Do Not Forsake Me (38 page)

Dixie smiled. “Sure.”

“Jake made me a promise that if I came home cancer-free, he'd go to church.”

Dixie raised her eyebrows in surprise. “Jake?”

“Yes.”

“In
church
?”

“Yes.”

Dixie burst out laughing. She waved Randy off. “Oh, I'm so sorry, but that
does
give me something to laugh about. Jake Harkner in church!” She laughed again. “Oh my, I am going to stick around—not just to make sure Jake gets back okay, but to watch him walk into church.” She looked at Randy kindly. “Ma'am, it is absolutely amazing how tightly you have that man roped to your side. He's wild and wicked and mean as a hungry bobcat sometimes, but when it comes to you…he just melts right down. I've met that Jeff kid—the one who wants to write a book about Jake—and he said he couldn't do it without you being a big part of the story, and he's right about that.” Her smile faded. “You're an angel of a woman, Mrs. Harkner. Jake is the luckiest man who ever walked, and he damn well knows it.”

Randy walked back to the window. “Thank you. What he doesn't know is that I feel like
I'm
the lucky one, Dixie. Not many women are loved the way I am loved, in spite of the wild shoot-outs and the brothels and the rough life he lives. When we're together it's nothing like that.”

“Oh, I can see that.” Dixie rose and walked toward the door. “I'd better get out of here before Lloyd's wife gets back. She might not be so understanding about her husband visiting my place.”

“Katie will need to learn patience, because Lloyd is a lot like Jake, and believe me, Jake isn't always easy to live with.” Randy blinked back more tears. “But the way he loves someone…that makes it easier. He treasures the people he loves.” She took a deep breath, struggling to keep from breaking down completely. “And you don't live with a man like Jake for twenty-six years and not trust him, because Jake is the kind of man who just blurts out everything he's been up to…right out in the open…no bones about it.” She faced Dixie.

“That's Jake, all right,” Dixie answered with a sly smile. “You know, Mrs. Harkner, Lloyd told me once that Jake said a man can have all the women in the world, but they don't mean a damn thing compared to having that one special woman that's just his alone and who loves him inside and out.”

Who
do
you
belong
to?

Jake
Harkner.

Who
owns
every
inch
of
this
body?

Jake
Harkner.

Yo
te
amo, mi querida.

“I hope to hell he's alive, Mrs. Harkner,” Dixie told her, interrupting Randy's thoughts, “and your son and daughter are all right.”

“They
have
to be, Dixie. They
have
to be. What will I do if they aren't?”

Dixie shook her head. “Ma'am, I'm going to stay right here in town till I know, too, that he's all right. And I can keep the boy with me if you want, till Jake gets here. Then you can talk about it with him. You don't need the extra burden right now. I just wanted you to know about him. I brought him here because the boy was getting anxious to know if Jake got back yet. That kid already thinks the world of Jake.” She turned to go.

“Dixie—” She turned back around, and Randy surprised her by walking up to embrace her. “Thank you for being there for him when I couldn't be. I feel so much better knowing that. You might have saved his life.”

Dixie patted her back. “He's a good man, and a good friend. He respects women like me, and that means a lot.” She pulled away.

Randy wiped at her eyes with a handkerchief. “I guess I had better go have a talk with Ben.”

“Well, I don't want him to be a burden to you right now. You need to take care of yourself. Like I said, Ben can stay with me at the hotel, or with Katie's folks for a while. I don't know them, but that's who Jake thought would take him in if it's too much for you. Lloyd told me what good people they are, and you still need time to heal, Mrs. Harkner. And when Jake gets back, you two will need some time alone. Ben will understand if you explain it right.”

“Well, if Jake loves this child, then I do too. How old is he?”

“Eight.”

“That's the same age Jake was when—” Randy closed her eyes. “Maybe little Ben out there can help heal his wounds, Dixie…the unseen wounds deep inside. I think God sent that boy to him.”

Dixie nodded. “I'm thinking the same.” She turned. “I'll leave you to your rest now. I really have to get going before people know I'm here, Mrs. Harkner. They might talk.”

“I couldn't care less if people see you here. My husband is Jake Harkner, and Lord knows the rumors that abound about that man. And from now on, if we meet again, call me Randy.”

