeans he’d put on yesterday morning . . . right after we’d broken in his couch. A lump formed in my throat.

“Were you out here all night?” I considered the idea and realized it made perfect sense. I should have known. Truth was I’d been too scared to even peek out my curtains. I hated the fear the Hangman had instilled in me.

“Just because you’ve lost all sense of rationality doesn’t mean I have.”

He was talking about my safety, but I didn’t miss the undercurrent of his words. The first thing I’d thought of this morning, after grabbing a fitful hour of sleep, was how I should have told him about my mother’s revelation. I needed some time though. I closed the distance between us and lowered my voice. “I’m sorry about last night.” Keeping my back to Joe, I tried not to think about him listening to every word. “I know you’d never hurt me.”

The anger leaked from his expression. “I did a lot of thinking,” he said, and Joe let out an impatient sigh behind me, “and it finally dawned on me.”

“What dawned on you?”

“You have a habit of running when things get tough. I wish you’d tell me why you’re doing it again.”

I forced a laugh as I switched the duffel to my other shoulder. I’d have a hard time convincing him otherwise with a packed bag in my hand. Might as well not even try.

His gaze fell on the bag. “Going somewhere?”

“Yeah.”

“Where?”

“I don’t know. Just somewhere. Anywhere. I don’t want to push you away, Aidan, but I meant what I said. I need some time to think about things.”

“What do you need to think about? If you’re having doubts about us, just say so. Don’t put yourself in danger over it.”

“I’m not having doubts.” I lowered my gaze to the ground. “My mom dropped a bombshell on me yesterday . . . I’m not ready to talk about it yet. I just need to get away for a while.”

“Don’t go alone,” he pleaded. “I know I wanted you to leave town, but not like this. Not when he’s so close.”

“She’s not going alone,” Joe spoke up. “I’m going with her.”

I whirled around. “You’re what?”

“You’ve done a real good job at keeping us in the dark, Mac. You didn’t say anything about him breaking into your apartment.” Joe twirled his cell phone in his hand. “Your mom’s gonna shit psychedelic Twinkies when she finds out about all of this.”

“No,” I said through gritted teeth, “she won’t because you’re not going to tell her.”

“Fine. I won’t tell her, but I’m going with you. He’s right. Someone’s gotta keep you safe.”

Aidan’s rancorous laugh brought me back around. I felt like a damn yo-yo. “That’s just great, coming from the guy who sided with his rapist father.”

Heavy footsteps and the swishing-sound of denim brought Joe to my side. He radiated a territorial vibe from every pore. “You don’t know shit about me and Mac. You’re just some rebound guy she hooked up with.”

“I know you’re not good enough for her.”

“Knock it off,” I cried. “This isn’t high school. And just so we’re clear, I’m going alone.”

“No you’re not!” they shouted in unison.

Ignoring them both, I stalked to my car and tossed my bag in the trunk. Joe was hot on my heels. “Come on, I’m going with you, unless you’d rather I tell your mom?”

“I don’t care what you do.”

“Good, then it’s settled.” He got into the passenger seat and slammed the door.

Wonderful. If I didn’t get out of there quick, Aidan would jump into the back and this trip would turn into a nightmarish
Three for the Road
remake. “Don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine,” I said, forcing the words past the thickness in my throat. This felt like goodbye. The I’m-never-gonna-see-you-again kind of goodbye.

“You’re asking the impossible.” He took a step toward me, and I wished he would engulf me in his arms. Just one more time.

This is wrong. So wrong.

I squeezed my eyes shut against the sting of tears.

“Look at me.”

I complied and found him standing a few inches away. It would be so easy to reach out, to draw comfort from the one person on this planet who could give it. The only person I wanted anything from.

He tugged me against him, and the world ceased to turn. The birds silenced their chirping song, the gentle morning breeze failed to stir, and I wasn’t aware of anything but him. I didn’t dare breath—I needed his touch more than my next breath. I snaked my arms inside his jacket and held on tight. Somehow, I needed to find the strength to get in that car and drive away from him.

