117
Karma
T
hey say what goes around comes aroundâgoddamn, they weren't lying. Jordan put her pride aside and told Omar she'd made the biggest mistake of her life. She told it all. She told him how Jayon cheated on her, and had the nerve to tell her that he still wanted them to still be friends. She knew he would get a thrill out of it, but she deserved it.
She was all prepared for the “I told you so” and the rubbing in her face. But she was not ready for the news. She couldn't forget the way he'd broken it to her.
“I'm not going to say, good for you. I'm not going to ask why you are telling me. I'm just going to make it very clear, you made your bed, you lie in it. I am engaged to somebody else, so I am definitely not an option for you.”
I am engaged to somebody else, so I am definitely not an option for you ... I am engaged to somebody else, so I am definitely not an option for you ... I am engaged to somebody else, so I am definitely not an option for you ...
That must have echoed about three or four times before her brain even began to compute it. She was standing in his living room while he sat on his couch, watching television. He'd barely given her eye contact whenever she'd come to pick Jason up, but when he said that, he had looked her right in her eyes. She could tell he wanted to make sure she got that message.
“Wow ... really?” she said, trying to hide overwhelming shock.
“Yeahâreally, Jordan,” he replied with a tone that included the
that's right, and you can't say two damn things to me about it
.
“The girl you have been seeing for a few months?”
“Yeah, the one you heard about a few months ago. I have known her a lot longer than a few months.”
“Ohâwell, that's nice, Omar. Congratulations.” She tried to keep up the act as the knots began to form in her stomach.
As much as she tried to hide it, she could tell he saw it. He saw right through her fake nonchalance and was staring right at the pain written all over her face. She could tell he initially got a kick out of telling her. It was his chance to finally regain the pride that he always felt she took when he groveled to no avail. He had his opportunity to say,
see, I rise
. She was happy to see him rise, she truly was. It was just the worst time to find this out, especially because she wanted her family back. She'd given it away and had no right to ask for it back. When they say Karma is a motherfucker, they aren't exaggerating.
Omar had her son and a new woman in his life. What more could he ask for? Damn sure not her. Who wanted her after what she had done to him? He had every right to treat her the way he has, she thought. She'd not only broken his heart, she'd embarrassed him in front of everyone who knew them. Although she had spent the past year justifying her actions, and she felt that he'd brought it on himself, the fact remained that what she did hurt him, and she knew it. Hurt turns to hate quicker than anything else with men. The irony is, with all the lines she gave him as justification for her behavior, he could use them right back on her if she had even one disagreement about his engagement, and he knew that. That's why he said it so firmly.
However, she could tell he didn't feel as good about gloating when he saw the pain she was hiding. Deep down, as much as he hated her, he probably pitied her. He had a big enough drop of love left for her to know that she was suffering enough, and he didn't need to make it worse. He may have even felt bad, as did she when the shoe was on the other foot. She knew how that felt, to have to feel bad for making a decision that makes you happy and hurts someone else, and she didn't want to make it any harder. So with no words of guilt, no tears for him to see, and no begging, she just started to walk away. Jason was waiting out in the car for her; she had picked him up to take him to a movie. Omar didn't move from where he was, didn't get up to walk her to the door. As she reached for the doorknob to walk out, she turned back around and said, “Omar, I'm not just saying this because of you getting engaged or the fact that I played myself. But I need you to know, because I've never had the chance to say it before, I'm sorry. I truly am sorry, and I know deep down I deserve all of this.”
At first, he said nothing and didn't even look her way. Then he looked up at her, and said, “We cool, JordanâI don't resent you. It just is what it is.” That was Omar's way of telling her,
I don't have any issues. Do you, because I'm doing me
. She got the hint and as she went to step through the door, he added, “And Jayon is a fool just like I was.”
She wanted to die inside. His comment made her feel a little better, but it made two points. One was that he was a big enough man to still say something nice under the circumstances and not make it worse than it had to be, but more importantly, Jayon was no better, and she should have stuck with what she had.
“Thanks,” she said as she walked out. Jason was in the car playing with his new PSP game his father bought him. She sat down in the car; just seeing him playing innocently, she realized Jason was all she had. This time, when Omar told her to “do you,” she realized this is what she should have been doing last time he said that as well. Jason
was
her. He should have been her strength, not Jayon. If she had realized this then, she wouldn't be in this situation.
The pain won't go away tomorrow, but one day she would wake up and happiness would be shining on her face again. A true diva picks herself up. She knew being alone may be a good thing for her. She could learn to love herself again, and one day possibly love another as she did Omar and Jayon.
Hey, you win some, you lose someâshe lived this lesson for a living, and she knew it better than most. Now she also learned another lesson firsthand, and that is, what goes around comes around.