Discovering Stella (21 page)

Without
knowing
for
certain, I’d say Shaz was
approxi
mately
fifty
years old.
She wore
short,
peroxide-blonde
hair and the brightest lipstick I had ever seen.
Oh,
and she was also a chain
smoker,
which had left
her
with a raspy
voice
that only a chain
smoker
could have.

To
say that I had been instantly drawn to Shaz would be
an
understatement.
She
just had a quality about
her
that,
for
me, screamed
mother figure
. And I was desperately lacking — and needing —
one
of those.

I’d also, unfortunately, bumped
into
Leigh, inwardly smiling at the swollen purple-ish skin that surrounded his nose and eye.
After
the first few minutes of
trying
to ignore his annoying
probing for
a date, I’d been unable to
snub
him any longer and ended up sarcastically querying whether he was
fond
of his new look. He’d said I was worth it, which had just
prompted
laughter,
because, honestly, there was nothing else
for
me to
do.
Leigh was narcissistic and slightly delusional,
but
he also had a sliver of decency underneath his vain exterior.
It
was small,
but
it
was there. And from the two brief encounters I’d had with him thus far, I had the impression that there was much
more
to the tattooed musician
than
met the eye.

As
the day
wore
on,
I thought about what I was going to cook
for
the
evening’s
dinner, finally deciding
on
a Summer Chicken Salad with avocado, mango and pine nuts.
It
was
simple,
tasty
and
healthy,
and
it
was perfect
for
the humid night ahead. I just hoped that everyone liked it. I also had no idea if Lawson would join us
or
not
but
made sure, while at the local supermarket, that I bought enough ingredients in case he did.

*
 
*
 
*

After
spending just
over
an
hour in the kitchen preparing the salad and roasting the chicken,
Todd,
Meg and I were seated around the dining table and in the process of dishing up dinner when Lawson walked
into
the room. Seeing him in a tight-fitting singlet
top
and grease-covered jeans almost robbed
my
lungs of air. His usual perfect face was marred by a violet-shaded bruise, which looked painful.
Yet,
in comparison to Leigh’s injuries,
it
was clear that Lawson had been the victor in their cockfight,
or
whatever
it
was they’d had.

“Good,
you’re
just in time
for
dinner,”
Meg announced,
not
making
eye contact with him.

“Aren’t
I always in time
for
dinner?”
He
seated himself directly
opposite
me,
but
without so much
as
looking in
my
direction.

His refusal to acknowledge
my
presence felt the same
as
a punch in the stomach,
or
a
swift
slap to the face.
What did you expect, Stella?
After
all, I was the
one
who’d tossed him around like a knapsack.

Meg dropped
her
fork
and raised
her
hand to touch his face.
“Nice
colour
you
have there. Gee, if
you
wanted to wear the colour purple,
you
only had to ask to borrow
my
eyeshadow.”

“It’s
nothing,” he dismissed
grumpily,
gently swiping
her
hand
away.

During
his
swiping
action,
his
eyes
met mine
for
the first
time
since
walking
through
the
door.
I
wouldn’t
say
the
look
he gave
me
was
cold, but it
definitely
wasn’t
warm
either.
If
anything,
it
was
body
temperature,
therefore
unable
to
be
felt
at
all —
it
was
horrible.

Lawson was first to divert his
gaze.
“What’s this?” he asked, using the salad forks to scoop
some
dinner
onto
his plate.

I was about to answer when Meg jumped in and answered
for
me.
“It’s
Summer Chicken Salad.
Very
good
for
you.”

“Yeah?
It
looks
it,”
he replied, turning up his nose just a little.

“So, are
you
going to fill me in
on
what happened to your eye?” she asked, badgering him
for
information.

Lawson forked a
bit
of
lettuce
and
mango
into
his
mouth and I watched
with
anticipation
as
he chewed and then
swal
lowed,
his
evident
struggle
indicating
he
wasn’t
a
fan.