“What are you running from?” he asked.

“The truth.” I bit my lip. “It’s probably a good thing Joe is coming. We need some time to work through everything.” I felt like the lowest form of pond scum, but if he thought I was trying to work things out with my ex, maybe he’d let me go without a fight.

He inched back, and his gaze darted behind me. The flash of hurt I saw on his face told me all I needed to know. He believed the lie . . . believed I’d chosen Joe over him. He drew me close again and whispered some unintelligible plea against my hair. My car horn blasted in a series of irritating spurts, but I didn’t pull away from him.

“I’m sorry,” I choked out.

“How can you trust him?”

“I’ve known him since the fourth grade.”

His sigh blew a few strands of hair into my eyes. “Let me go with you. I don’t know why you’re pushing me away, but it’s killing me.”

“I’ll call you when I get back,” I said, stepping out of reach. I hurried around to the driver’s side and slid in, and I kept my eyes fastened on the rearview mirror as I backed out of the driveway.

* * *
 

“Come on, Mac. Let me drive.”

An exasperated sigh escaped my mouth. I’d lost count of how many times Joe had bugged me about the issue. Yes, I was tired . . . okay, exhausted, but I wasn’t ready to relinquish control of anything to him. Not even the steering wheel of my car.

Maybe it was my tired and heartbroken state of mind that caused my next words to slip out. “I guess you do take after your dad. He couldn’t take no for an answer either.”

Joe didn’t say anything for a moment, though the wound I’d inflicted came off him in painful waves. A sliver of guilt burrowed underneath the surface, but I ignored it.

“You’re never going to forgive me, are you?” he asked.

“I don’t know. Maybe I can get past it eventually.” I risked a glance in his direction. “You really tore my heart out, and you did it at the worst time.” I reverted my attention to the road. “You have no idea what I’ve been through.”

“Then tell me. I’m not a mind reader.”

My defenses lowered, and the words poured out. I told him about the murders I’d seen in my dreams, about Six, about how Aidan and I had managed to save Dee. But I held back plenty; details about my relationship with Aidan and the issue of Hamilton Payne were two subjects I refused to bring up.

He rubbed his hands down his face. “You were going through all of that, and I wasn’t there for you. I’m an idiot, Mac.”

“Don’t call me that.”

“I’ve been calling you that since you were in pigtails. I can’t not call you that. You’re my Mac.”

“Not anymore.”

“I know you still love me. You can deny it all you want, but I know it’s true.”

“I won’t deny it. But it’s not the same.”

“We can fix this, baby.” He settled his hand over mine and caressed my skin.

I retreated from the contact. “Since when do you call me baby?”

“Since now. Since I can’t call you that . . . other unmentionable name.”

“Don’t make a joke out of this. All you’re doing is pissing me off.”

From the corner of my eye I saw him grin. “I’ve missed you so much,” he said.

What he wanted—for us to exchange endearments and sweet words of love—wasn’t possible. I couldn’t do it. “It’s been months.” I paused and contemplated my next words carefully, because the last thing I wanted was to rip his heart out the way he had mine. I guess I really had moved beyond our relationship. “If you’re looking for more than friendship,” I said quietly, “I can’t give it to you.”

“It’s him, isn’t it? He’s really got you wrapped.”

I peeked at him and saw him scrunch his brows together.

“I didn’t figure it out right away,” he said, “but something about him bothered me. I mean, other than the fact he was with you.” He tapped his fingers against the passenger window. “He’s the one you’ve been drawing all these years.”

I didn’t answer him. What could I say anyway?

“I used to get so damn jealous over a drawing. I knew you saw him in your dreams, but I kept telling myself it didn’t mean anything since he didn’t exist. Man was I wrong.” His bitter laugh infiltrated the car. “I make the biggest mistake of my life and there he is to pick up the pieces. Perfect fucking timing. So why isn’t he here with you now?”

“Just drop it.” I hated how my voice cracked. Hated how Joe knew me too well.

