Devious (7 page)

“Oh, is that a sign of grief? I have no idea,” she muttered. “You know what, I’m sending for you to come out here. I don't want you to be next. I was telling your sister, like she understands, but I told her that I want to leave Riverbed. There is way too much crime for such a small town. We need to move to where the Kardashian's live. Wouldn't that be a better start? Well, that is if I win. I’m counting on winning though.”

“Reality TV has really gotten to you.”

“Well, I’m close to winning. How did I look on screen? Did you record it? Do you think it will be online? Oh, I’ve gotten so many great emails from everyone back at home. I even think I found love.”

“Typical you, Mama. You find out that my one true love is dead but this conversation turns into something about you. Go ahead with your reality show. I don't even care anymore.”

“Why are you being so rude? It was honestly a matter of time before he died. He was such an asshole. And he hurt you a lot. If anything he deserved to die sooner.”

I hung up the phone, angry that Mama even said anything like that. I would never wish death on someone—but, never say never.

Christian knocked on the door, but it was open. So, he let himself in and walked in slowly. “Why is your door open? It smells like tacos in here. Your home always smells weird. We are comfortable with each other, so I can say that now, right?”

“What do you mean it smells weird?” I snapped.

“Not a big deal,” he sighed. “So, um my dad said he would feel better if you stayed with us until your mom comes back home. That would make me feel better too.”

“I'm fine here!”

“Why are you so angry and loud now. You're never like this. Is it because of Ken?”

“His name is Tyler...show the dead some respect. And it's not because of him; I just don't feel too good right now. I feel under the weather. And it sucks because it's so beautiful outside with the sunset and I can't even enjoy it.”

“You've been stuffed up in this house all day. You need some fresh air.”

“You always think you know something. Christian, you don't know anything. I’m pissed because Derek just came over here trying to take advantage of me. And now I have you over here, who probably wants me to say 'I love you' back.”

“Well, I’m sorry this hasn't been the best time for you. And I don't want you to say something you don't mean. If you want I can go find Derek and kick his ass.”

“I don't need you to handle my problems!” I snapped, and pushed him toward the door. “You should just leave.”

“Leanna, I’m here to help you. I cannot let you go through this alone. You've been acting weird since that night we hooked up,” he said as he stood in the doorway. “Were you not ready, because you seemed ready.”

“I told you I don't remember that night,” I snapped again. “You want to know why I pushed you away? I’m going to sound crazy, but I saw God in your eyes.”

“God? Sometimes people see God because of shame or guilt. But, are you sure it was him?”

I began to pace around the room. “Yes, I saw him and I got scared. Maybe it was a reflection or something, but it scared the shit out of me. Lately, I’ve been feeling weird. I’m sweating like crazy, I’m dizzy, depressed, restless, I want to cry all the time—”

“It's because you're grieving,” he said.

“No, I’ve been like this for about ten months now.”

“Maybe it's anxiety.”

“We can sit here and guess all day long, but I just don't want to talk to you right now. You're annoying the hell out of me; so leave. I'll talk to you when I want to.” I shoved Christian out my home, and I waited for him to leave as I stared out the window. Instead of walking home, he went to the bar, probably to take his frustrations out on a game of pool.

I knew he was thinking about me.

***

The Riverbed gang flocked away from me as I entered the mall. I already knew word got out about what I did to Derek because he wanted everyone to have sympathy for him.

I felt everyone staring at me as I searched a store for something black to wear. A little elderly woman handed me a rose and a child handed me a chocolate bar. I realized they stared at me because of Tyler, not because I was a crazy lovechild.

“I'm guessing you're not liking the attention,” Christian whispered from behind me.

“You have to stop following me and then sneaking up on me,” I snapped. “I'm not fucking Bella Swan.”

“Leanna, I’m worried about you. You haven't been acting like yourself. I know your lover boy just died but I know something else is bothering you—it's me.”

I smiled, showing all my white teeth. “I feel great today. I took a bath last night and went to bed. I woke up greater than ever. I was just a little under the weather.”

Christian stared at me in disbelief. “Well, Derek is telling everyone that you tried to choke him for no reason. So, if you see men staring at you it's because they're scared of you.”

“Ha, I knew he would tell on me.”

“I wanted to punch him so badly, Leanna. I'll show him!” Christian snapped. “No one should hurt you. You're much too delicate.”

“Well, thank you. I really appreciate your effort. I think we make a great team,” I said as I found a black lace dress. “It's for the funeral.”

“This morning was Mrs. Carol's funeral. Where were you?”

“I was sleep. I told you I did not like that woman. I’m not the fake type that goes to pay respect when I did not even respect her when she was alive.”

“You're doing it again. You're acting mean.”

“Honey, what do you want from me? I’m giving you all I have. I’m not the nice girl you thought I was. You must haven't heard much about me, but I’m no angel.”

“I want to believe you are an angel. You're mine.”

I blushed and walked away. “I'll see you later.”

As I walked home, I felt all eyes on me. This time I knew they weren't on me because of Tyler, but because they were trying to make me crack. They wanted to see me cry in front of them, but I would not give them that satisfaction.

Humans were sick beings—trying to take my photo at my grieving stage of anger.

I threw my bags onto the hard cement and began to laugh as goofy as possible. I laughed harder and harder until it felt like I would pee on myself. “Is this what you want to see? A fool?” I shouted. “I'm so darn happy!” I looked around and no one was staring at me. Were they afraid of me now?

“Leanna?” Christian ran over to me, with sweat sliding down his face. “What is wrong with you?”

