Devious (9 page)

I sighed and laughed. “You're right! I’ve been going to the bar this whole time!” I laughed harder, even though I did not remember going to the bar. But, that was my only explanation why I could not remember anything. It was because I was drinking so much.

“Bye Mama! I love you and go win that show. Everything is fine here.” I hung up before she could say anything else. “I must have gotten in a crazy bar fight,” I said to myself. “Silly me!”

In a happier mood, I skipped to my room to change my clothes. I watered down the fluid that looked like blood that was on the floor and opened all the windows for some fresh air. I loved hearing the birds singing outside my window and all the kids yelling from down the street.

I decided to go to the bar, maybe to refresh my memory. I heard many stories of people who forgot things because of alcohol and I must have been like them. I used to drink a lot but then I stopped after I could barely walk in the morning. Maybe, I was sleep walking—and instead I went to the bar that was so close to my home.

“Hey! How are you?” I said to one of the bar's usual guest as he opened the door for me. I spun around in my pink dress as he checked me out—I liked the attention I was getting. I missed it a lot.

“Is that you, Leanna?” he said as he took his sunglasses off. “You look so different!”

“I'm sure I look better,” I smirked.

“You look a little unhealthy if you want to know the truth.”

I frowned and rolled my eyes. “Okay?”

“I haven't seen you here in a while,” he winked as he followed me inside.

“Well, that's impossible. I’m here every night,” I said with a big smile.

He stared at me as I sat on my favorite chair. “Well, I don't think so. I’ve been working the karaoke section this past month and I haven't seen you at all. In fact, lots of your friends have been asking for you.”

“Hmm, that's kind of odd. I know I’ve been here all week.”

“Maybe I’m confused,” he smirked, but I knew he was just agreeing with me so I could shut up.

I sat alone at the table, not quite sure why I was there. I banged my head to the music and wondered why no men were approaching me. I narrowed my eyes trying to bring back any memories of the past nights—but nothing.

I looked over at the bar and I thought I saw Christian walking to the restroom. I hurried to follow him and ran in the same direction. My heart began to beat with excitement as I were happy to see Christian—happy he was still alive.

I waited for ten minutes outside the restroom until he came out—but, he never did. So, I took things into my own hands and walked into the men's restroom. “I know you're in here. Why are you avoiding me?”

“You cannot be in here!” said a man, who sounded as if he were faking a deep voice.

“Come out the stall,” I said, afraid to walk into the restroom. “Or I'll kick the stall down.”

“I'm busy!”

“Come out now!”

“Okay, okay.” A man who was dressed in a suit walked out the stall and stared at me with his large eyes. He pulled his pants up and then held his hand out.

“Who are you?” we both said.

“You are not my wife?” he said.

“You are not Christian!”

“What did you do with him?” I snapped. “I saw him come in here. Did he jump out the window?” I ran over to the tiny window that was open. “He left!”

“Hmm, I don't know what you're talking about?” said the man as he washed his hands. “But, you should get out of here.”

I stayed silent, more confused than ever. I traced my fingers along the wall as I left the restroom. I tried thinking as hard as I could about the day prior. Nothing but my conversation with Johnny was coming back to me.

With hesitation, I left the bar and walked toward the supermarket. There were hardly any cars in the parking lot; many people left because of Derek's death.

I sat on the bench outside the supermarket, waiting to see if Christian would find me. I knew he missed me because he loved me a lot; that was why I kept dreaming about him. As I was biting off my nails, the Riverbed gang approached me.

“Hello, Leanna. Will you be attending Derek's funeral this weekend?” asked the gang leader.

“Um, I’m not sure. Have you seen a tattoo boy around here?” I asked while still biting my nails.

“Do you mean, Christian?”

“Yes! Have you seen him? I think he's spying on me.”

“Well, that is odd because his father was complaining how he hadn't seen Christian in a while. I just hope they're both okay.”

“Why would you say that?”

“Well, Johnny's car is in the supermarket parking lot and he's nowhere in sight. Police are looking for him,” she said as she pointed to his car. “We will see you later.”

They all walked away in synchronization and I hated that. They seemed too perfect to be in a town full of truckers and whiskey drinkers. Sometimes they made me wonder how housewives could be so perfect. Housewives were supposed to be sweaty in jeans and drove vans. Not happy women who dressed in floral dresses and had white couches.

The only people I knew like that were crazy.

***

After walking back and forth for three hours, I went back home to go to sleep. I kept my phone close to me hoping Christian would call me back. I wanted so badly to hear his smooth voice, complementing me on how smart I was. I even wanted him to hold me again and fall asleep in his arms.

My phone rang. I jumped up hoping it was Christian calling from a blocked number.

“Hello? Hello?” I said.

“Leanna?” it was Mama. “Why didn't you tell me Derek died? What is going on out there? Stop the bullshit, I’m coming home. I have over ten emails from people back home telling me this stuff. Why didn't you tell me? I didn't realize it was that bad out there!” she cried.

“Mama, please just stay there!”

“It's not even worth it anymore. I would regret it if anything happened to you. You cannot stop me; I’m at the airport right now. I'll be home before you know it.”

“But Mama! I’m fine here,” I cried.

“Why are you crying? Don't you need me there?”

“No, I’m just upset over nonsense. I’m so stressed out because no one seems to be around me anymore. Mama, I don't want to scare you but I think I’m going insane.”

“I'll be home soon, just have all your things packed.”

“Packed—”

The phone clicked and I tried to redial her number but it would not go through. I rested my head on the pillow as I tried to imagine myself happier with Christian in my arms.