“I don’t know what you’re not telling me, but I’m not blind. I saw the way he looked at you. That didn’t bother me nearly as much as the way you looked back.” He squirmed in the passenger seat until he was no longer slouching. “Come on, as much as it’ll kill me, tell me what’s wrong.”

A yawn escaped, and I figured this was the perfect time to give Joe something he wanted. “Okay, you’re right. I am too exhausted to drive.” I pulled the car onto the shoulder and shifted into park. “Take over for me?”

“Don’t think for a nanosecond I don’t know what you’re doing,” he grumbled, but he pushed his door open. We switched sides, and as soon as the road rumbled underneath us again, sleep pulled at my consciousness.

“Where are we going?”

“Seattle.”

How hard could it be to track down Hamilton Payne?

“Can you pull off at the next rest stop?” I grabbed my cell from the center console and was shocked to see all the missed calls. My gaze flew to Joe’s. “Did you turn my ringer off?”

His guilty expression answered for him.

“What the hell, Joe?”

“Hey!” he started, “don’t get mad at me. I didn’t want to wake you.”

The majority of the calls had been from Aidan. “You had no right. Why would you do that?”

“You were asleep, okay?” He gave me a sidelong glance. “And he was following us. When I lost him in Salem, he started calling.”

Of course Aidan had tried to follow me. If I’d had my head screwed on straight, I would have noticed, or at least considered the possibility. “Jeez, Joe. You should’ve told me.” I immediately recognized the hypocrisy of my words. What Joe had kept from me didn’t compare to what I’d kept from Aidan. “Just pull over, okay?”

He didn’t look happy about it, but he drove into the next rest stop. “I’m gonna take a leak and stretch my legs. That should give you enough time to get lover boy on the phone.”

I rolled my eyes. “Can you be any more juvenile?”

His resulting grin only inflamed my exasperation. “It’s your fault. When we’re together I just can’t help myself.” He stole a kiss, so unexpectedly that I went still. “I’ve missed being with you,” he said, his playfulness turning into something more serious. His lingering look haunted me as he left the car and disappeared into the men’s restroom.

I found my voice and called information to get the number for Payne-Davis headquarters. Getting Hamilton Payne’s receptionist to put me through to him was another matter though. I finally resorted to dangling Aidan’s name to get his attention. He agreed to meet me in two hours at a Starbucks near his office.

Joe exited the men’s room, but instead of coming back to the car, he stopped in front of the vending machines. I took the opportunity to call Aidan. He answered on the second ring, and I nearly melted at the sound of his voice.

“Where are you?”

“At a rest stop.”

“Are you okay?”

Physically? “I’m fine.” A white utility van pulled into the next space, and without thinking, I locked the doors. An older man, his graying hair matching the color of his uniform, got out and headed toward the restrooms. The black lettering on the side advertised Phil’s plumbing. My breath shuddered out, and I ordered myself to get a grip.

“You don’t sound fine,” he said. A beat of silence passed. “Ever since I lost you guys, I’ve been going crazy.”

“I’m sorry I worried you. Joe told me what happened. He turned my phone off while I was asleep.”

“You can’t take off on me like that. Shit, I was so desperate I called your mother.”

“You called my mom?” I cringed at the alarm in my voice.

“Yeah, I did, and trust me . . . what she told me didn’t make me feel any better.”

“What did she say?” I managed to squeak out.

“Well, she doesn’t want me near you, I gathered that much. She said I should leave you alone and let you work things out with Joe.”

I exhaled in relief. “Aidan . . . we need to talk. As soon as I get back.”

“I wasn’t even sure you were coming back.” The dejection in his tone made me ache.

“There’s nothing going on between Joe and me.” Damn. I couldn’t give him hope. It wasn’t fair.

“When will you be back?”

Joe knocked on the window, and I jumped, my heart thudding painfully. I unlocked the doors and told Aidan we wouldn’t be back until after midnight, unless we ended up stopping for the night.