“Why do you keep following me?” I shouted and pushed him. “Stop stalking me!”

“I'm not stalking you! I live on this block too!”

I shoved him away and ran toward my home. I began to laugh again and then I collapsed onto the lawn where Tyler’s body was found. I felt so peaceful laying in his deathbed. He died in such a beautiful area, on a beautiful patch of green grass. I stared at the fading sun and I began to get tense.

It was such a beautiful day. Such a beautiful day, where Tyler was getting his body turned to ashes. He would never see a day anymore—never fight with me, yell at me, drive his truck, drink a cold beer, he would be distant. He would just be a memory.

I began to cry again. This time no one was around to comfort me. I wanted Christian next to me, he was all I wanted. But, he was nowhere in sight. He did not want a girl like me, with so much baggage.

Leanna.

“What, Christian?” I said. “Just come hold me, please.”

I can't hold you. I wanted you but you pushed me away. Now you're going to die alone.

“Why would you say that? Christian?” I lifted my head and he was not there. “Christian?” I felt terrified that he was not there anymore. He could not have left so quickly without passing by me. I lifted my head again, searching for him, but the street was empty.

I waited for Christian to come back, but as time went by I realized he was not coming back; maybe he was not even there. But, that would mean that was not him speaking to me. That could not be true.

That would mean I heard voices.

Grieving was so painful, but yet so strange. It had a shine of its own, where it took control of the body and mind. However, I was not grieving for Christian. I was in pain because of Tyler—Tyler was the one who was dead. For once in my life I felt incomplete and confused at the same time.

Perhaps, I was dead.

Chapter 7

Without You

As I cleaned my face that was covered in crusty dirt I began to breathe heavy. My eyes were flooded with tears as I dialed Mama's cell phone again—but she was busy. She did not have time for a selfish child like me. She said I was done with feeding off her breast and to let her be. She sounded like a sad indie song, trying to escape a confused lifestyle. I wished she were joking and would fly back home to comfort me, but she was nowhere close to me. I almost felt unloved.

I had my hair straight down my back with a side part, just the way Tyler loved it. I dug up an old black hat that I once wore for my grandpa's funeral. I felt so ugly in a tight black lace dress—but yet so beautiful.

Tyler would have loved me all dolled up with my eyes laced in black eyeliner. Too bad he would never get to hold me again. I felt more sorry for him than I did myself.

I walked outside and headed toward Christian’s home. He had not spoken to me since I flipped out on him a few days prior. It was not odd of him though because I knew eventually he would surprise me in a public way.

With a nervous smile, I knocked on his door. Then, I rang the faint doorbell. No one answered so I peeked through the window. The home almost seemed vacant and I knew a man like Christian would never be so babyish to leave me at my hardest time.

“Hello? Christian? Johnny?” I said through the window. “Is anyone home?”

I began to cry again, not because of Tyler but because of loneliness. I felt so alone in such a big world. I felt as though I were the only person that had a broken heart at that moment. However, there were people in that town who were more hurt over Tyler's death.

His mother, who only had one child, would never have grandchildren. She would never have another child to love and care for. It was as if her whole life was over—she did not have much but herself.

And yet I wanted all the attention.

Derek pulled up to the curb, honking his horn at me. “Are you going to apologize?”

“Are you serious? You are the one who is telling the whole town that I’m some crazy bitch.”

“Ain't it true, doll?” he laughed. “Too bad I’m drunk and I’m happy. I’m happy on such a sad day. I’m happy because I’m a sick old bastard!”

“I'm glad you finally realized why every woman in this town thinks you're disgusting. You're a disgusting freak!”

“Okay, I’m sorry, doll,” he sighed as he leaned over to open the passenger door for me. “Let's make this Tyler's day. I know how much he loved you.”

“Really?” I beamed. “He loved me?” I began to walk toward the truck. “When did he tell you this?”

As I reached over to jump inside the truck, Derek drove off, nearly dragging me to the ground. I screamed in pain as I scraped the side of my entire right leg.

I could hear him laughing and singing as he sped down the street. He threw a bottle of whiskey out his window and sharply turned the corner, almost hitting the STOP sign.

With my mind full of rage, I cried like an adult baby. “UGH!”

***

I sat in the church staring at the urn that contained nothing but Tyler. Sometimes I wondered if it were really the human remains and not just dirt. However, I knew it was him—I could feel him there.

“Tyler never loved you,” Derek whispered from behind me. “If anything he thought you were nothing but useless trash.”

I rolled my eyes, wanting so badly to punch him. “Fuck you, sir.”

The entire church got quiet and everyone stared at me in shame. My face turned red, but I felt no guilt. I just crossed my arms and then seductively crossed my legs.
Screw you, and screw life.

“It's people like you that makes this world so damn terrible,” I said, interrupting the minister's speech. “I like who I am, but you are so pathetic that you are miserable with your life.”

Derek began to laugh, then he kicked my seat to make me shut up. “Leanna, you're being very rude. Didn't I tell everyone, how rude she has become. It was like Tyler always preached, 'Leanna Vita Cruz, is trash.'”

I rolled my eyes, then stomped my way out the church. No one ran after me because I had no one to comfort me. I dialed Christian’s cell phone, but it went straight to voicemail—as if he were avoiding me. Maybe he was a user just like every other man in town. He got what he wanted—then he left—just maybe.

I stared up at the sun setting and I felt dizzy again. I closed my eyes, thinking if I should go back inside to pay respect to Tyler or go home. I did not want to go home, because I had no way to get home. I tried calling Christian again, but no luck.