My
heart
sank.

“There’s
nothing to fill
you
in
on,”
he mumbled, while trying to clean
some
food off his teeth with his tongue.

Meg picked up
her
glass of wine.
“Your
face says otherwise.”

“If
you
must
know,
 
I
 
defended
 
someone’s
 
honour
 
when I
shouldn’t
have.
Even
when
it
was made very fucking clear to me today that she
didn’t
need it,
nor
deserve
it.”

Knowing he was referring to me because of what
Todd
had said in the car, I paused with
my fork
midway to
my
mouth.
Todd
also paused and turned in
Lawson’s
direction.

He
ignored
everyone’s
eyes and displayed a look of disgust
on
his face. “What is this shit?”
You don’t
normally cook this kind of
crap.”

“Lawson!” Meg admonished.

He
grabbed his beer and proceeded to wash his mouth
out
with it. “What?
It
ain’t
good.”

“Mate,
what the fuck is your
problem?”
Todd
snapped angrily. “Stella cooked it.
She
wanted to do something
nice.”

Lawson’s
eyes widened, then fixed
upon
mine, and I could see he was surprised by
Todd’s
statement.
But
rather
than
apologise
for
being rude, he took another swig of his beer and pushed his chair back from the table.
“Yeah?
Well maybe
it’s
a
bit
late
for
doing something
nice.”

All
three of us watched in shock
as
he stormed
out
of the room and slammed the bathroom
door.

Todd
shot
out
of his seat. “That
ain’t
sliding,” he said with fury.

I leaned across the table to where
he
stood and touched his arm.
“Sit
down,
it’s
fine.
He’s
angry
and he has every right to
be.”

“Not
like that he
doesn’t.”

“Can
someone
please tell me what the hell is going on?” Meg asked, exasperated.

I forked a piece of mango apathetically, and placed
it into
my
mouth.
My
appetite had left the room along with Lawson.
“I
hurt him. I led him
on,
then pushed him
away.”

Meg shook her head and shrugged. “Stella, what are
you
talking
about?”

“Lawson and I have kinda been seeing each
other.”

“What do
you
mean ‘kinda’ been seeing each other?”

“We
’
ve become close,
but
...
I just
can’t
get any
closer.
I want
to, but
I
can’t.
I led him
on
and
now
he hates me
for
it.”
Standing
up,
I grabbed
Lawson’s
and
my
plates and took them to the sink. “Sorry
for
causing so much trouble. I never meant
to,”
I said apologetically, willing myself
not
to
cry.
“I
think I’ll have
an
early night. See
you
both in the
morning.”
I managed a small smile before heading
for
the
door.

“Stel,”
Todd
called
out.

I stopped and turned around
slowly.
“I’m
fine.
Honestly,
I’m
fine.
I’m
just emotionally and physically exhausted.”

“Yeah,
I reckon
you
would be. Make sure
you
get
some
rest, okay?”

Nodding, I left the kitchen and quickly rushed to
my
room,
shutting the door behind me and sliding down
it
until
my
butt hit the
floor.
It
was there that I let every
emotion
I’d felt during the past twenty-four hours escape me. And instead of feeling free and liberated
as
a result of releasing those emotions, together with
some
well-kept secrets and buried demons, I felt empty
...
as
if I’d released a part of me that I wanted
gone
but
had
not
yet replaced. In
all
honesty,
I
didn’t
know what was worse; the holding
on,
or
the hollowness after letting go.

Say it with song

Knight in fucking shining armour, my arse.
More like prick to end all pricks. Maybe I should change my business name to ‘Prick Repairs’.

Turning on
the water in the
shower,
I braced myself against the tiles and hung
my
head in shame.
Couldn’t just let it go, could you, Drake?
I felt like the
world’s
biggest arsehole
for
treating Stella the way I had.
Not
to
mention
throwing
some Lawson-
arsehole at Meg and
Todd
as
well.
It
was a fucking
low
act.