Dixie pressed her arms. “Thank you. And I'll be praying Jake comes back.”

“The whole town is praying.” Randy opened the bedroom door. “Thank you again, Dixie. Let's talk to Ben together.”

They walked into the parlor, where bullet holes still showed in the walls. One window remained boarded up. Randy's heart ached at the empty table where her beautiful lamp used to sit. She remembered when Jake bought it for her, on a trip together to Denver…a lifetime ago.

Peter frowned, meeting Randy's gaze. “This boy here told me how he met Jake…says Jake has adopted him. That true?”

Randy glanced at Ben, who looked at her with wide, hope-filled blue eyes. “Yes. It's true.” She imagined Jake at eight years old, terrified and alone and horribly abused. How could she not take this little boy and love him?

“So you'll take him in…just like that?” Peter asked.

Randy watched the hope in the child's blue eyes. She nodded. “Just like that.”

“Do you want more coffee?”

“No. How do I look?”

“Randy, Jake will be so glad to see you, it won't matter how you look. In his eyes you are always beautiful.” Peter studied her lustrous hair, brushed out long because Jake liked it that way…her pale-yellow dress, Jake's favorite color…the tiny diamond earrings she wore that Jake had bought for her years ago when he asked her to come to him after two years away doing only God knew what…the slim figure of a woman she was, determined to stay that way for…who else? Jake.

All
men
find
you
beautiful.
Peter watched her pace, watched her go to the door again, hoping this was the day Jake would finally come home, still worried he wouldn't come home at all.

“Randy, please sit down. You should be resting.”

“I can't. It's been eight days since he rode after Evie. I'm so worried about her, what my precious daughter has been through. And poor little Ben is so scared.”

“It's amazing how attached he apparently became to Jake, when he's known him such a short time.”

Randy watched the quiet street. “I'm not surprised. They share the same soul.”
Please
come
home, Jake! Bring our Evie back.
“Peter, what if he's dead? What if they killed him? Maybe Lloyd too. Maybe they even killed Evie.”

“He didn't go after Evie alone, Randy. He had Lloyd and Brian and Jeff and four men from town who are good with guns. He probably could have gone after them alone and
still
made it back.”

Randy smoothed her dress and looked at herself in a mirror. “Sparky said it takes close to four days to reach Dune Hollow. Knowing Jake, he probably made it in three. By the fourth day, he would go after her. He'll probably take it slower coming home, for Evie's sake.”

She walked to the front door again. “And he'll probably ask Red St. James and those other men to stay behind and bury however many men need burying and let them bring in whoever is left alive. That will save him time so he can get Evie and Little Jake back here sooner.”

She faced Peter again, her mind running in circles with various scenarios that could influence when Jake might get home…
if
he got home. “He might stop somewhere to clean up first.”

Peter laughed lightly. “He's coming home to
you
and knows you're all right, plus he's been through the depths of hell. He won't stop to clean up first this time. He'll be bent on getting to you as fast as he can.” He stood up and grasped her arms. “Randy, I wish you would just sit down. I need to talk to you.”

She met his eyes…saw the love there. “I'm sorry.” She embraced him. “Peter, I am so grateful for everything you've done. You're such a good man, and having someone with me who cares so much means a lot.” She pulled away. “But even if something happened to Jake—”

“I know.” He sighed and took hold of her hands. “I just want to tell you that I hope Evie and Lloyd and Little Jake all make it back alive and well, and I hope he gets that reprieve and that you can all move to Colorado. I won't forget you…ever…but I know when something is hopeless, and you, my darling Randy, are hopelessly in love with Jake Harkner. When he dies, you will be in love with his
ghost
. There will never be another man for you, and what you feel for him is the most beautiful thing I've ever witnessed.” He leaned forward and kissed her cheek. “What I feel for you is partly because I want my wife back with me, but I can't have her, so I guess I'd better start looking around…elsewhere. I feel honored just to have been able to hold you when you needed holding, and my only comfort is that I'm pretty sure Jake appreciates what he has in you. He doesn't just love you. He
adores
you.”

Her eyes teared. “Thank you so much, Peter.”

“For helping a woman I love? That takes no thanks.” Randy slowly turned away and went back to the door.

