Embracing the Unexpected (5 page)

He shrugged because taking care of Ava was easy. She’d
always needed him and he was always there for her, except when she needed him
the most. He’d never forgive himself for letting Mike hurt her.

“Why are you confused?”

“Because I’ve never been attracted to a guy before,” he
reminded her. “It isn’t something I ever thought would happen.”

“Does it matter? If you like him, what’s the difference?
There’s nothing wrong with being gay.”

“I—I know there isn’t,” he stuttered, feeling uncomfortable
with this conversation. “It’s just that…I’m not gay.”

“Oh?” Ava looked down and traced the pattern in the
comforter with her finger.

“What does that mean?” Parker questioned. “Do you think I’m
gay?” He wasn’t shocked she was supportive of him having a relationship with
Jace. That was the kind of person she was, but he was a little surprised that
she assumed he wanted to be with a guy. She’d never mentioned that before.

“Parker,” she said. “I can’t answer that for you. But if you
are, it’s nothing to be ashamed of.”

“I know, but I’ve always been attracted to women, so how
could I be?” That was just one more thing to add to Parker’s already confused
state. He knew he was attracted to Jace. He’d proved that last night, but did
that make him gay? The whole thing was just too complicated. He wasn't sure
what he was supposed to feel or think.

“You’re almost thirty, and the only real relationship you’ve
ever had with a woman has been with me, and we haven’t had sex since you went
away to college that summer. When was the last time you had sex, anyway?”

“None of your business, but I can assure you it was after
the summer I went to college.”

There had been plenty of women through the years. Models, lawyers,
even a judge, but none of those relationships ever worked out. He enjoyed
having dinner with them or attending an art gallery or the opera, but he never
really craved the intimacy. At first, it was fun and it served its purpose, but
the more he thought about it, the more he realized he would lose interest in
the physical aspect of his relationships. Most women wanted to be with him
because of his looks, or his money, but it always ended when he was less than
attentive to their needs. He didn’t mean to be so neglectful, but sometimes he
just couldn’t perform. It was easier to walk them to their door, kiss their
cheek, and say goodnight.

“Look, it’s your life, but I want you to really think about
this.” Ava crawled up and straddled him. “You are an amazing man and you
deserve to find love and affection, and if Jace is the one who can do that for
you, then don’t let your doubts about your sexuality get in the way. If you
really think about it women haven’t done it for you in years.”

He smirked. She knew him well.

“If we did,” she smugly stated, “you’d be pretty hard right
now.” She wiggled against his crotch.

He flipped her onto her back and hovered over her. “Just
because I can’t get it up for you, doesn’t mean I don’t love you.”

“I figured that out years ago.” She smiled. “I’m very
intuitive.”

“Yes, you are.” He leaned down and kissed her forehead.

“Why don’t you talk it over with Jace? He’s a psychiatrist.
He can help you. Maybe he’ll give us a group discount or something.” She
laughed.

“If he can help you, his fee will be worth every penny.” He
slipped out of bed and headed for the bathroom.

“Parker.”

He looked over his shoulder and waited for her to speak.

“Go see him,” she encouraged. “Tell him how you feel.”

He gave her a small smile and then continued into the
bathroom. As the steam of the shower overtook his body, thoughts of Jace
cluttered his mind.

Was this something he really wanted? How could they make it
work? What would his family think about him being in a relationship with a man?
Would his clients view him differently? Did any of that really matter? There
were so many questions and not enough answers.

Ava was right. There was one person who could help him with
it all. He needed to reach out and trust the man who had changed his life in a matter
of days.

* * * *

Two hours later, Parker was standing on Jace’s porch,
debating whether he should knock or turn around and forget any of this had
happened. They hadn’t really shared much. A few phone conversations, some back
and forth texting, and last night’s dinner.

And after dinner…

Parker enjoyed every second of last night and he wanted more
of those moments, but he wasn’t sure if that was realistic.