I was pissed that I’d walked
into
the
pub
earlier in the day and caught Stella laughing with Leigh. Still, there was no excuse to treat
her
like shit.
She
didn’t
deserve
it
and, deep down, I knew that. I guess
you
could say
my
balls and heart took a battering after seeing
her
happily
talk
to him when she had so easily pushed me
away.
Him, of
all
people.
Fucking Leigh.

Shamefully, I’d guessed that Stella had made the salad.
It
wasn’t
something Meg would normally cook, and to be completely
honest
it
hadn’t
been
all
that bad.

I’m such an arsehole.

Pushing off from the shower wall, I
angrily
grabbed my shampoo and washed my hair, scrubbing my
scalp
with more force
than
usual.
I
was
disappointed in myself, and more so because I
was
pretty friggin’ sure I’d fucked up
completely.
Stella
was
never going to give me a chance
now,
not
after
the stunt I’d just pulled. The only
thing
I could do
was
apologise and at least
try
to create some form of friendship between the
two
of us. Despite wanting nothing more
than
to
kiss
every inch of her body and feel her
warm
pussy wrapped around my cock, I enjoyed her company more
than
anything.
Talking to her about everyday shit, and saying
things
that I
knew
she would have a
smartarse
answer
to,
was
something I looked forward to
after
a hard
day’s
work.

You
gotta make this right, Drake.
I needed to
show
her
that we could still be friends without the drama, even though I knew the ‘just friends’
bit
would
kill
me. Could I even do it? Be around her without touching, doing or saying things that may result in my tongue sliding into her mouth?

Closing
my
eyes, I let the
hot
water cascade down
my
face
as
images of Stella emerged from their hiding place within
my
mind, taunting me.
She
was everywhere I fucking looked and everywhere I
didn’t
fucking look. How the hell is that even possible?

The
absolute
last thing I wanted to do was get
out
of the
shower
and face the music so, instead, I stood there until the
hot
water ran
out.
That, in itself, was sure to earn me
more
flack,
but
I honestly
didn’t
care; whatever they decided to throw at me, I fucking well deserved.

Drying myself off, I decided to make
my
way
out
into
the lounge room with
my
proverbial
tail
between
my
legs.
It
was high time I made amends
for
breaking
an
element
of the
knight’s
code of chivalry: to refrain from the wanton giving of offence.

Man, would Mum be pissed off
...
again.

To
be fair, that
particular
code of offending people was
not
one
I broke often. Instead, the code of temperance was the
one
I always failed to
uphold.
Hey, a knight needs his afternoon alcoholic sustenance. And anyway, whoever wrote that code was a fucking tool.

Entering the lounge
room,
I noticed Stella
wasn’t
there. “Where is she?” I asked
sheepishly,
breaking Meg and
Todd’s
TV
watching.

“In
her
room. Where else?”
Todd
snapped.
Yeah,
yeah, fair call.

I ran
my
hand through
my
damp hair and turned to look toward
her
bedroom
door.
“Shit!
Was
she upset?”

“What do
you
think, Einstein?” he snapped again.

“All
right,
all
right! I fucked
up.
I get that. I was pissed after seeing
her
at the
pub
laughing with Leigh.”

Todd
adjusted his
position on
the couch
or,
more
accurately, adjusted his and
Meg’s
position on
the couch. Seriously, did my sister ever sit on her own seat? “What are
you
talking
about? Stella
wasn’t
laughing with Leigh.
She
was laughing at
him.”

“Not
from where I was standing,” I retorted.

“And
where exactly were
you
standing?”
my
sister piped in, raising
her
eyebrow condescendingly.

I sat
my
arse down
on
the sofa and directed
my
gaze
toward the
TV.
“I
was standing by the
door.”

“Could
you
hear their conversation?”

“No.”

She lowered
her
voice
and, had I been looking at
her,
I swear she would’ve been rolling
her
eyes.
“I
rest
my
case.”