“He should get here today,” she repeated. “I feel it.” She rested her forehead against the oval window in the door. That's when she heard the familiar whistle, somewhere in the distance. “It's him! It's him!” She started to open the door.

“Wait!” Peter hurried over, taking her arm. “Wait and see who's with him. You need to prepare yourself, Randy. And you sure as heck shouldn't be running down the street in your condition. Don't go tearing something open and put yourself back in the hospital.”

They stepped out onto the porch together. Randy glanced at all the bullet holes that still pocked the outside of the house. So many! That meant a lot of men. It sickened her to think of Evie with them…and Little Jake.

They finally appeared at the end of the street. “Three! There are only three of them!” Randy held a hand to her mouth, sucking in her breath. “Peter, just three!”

“Don't panic,” Peter warned. “At least that looks like Jake and Lloyd. I think that's Jeff with them.” They came closer. “Jake has Little Jake with him.”

“Where's Evie? Where's Evie and Brian?”

With a pounding heart, Randy watched Katie run out of the house and toward Lloyd, who dismounted and limped up to her. “He's hurt, Peter! Lloyd's hurt!” She started off the porch, but Peter kept hold of her. “He's embracing Katie. He's all right, Randy.” The Donavans came out with Stephen and Ben. Stephen ran up to his father, and Lloyd embraced both his wife and son.

Ben ran to Jake, who reached down and tousled his hair. Ben grasped his hand with both of his and Jake lifted him with one hand onto his horse. He put his arms around Ben and said something to him. Ben threw his arms around Jake's neck, and Randy could see the boy was crying. Jake talked to him a moment longer, then lifted him down, saying something more to him. Ben nodded and walked back to the Donavans.

As always, townspeople were beginning to gather behind Jake.

“Jake, where's Evie?” a man asked.

“She and Brian came in the back way. They're already at their house. I don't want one person going over there, understand? They need to be alone.”

“Oh, Peter, that means…” Randy turned away and wept. Peter put an arm around her.

“She's alive, Randy. She and Brian are alive, and Brian is a good man. They love each other and they will get through this.”

“The baby. If she lost the baby, it will be harder for her to ever recover from this.”

Randy took a handkerchief from her dress pocket and wiped at her eyes. Peter could see that at the moment, he didn't even exist as far as Randy was concerned. Her gaze remained riveted on her husband. He went inside and picked up his hat, quietly leaving out the back door.

Jake said something to the Donavans. Lloyd and Katie were still clinging to each other.

Jake looked toward the house then, and Randy stepped into the street. Ignoring more questions, Jake kicked his horse into a faster lope, heading toward her.

Thin! So much thinner
, Randy thought as he came closer.
And
so, so tired. He's been to hell and back!
She could hardly believe he was real and alive, and she saw in his eyes for a flicker of a moment the darker Jake, the outlaw Jake, the Jake who was suffering over what had happened to their daughter. But his gaze changed to the loving Jake as in seconds he was off his horse and hurrying up to her.

Neither spoke at first as he swept her into his arms. Never, ever, ever had those arms felt so good around her. She wrapped her own arms around his neck as he picked her up off her feet, whirling her around.

“Sweet Jesus,” he groaned. “I can't believe it's you and you're all right.”

Randy buried her face against him, breathing in his scent—tobacco, leather, sweat, the lingering scent of gun smoke and even his horse. It didn't matter that he needed a bath and a shave. It only mattered that she was in his arms.

“I thought I'd never see you again,” she sobbed.

“It's true?” he asked. “No cancer?”

“Yes. Oh, Jake, don't let go! Don't let go!”

“Never. My God, baby, you feel so good…smell so good…” His voice was gruff. He sounded so achingly tired, yet here he was, holding her as though she weighed nothing. “How tight can I hold you? I don't want to hurt something.”

“You won't hurt anything. You can't hold me tight enough.”

He kissed at her neck, her hair, her cheek, keeping her pressed close. “I wasn't sure we'd ever hold each other again. When I first got back to Guthrie, I was crazy with rage over Evie. The only thing that kept me sane was finding out you were okay and on your way home.”

“When I heard what happened, I was afraid you'd hand yourself over to them just to free Evie.”

“She's okay, Randy. She's okay.”

“I should go to her.”