He needed to get his shit together before he dumped any of
this on Jace. It wasn’t fair to burden him with these insecurities. Not after
he said he’d be willing to take it slow. He was an experienced man, and there
would be no reason for him to wait, but he said he wanted to. Parker needed to
be absolutely sure this was what he wanted because he didn’t want to lead Jace
on.

Just as he was turning to leave, he heard the door open. His
heart pounded against his chest, and he had the strangest fluttering feeling in
his stomach. His palms were sweaty, and he was about as giddy as a teenage
girl. What the hell was happening to him?

“Parker?” Jace called. “Where are you going?”

He turned around slowly, feeling embarrassed he didn’t make
a clean getaway.

“Hi,” he said, barely above a whisper.

“Hey.” Jace smiled. “Did you knock?”

Parker shook his head. “I started to, but then I
reconsidered, because I didn’t want to disturb you.” He wasn’t sure what he was
feeling. He wanted to go with it, but he was scared of the unknown.

“Don’t be silly.” Jace laughed lightly. “Won’t you come in?”

Parker really wanted to go inside and spend more time with
Jace, but he was uncertain about how much more he wanted. When he saw Jace,
looked into his eyes and got within inches of him, he knew exactly what he
wanted, but then reality kept creeping in.

“I guess I can come in.”

Parker knew he sounded like an idiot and he could see how
confused Jace was.

“Isn’t that why you came over?” Jace asked. “To come
inside?”

“I suppose,” he answered. “I want to, it’s just—” Parker was
ready to bolt. He wanted to turn around and run in the opposite direction. He
didn’t want to deal with these feelings. “I’m sorry,” Parker said.

“For?”

“I don’t, well, I just…” Parker had been reduced to a
bumbling idiot. No one would’ve believed he was that powerful, confident
attorney who always had such eloquent words for any situation. All common sense
went out the window when he was in Jace’s presence.

Jace stepped out onto the porch and closed the gap between
them. He placed his hand on Parker’s shoulder, giving Parker the opportunity to
stare into Jace's beautiful eyes. Parker’s breathing picked up and his knees
suddenly felt weak. He was warm inside. Jace was a strong, imposing figure, but
there was a gentleness about him that put Parker at ease.

What was happening?

* * * *

Jace struggled with the idea of leaning forward and kissing
him. He needed to show him how much he wanted him, but Parker’s odd behavior
was nagging at him. As much as he wanted him, he didn’t want to set himself up
for heartache. He’d been there once before, and it’d taken him years to fully recover.

Jace could sense the awkwardness surrounding the man
standing in front of him. He knew it shouldn’t bother him, but he couldn’t help
but feel offended, especially after last night. They cuddled so effortlessly
while they watched the movie and they even kissed, rather passionately, before
Jace went home. Perhaps he thought Parker was more comfortable with the
situation than he actually was.

He had to be careful with Parker. Jace kept telling himself
Parker wasn’t ready to fully embrace his new lifestyle. Last night, instinct
took over, hormones got in the way, and what happened had happened. But now, in
the light of day, after having some time to process what they’d done, Jace knew
there was a good possibility Parker was freaked out by what they had shared. He
didn’t blame him, but he was secretly hoping Parker would just accept who he
was and realize Jace wanted to be with him.

Parker slowly sucked in his bottom lip, dragging his teeth
along it before releasing it. Jace had to fight the urge to take that lip into
his own mouth. He was already hard and all he’d done was place his hand on
Parker’s strong, wide shoulder. He couldn’t stop the images of Parker
underneath him with his face pressed into the mattress while Jace relentlessly
pounded into him.

Jace closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He didn’t think
they’d ever get that far. Parker looked like he was here to say he’d changed
his mind about exploring the possibility of the two of them.

“Jace?”

He slowly opened his eyes and briefly stared at Parker,
wanting to memorize everything about his perfect face. His jaw line was so
strong, and he wanted the chance to run his lips along the fresh stubble while
his hands moved across the hard expanse of his chest. He’d wanted Parker from
that first night he’d walked into his classroom. It may have started out purely
physical, but now it was much more.

He had to stop torturing himself. Jace needed to know why
Parker was leaving when Jace came to the door. It was better to know than to
keep hoping things were going to progress between them.

