Dream a Little Dream (36 page)

“Can’t think of a better place to do it than around people who want you to get well.”

“I
am
well! I mean it, Rachel. I don’t want to hear any more negative remarks about the drive-in. Everything went great last night. You should be celebrating.”

“Everything didn’t go great. I love that drive-in, but you don’t! And the day I’ll celebrate is the day you go back to work as a vet.”

“Why do you have to keep pushing me? Why can’t you just let things be?”

“Because the way things are is tearing you apart.”

“Yeah, well, that’s not your problem.”

“No, it’s not, is it?”

He realized that he’d hurt her, but a squeal of laughter interrupted them before he could make amends. He turned automatically, and what he saw made the hair on the back of his neck prickle. Ethan was coming around the side of the house with Edward perched on his shoulders, Kristy lagging behind.

The boy looked as if someone had handed him a rainbow. His eyes sparkled, and his bangs flopped as Ethan jogged forward. Being carried around like this was exactly what Edward had been dreaming about at the pig roast when he’d watched his friend riding his father’s shoulders, and Gabe wanted to feel good about what he saw, but instead, he was overwhelmed by a sense of utter wrongness.

He couldn’t understand his reaction. This child had received so few breaks in life, and now Gabe was begrudging him this small, simple pleasure. He felt petty and mean-spirited, but he couldn’t argue himself out of his feelings—he couldn’t relinquish the absolute certainty that Edward Stone did not belong on his brother’s shoulders.

Rachel had risen to her feet. But instead of enjoying her son’s happiness or moving forward to greet Kristy, she stood absolutely still, her arms at her sides, as she watched Gabe.

He felt a chill as he realized she knew exactly what he was thinking. Somehow she could see into his head, and she knew how resentful he was. He wanted to explain, but how could he explain what he didn’t understand himself? How could he justify the feelings he had toward this child she loved more than her own life?

He looked away, turning toward his brother instead. Unlike Rachel, he could trust Ethan not to judge him. “Thanks for dropping me off, Eth.”

“No problem.”

“Excuse me, will you? I have to get some bookkeeping done.” He turned away, and, as he headed into the cottage, he tried not to look as if he were fleeing.

Rachel winced at the sound of the screen door banging. At the same time, she felt dizzy from the pain of what she’d seen in his eyes. Why couldn’t he stop hating Edward? The resentment he hadn’t been able to hide felt like a blow to her heart. She reeled from it as the frail hopes she’d been nurturing disintegrated around her.

Gabe’s demons weren’t going to let him go, she realized. And the love she craved for herself and her son would never materialize.

These past few years, she’d prided herself on being realistic, but she’d been hiding from the truth for weeks. His feelings weren’t going to change, and every moment she stayed with him would only make their inevitable parting that much worse. There was no rosy future in sight for her. No passport to fortune hidden away in Dwayne’s Bible. No eternal love. And no one but herself to care about Edward.

Her time in Salvation had finally run out.

They had a larger crowd at the drive-in on Saturday night, but Gabe seemed even more withdrawn and unhappy. Afterward, when he came to her bed, they didn’t speak, and their passion seemed tainted.

On Sunday afternoon she watched through the bedroom window as he moved Tweety Bird into the aviary he’d built. This was what he needed to be doing, but if he ever figured that out, she wouldn’t be around to see it.

The expression of bitter resentment she’d seen on Gabe’s face yesterday when he’d gazed at Edward had finally forced her to take action. She’d called Kristy that morning and set her plan in motion. Now every moment had grown more precious. If only she could hate him for failing her, maybe it wouldn’t be so painful, but how could she hate a man whose greatest fault lay in his ability to love so absolutely?

She ran her thumbs over the bumpy cover of Dwayne’s Bible. She’d read every marginal note and studied each underlined passage, but all she’d found was the age-old comfort of verses she thought she’d stopped believing in.

Resting the side of her head on the window frame, she gazed outside at the man with whom she’d so unwisely fallen in love. Now, while Edward was occupied on the front porch, she had to tell Gabe she was leaving.

The rickety back steps creaked beneath her feet as she stepped down into the yard. She watched Gabe make an adjustment to the aviary door latch with a pair of pliers while Tweety Bird’s shrill cheeps kept him company. He looked up and smiled as he caught sight of her, sending her heart into a crazy little dance.

She drew a deep breath. “Gabe, I’m leaving.”

“All right.” He finished tinkering with the latch. “Give me a few minutes to put away my tools, and I’ll come with you.”

“No, that’s not what I mean.”
Don’t do it!
her heart cried.
Don’t say the words!
But her brain was wiser. “I—I’m leaving Salvation.”

He grew absolutely still. In the magnolia behind him, a squirrel chattered away, while a crow cawed from its perch on the peak of the old tin roof. “What are you talking about?” He slowly rose, the pliers dangling forgotten in his hand.

“I talked to Kristy this morning. Her parents have been after her for months to move to Clearwater and help run their gift shop. I’m going to do it instead.” She realized she was digging her fingernails into her palms, and she forced herself to relax. “Kristy says she’ll feel better knowing I’m there to keep an eye on them, and they own a little apartment over the shop where Edward and I can live. Plus, all that Florida sunshine,” she finished inanely.

There was a long pause. “I see.” He glanced down at the pliers in his hand, but she had the feeling he didn’t see them. “How much are they going to pay you?”

“About what you are—they can’t afford much right now—but the business is going to grow. I’ll make do, especially since I won’t have rent.” She thought of the check for twenty-five thousand dollars tucked away in her top dresser drawer, and her stomach clenched. “As soon as Edward starts school full-time, I’m going to try to get a scholarship and go back to college. I’ll only be able to take a few courses at a time, but I want to study business and finance.”