Just when I thought they’d left me alone,
Todd
continued: “If
you
must
know,
Leigh was being the dick that he is, joking about
trying
to pick
her
up.
Stella
isn’t
stupid.
She
saw right through him and gave
as
good
as
she got.
Let’s
just say that Leigh would’ve had
more
luck
trying
to pick up
an
elephant.”

“Yeah,
well, I
wouldn’t
put
it
past
him,”
I murmured.
“Anyway,
sorry ‘bout before. I was
out
of
line.”

“Fuckin’
oath
you were.
And
first
thing
tomorrow,
you’re
gonna
apologise
to
Stel
and
make things
right.
She
doesn’t
need
you
being
an
arsehole
to
her.
Especially
after
what
she
told
me
in
the
car
today.”

I turned to face him. “What did she tell you?”

“She told
me about
her
husband.”

“What about
her
hus—”

“Her
husband?” Meg interrupted, whisper-shouting
her
sur
prise. “Stella is married?”

Todd
rubbed
her
leg and tightened his grip around
her
shoul
der.
“Was
married.
He
died.
She’s
a
widow.”

“Oh
my
god! What happened? And when? I bet
it
was
recently.
That would explain
her
bizarre mood swings and
behaviour.”

“I’m
not
sure what
happened,”
he answered
sadly. “She
didn’t
tell
me.”

Meg looked in
my
direction
for
an
answer I
couldn’t
give
her,
so I shook
my
head.
“She
didn’t
tell me
either.”

“She
did say that
it
was just
over
one
and
half
years ago,
though,”
Todd
added, then turned his
gaze
back to the
TV,
seemingly lost in thought rather
than taking
in what was
on
the screen.

Meg’s
brow
creased in confusion.
“Oh,
well,
it’s
not
really that recent then, is it?”

“It
would feel recent enough
for
Stella,
babe,”
Todd
explained.

She
shook
her
head
as
if to shake away
her
initial thought.
“Yeah,
I guess
you’re
right.
Poor
Stella, she must be
heartbroken.”

“I
don’t
know about
that,”
I responded
quietly,
leaning in closer so they could hear me.

Todd’s
eyes met mine.
“You
got that impression
as
well?”

“Yeah.
It
was the part where she said she ‘hated’ him and that
it
was
‘his
fault’.”

Meg’s
eyes widened. “Really?
She
said that?”

Todd
nodded.
“There’s
got to be
more
to it. Maybe I should
call
Pete,
her
father, or
even ring Mum and ask
her.
She
may know something. Then again, ever since Mum
moved
to Queensland, from what
she’s
told
me,
her
and
Pete
don’t
talk
any
more.”

“I
don’t
know if
that’s
a good idea,
babe,”
Meg warned, shaking
her
head,
her
tone
laced with caution.

“Why?”

“Well,
in the short time
I’ve
known Stella,
I’ve
figured
out
that she is a very private person,
but
also that she
will
open up when she is
ready.
If she finds
out
that
you’ve
gone
behind
her
back and started
probing
into
her
past right after
she’s
opened up to you, she
won’t
stick
around.”

I agreed.
“I
think we just need to give
her
some
time and space.
Trust
me,
I’ve
pushed
her
and
it
backfired. Big
time.”

“What do
you
mean,
you
pushed her?”
Todd
asked angrily.

“Back down, mate. I meant that
I’ve
given
her
a little nudge
here
and there to
try
and force
her
out
of
her
shell.
Don’t
get me wrong; at times,
it
worked.
But
then she climbs back
into
that bloody shell
as
if she were a turtle. And then she friggin’ locks the
door.”

“Did you
just
call
Stella a turtle?”

“Yeah,
I did.
She
calls
me a toad, so
I’m
calling
her
a turtle.”

Meg burst
into
laughter.
“She
calls
you
a toad? I like
her
even
more
now.”