“You’ve changed your mind.” When Jace gently squeezed his
shoulder and gave him an understanding look, he could feel Parker relax.
“What’s wrong?”

Parker leaned forward, his breath caressing Jace’s lips for
a second before he slowly pressed his mouth against his. Jace stood completely
still, waiting to see what Parker’s intentions were. He moved his mouth against
Jace’s much like they had done the night before, but this was too slow, Jace
needed more, so he wrapped his arms around Parker’s waist, pulling him closer.
Parker attacked his mouth with a hunger that left Jace’s head spinning. He
certainly hadn’t expected Parker to be so forceful.

Jace backed up, guiding Parker. “Come inside,” he whispered
as he pulled him into the foyer.

Once inside, Parker pushed Jace against the opposite wall of
the foyer. The touching was faster than the previous night. There was a frantic
pace to Parker’s movements as he moved his hands underneath Jace’s shirt. Then
there was the kissing, each fought for dominance as tongues massaged against
one another and teeth scraped and bit lips and jaws.

While Jace enjoyed every second of this encounter, he needed
to slow it down. He wanted to make sure Parker’s intentions were correct. Last
night he’d allowed his lust to take over and let Parker figure out what was
acceptable and what he considered appropriate, but today, he had to make sure
this was what Parker really wanted. Jace was developing strong feelings for
him, feelings he hadn’t allowed himself to experience in a really long time,
and he couldn’t let Parker experiment with him and then change his mind.

“Parker,” Jace said as he pushed against his chest.

Parker slowly pulled away. “Sorry,” he mumbled. “I didn’t
mean to just…” He drug his fingers through his hair, but didn’t continue to
speak.

“I’m not complaining.” Jace leaned forward and gently kissed
him. “But I think we need to talk.”

“Right.” He smiled. “That’s why I came here.”

Jace took his hand and led him down the hall to the kitchen.
He motioned for him to have a seat at the table.

“Would you like a beer?” Jace headed to the refrigerator.

“Sure.”

Jace tried to settle down, but the hard-on in his pants kept
reminding him how much he wanted to touch Parker. He handed Parker a beer and
sat down next to him. He shifted his chair so he was sitting directly across
from him. Jace took Parker’s hand and placed it in his lap.

“What’s going on?” Jace asked.

“You want to be my shrink?”

He shook his head. “I want to be so much more.”

Parker nodded.

“You’re not sure,” Jace said. “That’s totally
understandable. I remember what it was like to finally figure out I liked men.”

“How old were you?”

Jace realized Parker must be curious. He remembered what an
uncertain time it had been when he’d started to question his own sexuality. “I
think part of me always knew, even as a child, but I never acted on those
feelings. I dated girls in high school, but I wasn’t as interested in sex as
some of my friends. I figured I was a late bloomer.”

Parker laughed. “I think I’m still waiting to bloom.”

“It wasn’t until college that I figured it out. I was very
attracted to a guy who was explicitly gay. He was sweet and patient with me and
allowed me to explore my feelings.” Jace smiled when he thought back to those
early days of experimentation. “He wasn’t looking for a relationship, and
really, neither was I. At first, I thought it was a phase.”

“When did you realize it wasn’t?”

“My senior year of college, I met Tyler. He was so confident
in his sexuality, and we hit it off really well. We had a lot in common,
including our majors. We headed off to medical school together and I thought
I’d spend the rest of my life with him.”

“What happened?” Parker asked as he gently squeezed Jace’s
hand.

This was a difficult subject for Jace to discuss so he
appreciated Parker’s gesture. “I centered my whole life around him and thought
he’d do the same. But then my career took off. When I published my first book,
the pressures were too much. We were young when we got together and people
change, they grow apart. Tyler couldn’t handle my success. He was offered a
position in Chicago and asked me to go with him. I was just getting established
here in Connecticut. As much as I wanted to be with him and make things work, I
couldn’t give up my opportunities here and I couldn’t ask him to do the same
for me. We parted ways.”