“No. Leave them alone. Brian and Evie need some time together.” He began kissing her, over and over. She smelled peppermint on his breath, felt the rough stubble on his chin. “I asked the Donavans to take Stephen and Little Jake and Ben to their place so Brian and Evie can just be with each other—and Lloyd and Katie need time too. Lloyd is hurt, but he'll be all right.”

“Oh, Jake! What happened to him?”

“Just a flesh wound. Thank God Brian was with us.”

“Evie! Poor Evie!”

“She still has that baby. And she has Brian. She just needs time, Randy.” He found her mouth and savored it hungrily again. “God, I'm such a mess,” he groaned, “and you're so beautiful and clean and soft, and I want you so bad, but I need a bath and a shave and I'm so goddamn tired, Randy. I don't remember the last time I slept. Even after we got her back, I couldn't eat for thinking about what happened.” He continued holding her with her feet off the ground.

“She's alive, Jake, and so is Little Jake. That's all that matters right now. You, my darling Jake, found them. God only knows how many men you had to go through to get them. And now you're here and alive, and there is no one like my Jake. No one.” They kissed over and over.

“It's you that got me through it…knowing you were all right.”

Randy finally leaned back to take a better look at him, touching the scar at the side of his face. “Oh, Jake, Dixie told me what happened to your face. She brought Ben here, and I already love him, Jake.”

“
Dixie?
She came here?”

“Yes. She's probably off someplace watching us right now. She wanted to wait and make sure you got back alive. She told me about Ben, and what shape you were in after you found out about Evie. All of it had to be so horrible for you. If only I could have been there for you. It must have been so terrible!”

He groaned as he kissed her again, then nuzzled her neck. “There is so much to tell you,
mi
querida
esposa
. I'm so sorry, but if I don't go inside and lie down, I'll pass out right here in the street. It's all catching up with me.” He kissed her again. “I want you so bad,” he whispered, “but I'm so goddamn tired, baby.”

“Of course you are.”

“Tell me you're still just mine.”

“You know I am.”

“Who do you belong to?”

“Jake Harkner—always and forever.”

He kissed her again. “God, you look so beautiful and you smell so good. I'm such a mess, Randy,” he again repeated.

“I don't care! I never knew a man could look and smell so good when he needed a bath and a shave.”

“How are you? How are you really?”

“I'm all right, now that you're here and I know Evie and Little Jake are alive. But I have more scars, Jake.”

“Do you think I give a damn about that?” He kissed her again. “When I'm better, I'll kiss the scars away.” They kissed again.

“Little Jake. Did they hurt him?”

“He's fine now. Please don't ask me to talk about it yet. I can't, Randy. I can't think about it. Just know that they are all fine. And I don't want to let go of you, but we have to go inside. I just want to lie down beside you in that bed that smells like roses.”

Randy forced herself to let go, just enough to step back and take another look at him. “Oh, Jake, it had to be such hell for you. I'm so sorry for what you've surely been through. And you've lost so much weight.”

Jake moved an arm around her, and they helped each other up the steps to go inside. “You can fatten me up with that bread you make,” he told her, his voice sounding weaker and weaker. Randy thought about Dixie's concern that Jake would ride himself to death to get to his Evie. Apparently he'd nearly done just that.

As they stepped across the threshold, Jake began apologizing for the house, the broken lamp, her trampled roses.

“They can all be replaced, Jake. Right now it's enough that I have you and Evie and Little Jake and our son back home.”

She helped him remove his coat, hat, boots, cartridge belts, and guns, shaking her head at all the armor he wore. His vest came off, his shirt. She grimaced at the bloodstained gauze on his upper left arm…the still-red scar on his cheek where his beard didn't grow.

“I can do this,” he told her. “You shouldn't help. You're still healing.”

“It feels good to touch you, to know you're alive.”

He sat down on the bed. “I should have been with you for all you went through,” he lamented. “Are you in pain?”

“No. I just got my stitches out yesterday. I'm fine, Jake, just still sore. And I still get tired easily, but right now having you sitting here in front of me gives me new energy.” She knelt in front of him and started to unbuckle his belt.

“You were going through some pretty terrible things yourself,” she told him.

“Randy, let me do this, please. I don't want you overdoing things.” He stood up and finished unbuckling, removing his denim pants.