I love you
, I finally thought to myself. I should have said that sooner to him. Maybe that was why he left me. He wanted me to commit or maybe he found someone who would actually return the love back.

He would never have my love.

Chapter 10

This Is What Makes Us Girls

Mama was on a flight back home so I decided to stay up that night. I felt so uneasy as I continued to think about how my days were not adding up.

I remembered speaking to Johnny, but that was about three days ago and that was all I could remember. I could not remember the day after that—only my dream about Christian. In fact, when I thought about my entire life I could not remember anything after nine pm.

I logged onto the internet and pulled up Google. I typed in 'sick during sundown' and over 50 million pages appeared but the third result caught my attention.

Anxiously, I waited for the page to open. I peeked out the window and the sun was setting. I hurried to my computer as the page loaded. “Sundowner's Syndrome?” I read. “Symptoms include: mood changes, anger, agitation but severe symptoms are hallucinations, paranoia, wandering and
violence
.”

I shut the computer off, not sure why I was afraid. But, nothing made sense. Maybe I did need Mama more than anything. I began to cry, needing a friend to comfort me more than ever.

***

I did not realize I fell asleep until I awoke in my bed with my pajamas on. I froze trying to see if I remembered getting dressed and going to bed. “Oh gosh! What if I did something crazy?” I cried.

I rushed into my bathroom and I swore my heart skipped a beat. I was hideous as my once porcelain skin was pasty, clammy, and nearly transparent. My once glamorous hair was falling out as the seconds went by. I touched my hair and a huge clump fell into the sink. I then felt the top of my head and I could feel my cold scalp. I began to cry in fear and I stared at my arms that had gross age spots as if I were in the sun for too long. I tried to wipe my tears away as I looked into my once beautiful eyes, that were no longer fancy with long lashes. Now, I barely had one eyelash. “Oh my gosh!” I touched my lips that were once rosy with color, now were blue and hard. I looked dead; and the smell of my body order smelt so horrible that it made me gag. I smelled like rotten eggs, mixed with horse shit that was blended with a touch of raw tuna.

I went into my bedroom and turned my cell phone on. It was two days later than what I remembered. I screamed and ran to the living room as I could hear a car outside my home. I opened the curtains and it was night time. I cried even louder as I saw a taxi pull up to the curb. I ran outside the home to greet Mama. “MOTHER!” I screamed so loud, that all the dogs on the block began to bark.

Mama looked confused as I forced her to hold me. “Baby? Oh my gosh you look awful!”

“Mama, I’m going crazy!” I screamed. “CRAZY! What is going on?”

With fearful eyes, Mama put Lola on the grass and hurried to grab her bags out of the taxi. Lola stumbled into the home and I began to cry harder as my stomach began to ache. It felt as though I were in labor but I would not know that feeling because I had never been pregnant—but, it felt like what I imagined.

“Is she okay?” The taxi driver stared at me as if I were the most disgusting alien that he had ever seen. “Do you need me to call 911?”

“NO!” Mama shouted as she gathered her things and threw them on the lawn. She quickly gave the taxi driver some money and shoved him to leave.

With her eyes still on me she ran into the home and paused in the doorway. Her nostrils flared up and then she ran into my bathroom. I felt as if I were about to pass out as I tried to run after Mama.

Lola began to cry on the couch as I collapsed onto the hardwood floor. My head began to spin as I knew I were about to die.

I could hear Mama running back to me, as her tiny heels tapped against the floor. She slapped me to sit up and then opened my mouth. With an infant medicine dropper she dripped with what tasted like old candy down my throat. For the next five minutes she continued to do the same thing until my pulse was normal again.

I licked my lips and stared into Mama's beautiful hazel eyes. “Thank you,” I muttered and I knew she knew I loved her a lot.

In disbelief, Mama lifted me and carried me into my room as if I were only twenty pounds. I wanted to ask so many questions but I did not have the energy to speak. I closed my eyes, hoping I would be alive tomorrow.

***

The next morning, I could hear Mama humming so beautifully. I dragged my feet to my bathroom and I did not look so terrible anymore. My skin color was back to normal, but my hair was damaged. My hair was dull and brittle and just the wind from the window broke it off. I puckered my rosy red lips and smiled that I was somewhat pretty again.

“Mama?” I searched the halls for Mama and she was in her bathroom brushing Lola’s full hair. “Oh, Mama!” I cried.

She stopped brushing her hair and hugged me. “I'm glad you're okay now. So, I heard school is back in session today. So, I suggest you better get ready—”

“No, what happened last night, Mama?” I said, realizing she was hiding something. “I thought I was dying last night and today I’ve never felt better!”

“You must have been food poisoned or something,” she said quickly. “Are you going to get dressed for school?”

“Mama! I need answers. What are you hiding? What did you give me to make me feel better?”

Mama began to brush Lola’s hair again, ignoring my questions. “It was good what you did to that boy. He was going to tell everyone.”

“Huh?” I gasped, knowing she was talking about Christian.

“I should have known better, not to let you stay here all alone. I cannot believe I trusted Derek. Especially, after all the questions he asked me,” she blabbered.

“Mama, I’m confused.”

Still humming, Mama walked out the bathroom. Lola looked adorable with her pigtails and she climbed up onto the sink to get a better look at her hair.

I walked out the bathroom searching for Mama. “Are you going to ignore me? Was I dreaming everything?” I followed Mama around the home as she continued to ignore me.

We walked into the bathroom where Lola was looking in the mirror. “Look!” Lola said with her babyish voice.

Mama gasped in fright but I could not understand why. All I could see was Lola’s pink gums. Then, I looked closer. Her first two teeth were coming in—her pearly canine teeth.