He shoved the pliers into the back pocket of his jeans, and his eyes had that old hard look in them. “I see. You have it all worked out, don’t you?”

She nodded.

“No discussion? It didn’t occurred to you that maybe we should talk this over before you made up your mind.”

“Why?” She spoke gently because she had to make certain he knew she wasn’t blaming him. “There isn’t any future for us. We both know that.”

But he was in no mood to be appeased. He stalked toward her, closing the distance between them with angry strides. “You’re not going.”

“Yes, I am.”

He loomed over her, and she wondered if he was deliberately using his size to intimidate her. “You heard me. You’re staying right here! Going to Florida is a hare-brained idea. What kind of security would you have working for peanuts and relying on other people for the roof over your head?”

“That’s what I do now, “ she pointed out.

For a moment he seemed taken aback, then he made a harsh gesture with his hand. “It’s not the same thing at all. You have friends here.”

“I also have enemies.”

“That’ll change once people get to know you and realize you’re going to be part of the community.”

“How can I be part of the community? There aren’t any opportunities for me here.”

“And you think there’ll be opportunities for you working for an hourly wage in some cheap Florida gift shop?”

She turned away from him. “I’m sure it’s not cheap, and I don’t want to argue with you about this. I have to go.”

“No.”

“Please. Don’t make it any harder.” She walked over to the lawn chair and clutched it for support. The nylon webbing scratched her palm. “Kayla can run the snack shop. I’ll work through next weekend, so she has time to get her bearings and you can find someone to help her.”

“I don’t give a damn about the snack shop!”

She wanted to point out how very true that was, but she held her tongue. In the aviary, Tweety Bird kept up his high-pitched cheeping. Who but Gabe would have gone to so much trouble to rescue a sparrow?

He jammed his hands into his pockets as if they’d become his enemies. “You’re not going to Florida.”

“I don’t have any choice.”

“Yes, you do.” He paused and glared at her. The line of his jaw grew more stubborn. “We’re going to get married.”

Her heart skipped a beat, then began to hammer. She stared at him. “Married? What are you talking about?”

“Just what I said.” He pulled his hands out of his pockets and stalked toward her, his expression belligerent. “We get along. There’s no reason why we shouldn’t get married.”

“Gabe, you don’t love me.”

“I care a hell of a lot more about you than G. Dwayne ever did!”

He was breaking her heart. “I know you do. But I can’t marry you.”

“Give me one good reason.”

“I already did. The best reason of all.”

Something helpless flickered in his eyes. “What do you want from me?”

She wanted what he’d given Cherry and Jamie, but it would be cruel to say that. And what was the point? He already understood. “Nothing more than you’ve already given me.”

But he wouldn’t be put off. “I can take care of you. Once we’re married, you won’t have to worry about where your next meal’s coming from or what’ll happen if you get sick.” He paused. “You’ll have security for Edward.”

That wasn’t fair. He knew she’d sell her soul for her son, and she fought back tears. At the same time she realized this was something they finally had to talk about. “You have to know that’s the biggest reason I can’t do this. There are different kinds of security. Spending his childhood with a man who dislikes him is worse for Edward than poverty.” There. It was finally out in the open.

“I don’t dislike him.” But he wouldn’t meet her eyes, and his voice lacked conviction.

“I’m being honest with you. Do the same for me.”

With his back to her, he moved toward the aviary. “It’s just going to take a little time, that’s all. You want everything to happen instantly.”

“You dislike him as much now as the day you first saw him.” Her resentment bubbled over. “And it’s so unfair. He can’t help the fact that he’s not Jamie.”

He whirled around. “Don’t you think I haven’t told myself that a thousand times?” He drew a ragged breath, struggling for control. “Look, just give it some time and it’ll work out. I know I’ve taken you by surprise, but once you think it over, you’ll realize our getting married is the best thing.”

She wanted to curl up in some dark corner and howl. Instead, she forced herself to stay where she was and finish this. “I’m not going to change my mind. I won’t marry you. Kristy already called her parents, and they’re going to send me two bus tickets. I’ll work next weekend, and then Edward and I are leaving for Florida.”

“No!”

Both of them jumped as Edward came running around the corner of the house, tears streaming down his face.

The bottom dropped out of her stomach. What had she done? She’d planned to break the news gently, not like this.

“I
don’t
want
to go to Flor’da!” Tears streamed down Edward’s flushed cheeks. He flailed his arms and stomped his feet. “We’re going to
stay here!
We’re
not
going! We’re staying
here!
”

“Oh, sweetheart.” She rushed to him and tried to put her arms around him, but he batted them away. For the first time since he’d been a toddler, he was caught in the throes of a full-fledged temper tantrum.

“We live here!” he screamed. “We live
right here
, and I’m
not
going!” He whirled toward Gabe. “This is all your fault! I
hate
you!”

Once again, she tried to embrace him. “Sweetheart, let me explain. Settle down so we can talk about this.”

He sprang away and hurled himself at Gabe, hitting him in the knees. “This is
your
fault!
You’re
making us go!”

Gabe regained his balance and caught Edward by the shoulders. “No! I don’t want you to go! I’m not making you go.”

Edward punched the side of his leg. “Yes, you are!”

Gabe caught his fists. “Calm down, Chip, and let your mother talk.”

But Edward wouldn’t be appeased. Once again he began to stomp his feet. “You
hate
me, and I know why!”

“I don’t hate you.”

“Yes, you do! You hate me because I’m not
strong
.”

“Chip . . .” Gabe regarded Rachel helplessly, but she didn’t know what to do any more than he did.